Can you relate to the following scenario? You are in the kitchen trying to prepare dinner while you are talking on the phone and checking your texts as soon as a notification appears. Meanwhile, your teenage son is watching television while doing math homework and constantly checking Instagram. We are all hijacked by our devices into thinking that we can do all of these tasks simultaneously and well, but this is not true, especially for those of us with ADHD. In fact, multitasking usually slows productivity, changes how we absorb information, and interferes with social relationships, especially if our attention is split by our devices. The use of technology in our lives is here to stay. It is up to us to learn to manage it effectively. We can do so by reducing multitasking and building habits which improve productivity, organization and focus.

Why Multitasking is a Myth

The belief that we can effectively do multiple things simultaneously is simply untrue. When you multitask, you are simply splitting our attention. Each time you switch from one thing to another, you’re not really concentrating on either task and then need a mental warm-up to resume the suspended task. Efficiency goes down. Productivity decreases. You likely get less done and feel more depleted as a result. In fact, a recent study in the journal, Nature, found that heavier media multitasking is associated with a higher likelihood for attention lapses and forgetfulness. For adults with ADHD who already struggle with working memory and/or processing speed issues, media multitasking can have serious, if not dire, consequences. 

Media Multitasking and ADHD

Media multitasking is part of the new ‘normal’. It is no longer considered rude to interrupt a conversation by responding to your cell phone. It’s now acceptable to type emails in the middle of a meeting. We have “novelty detectors” in our brains that get activated each time these things “ping.” This activation occurs in the dopamine pathway of the brain which manages pleasure, attention and addiction. These pings pull our attention away but also become addictive. ADHD brains, already taxed by executive functioning challenges and prone to seeking out high dopamine activities, are biologically primed for the increased adrenaline and cortisol these notifications deliver. Does this mean you shouldn’t listen to music while you work on a project or rely on brown noise to soothe the buzzing in your head? No. What I’m talking about is the process of switching back and forth from tab to tab, from device to device, from one sensory overload to another. These patterns overwhelm all brains but particularly those that are neurodivergent.

Opt for Single-tasking Whenever Possible

What can we do about this unhealthy trend that promotes disconnection from ourselves and from each other? Opt for single tasking as often as possible. I struggle with this too. Just like you, I’ve got a lot to do each day and it’s easier if I talk on the phone when I walk my dog or create a presentation while also checking my email. But, actually, I’m simply shredding my attention when I do this because I’m not really present for either task. And this, in turn, makes me more stressed. It’s a bad habit that sometimes feels impossible to break. You may not be able to eliminate all media multitasking habits but, if you can make even a small change, you’ll be better able to perform and feel less stressed. Here are a few suggestions for how to reduce multitasking habits and create better routines which will reduce stress and anxiety.

How to reduce multitasking habits

1. Make a conscious effort to do one thing at a time

Notice when you are multitasking and stop engaging in one of those activities for a while. Examples are not texting while driving (common but extremely dangerous) and no phones during family meals. Instead, set aside some phone-free time and use it as an opportunity to connect with your family. It’s not easy to do but the pay-offs will be increased sanity and calm for you, for them, and for your household. 

2. Turn off your cell phone when you are working

It’s one thing to listen to music and go for a run. It’s something else to receive texts or social media notifications throughout a work period. Your concentration will be constantly disrupted and the quality of your work will suffer. If you are worried about missing an emergency, then set a timer to check your phone at regular intervals. It’s the ping, ping, ping which activates your stress response, throws off your focus and increases your distractibility and vulnerability for other interruptions.  Instead, use a timer for whatever break you need in between your work periods to mark its beginning and ending. 

3. Close unnecessary tabs and create separate browsers

This is a hard one for many folks with ADHD. One idea can lead to another and then suddenly you have 30 tabs open. Do you feel more or less stressed when you look at the top of your screen and see all of those tabs? Ask yourself, how many open tabs can you really handle without feeling overwhelmed? Once or twice a day, reduce your tabs to that number. If you are worried that you will forget something if the tab is closed, bookmark it for later. Similarly, divide your interests into two browsers: Separating home and work stuff can really lower your multitasking tendencies. When you are at work, close the other browser, opening it during breaks only with a timer to limit yourself. Remember  not going down rabbit holes. 

4. Engage in conversations when you are not distracted by your phone

It doesn’t feel good to anyone to be interrupted by a buzzing phone in the middle of conversation. Yes, it may be the custom now but, each time you do this, you signal that your phone is more important than the person you’re speaking with. This is especially true when parents turn away from their children to their own phones. It may look like multitasking but it’s really more like dismissing: you turn away from your loved one towards the digital universe. Notice how single tasking, and paying more attention to the conversation at hand, affects your engagement. Take some time to reflect on the benefits of doing fewer things simultaneously, even if it feels strange or uncomfortable. When you set limits around multitasking, no matter how small, you will start to give your ADHD brain more time and space to process and retain information, to produce a higher quality of work and show up genuinely for colleagues, friends and family. Model this change in behavior for your kids and stick by the guidelines yourself that you want them to follow. As you shift your habits, you’ll decrease information and emotional overload and build cognitive strengths like improved focus, attention and memory. Reducing media multitasking takes practice and persistence. Throw in a little self-compassion because this is a daunting process. Start slowly and don’t give up!  

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October is ADHD Awareness Month ̶ a time to reflect on the uniqueness, wonder, and yes, even the bravery shown when managing the challenges of living with ADHD. If you or someone you love has ADHD ̶ you know that it’s not always easy to deal with the anxiety, executive function difficulties and self-criticism. Friends and family with ADHD want to do well, achieve, and succeed, but struggle with challenges that can sometimes seem like insurmountable obstacles. That’s why we should take some time during October, ADHD Awareness Month, to celebrate all that our loved ones with ADHD bring to our lives and focus on building acceptance and compassion with expert ADHD advice. 

Embrace your ADHD with self-acceptance

Accepting your ADHD is the first step to empowering yourself. ADHD is not who you are, it is something you live with. It means you think a little differently, navigate the world a little differently, and solve problems a little differently from others. So when you accept your unique perspective and approach, you are better able to set yourself up for success. You can have a deeper understanding of what makes you tick, and what works and doesn’t work for your living and learning styles. Remember, everyone is different in their own unique ways. ADHD may set you apart from the neurotypical crowd but it doesn’t diminish you in any way. In fact, there are plenty of other neurodiverse folks who can provide encouragement, support and friendship. Embrace your ADHD and all that you are–it’s the key step toward accepting and loving yourself.

Have compassion for yourself and others

It’s so easy to give in to critical self-talk at times of frustration. We are often our own worst critic, and that’s a heavy load to carry. ADHD makes it harder to stay focused, get organized, and feel like you’ve got your act together. That’s why it’s so important to practice compassion–toward yourself and towards others like you. Learn to minimize the negative inner voice and to amplify the cheerleader within. If your child forgot to hand in their homework again or you were a day late with a work report, it doesn’t mean either of you are a hopeless failure. Remind yourself it’s naturally more challenging for you to stay organized, manage time and follow through. Use lists, alerts and reminders to stay on track. Leave yourself daily motivations, meditate on positive messages, and do whatever it takes to treat yourself with more kindness and forgiveness. 

Accentuate the positive

I often ask my clients with ADHD to think of their super-power–something they’re really good at and proud of. If we’re only focused on what isn’t working, we’re bound to miss all the gifts and wonderful qualities that make us unique. For example kids and adults with ADHD can be dreamers, going from one thought to another and then something else. This is what also makes them exceptionally creative. They can make up stories or draw beautifully or compose music. In honor of ADHD Awareness Month, set aside some time to think of 3 positive things about yourself. It can be a particular skill or talent, how you’ve contributed to a good cause, or a wonderful aspect of your personality. These types of affirmations are so important and will help drown out the negativity that can take center stage all too easily.

14 Benefits of ADHD

It’s important to celebrate and enhance the strengths that exist. Here are 14 important strengths shared by Dr. Melissa Welby that you can remember when challenging ADHD moments arise.

• • Resilience
  • Creative
  • Perceptive
  • Adaptive
  • Emotional expression
  • Impulsivity (surprised? Some quick reactions can lead to positive actions.)
  • Funny, humorous
  • Empathic and compassionate
  • Multitasking
  • Spontaneity
  • Drive and passion
  • Curiosity
  • Enthusiastic and bright
  • Authentic and honest

You are worth celebrating!

ADHD Awareness Month is about celebrating who you are. There are so many wonderful aspects of being a unique, outside-the-box thinker. This month, focus on what is working in your life right now and help your kids with to do the same. Take some time to honor successes–big and small–and validate your effort and progress. It’s not all about achievement: pay attention to what you are doing differently that’s making a change too. How can you build on this to make it a lasting habit? People who live with ADHD have so much to offer and bring a wide range of perspectives and experiences that enrich us all. Take pride in the things you or your kids do that are creative, funny, artistic, athletic and brilliant. Accepting yourself with self-compassion allows you to be good enough just as you are: a wonderful, perfectly imperfect, unique human being—just like everybody else!

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As the digital world plays an ever-growing part in our lives, it is more important than ever to help children establish healthy media habits. A balanced media diet begins with the understanding that screen use is a privilege, not a necessity. As the parent, you define values and expectations around technology usage for yourself and your family. Children and teens, whether they are neurodivergent or neurotypical, need guidance for managing their use of apps and gaming but also for texting and watching television. Kids with ADHD may require some extra support in managing screen time and transitioning to other activities. A healthy relationship to the digital world includes time for non-screen activities, getting together with friends, applying yourself in school and pursuing hobbies. Finding the right balance between digital and non-digital activities can be a tall order. I’ve compiled 6 hacks to help parents and children create lifelong healthy media habits.

The Basics Of Healthy Media Habits

Just as with nutrition, a healthy media diet involves moderation and flexibility. Work with your family on clarifying expectations and defining good media habits. Be sure to talk with your ADHD tweens and teens about good digital citizenship and online safety. Most schools and libraries have materials on these topics. Collaborate with your kids on a screen time plan but be clear that it is ultimately the parents’ responsibility to set guidelines for media usage. Whatever plan you come up with for your family, try to be as consistent as possible in implementing it. Be prepared to make adjustments along the way when circumstances and needs change. Neurodivergent kids may rely more on electronics for social interaction or as a way to manage stress or anxiety. Try to be understanding and compassionate about these needs in your child. Devices and media have a big role in your child’s life, so help guide them toward healthy habits.  

6 Hacks To Help You Create a Digital Plan For Your ADHD Child

1. Recognize your own relationship to technology

Many adults are as constantly tuned into their devices as their kids are. Alyah, age 13, recently told me: “The thing I really don’t like is when they ‘get off of your phone’ but what are they doing? Watching dancing bird videos or going on their Facebook when we’re hanging out before bed.” Try to model the screen behaviors you’d like to see by practicing healthy media habits. Limit online scrolling, texting friends or shopping to times when your kids aren’t around or are otherwise occupied. ‘Just checking your phone’ appears as ‘checking out’ to children. Kids, even teens, will act out to get your attention so try to give it first and avoid the drama.

2. Collaborate to create a digital routine

Since everybody dislikes family arguments, reducing conflict about technology and including kids in your plan to do this increases their motivation and cooperation. If they believe that having a screen time plan will result in less “nagging” from you, they will be more likely to participate. Use my Easy On/Easy Off method. Think about a goal for total media time that you would like for your child or teen. Let’s say the number is three hours per day not including school work. Sit down with them and ask them how much time they would like. Perhaps they say five hours per day. Now the negotiations begin, recognizing that all screens are not created equally. Television doesn’t equal gaming which doesn’t equal discord. Break things down and figure out how much time they want for various devices or activities. Can you meet somewhere in the middle to create a healthy media habit? Maybe three hours is given daily as long as screens are used appropriately (no sneaking at night, no posting rude or disrespectful content, etc.) and the fourth hour is an earned incentive. I recommend that screen time includes the completion of homework, chores or other responsibilities. Talk about when and how this time will occur and write up a contract. Meet weekly to assess your plan and make any necessary tweaks. Remember that a good compromise means everybody is a little unhappy.

3. Rely on the bonus time

That fourth hour is your golden carrot–the shiny, valuable reward that kids desire. How do they earn this bonus? That depends on your child or teen and what types of assistance they need in managing their devices. Perhaps they refuse to stop gaming when their time is up and yell at you; maybe they insist on texting during dinner; perhaps they refuse to turn over their phone at bedtime as agreed upon. Many kids with ADHD struggle with transitioning off their phone, computers or television shows without vigorous protesting. You can incentivize desired behaviors by earning extra time that can start in increments of fifteen minutes and go up to that golden hour.  To improve transition behaviors,  give them a 15 minute and a 5-minute warning while making eye contact and asking them to repeat what you have just said. At first, getting off on its own may be the goal, even with yelling, to earn some bonus. Later, when that’s working regularly, raise the bar to get off their screens with no yelling. If they do not earn the bonus, then that’s it. Don’t negotiate or threaten. Stick to your agreement, regardless of whatever desperate tricks they try to change your mind. When they cooperate, give them lots of specific, positive feedback so they will want to repeat it. 

4. Make a non-screen activity list

Many kids with and without ADHD will tell you that there’s nothing else to do other than be on their devices. Brainstorm a list of alternatives to help your kids create a healthy media habit and post it in the kitchen. While tweens and teens may complain about the uselessness of the list, do it anyway. They will need something to refer to at some point. Consider saving some of their screen time to watch a nightly show with you or spend time doing a puzzle, playing a game or baking together. The ADHD brain is a now or not now brain so we can’t expect our kids to find alternative, low dopamine activities on their own when they are struggling with stopping whatever is giving them so much satisfaction and pleasure. 

5. Decide where screens live at night

Although the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that electronic media (especially phones) stays out of kids’ bedrooms at night, for some families this isn’t possible. If you are a single parent and you work nights, your teen may need a phone to reach you. It’s a matter of health and safety. But for other families whose children or teens sneak screens at night including watching television or movies on the computer or texting with friends at two o’clock in the morning, it’s not possible for them to exert the impulse control and maturity they need to monitor screen use. Sometimes parents have to keep devices in lockboxes in their bedrooms or turn off the internet at night. Ideally, it would be great if you could set a time for your youngster to give you his phone before bed and pick it up in the morning. 

6. Reduce compare and despair

In the process of figuring out their identity, tweens and teens compare their insides to other people’s outsides. Help your tween or teen reduce the myth of perfectionism by learning to pay more attention to their strengths than their challenges. Identify areas of competency, interest and fun. What lights them up? We want to nurture these aspects and build self-confidence. Talk about what real friends are and who they are. How can your child spend more time in person with these folks and listen to what they say rather than what’s stated online. Remind them that images and stories on social media are consciously crafted–nobody posts a disappointing test score or a picture of an acne breakout. Help them create a healthy media habit by limiting time on or getting rid of apps that make them feel bad about themselves. 

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Read more blog posts:

• How Social Media Affects Mental Health in Children with ADHD
• Summer Vacation Tips for Families with ADHD 
• Sensible Solutions to Screen (In)Sanity

Webinars, Handouts & More in Dr. Saline’s Webinars:

• Live Webinar: Navigating College with ADHD: Setting yourself up for success
• Handout: Shame: When You Are Embarrassed Of Who You Are
• Support Groups: Interested?

Watch on Dr. Saline’s YouTube Channel:

• Social Media and Mental Health in Teens 
• Improve Focus and Get Stuff Done

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