5 Expert Strategies For Breaking Bad Habits In Kids with ADHD
Month: October 2022
Spooky Season: 3 Shocking Halloween Safety Tips for Kids with ADHD
Parents, Halloween is right around the corner, and most kids are giddily anticipating a fun night of costumes, trick or treating and eating way too much candy. Now is a good time to think about safely enjoying the activities the evening has in store. Halloween safety is especially relevant for kids with ADHD who typically need extra support with impulse control, emotional regulation and pacing. Younger kids will likely need more supervision than usual as they will be more easily activated. Older kids will benefit from a Halloween safety game plan to which you both agree ahead of time so check-ins are predictable and collaborative. Here are 3 practical tips to ensure your child has a delightfully spooky and safe Halloween. (4-minute read)
3 ADHD-Friendly Halloween Safety Tips
1. Mindfully Choose Activities
You know your child best, so choose the age-appropriate Halloween activity that best suits your child. Kids with ADHD often become overwhelmed or over excited in stimulating environments. This can sometimes lead to hyperactivity and other times can cause kids to withdraw. So, consider whether going to a neighbor’s party may be too much for your child. Will trick or treating be better with or without a friend? Perhaps your child will have more fun passing out candy at home instead of being out and about? There is no one right way to celebrate Halloween. Remember, whatever activity you choose, time-box it to avoid your child with ADHD becoming overstimulated. And as always, remain flexible and prepare to make adjustments if plans don’t work out the way you envisioned.
2. Focus on Physical Safety
It’s easy for your child to get swept up in Halloween festivities. There’s a lot going on and it’s all very easy to make quick decisions without thinking them through first. Many kids with ADHD have struggles with impulse control. Remember, kids with ADHD have a hard time with impulse control. When trick or treating, they may run out onto the street without checking for cars, or run off to chase a friend without telling you. Talk with your child about Halloween safety guidelines and expectations before heading out the door. Then, ask for your child to repeat these rules back to you two times. This will ensure that they heard you and the information was transferred to longer term memory. If your child is younger and needs supervision, be ready to keep an extra close eye on them. If they are older and plan on going out with friends, come up with a Halloween safety agreement together in advance. Discuss who they’ll be hanging out with, what their game plan is in terms of where they are intending to go, what time they’ll come home, and the nature of parent contact. Decide on what your child should do if they want to come home early or if they get separated from their peer group. How can they contact you without losing face? It may be a good idea to reach out to other parents to collaborate on additional channels of communication and supervision.
Halloween Memories
I live in a town of about 35,000 people and I remember those Halloween nights when my daughter was in middle school. She told me which friends were part of her group and what streets they were hoping to hit for the most goodies. By making these choices, she was able to exercise her growing autonomy. But we still needed a safety plan. I contacted a few of those parents and we brainstormed the type and frequency of contact with the group that made us comfortable and what we think our kids would agree to. Then we each talked with our kids about our ideas and emphasized the importance of their cooperation for being able to go out alone on Halloween night. All of the kids agreed to answer the phone or text us when they changed locations and for one parent to check in every 30 to 45 minutes. Before they left, we made sure their phones were on, with loud ring tones and vibration as well. Off they went, we stayed in touch and a good, safe time was had by all.
3. Pace and Don’t Overstimulate
For many kids, Halloween is a competitive sport, one where the goal is collecting the most candy in the shortest amount of time. Left to their own devices, kids bolt from one house to the next until they’re exhausted or their treat bag becomes too heavy to carry.
Kids with ADHD need to pace themselves so they don’t take on too much and burn out.
Overstimulation and exhaustion in kids with ADHD are safety risks as they can cause your child to let down their guard and be less careful. Remember, slow and steady wins the race. Rushing through the evening means they may miss out on the fun of being with friends, admiring decorations and enjoying themselves. 
Talk with them in advance about monitoring their excitement with steadiness. Brainstorm a few ideas that will help them stay engaged without getting too overwhelmed or distracted early in the night. Maybe saying ‘Hello’ or ‘Thank you’ at each house will give them enough pause to regroup. Some kids collect money for UNICEF or another charity which can also slow things down. Emphasize the importance of savoring their experience rather than racing through it. You can help your child with pacing when it comes to eating their Halloween candy. As tempting as it is to overindulge, eating a little at a time means the candy stash will last longer and the dreaded post-Halloween stomachache will probably be avoided. So, set some guidance around how many pieces of candy your child can have when they get home that night and each day following the holiday. If they like to sneak their candy, consider where it can be stored to minimize this habit and bring it out at a specific time of day.
What about all the unwanted candy?
Some schools and dentists collect candy donations. Encourage your child to give away some of their candy as an act of kindness and generosity toward others. Some families have their kids swap some of their candy for a toy or activity. This way the child still gets to have fun but without all that sugar. Talk with your child and come up with your own family tradition for excess treats. However you chose to celebrate, remember have fun and make fun-filled memories. I wish you and your family an enjoyable and safe Halloween! 
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How Adults with ADHD Can Overcome Negative Thinking
Need to Reduce Stress? Try these Routines for Adults
Want to Be More Confident?
Keys to better productivity with ADHD: How you can improve the 4 types of focus
Recently, one of my clients Kaya, with adult ADHD made an astonishing discovery. She read an article in the New York Times about brown noise, and wondered if it could help her focus on the unpleasant but necessary tasks. Like doing her taxes, writing proposals for projects or creating a listing to hire an assistant. According to the article, Brown Noise is “a category of neutral, dense sound that contains every frequency our ears can detect, with a lower deeper quality than white noise.” Kaya struggled with focus and distractedness on dreaded activities. She tried listening to all types of music to no avail. Perhaps this could help. The next morning, when Kaya sat down at her desk and turned on her computer, she put on her headphones, tuned to Brown Noise. Then, something strange happened. The constant buzz in her brain that she called “a mix of anxiety and a nonstop whirring sound” became quiet. She told me that for the first time in years, she worked for thirty-minutes straight and finished a memo that had been plaguing her. She tried it again after lunch and it happened again. Finally, she had a workable solution to help her concentrate and get stuff done at her job.
How to maintain focus with ADHD
While listening to Brown Noise may also help you concentrate and perform, the real issue here is how to maintain focus while living with an ADHD brain. Focus is a key executive function that affects how long people can sustain attention and work towards a goal. Focus is a dynamic process of choosing what is critical to notice, do or recall. It’s like a spotlight of your attention. In fact, as you are reading this, make a fist with your left hand and put it on your forehead. Where is the spotlight of your attention directed now? Hopefully at this blog but maybe at the bird singing outside your window or wondering if you have time to grab a latte before your next appointment? For many people with ADHD, it’s tough to stay focused on a task unless it’s super compelling, has an immediate reward attached to it or results in something unfortunate if it’s not completed.
You can improve your focus
But, you can actually improve your focus by noticing where it is and redirecting it back to what’s at hand without negative judgment. Most people with ADHD struggle to catch themselves when their focus drifts. Instead, they notice when they return from drifting off, often worried if anybody noticed and frantically trying to catch up. Instead of berating yourself, I’d like to encourage you to expect these short drifts and matter-of-fact create a strategy for coping. Taking a quick mental trip to the Bahamas, glancing at a shiny object or considering your favorite take-out lunch restaurant at 10 a.m. is normal for folks with ADHD. Jordan, age 28 describes his frustration, “not being able to focus when you want to. I have a very bad attention span. Really, I get really distracted easily. People talking, one. Looking at something, I would just daydream off into it, forget everything I was just doing. And when I see it start snowing, I’ll look at the snow. Just something that catches my attention.” Jordan’s self-criticism, though, makes things worse for him. Accepting the brain you have and the way it works is the first major step towards improving focus. So, give yourself a break and let’s build some skills to improve productivity and performance. Metacognition, is the ability for self-evaluation and personal awareness. It is directly related to focus. Metacognitive thinking, along with self-regulation, helps you choose, monitor, and evaluate how you approach a task, measure progress and how close you are to achieving (or not) your final goal. It helps you transfer learning and information to different contexts and tasks by being more aware of strengths and challenges. It also affects your ability to think about your thinking, ask open-ended questions that foster self-reflection (like ‘How am I doing?’) and to reframe self-evaluation from good/bad to working/not working. These aspects of metacognition improve how you perceive yourself and notice where your attention is directed. 
Four Types of Focus
Selecting→Monitoring→Shifting→Hyper-focusing
Let’s look at each one and some helpful tools for improving focus with ADHD.
1. Selecting
Selecting refers to choosing what to focus on. It’s related to prioritizing because you have to decide what’s most urgent (time-related) and what’s most important (value-related). Selecting also encompasses time management (like ‘How long will this take?’) and initiation (How can I get started? and What type of procrastination am I engaging in?’) Suggested Tool: Before you begin anything, do a brain dump and make a big to-do list. Now, take the three most pressing items from that list and put them in another document or piece of paper. Decide which of these tasks is toughest, easiest and medium in terms of effort and break each of them down into two smaller parts if you can. Next, think about how you like to get started when you work–with something easy to warm up or something hard to get it over with. Pick whichever task fits with your preferred order of activity and begin.
2. Monitoring
Monitoring refers to noticing where your attention is and where it isn’t. You have to be as intentional about what you’re not going to pay attention to as what you are going to do. If you are focusing on a distraction, bring the puppy in your mind back to what’s in front of you with kindness and encouragement. Ask yourself: ‘How am I doing? What am I doing?’ Suggested Tool: Take a minute right now and write a list of things that typically distract you. Leave nothing out. Now, consider the task ahead of you. Which of these distractions will likely occur? How will you notice when you’ve drifted off? The important thing is to create a plan for your return. Give yourself a few seconds to look at what is happening around you or what you are working on. Instead of panicking or judging yourself for something that your brain naturally does, create a new coping strategy to guide you.
3. Shifting
Shifting refers to moving smoothly from one task to another. This is where many folks with ADHD get waylaid. It’s tough to navigate a change due to limited working memory, slower processing speed and weaker emotional control. Frustration builds up quickly and often rigidity sets in, making it tough to transition your attention to something else. In addition, worrying about forgetting something or not finishing it makes shifting concentration even harder. Suggested Tool: When you start to feel anxious, reduce the worry through positive self-talk. Remind yourself of a time in the past when you changed your activity with flexibility, confidence and competence. What can you say about moving to something new that validates your effort instead of doubting your ability? What internal resources or assistance from others helped you in those situations? Leave yourself a voice memo or written note on your phone to describe what you are letting go of and what you want to remember about it for the future.
4. Hyperfocusing
Hyperfocusing refers to tuning out the environment around you because you are completely absorbed in a task. It’s is a state in which everything else falls away and the only thing you are paying attention to and engaged with is activity in the present moment. This differs from being in a flow state. When people are in a flow state, they are humming along and concentrating but they aren’t so zoomed into a task that they are unaware of their surroundings. Hyperfocus can lead to intense periods of productivity and/or periods of intense stress where someone forgets to eat, use the bathroom or sleep. Suggested Tool: For hyperfocus to be useful, you need to give yourself a scheduled, screen-free break. Set a timer and take a walk, have a snack or do a Sudoku puzzle. Choose something that is pleasurable in its own way but won’t drag you in. These pauses give you time to integrate the work that you’ve just completed and let your brain simmer with leftover ideas. Before pausing, leave notes about where you were and what you were thinking about so you can return right to it. Remember, learning to notice, manage and improve your focus takes time, practice and habits. Develop a routine for when, where and how long you work using timers so you take a break before your brain tires out. Set realistic expectations for yourself and talk through potential obstacles with a friend, colleague, therapist or coach. Try the Pomodoro Technique for effective 25 minute blocks of concentration with short breaks. Think about times when you focus the best and set up scenarios that have these elements. And, give brown noise a try. If you’re like Kaya, it could make all the difference. Remember, our goal is doing more of what works: applying the focus you have effectively and increasing it over time.
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Sharon Saline, Psy.D. on TADD Talk
4 Eye-Opening Reasons Why Kids Say “I Hate School!”
Now that the school year is in full swing, I’ve noticed that more parents are sharing how much their kids with ADHD dislike school. Neurodivergent children and teens with ADHD, ASD, a learning disability, or other mental health issues work hard to hold it together during the academic day. Various teaching styles that may not make sense for their brains, long periods sitting at desks, complicated peer interactions, and constant demands on their very real executive functioning challenges frequently make the school the most complex area of functioning for alternative learners. When they arrive home desperately needing time to recover, process what’s happened that day, or zone out, they face homework, after-school activities, chores, or a part-time job. It may seem too much, but tempers rise, meltdowns ensue and the dislike of school grows even more. But what can you do to offer practical, authentic, caring support to shift this mindset for your kids with ADHD from “I hate school!” to “I’m Ready!”?
4 Proven School Problems Parents Can Solve
The key to providing effective and caring school support for your kids with ADHD and more begins with recognizing the problem and shifting their mindset with a sustainable solution. Included below are four frequently mentioned problems by parents and solutions by experts that work.
Problem #1: Unrealistic goals for outside-the-box thinkers
Since school uses all executive functioning skills throughout the day, kids often arrive home mentally and physically depleted. Remember, they’ve been asked repeatedly to adapt and perform at neurotypical levels, which may or may not work for their unique brains. Many of these alternative learners could have unusual strengths in some areas but not in others and are still expected to perform in all areas at the level of their strongest interests and abilities. Some students struggle because of unidentified learning disabilities as well. These standards put extra, unnecessary stress on children and teens and contribute to negative attitudes and lower self-esteem. In addition, they may feel misunderstood by their teachers and harbor frustration that nobody seems to understand enough to help them.
Solution #1: First, make sure your child or teen has been thoroughly evaluated for any learning challenges.
We want to make sure mandated services are in place for them if they qualify. Next, in conversation with your student, teachers, or guidance counselors, create two sets of expectations. The first set should be related to an interest, talent, or strength–something your child enjoys and does well. Find out what goal they would like to put out for themselves. Also, what do the adults think the youngster can handle? Then agree with this, write it down, and check in weekly about it. 
Second, they should be related to a challenging area that your child either doesn’t enjoy or struggles with. What goals would be realistic to set here? For instance, if your teen loves math and takes an advanced math class, what are their hopes for their performance in this subject? Also, if they have dyslexia and English is tough, figure out what would be appropriate for this class to be effective. Things don’t have to be the same, but the process of talking about issues and making doable plans works best when it is consistent. The goal is to develop a sense of progress to encourage effort and nurture strengths while shoring up challenges.
Problem #2: Inconsistent motivation and focus
In the book ADHD and Asperger’s syndrome in smart kids and adults (2022), Dr. Thomas Brown talks about the central mystery of ADHD as fluctuating motivation and attention based on varying interests. It’s confusing to kids, teens, and adults with ADHD and those who live, teach or work with them why someone can concentrate on something like playing the guitar for hours but not be able to focus on a twenty-minute assignment for science. Motivation based on a strong personal interest or the belief that something terrible will happen imminently seems to get folks going, but not always. Jules, age 15, says: “I feel like if I’m interested in a subject, I’m good at it, but if I’m not, it’s not as good. If I’m not interested in it, I’m spacing out and I’m just not paying as much attention. It depends on what mood I’m in.” Jules is aware of how interest affects his concentration, but if something is boring or he’s not in the right mood, he struggles with doing it.
Solution #2: Nurturing motivation depends on identifying interests and relying on extrinsic and intrinsic incentives.
Extrinsic motivation is an outside responsibility or reward that depends on achieving a goal. You pay for your train ticket in advance, so you have a seat; you turn in your history paper on time, so you don’t receive a poor grade. Intrinsic motivation means striving toward a goal for personal satisfaction or accomplishment. Ex. You decide to ride your bike for ten miles instead of five; you make the next level on a computer game. Intrinsic motivation drives us naturally because we are engaged and happy in what we are doing. But, when there is no clear or immediate satisfaction from a task, it takes kids (and adults) with ADHD longer to do anything. They prefer to avoid it and do something they enjoy first, never getting into dreaded activity. To change this pattern means putting the Have-Tos before the Want-Tos. Many neurodivergent kids need to learn how to set up effective incentives that matter to them to tackle the unpleasant stuff. It also helps to break undesirable tasks into small pieces, so there’s a sense of accomplishment as you tick things off.
Problem #3: Trouble navigating the social world
Many neurodivergent kids struggle with making and keeping friends. They may feel awkward at the lunch table, during recess, or speaking in front of others. Verbal or visual cues and misread body language may be missed. Or they may often notice that other kids seem to display ease with each other they don’t possess. School is the environment where the social world is on full display. It’s the crucible for launching friendships, changing relationship dynamics, constant comparisons, and experiencing bullying. Managing social dynamics and academic challenges can overwhelm the already taxed executive functioning skills of neurodivergent children and teens. In addition, many neurodivergent children and teens feel ashamed that they can’t ‘be like everyone else’ and engage more naturally with other people. They tend to hide what’s happening inside and may also lack the language to discuss their true feelings.
Solution #3: Extreme self-consciousness, uncertainty about the definition of a friend, and difficulty with the give-and-take of relationships can lead to exclusion or isolation.
Outside-the-box thinkers compare themselves to others and often find themselves lacking. But, the creative, unique ways alternative learners see the world can also result in leadership opportunities and peer respect. Building social skills is critical for developing self-confidence and increased comfort with interpersonal interactions. 
Help your neurodivergent child or teen by brainstorming and practicing conversational tools at home, creating a few stock responses to common questions, and formulating an exit strategy when they feel uncomfortable. I taught one of my tween clients to say, “That’s a good question. Can I get back to you?” when she didn’t know what to say to someone. Instead of walking away with no response and alienating the other person, she now had a tool that worked in various uncertain situations. This made her feel better about herself, and nobody was annoyed with her. Even saying phrases in the hallway, such as “Hey, nice to see you” or “What’s up?” can help kids feel more comfortable. Determine the right amount of involvement in the social life of your child. As parents, we are acutely sensitive and reactive to any social challenges our kids may be experiencing. When there’s an issue, listen instead of giving advice and work with them to find solutions instead of giving advice.
Problem #4: Fixed mindsets
Neurodivergent children and teens tend to be concrete thinkers with fixed mindsets as a result of experiencing constant negative feedback about themselves. Maybe they struggle with verbal impulse control or recall, or emotional regulation. Many kids and teens with ADHD aren’t necessarily aware of doing something offensive until they receive a negative response. This increases their worry about messing up again in the future and lowers their confidence in changing such behaviors. In a fixed mindset, people believe that their basic qualities, like intelligence or talents, are static traits that can’t improve. Then they are overly focused on an outcome, disappointed if they can’t achieve the perceived outcome. Perfectionism, procrastination, and low self-worth are all related to fixed mindsets. Fixed mindsets lead a student to give up on something quickly, sometimes even before trying. They don’t see the possibility of a different outcome. Of course, fixed mindsets affect academic, athletic, or extracurricular performance and social relationships.
Solution#4: Nurture a growth mindset by noticing and validating what’s working for your child or teen.
Your kids need help counterbalancing the negative things they tell and hear from others. A growth mindset refers to the belief that we can change and grow from our mistakes. Rather than something we should avoid or be afraid of, are a natural part of living. This mindset is crucial for alternative learners. They realize they can regroup after trying something that doesn’t work instead of blaming or shaming themselves. When we try something, we risk failure; when we avoid something, we ensure it. When kids value the process of trial-and-learning, they become aware that learning and intelligence grow with time and experience. This mindset counters the failure mentality many alternative learners harbor and nurtures essential resilience instead. As Dahlia, age 12, says, “Hopefully, this works. If not, I will have to find a new way to do it, to be brave. It’s hard sometimes, but there’s always a way to pick yourself up.”
Be Brave. Be Patient. Keep Trying.
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ADHD Awareness Month is about celebrating who you are! Accentuate the positive with A+ expert advice.
October is ADHD Awareness Month ̶ a time to reflect on the uniqueness, wonder, and yes, even the bravery shown when managing the challenges of living with ADHD. If you or someone you love has ADHD ̶ you know that it’s not always easy to deal with the anxiety, executive function difficulties and self-criticism. Friends and family with ADHD want to do well, achieve, and succeed, but struggle with challenges that can sometimes seem like insurmountable obstacles. That’s why we should take some time during October, ADHD Awareness Month, to celebrate all that our loved ones with ADHD bring to our lives and focus on building acceptance and compassion with expert ADHD advice.
Embrace your ADHD with self-acceptance
Accepting your ADHD is the first step to empowering yourself. ADHD is not who you are, it is something you live with. It means you think a little differently, navigate the world a little differently, and solve problems a little differently from others. So when you accept your unique perspective and approach, you are better able to set yourself up for success. You can have a deeper understanding of what makes you tick, and what works and doesn’t work for your living and learning styles. Remember, everyone is different in their own unique ways. ADHD may set you apart from the neurotypical crowd but it doesn’t diminish you in any way. In fact, there are plenty of other neurodiverse folks who can provide encouragement, support and friendship. Embrace your ADHD and all that you are–it’s the key step toward accepting and loving yourself.
Have compassion for yourself and others
It’s so easy to give in to critical self-talk at times of frustration. We are often our own worst critic, and that’s a heavy load to carry. ADHD makes it harder to stay focused, get organized, and feel like you’ve got your act together. That’s why it’s so important to practice compassion–toward yourself and towards others like you. Learn to minimize the negative inner voice and to amplify the cheerleader within. If your child forgot to hand in their homework again or you were a day late with a work report, it doesn’t mean either of you are a hopeless failure. Remind yourself it’s naturally more challenging for you to stay organized, manage time and follow through. Use lists, alerts and reminders to stay on track. Leave yourself daily motivations, meditate on positive messages, and do whatever it takes to treat yourself with more kindness and forgiveness.
Accentuate the positive
I often ask my clients with ADHD to think of their super-power–something they’re really good at and proud of. If we’re only focused on what isn’t working, we’re bound to miss all the gifts and wonderful qualities that make us unique. For example kids and adults with ADHD can be dreamers, going from one thought to another and then something else. This is what also makes them exceptionally creative. They can make up stories or draw beautifully or compose music. In honor of ADHD Awareness Month, set aside some time to think of 3 positive things about yourself. It can be a particular skill or talent, how you’ve contributed to a good cause, or a wonderful aspect of your personality. These types of affirmations are so important and will help drown out the negativity that can take center stage all too easily.
14 Benefits of ADHD
It’s important to celebrate and enhance the strengths that exist. Here are 14 important strengths shared by Dr. Melissa Welby that you can remember when challenging ADHD moments arise.
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- Resilience
- Creative
- Perceptive
- Adaptive
- Emotional expression
- Impulsivity (surprised? Some quick reactions can lead to positive actions.)
- Funny, humorous
- Empathic and compassionate
- Multitasking
- Spontaneity
- Drive and passion
- Curiosity
- Enthusiastic and bright
- Authentic and honest
You are worth celebrating!
ADHD Awareness Month is about celebrating who you are. There are so many wonderful aspects of being a unique, outside-the-box thinker. This month, focus on what is working in your life right now and help your kids with to do the same. Take some time to honor successes–big and small–and validate your effort and progress. It’s not all about achievement: pay attention to what you are doing differently that’s making a change too. How can you build on this to make it a lasting habit? People who live with ADHD have so much to offer and bring a wide range of perspectives and experiences that enrich us all. Take pride in the things you or your kids do that are creative, funny, artistic, athletic and brilliant. Accepting yourself with self-compassion allows you to be good enough just as you are: a wonderful, perfectly imperfect, unique human being—just like everybody else!
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