Small Acts, Big Impact: How Microgiving Helps You Thrive with ADHD in 2025

 

As we enter 2025, many people are focused on setting New Year’s resolutions with goals about what they would like to change and improve about themselves. But when you live with ADHD, you already receive plenty of feedback about what you could do differently or better. All too often, you set goals for yourself that are unreachable or tedious and then you feel bad about not following through with them. This process defeats the positive change and different attitude you are looking for in the new year. Instead, I’d like to offer you another choice.

 

THE WARM GLOW EFFECT

When you’re navigating life with ADHD, it can feel like the days are packed with challenges: forgetfulness, overwhelm, difficulty focusing, and emotional ups and downs. All too often, there’s more stress than calm and more frustration than relaxation. How can you lower stress, increase happiness and improve your overall well-being? The answer may surprise you.

Research has found that helping others reduces stress and improves longevity while also producing what’s known as the warm glow effect. This effect occurs when you give of yourself in a way that improves  conditions of the larger world, without expecting anything in return. It’s like altruism but less specifically aimed at volunteerism or donations. 

Beyond “getting that glow”, generosity towards others has also been found to improve psychological health and well-being .  When we give to others (or when we volunteer for a cause), we aim to improve the lives of others.  Yet, these acts also improve your sense of well being.

Microgiving–small acts of intentional kindness–is one way of igniting that glow.  

 

WHAT IS “MICROGIVING”?

Microgiving refers to the small, everyday acts of generosity and kindness you can engage in without much effort or planning. These are things like:

  • Holding the door open for someone
  • Sending a quick text to check on a friend
  • Give a genuine compliment 
  • Offering a smile to a stranger
  • Express gratitude
  • Donate small amounts to charities

These actions don’t need to be elaborate. The magic is in their simplicity—and their ability to connect you to others. It’s this connection that allows you to feel good about yourself and build your self-worth. You are just being the best version of yourself–the part that is kind, loving and thoughtful. The part that doesn’t get enough air time when you are rushing to meet deadlines or pick the kids up from school and criticizing yourself along the way.. 

The best part about focusing on microgiving in the New Year means that you don’t have to set unrealistic exercise goals, establish new work routines or give up chocolate (of course you can do these things if you want – but I don’t want to see you disappointed in yourself for not following through or measuring up!). Instead, you are making small, positive connections with people you encounter to spread some good vibes in the world. That’s it. 

 

A SMALL ACT WITH BIG IMPACT

Microgiving increases your sense of purpose and reduces isolation. It can offer you a fast anchor when things seem chaotic because you are connecting with another person and sensing your common humanity. Dr. Kristin Neff emphasizes that this is a key component of self-compassion. Microgiving also boosts your mood and your social skills. Acts of kindness light up the brain’s reward systems, releasing dopamine and serotonin that counteract frustration or boredom. These short interactions also foster meaningful social connections with minimal pressure, improving social skills without draining energy. A quick smile or brief greeting turns down loneliness and fosters a sense of community and belonging. 

 

5 WAYS TO USE MICROGIVING

Here are five easy steps to incorporate acts of microgiving into your routine:

  1. Start Small: Choose one simple thing to try per week. It might be texting a friend or family member to say you’re thinking of them. It might be deciding to open the door for another person at a store or the post office. Or it might be remembering to thank somebody for a nice action they do for you. The goal is to repeat this behavior throughout the week. 
  2. Set Reminders: If remembering to perform acts of kindness feels hard to do for your ADHD brain, that’s fine. Set notifications, alarms or visual cues to remind yourself. Maybe put a Post-It on your computer or your bathroom mirror to remind you to give a compliment or share a supportive thought. Cues remind you and keep you on track.
  3. Create Routines to Keep It Going: Routines build habits which is why consistency matters. Link your act of microkindness to an existing habit. For example, when picking up your daily coffee, thank the server and give a smile. When brushing your teeth, think of a person who might need a text of encouragement or a ‘hello’. When you pair things together, it increases the likelihood that you will remember them. I call one of my elderly parents when I drive to pick up my dog at the end of my day. Initially, I set an alarm but now I just do it automatically. 
  4. Forget about perfection: Microgiving isn’t about perfection. It’s about being present and noticing small opportunities to connect. Many people with ADHD struggle with social anxiety. Microgiving turns the worry about social interactions by shrinking the size of them. You are not engaging in long conversations but rather making brief contact that is warm and friendly. 
  5. Celebrate the Wins: After completing an act of kindness, take a moment to acknowledge how it makes you feel. Did you smile? Did someone else smile back? Did you feel a small wave of relief or connection? Taking time to recognize these moments reinforces their benefits.

 

By focusing on small acts of generosity, you are giving yourself the gift of connection, joy, and perspective. ADHD can lead to isolation, judgment and anxiety. Microgiving reminds you that you’re part of a community. Even when you’re feeling overwhelmed, a tiny, intentional act can shift your mental state, ease stress, and help you feel empowered. So think about what you would like to do and set your alarms to remind you about microgiving. What a great way to welcome 2025!

Surviving the Holiday Chaos with Your Neurodiverse Child: Practical Tips and Tricks

Dear Dr. Sharon:

My daughter has ADHD and I suspect she might be on the Autism spectrum, though she hasn’t been formally evaluated. She is eight years old and struggles with understanding social cues, navigating groups and keeping friends in addition to inattention and distractibility. After a lot of hard work, this is the first year that we finally have solid systems in place to support her at home and at school with consistent routines, clear expectations, a social skills group  and behavior therapy. But. with the holidays coming, I am worried that all of the activities and events will undo our hard work! It’s just so much – for her, our younger son and for us, as parents, too. We want our children to experience the joy that comes with this time of year, but not at the cost of her intense meltdowns and disruptions. How do I reduce holiday stress and overwhelm for my neurodivergent child, yet still make this time of year meaningful?   – Wendy

 

Dear Wendy,

The holiday season runs on overstimulation – all the food, all the lights, all the sounds, all the expectations…all the things, all month long. As the parent of a neurodivergent child, it can be tricky to strike a balance between fostering seasonal joy and setting boundaries during the holidays.  How can you create experiences that are fun, rewarding and calmer for you AND your neurodiverse family?

 

REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

As parents, we have to take into consideration how much our children and teens with ADHD can actually tolerate, process and enjoy. Part of the holiday stress for neurodiverse kids and families comes from having too many of these activities in a row and not enough ‘down time’ to process them. When your daughter has a meltdown at 6 p.m. because she doesn’t like the mac-and- cheese, it probably has nothing to do with the food and everything to do with unloading steam from holding it together for so long throughout the day. So, here’s the tip: be realistic about how many gatherings and social engagements are truly necessary for a joyful holiday. Less is often more!

 

 

TIS’ THE SEASON TO SCHEDULE 

We know that children who are neurodivergent thrive with consistent expectations and a sense of control of some aspects of their day. But, these things aren’t that common in the chaos of the holiday season. Since schedules can change frequently during the holiday season, start by establishing basic routines to your day. Create blocks of times between breakfast, lunch and dinner that include high and low energy activities as well as a quiet period. Set up regular check-in times in the mornings and afternoons to monitor how she is doing. Collaborate on up to three choices for these time blocks if appropriate. 

You might also try saying “What’s different today?” on the refrigerator or a dry erase board – this is for the holiday party, or dinner at Grandma’s, or a parade after school. Remind her that the plan for the day is posted there and she can check it for herself. Verbal AND visual cues are key for kids with ADHD to help reduce the chaos of this season. 

Remember to have the “holiday house rules” conversation with both of your children. Different households often have different rules (no surprise). Be hyper-specific with your explanations about what’s okay and what’s to be avoided at the homes you are visiting. For example, “At Grandma’s house, we don’t jump on the couch,” or, “Uncle Bill doesn’t hear very well so it’s okay to talk loudly with him.” A little clarity goes a long way, and the more you can help your child visualize these transitions, the smoother they’ll go.

 

CREATE A CODE WORD

For a neurodivergent child, it can be difficult under normal circumstances to control their impulses and regulate emotions. This is doubly difficult during the holidays when everything is at full tilt.  Talk with your child about how she will know it’s time for a quiet break. What are the physical cues in her body like balled fists, clenched teeth, sweaty palms, etc. that signal its time for a breather. 

Together, come up with a code word that she can use to let you or other adults know that she needs a break. Pick a predetermined place that she can access easily to slow down and expect to go with her. This might be the bathroom or even your car, if quiet areas are in short supply at a party.  Keeping a few of her favorite activities or items in a tote bag such as fidget toys, a book or a small game can help her settle and bring comfort simultaneously.  

 

GIVE YOURSELF GRACE

Let’s be real: The holidays, even with all of the good stuff, can be stressful —for everyone. So, as much as you’re preparing to make things easier for your neurodivergent child, don’t forget to cut yourself some slack. Things won’t always go according to plan, and that’s okay. Sometimes, the most important things you can do are stay flexible, keep a sense of humor and ignite your playfulness. If you have to ditch caroling with the neighbors or throw unwrapped presents in colorful bags, that is just FINE.. After all, the holidays are about creating memories, not stressing over perfection.

 

 

 

The holiday season doesn’t have to be a minefield of overstimulation, confusion, and meltdowns. By setting realistic expectations, maintaining a flexible yet predictable routine, and keeping communication clear, you can ensure that your neurodivergent child has a holiday season that’s both joyful and manageable. And hey, with the right tools and a little humor, you might even survive it without needing to resort to a full-on holiday “time apart” yourself!

 

 

Tips for Better Sleep During the Holidays: A Guide for Adults with ADHD and Anxiety

Tis’ the season for restless nights, short days, and interrupted sleep! If you – like me – have trouble turning your brain off amidst the holiday hustle and bustle, then grab a cup of coffee or tea, pull up a chair, and read on for ways to wake up feeling refreshed and recharged in the morning when you have ADHD and/or Anxiety. 

 An estimated 25-50% of people with ADHD experience sleep difficulties at some point in their lives. So what is it about having ADHD or Anxiety that makes sleep so hard to come by?  Look no further than our biology and behavioral patterns.   For many people, racing thoughts and an excess of energy at night can trigger insomnia, and contribute to dissatisfying sleep.   People with combined ADHD and anxiety are also more likely to have a disrupted internal clock – making them  more susceptible to sleep disorders (such as Circadian Rhythm Disorder, or Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder).    

Here in the darkest month of the year in the Northern Hemisphere,  I’d like to help you avoid the cycle of sleepless nights and exhausted days with some practical, easy tips for better shut-eye this season. 

 

This holiday,  I’m here to help you avoid the cycle of sleepless nights and days with some practical, easy tips for better sleep this season.

*Create (and stick to!) a Sleep Schedule If you’ve got ADHD, sticking to a sleep schedule during the holidays can seem as impossible as finding a parking spot at the mall on Christmas Eve. The fix for this? Consistency. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day— Set an alarm on your phone or your watch to remind you to head towards the bedroom and then add a second one as well. This system has really assisted me in disengaging from what’s going on and following through with my sleep hygiene routine.

Setting up and sticking with a sleep schedule might seem impossible to you. It certainly did for me when I started. But I’ve come to realize that, no matter what time I go to bed, my body generally wakes up about the same time every day. So I have to get my extra sleep on the backend of the sleep cycle which means hitting the sack at roughly the same time each evening. If this feels impossible, use your ADHD creativity to break things down and label them with humor. Maybe instead of “Go upstairs now”, you could  use “Hey you actually are NOT a night owl,” or a funny graphic as a visual cue. Then set another alert ten minutes later along the lines of “Time for jammies and teeth” with a wink emoji.

Why it works for ADHD and Anxiety: Keeping your body on a regular sleep schedule helps regulate your internal clock. This means fewer “I can’t sleep because my brain won’t be quiet” moments, which aren’t fun, no matter the season. Instead of judging yourself that you need a reminder for self-care, embrace it. Nobody will see these hints except for you!

 

*Practice Relaxation Techniques We all know the holidays are prime anxiety time—whether it’s managing family dynamics, figuring out the perfect gift for your brother, or just wondering if you’re going to make it through another office annual party.  But practicing relaxation techniques can work wonders to help getyou through these difficult moments. A few minutes of deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) can take your stress from “I’m about to cry in front of the dinner table” to “I’m calmly handling this.”

 

A couple of great options to try:

– Deep breathing exercises: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, pause. Repeat three times. 

– Guided meditation: Apps like Insight Timer, Headspace or Calm can guide you through short meditation sessions designed to relax your mind and body, though some are paid subscriptions. A quick google using the term “guided meditations for sleep” gives great (free) results to start from. Playing these before bed can also help you wind down. 

– Progressive muscle relaxation: Start by tensing and then relaxing each muscle group, starting from your toes and working up to your head. Hold your breath for the muscle tension and exhale on  the relaxation.

Why it works for ADHD and Anxiety: These techniques help engage your parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” system), which is your body’s natural way of saying, “Okay, chill. We’re done for the day.” The holidays might make you want to scream, but relaxation techniques can help you keep your cool.

 

*Take Breaks The holidays truly may be  a joyful time for some folks, but they can also be a *lot*—a lot of shopping, a lot of cooking, a lot of people, a lot of stuff to do. It’s also a lot of actual face time–moments when you are in a social situation expected to chat and participate in what’s going on around you. If you don’t take a break now and then, you might find yourself with a short fuse and feeling resentful.

All too often in my overly packed visits to my extended family, I make sure that I go to the gym regularly to get my head in a calmer, strong space. Exercise is critical for healthy breaks that offer us endorphins and healthy outlets for energy. And yet, I still find that it’s tough to gauge when I’m becoming flooded by too much socializing  until I’m wiped out and even  a bit weepy. My goal is to better notice when  I’m approaching my limits of needing quiet recovery time before the wipe out occurs. I’m still working on that!

Try scheduling a few short, 10 to 30 minute breaks throughout the day. Get away from the noise and demands for interaction: go for a walk, lie down and listen to a podcast or music, do some yoga, Tai Chi or meditation. Frankly, several cycles of breathing techniques (box, triangle or alternate nostril) can be very restorative if that’s all you have time for.  Even the smallest break can help lower anxiety and prevent burnout.

Why it works for ADHD and Anxiety: Quick breaks allow you to reset, which keeps your anxiety and hyperactivity levels in check. Then it becomes easier to settle down for sleep because you’ve stopped the pattern of running on empty. Think of them like little “mental vacations” that let you come back refreshed instead of frazzled.

 

The holidays don’t have to mean endless sleepless nights… with a little effort and some holiday magic (a.k.a. good sleep habits), you can navigate this season with a lot more energy and a lot less stress. Enjoy yourself and also practice taking care of yourself by paying attention to the fundamentals: sleep hygiene, good food and exercise. 

So go ahead, enjoy the holiday cheer, but make sure you’re taking care of yourself by getting enough rest. After all, the best gift you can give yourself is a good night’s sleep.