Teens, ADHD and Procrastination

Many teens with ADHD procrastinate and appear to lack self-discipline. Why? Sometimes they have anxiety around how to approach the task, how to complete the task or possible outcomes of failure or rejection. Sometimes they have perfectionistic tendencies that require energy and focus and can delay them wanting to start a task. On the other hand, they may struggle with motivation and/or confidence because they have either given up on themselves or have received messages that the adults in their lives have given up on them. Other times, they can’t come up with any solutions to help them feel motivated for self-discipline. So how do you know what’s really going on with your teen’s ADHD and procrastination, and how can you support them? Let’s dive in.

Teens with ADHD: Independent?

Teens with ADHD can push back extra hard because they have heard countless times over the years about what they don’t do right. Argh! It takes courage each day to go to school. They often don’t feel successful academically and, even if they are, they are still immersed in challenges.

Teens with ADHD tend to want to do most things themselves. They want autonomy and to put parents on an “as needed” basis. They’re learning more about themselves and are interested in leaning more into their social groups and communities. Yet, they still rely on parents for safety, security and support. Striving for connected independence often works best.

Ask. Collaborate

In this discussion on ADHD and procrastination, I want to highlight the 3rd of my 5 C’s of ADHD Parenting.– Collaboration

Collaboration: Work together with your child and co-parent (if you have one) to find solutions to daily challenges instead of imposing your rules on them.

It can be hard, sometimes really hard, not demanding, “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you finish a simple worksheet!” These reactions are hurtful and are often based in exhaustion, when our proverbial cups are less than half full. Take time, when you both are feeling calm and ready to talk, to connect with your teen instead, and listen to what they have to say about their thoughts, feelings and experiences.

Ask, as an Unbiased Researcher

“What’s happening so that you can’t do X, Y, Z?”

Now we can look at data and address changes that can help motivate our teen AND help change their inner dialogue.

Understand Shame

What is the leading cause of wanting to do everything themselves? Shame.

“I was embarrassed that I had a disability. I didn’t want to be seen as someone who needed extra help.”

“Let me do it myself. I don’t like people seeing me as weak.”

You may not see shame. Instead, you might feel their anger, see their tears, or hear yelling about something unrelated.

Procrastination and Initiation

What it the biggest reason teens with ADHD struggle with procrastination? They often have trouble getting started. What may seem easy to us, may seem enormous to people with ADHD. They can be masters of avoidance. “Why start it if I can’t ……?”

Initiation has to do with the size of the task, their interest in the task (dopamine reward), and the level of difficulty for the task. Breaks make a daunting project seem more manageable.

Start Small

Executive functioning challenges that often accompany ADHD and impact procrastination include struggles with initiation, planning and time management. Breaking down assignments into chunks makes tasks seem much more manageable — making them easier to approach and get started. This also helps teens plan out the steps into a series of smaller tasks.

Before starting, prepare for how long they can realistically focus. For instance, ask, “How many examples can you do before you want to throw your book across the room?” Then, they might say, “Five.” Start with the number they say, and then take a break.

Jot down the tasks and notes so you can keep track and not worry about remembering any or all of the steps. Write down how long tasks are expected to take, and reflect on how long they actually took. I highly recommend creating your own personal project planner so you can organize your tasks in a creative, visual structure that works for you.

3 Ways to Make Tasks Seem Smaller:

1. Use a timer.

This method makes the task of completing an assignment in that clocks hands, not the parents. “Cool. Okay, let’s work for 5 minutes and then take a 3 minute break. I will set the timer for the break. When it goes off, you can do 5 more. When you completed an hour, you can have a longer break.“

2. Make lists.

Teens with ADHD and procrastination challenges often have trouble planning what to do — and when. Sit down and ask, “Do you want to do the hardest first, then medium-difficulty, and then easiest? Or easiest first for a sense of success, and then harder, and medium last?” This works well for homework, chores, etc.

3. Make tasks fun!

Listen to music. (Their preferred music is best!) Tell jokes or stories of fun memories. Time yourselves for how fast you can pick up portions of the room, and make a game of it!

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