How do I get my child properly evaluated and diagnosed for ADHD?

Doctor with teenager Dear Dr. Saline,  My son is now a junior in high school and is having trouble with the increased workload. I suspect something may be wrong. Where do I start with the process of getting him evaluated and diagnosed for ADHD?  Sign-up for my newsletter + Free Handout | Ask Dr. Saline

From Dr. Saline

For children and teens up to age 18, receiving an accurate diagnosis of ADHD can be a complicated, confusing, and frustrating experience. Often parents receive contradictory or inadequate information about the process, and navigating the maze toward diagnosis and treatment can be perplexing. In particular, the tween and teen years are development stages when trouble with attention, organization, and distractibility come to the forefront. As kids switch classes, confront more complex academic work, cope with social dynamics and pursue extracurricular activities, their lives demand that they develop and apply more sophisticated executive functioning skills. So it’s common to see challenges, anxiety, and even depression when they struggle to keep up. Typically, there are three ways to obtain a diagnosis of ADHD; quite honestly, TikTok is not one of those paths. While social media may alert your adolescent that some of their difficulties might meet the criteria for ADHD, it is not a reliable source of a diagnosis.

Evaluator Options Include:

  • Primary care providers (nurse practitioners, pediatricians, physician assistants)
  • Mental health professionals (including psychiatrists) and
  • Using school resources

Whichever route you choose, ensure the person understands and has significant experience with ADHD.  This person will conduct a thorough individual and family history with you and your child. Then, let’s look at a few options. 

Private Professional Options

1. Primary Care Providers

Doctor, parent and little girl being checked at the officeIf your child’s issues might be related to attention, you may have already started researching ADHD. Start by talking with your primary care provider or pediatrician because they have likely known your child for years and have been advising you all along. They will probably give you some forms to fill out with rating scales (and take you to the school) to get a sense of daily functioning and trouble spots and talk with each of you about behavioral, emotional, and cognitive issues. If the forms indicate ADHD, they may refer you for counseling, coaching, or a psychoeducational evaluation (private or through the school district), discuss medication options with you or give you the name of a local psychiatrist.

2. Mental Health Professionals

Mental Health MattersWhether your child or teen is already in therapy or has just been referred, your licensed counselor, social worker, or therapist will want to assess their primary concerns and symptoms to determine a diagnosis and create a treatment plan. Like your pediatrician, this provider will usually show a thorough developmental and family history and give you forms similar to the ones the pediatrician uses before making a diagnosis. Often, they will consult with your pediatrician, your child’s classroom teachers, and other school personnel. Suppose the therapist or psychiatrist has additional concerns or thinks more data is warranted. In that case, they may also recommend  ‘testing,’ especially to rule out any learning issues or for clarification of what’s going on. Some psychiatrists offer therapy in addition to prescribing medication, and others only focus on medication management. All of these folks are capable of diagnosing ADHD.

Formal Psychoeducational Evaluations

Psychologists and neuropsychologists are trained to do formal psychoeducational evaluations (e.g., testing).  Speech and language pathologists (SLP) and special education teachers can conduct more minor, specific tests. These evaluations include assessments of cognitive functioning (including verbal, visual-motor, working memory, and processing speed), other visual, verbal, math, and written skills, grade-level competencies, and emotional issues. These evaluations can be highly informative to you and your teen because they provide a glimpse into your child’s brain works, strengths, and challenges. When you choose a private evaluation (as opposed to testing through the school), you have more control over the person who does it. But ensure the evaluator takes the necessary time to explain the results thoroughly. These reports can be dense, confusing, and overwhelming. Ask all your questions and request a follow-up meeting if you need it. 

School Resources and ADHD Evaluations

Mom and girl with woman guidance counselorMany parents first learn about their child’s challenges with concentration and focus from a classroom teacher, school counselor, or principal. While these conversations can be painful, the information educators share is essential to why your child is struggling in school. Understand that public schools in the USA can name attention, concentration, and memory issues, but they cannot legally diagnose ADHD since it is considered a health issue. However, they are mandated under IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) to assess students for possible learning disabilities, including ADHD, and, if there are conditions that interfere with learning, to provide accommodations.

How to Start the ADHD Evaluation Process

1. Begin with a parent meeting with a guidance counselor or vice principal who knows your child. 2. Discuss your concerns and see what they advise. Often, they might suggest that teachers make some minor changes in the classroom. If those are not satisfactory or you believe your child needs more support, then you have the right to request a formal evaluation, including a team meeting. This request can be made at the school or the district office. 3. What typically follows is the beginning of a thorough evaluation that is similar to private ‘testing’ but may also include additional information about speech and language skills and occupational functioning. These are similar to private ‘testing’ because they offer rich information about your child and the additional benefit of direct contact with their educational environment. However, some school districts prefer to do their evaluations but may need to wait longer than you want. 4. You also have the right to present your report. Schools can’t diagnose ADHD because it is a health disorder. You will need to share the information with your primary care provider, psychiatrist, or mental health professional to get an official diagnosis. 5. Next, a team meeting will be convened to determine the type(s) of special needs your child may have and whether they are eligible for mandated services. If your youngster qualifies, then the team will make recommendations and create an IEP plan or design the 504 at a later time.

In Conclusion

Many kids with ADHD also have reading, writing, or math difficulties which qualify as learning disabilities. Schools can  diagnose these issues. Moreover, if they are blocking academic progress, support services will be provided. You can see how complex this process can be. Take a deep breath, and stick to what you know is true about your child. Don’t get intimidated by anyone who may dismiss your concerns. Trust your instincts, and realize that you know your kiddo better than anyone else. Collaborate on creating a plan that offers the help your student needs. Stay curious, ask questions, listen with an open mind, know your rights and advocate fiercely. If you need more support, seek it out. You’ve got this!

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Ways Parents Can Set realistic Goals For The Academic School Year

Report cardThe beginning of a new year typically marks the middle of the school year and mid-year report cards. Of course, students with ADHD want to do well in school, and most of them put a lot of effort into their work. But at the same time, they must contend with issues around focus, organization, distractibility, impulse control and time management, and their academic workload. It’s a lot to handle, and often grades may suffer as a result. To better address your child’s needs, you’ll need to figure out what your child is struggling with to find the proper support. So let’s take a step back and see how you can prepare your response to a disappointing report card and a disappointed child.

Be an ally, not a critic

It’s safe to assume your child is already disappointed and frustrated with his lackluster report card, so responding with anger, lectures, and punishments will only intensify your child’s stress. You may feel upset and concerned: this is entirely understandable. However, addressing your feelings in private before speaking with your child or teen would be best. Taking time to process what’s happened and your frustration will leave you in a much better position to talk with your kid. Your child will feel connected, comforted, and heard when you are calm, attentive, and constructive. This is when brainstorming and collaboration about how best to move forward will take place. 

Read between the lines

“Listen more, speak less” is an effective parenting strategy to help your child get through a tough time. Don’t assume you know what’s happening or rush toward a resolution. When your child is going through a challenging situation, they need to get things off their chest. Maybe even cry or get their frustration out on a punching bag or old pillow. Give your child a chance to vent. When they feel they can share what’s on their mind with you without anger or judgment, they will feel more connected and likely to open up even more. teen boy head down on homework desk holding help sign Please encourage your child to share their thoughts about what happened with their grades. Be ready to read between the lines and ask for clarifications, so you have the whole story. Avoid asking ‘why’ and stick with ‘how, when, and what.’ For example, when your child says, “I hate school,” or “My teacher hates me,” it could mean the teacher frequently reminds them to pay attention. Or the child doesn’t fully understand the teacher’s expectations and keeps falling short. Instead, ask them, “How do you know this? What things does your teacher say or do to show their hatred?” The more specific the information you gather, the easier it will be to make a collaborative plan for moving forward. So it’s up to you to first listen and ask questions to get to the bottom of the issue.

Set realistic academic goals for the remainder of the school year

goal list written on notepadTogether, explore realistic and achievable goals for the next term based on their current performance. Identify what small steps they can take to make some progress. Remind your child that even if their grades don’t go up significantly, they show growth in other ways; that’s a substantial accomplishment too. For example, if your teen makes it a habit to get homework help from their math teacher once a week, that’s excellent progress. Ask your child or teen what types of support have been helpful in the past and would be useful now. For example, is there a teacher, friend, or counselor they have a good relationship? Then, get your youngster to come up with one or two suggestions for improving their study habits and grades. And if you haven’t done so already, reach out to teachers and guidance counselors to better understand what resources are available for your child.

Make sure your child has the proper academic support in school and at home

If your child or teen does not already have mandated supports at school (in the United States, these would be 504, IEP, and behavioral plans), then request a team meeting or fill out the necessary forms to get this process started. If a support plan is in place and your child is still struggling, as evidenced by their disappointing report card, set up a meeting with the team to find out why the plan isn’t working more efficiently. Make it possible for your child or teen to participate in these meetings. We want them to feel part of a process that’s for them so they will be more willing to participate in it.  While you can’t oversee what’s happening daily at school, you can provide effective support at home. First, make sure your youngster has a quiet place to study. Next, enforce effective study habits by equipping them with tools such as checklists, alarms, reminders, and practical daily routines. Finally, collaborate on and use age-appropriate incentives. Remember to rely on natural and logical consequences rather than punishments to motivate your student. Most importantly, celebrate each win, no matter how small. Going from a C- to a C may not seem like much to cheer about for your standards, but it could be a world of improvement for your child or teen. It reflects an improvement based on a lot of effort on their part. Your child or teen with ADHD does want to do well. With your empathy and support, they will shine.

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ADHD and Imposter Syndrome: Stop Criticizing and Start Believing in Yourself

Woman in mirror questioning her worth Do you dismiss a compliment or attribute success at your work to luck instead of your intelligence, creativity, or effort? Unfortunately, many adults (and kids) with ADHD have trouble accepting positive feedback about themselves. Years of hearing about their deficiencies or experiencing challenges related to having a neurodivergent brain lead many folks with ADHD to walk around with a persistent feeling that they are just not good enough. Perhaps you feel like an imposter. You wonder if you genuinely deserve validation or acknowledgment when good things happen. If these statements are factual, you probably struggle with imposter syndrome

What Is Imposter Syndrome? 

Imposter syndrome reflects feeling like a fraud or a phony. It comes from a sense of insecurity in your awareness or hovering just below the surface. Imposter syndrome doesn’t occur overnight. Instead, it takes years of receiving criticism and experiencing judgments for somebody to develop a core sense of deficiency. Based on evaluations, exclusion, or hostility from others as you mature, this deficiency lies at the heart of imposter syndrome. People with ADHD and without can suffer from it. This insecurity fosters pervasive self-doubt that you don’t deserve any accolades that you receive. Instead, you deem other people more worthy because of their accomplishments, confidence, or appearance.  Imposter syndrome is directly related to perfectionism. Since you are not perfect and can never achieve perfection, then you are fundamentally flawed. Sadly, no success seems to lessen this wound for so many folks. Many neurodivergent teens and adults who have frequently been judged unfavorably against neurotypical standards have internalized these opinions. Despite all efforts to the contrary and any admirable achievements, you may still believe they are true. Imposter syndrome is the domain of your inner critic.  It’s the voice spews negativity about simply being an outside-the-box thinker, an imperfectly perfect human like the rest of us. But this voice adds a toxic layer of insecurity: you walk around anxious that someone will discover the incompetent, foolish person you think you indeed are. You can’t assimilate the accolades your receive, no matter how much you deserve them. In addition, many people with imposter syndrome also live with a low (or overt) level of depression. There’s a mix of persistent anxiety about discovering your dark secret and hopelessness that you can never entirely change for the better.  Even though its origins can make sense, given your personal history, it’s still a brutal way to treat yourself.

Manifest A Growth Mindset

I want to offer you a different approach that allows you to value and absorb affirming things about yourself.  You do not have to live with imposter syndrome. Yes, lowering the volume of these harsh thoughts and deeply ingrained false beliefs can be very challenging. You may be so accustomed to second-guessing yourself that it seems counterintuitive to act differently. But what if you allowed yourself to make mistakes and be successful simultaneously? Sometimes you hit a home run, and sometimes, you swing and miss. The average baseball player strikes out at the plate two out of three times. Trying, struggling, regrouping, and trying again doesn’t mean that you’ve failed or other people are better than you are. It’s what living is all about: manifesting a growth mindset. Imposter syndrome intensifies your vulnerabilities while denying you the satisfaction derived from effort and engagement. You have strengths and challenges like everybody else. The problem is the struggle to hold onto your successes long enough to believe in your abilities and nurture a sense of inner pride. Instead, the imposter monster quickly grabs them and tosses them away.

Acknowledge Your Wins

When you acknowledge your wins, regardless of size or importance, you are laying Kryptonite at the feet of the imposter beast. When you pay equal if not more attention to things that go well, something that you enjoy, and things that you are good at, you weaken this pattern even more. It’s about shifting your perspective from what’s wrong and not enough about you to celebrate what is positive and good enough. Accept it if someone pays you a compliment–don’t deflect it. Say “thank you.” Please take it in and hold it like the precious gift that it is. If you tell a colleague that you want to improve your timeliness and you show up to a meeting on time, receive their high-five of support with a grin. When your partner appreciates that you went grocery shopping and put away all the food, refrain from minimizing and accepting their acknowledgment. 

Build Self-Confidence & Self-Worth

Start to counter the inner critic’s voice by strengthening your inner ally. This coach is the one who encourages you, who reminds you of your value as a person, and who sees the good in things you do. Strengthen this ally by paying attention to what is working. At the end of each day, with your partner at dinner, via text with a friend, or in your journal, acknowledge three things that went well. These can be as simple as “I made a great cup of coffee this morning” to “My boss told me that she loved my presentation.” Fill up the well inside of you with these statements instead of the self-critical, judgmental ones. You’ll be building self-confidence and self-worth instead of fueling anxiety.

You’re Important and Valuable

Lastly, I cannot emphasize the importance of validating traits about yourself that are separate from what you do–traits about who you are: warm, funny, intelligent, spontaneous, generous, and kind. People with ADHD struggle to perform effectively in areas related to executive functioning deficits like emotional regulation, organization, time management, and focus. But you also excel at activities and interests you love. Both are true simultaneously. There’s a lot right with you so take the time to notice, honor and hold onto those things today. This is how you will reduce imposter syndrome.

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Learn how to Genuinely Live Free & Shine Your light with ADHD in 2023 Without Pressure or Promises

2023 Car Start Button Sometimes I get a bit blue around New Year’s Day. With everybody making promises about things they want to change or do differently, I feel pressured instead of motivated, pressured to make another resolution about fixing some aspect of my life that could go better. Then I overfocus on my mistakes this year, on things that didn’t go well at work, in my family, or how I tried something new with mixed results. With all of these thoughts swirling in my head, I feel anything but excited about what’s ahead in the coming months. Ugh. Do you do this? Frankly, let’s do away with resolutions and focus instead on the wins from the year that just passed.

Focus On The Good

Wouldn’t it be lovely to gather around the table and share one achievement, along with our thoughts about how to further these? Take a minute now and reflect on something that happened in 2022 that you feel good about. It can be small, or it can be big. Size or impact doesn’t matter. What’s essential is shifting your mindset from fixing what’s wrong to enhance what’s going well.  Light shinning in woman's hand I’ve always loved the gospel spiritual “This little light of mine.” When my children were young, we sang it at holidays or birthdays. We loved the message and the melody. Lately, this song has been buzzing through my head as a theme song for my clients. It has helped me assist them in moving beyond previous limitations (set by others or themselves) toward taking appropriate risks for genuine participation in relationships, work events, and social situations.                                                                             

Your 2023 Call-to-Action

When you grow up with a neurodivergent brain, whether it’s having ADHD, a learning disability, autism, being twice-exceptional, or dealing with mental health issues, other people may have blown out your light. Not once, not twice, but multiple times. This year, my call to action is to fire your light up and shine it, no matter what other people say or do.lightbulb with on and off switches It can be tough to shine your light in the face of criticism, misunderstanding, or rejection. It can also be challenging to try living as an outside-the-box thinker in a world marked by categories, labels, and judgments. Shining your light isn’t about ignoring what’s happening around you but instead accepting yourself, warts and all, and owning what is unique and brilliant about who you are. Yes, we all make mistakes; that’s how human beings learn. These experiences can also be painful, embarrassing, and discouraging, but they are opportunities to grow, practice flexibility, and change. 

Lowering The Volume on Negative Voices

Man with hands over his ears Learning can be challenging to do and a struggle for many people. But it will also allow you to reduce the volume on the negative internal voices in their heads and raise the dimmer on the light switch to project something unique and positive about themselves instead. Practicing self-compassion, being mindful about your choices, acting with accountability rather than shame, and talking to yourself the way you would speak to a third-grader with a skinned knee–will lead to more personal happiness and greater self-esteem. In 2023, I ask that we honor our full selves’ wonderful, complicated nature. Reflect on one behavior or characteristic about yourself that you enjoy and that seems to make others happy too. This is what we can share brightly with others. I encourage you to stop beating yourself up for what you aren’t and start empowering yourself for who you are. When you foster a consistent connection with this part of yourself, the foibles seem smaller and less significant because they are. You are more than whatever a resolution aims to change.  Group of people smiling together This upcoming year, you may live with ease, safety, and health. May you treat yourself and others with kindness and care. Happy 2023! P.S. After I wrote this blog, a friend sent me this poem by Donna Ashworth that she saw on Facebook. It was so synchronistic that I had to share it with you.   

Let Your Light Shine!

Why do we start a new year with promises to improve? Who began this tradition of never-ending pressure? The end of a year should be filled with congratulation for all we survived. And I say a new year should start with promises to be kinder to ourselves, to understand better just how much we bear, as humans on this exhausting treadmill of life. And if we are to promise more, let’s pledge to rest, before our bodies force us. Let’s pledge to stop, and drink in life as it happens. Let’s pledge to strip away a layer of perfection to reveal the flawed and wondrous humanity we truly are inside. Why start another year, gifted to us on this earth, with demands on our already over-strained humanity. When we could be learning to accept, that we were always supposed to be imperfect. And that is where the beauty lives, actually. And if we can only find that beauty, we would also find peace. I wish you peace in 2023. Everything else is all just a part of it. Let it be so. Donna Ashworth

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