Managing Emotional Dysregulation: A Toolkit for ADHD & Neurodivergence
Let’s talk about emotions—those unpredictable, rollercoaster moments that swing from “I’m doing great!” to “This is the worst day of my life” faster than you can say “emotional dysregulation. If you or someone you know is living with ADHD or neurodivergence, managing emotions can feel like juggling while riding a unicycle on a tightrope. It’s *doable,* but it often requires strategy, balance, and some professional guidance.
What is Emotional Dysregulation?
Before we dive into tools, let’s break down what emotional dysregulation actually means. Simply put, emotional dysregulation refers to difficulty in managing or responding to intense feelings in a way that is proportionate to the situation that triggered them. For many children, adolescents and adults individuals with ADHD, this can mean extreme reactions to stress, frustration, or even minor inconveniences. This isn’t a flaw or weakness: it’s just the ADHD brain just processes emotional information differently.
Research shows that about 60-70% of individuals with ADHD struggle with emotional dysregulation, whether it’s feeling overwhelmed by small setbacks or experiencing strong moods. This dysregulation leads someone to feel disconnected to themselves, their current situation and any people nearby. It may be related to family, socioeconomic, educational or racial adversity/trauma or differences in brain structures and processes. For many folks, the amygdala hijack happens so quickly that they aren’t fully aware that it’s occurring until afterwards. This is frightening for you and the people around you. It can negatively impact your relationships, work or school performance, and general life satisfaction.
Your Toolkit for Managing Strong Emotions
To begin the process of responding instead of reacting, you’ll need to identify what triggers you, how something bothers and what you can do to avoid intense outbursts. You’ll feel calmer (and better about yourself too) when you can reliably use practical, simple exercises to restore emotional and physiological balance in the heat of “those” moments. In today’s blog, we’ll explore a set of strategies designed to help people who struggle with big feelings manage them more effectively in real time. Sadly, there are no magic wands here—just practical, research-backed methods that support your well-being and help you handle whatever life throws your way.
WHATS IN THE TOOLKIT?
- Grounding exercises
- ADHD strategies
- Emotional balance
- Coping tools
- Grounding Exercises: Your Emotional Anchor
When you feel untethered by strong emotions, grounding exercises assist you in reconnecting to the present and slowing things down. Think of grounding as your emotional anchor when the storm of big feelings hits. Grounding brings you back to what’s happening around you and to the quiet place within you.
These steps all bring immediate relief by shifting your focus away from emotional chaos to the sensory details and physical balance in your environment. They also soothe disequilibrium.
Popular Grounding Techniques Include:
5-4-3-2-1 Exercise – This one is perfect when anxiety or frustration feels like it’s taking over. Pause for a moment to notice and name the following:
- 5 things you can see (look around the room)
- 4 things you can touch
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste (a mint, a sip of water—whatever works)
Go shoeless: Take off your shoes and your socks. Feel your feet on the ground. Balance on one foot and then the other. Do this five times.
Swing your torso: Stand with your feet shoulder width apart. Swing your arms in unison from one side to the other, twisting your body as you do this. Do this five times
- Breathing Exercises. It sounds simple and perhaps overused, but mindful breathing really works because it slows you down. I’ve created the triangle method of breathing to help my clients with ADHD when they find themselves becoming dysregulated.
- Inhale for 4 seconds
- Hold the breath for 4 seconds
- Exhale slowly for 6 seconds
- Pause at empty
Research shows that diaphragmatic breathing like this activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps calm the body and reduce emotional reactivity.
- Physical Exercises: Muscle through with Movement.
Movement can really help some people physically ground themselves and break the cycle of emotional dysregulation. Whether it’s standing up and sitting back down for a set of 5, stretching in your chair, taking a walk or clenching and releasing your fists or other parts of your body, by engaging your body, you bring your focus back to the present. This engages your body and brings focus back to the present.
The magic in these techniques lies in their repetition and self-compassion. We aren’t aiming for perfection here. You will not transform suddenly into the ideal easygoing avatar you desire. But, When practiced regularly, grounding exercises train the brain to shift from knee-jerk reactions laden with emotional intensity to more balanced, thoughtful responses.
- Install Emotional Pause Buttons: Use my STAR approach
Impulsive emotional reactions can often be the result of not pausing before responding. But taking that pause is oh-so-hard when emotions run hot. Use my STAR-“STOP, THINK, ACT, RECOVER” method when somebody (including yourself) is getting triggered. First, discuss in advance the physical signs of upset–tightness in chest, a headache, loud voices, tears. Then decide what your plan will be when they show up and how you will take that PAUSE. Using the STAR method can be a game-changer for you and your family.
- Call A Lifeline: Use Your Support Network
Having a reliable support system makes ALL the difference. You don’t have to handle everything by yourself and, sometimes, we all need a lifeline to call. I have reached out many times to close friends or family members in times of distress or dysregulation. Take a minute now and write down the names of at least two people you can contact when the going gets tough. For many people with ADHD, there’s so much shame about being dysregulated in the first place that it can be tough to ask for help. Remember, everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, loses it sometimes.
For parents and adults with ADHD, connecting with a therapist or a coach (here I am!!) can offer ongoing support, insight and understanding about the causes and responses to intense feelings and disruption. In fact, one study found that cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) tailored for ADHD is especially effective in helping manage emotional dysregulation. The road to emotional balance is paved with self-compassion. It’s about acknowledging that emotions will come and go, but with the right tools, we can navigate them with more confidence and less chaos.