Psychotherapy Networker | Relearning Parenthood: When Children Reach Adulthood, What Then?

“I live in an open nest. It’s not an empty one, but some days it sure feels that way. The rooms are tidy and still. Things stay just where I place them: the dirty glass in the sink, the jeans drying over the bannister, the bag of walnuts on the counter. My husband goes to work most days at a nearby hospital, offering solace to people who pass from this world to the next and to their loved ones who remain. My beloved Jasper, a golden retriever of incomparable sweetness and light, lies newly buried in my backyard, next to Tucker, the four-legged brother he barely knew. I work too much, trying to make a difference by helping others lead healthier, more emotionally satisfying lives. Sometimes, the silence in the house is deafening. Sometimes, I feel ecstatic. On bad days, I can’t seem to find myself or know where I belong.” Click the logo below to read the full article.

22 News Mass Appeal: Tips on being a great parent

Do you spend time comparing yourself to other parents on social media and feel you come up short? It’s time to stop looking at what you are NOT doing and start valuing yourself. Regardless of your natural human foibles, you are still the best parent for your kids. Clinical psychologist, Dr. Sharon Saline, is here to offer some guidance for parents to make the most of yourself as a parent. Click the logo below to watch the interview.

Post-Pandemic Self-Care for Parents: 12 Tips for Wellness Practices in a New Normal

Parents holding their daughter's hand outside at the park together with masks on in post-pandemic world.Over the past year, we’ve touched on the importance of self-care for parents during the pandemic. It’s essential for parents to take care of themselves during these times, especially parents of children and teens who struggle with ADHD, learning disabilities, anxiety and other issues. After finally having adjusted to personal care practices in quarantine, it may be time to start considering adjusting to life in a new normal. Here are some tips to help update practices of post-pandemic self-care for parents. Although the road to conquering COVID-19 remains long, there does seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. With vaccination rollouts happening at a relatively fast pace in the United States, and increasingly more common elsewhere, it’s time to prepare for entering social situations. This may require a little extra energy right now, but there are ways to help make the transition easier and more exciting for you and your family. It starts with a solid self-care routine for parents that might look much different than what you’re used to. Here’s my advice.

12 tips for post-pandemic self-care for parents:

1. Expect that things will look different post-pandemic.

Change can be difficult. It’s normal to feel anxious about another change.  To help adjust, plan for unpredictability and some discomfort with the world reopening. And when the discomfort overwhelms you, see if you can find comfort knowing that change is a catalyst for growth.

2. Create a safety net.

Identify what you need to feel safe leaving your house. Post a list to remind your family of self-care items, for parents and kids. Common list items may include your run-of-the-mill wallet (forms of payment, photo ID, etc.), mask, hand sanitizer, keys, and cell phone. Bringing a water bottle, notebook to keep yourself occupied in semi-public situations, a book, and other items may help you shift slowly into a more social mindset. Five hands in the air, each holding a different piece of pandemic self-care PPE, in front of a plain blue backgroundPost-pandemic, your safety net may also expand to include your vaccination card, immune boosters, a thermometer, or oximeter. Be sure your children and teens with ADHD have extra masks and hand sanitizer as they will likely lose things along the way. These items will help you feel more comfortable with this shift.

3. Navigate the social scene slowly.

Give yourself time and space to enter the world and meet with people. Follow your own levels of comfort. Keep in mind that your capacity to handle social situations may have changed quite a bit in a more isolated environment. Self-care considerations for parents might look different now than they did pre-pandemic. Give yourself grace and space to accept your new energy levels, and adjust your calendar according to them (instead of the other way around).

4. Wonder instead of worry.

Shift the perspective from worrying about what might happen to curiosity about the future. Curiosity is the starting point for all creativity and knowledge, after all. Recall times in the past when you’ve been courageous and link those experiences to what’s going on now.

5. Expect awkward moments and accept them.

One parent with a mask on looking at the camera and two adults socializing with masks on in the background post-pandemicIt can be hard to know what to do and say post-pandemic. It’s been a long time since many of us were around humans in person regularly. Putting words to how you feel can help people understand your thought process and brain space. Making jokes can help other people feel comfortable. Honestly? They’re probably feeling similar and are not sure how to explain it.

6. Create statements to connect.

Practice makes perfect. Because you now have a shared experience, your small talk might look a little bit different. In fact, it might not be small talk at all. Create a list of statements, thoughts, and questions you’d like to use to engage with people post-pandemic. Questions like “How are things going?” “What are you doing?” “Are you able to work?” “Have you gotten a vaccine yet?” and more can really relay that you care, and open up a deeper conversation. Always keep in mind that saying something positive will help the person you’re speaking with be comfortable with you. This is one way self-care for parents can positively impact family and friends, too. Kind observations and new things learned can help create depth in your interactions. Positive statements will also leave a better – and perhaps lasting – impression on your acquaintances, family, and friends.

7. Be empathic.

It’s been hard on all of us. What’s been tough? What’s gone well? Be sure to engage these questions with yourself often, and acknowledge that others may be struggling with the same thoughts. Open yourself to the fact that you have a shared experience in this pandemic, and there are more opportunities to bond moving forward.

8. Start small.

Instead of expecting to go back like gangbusters, be kind to yourself and pace your exposure and contact. This will be difficult for the parents who tackle a million things a day, and who are used to a hectic family schedule. You and your children have missed your friends, but heading back into the world can happen gradually for your family. Self-care for parents means allowing yourself to dip your toes in first.

9. Acknowledge the stress pile-on of the past year.

Our stress bucket, already filled to the brim, is now overflowing. Take some time each day to decompress. Everything has been heavier, and you have been managing as well as you can, given whatever resources (external and internal) you have. Give yourself credit for what you and you’r family have done, not what you haven’t done!

10. Mind your sleep.

Close up of a person gripping their hands over their face in distressAll of this uncertainty can affect your sleep. What can help to interrupt this pattern is to adjust your bedtime ritual. Keeping away from bright lights and screens for about an hour before you go to bed is ideal for better sleep. Getting some time outdoors during the day will help to naturally regulate your sleep cycle. If your sleep continues to be uneven, consult with your doctor.

11. Simplify your to-do list.

We are living on an information overload. Television, phones, radios, and other technological devices are providing information at a rapid pace. Meanwhile, we consume messages from the world around us in multiple other forms of media. There is a lot going on all around us constantly, and it can be hard to absorb everything, let alone have the energy to personally contribute to anything. Multitasking is really a myth. To reduce overwhelm, make a conscious effort to do one thing at a time and no more than two. Boundaries are an important component of self-care for parents and can make a big impact on your wellbeing.

12. Consciously lower your expectations (or allow some grace into your life).

We have numerous factors that lead to persistent weariness. Making sure the well-being of our children is taken care of while developing and growing our relationships across the board isn’t an easy feat. That, coupled with stressors like work, home and family obligations and other variants can really take a toll on you. Consider making fewer plans, and lower your expectations for what you “should” accomplish. Focus on what nourishes you instead.

Maintaining your post-pandemic self-care practices

A picture of a dog on the ground next to someone practicing parental self-care yoga in the background Once you are able to focus on the smaller circumstances and practices that make things better, you can practice gratitude more – perhaps even with your ADHD child! Acknowledging the positive, noticing individual talents and doing activities together all show your ADHD child or teen that you care about who they are and you are glad that they are in your lives. It can also help them express gratitude that you may not otherwise feel on a daily basis. The past year has been difficult for everyone. It’s important that we all learn to care for ourselves as we move forward. Self-care for parents positively impacts kids, too. Family relationships often improve and parents model healthy behavior for kids and teens. So whether you’re experiencing resilience fatigue – which comes from being depleted mentally, physically and emotionally – social anxiety, or otherwise, it’s time to prioritize your wellbeing. As we approach re-opening, keep in mind the 5 C’s of ADHD parenting. Once you’ve established your own self-care routine, consider talking to your teen about creating one, too!


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22 News Mass Appeal: Managing stress for a better night’s sleep

(Mass Appeal) – The past year has been nothing short of stressful and the simple fact is that stress can adversely affect your sleep quality. Joining us with four tips on managing your stress – and getting a better night’s sleep – is clinical psychologist Sharon Saline. Click the logo below to watch the interview.

Additude Webinar Replay – Gender Diversity and Neurodiversity: How to Support a Child, Teen, or Young Adult with ADHD as They Explore Gender

“If every generation of youth finds a way to upend parents’ basic notions of the world, certainly gender is today’s arena for change. With children and teens increasingly declaring a gender different than their sex assigned at birth, and many teens responding to “they/them/their,” nothing short of a gender revolution is taking place. Parents are often left to play catch-up with their children and teens, who increasingly view gender as a spectrum, not a binary. As young people work to understand and define their gender, caring adults may struggle with how to respond appropriately, how to manage their own feelings and reactions, and how to give or find adequate support. For parents of kids living with ADHD, additional concerns about executive functioning challenges — like impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, planning, and focus — may further complicate the picture. It is important for parents, clinicians, and coaches to research how this generation of youth is reframing notions of gender and how neurodiversity intersects with this process. In this webinar, Julie Mencher, MSW, and Sharon Saline, PsyD, will discuss the fundamentals of understanding gender diversity and how ADHD affects the journey. You’ll learn how to:

  • Understand the process of the gender journey, for the young person and their family members
  • Understand and use appropriate, thoughtful language
  • Manage your own reactions to the changes in children, teens, and young adults
  • Prepare for and engage in empathic, informed conversations about gender questioning and transitioning
  • Explore how to read your child’s behavior in relation to gender exploration and ADHD struggles
  • Watch for self-harming behaviors or other mental health concerns

Watch the webinar here!

ADDitude Magazine logo

ADDitude Mag | Expert Webinar: Gender Diversity & Neurodiversity

Gender Diversity and Neurodiversity: How to Support a Child, Teen, or Young Adult with ADHD as They Explore Gender ADDitude Mag Expert Webinar with Sharon Saline, Psy.D. & Julie Mencher, MSW. [Video Replay & Podcast #350] “If every generation of youth finds a way to upend parents’ basic notions of the world, certainly gender is today’s arena for change. With children and teens increasingly declaring a gender different than their sex assigned at birth, and many teens responding to “they/them/their,” nothing short of a gender revolution is taking place. Parents are often left to play catch-up with their children and teens, who increasingly view gender as a spectrum, not a binary.” Click the logo below to learn more & access the video replay.

5 Tips to Uplevel Your Spring Cleaning and Decluttering

Teen girl with ADHD stuck upside down in a huge pile of clothes that's a mess before spring cleaningAs the spring air settles in, the daylight hours get longer, and our positivity shifts. But that glistening sunshine may cast a harsh light on the parts of your home and your life that need a good reset after this COVID year. Spring cleaning and decluttering can ignite fresh ideas and increase productivity. Both cleaning and the resulting tidiness and spaciousness can help reduce stress and anxiety. This is a great time to get your house and your mental health in check as we transition back to ‘normal’. You’ll help yourself and your Neurodiverse kids to create an optimal ecosystem so the re-entry back to school feels organized and fresh. Follow these steps in our Spring Spankin’ Clean Checklist to get started and map out your plan of action. 

1. Strategize your spring cleaning and decluttering.

Instead of stressing about devoting an entire day or weekend to spring cleaning, take a different approach. It will probably be more productive for you to tackle different aspects of decluttering and cleaning in phases. Dedicate short windows of time to particular areas of your house, so the task feels less overwhelming.  If trying to clean the kitchen, the office and living room in one day sounds like too (it does to me!), pick one room to approach. Father with his two kids with ADHD vacuuming under the rug for spring cleaningMake a list of what you want to do, how much overall time you want to spend in that room and how your kids can assist you. Give them tasks that are age appropriate and fit their capabilities. Pick different days for projects too. Maybe spend 20 minutes vacuuming your rugs on Saturday, 30 minutes going through your dresser drawers on Sunday, and so on. This will make everything feel more manageable, especially when you have your munchkins helping you out.

2. Start with cleaning the space that inspires you and your kids.

What parts of disarray in the house bother you the most? What bothers them? If it happens to be your desk or their workspace, start to declutter there. If your kids’ imagination is sparked in the playroom or their rooms, head there. Your family thrives together in the kitchen? Optimize that space first. Together, collaborate on a plan of attack. What are you going to do first? What’s after that? You’re not just tidying up: you’re actually teaching them executive functioning skills like planning, prioritizing and organization along the way. Emphasize teamwork. How you approach this process and how you manage your frustration  will set the tone for your decluttering process. Take short breaks to reset, have a drink or use the bathroom and then a longer break when you’ve completed a chunk of work.

3. Set donation goals.

It can be easy to forget that we don’t need every item in our homes… until spring cleaning comes around. I approach spring cleaning every year with a goal of donating items that I haven’t worn or used in several years and don’t think I will in the future.

Donation box filled with clothes after spring cleaning

Some of these items may be in bad shape and will head to the trash. But other things could interest or help other people. Create a few bags or boxes: keep, trash, donate. Assign or place items in these categories. By the end of my cleaning project, I may have a dozen things to sell at the consignment store or drop by the local donation thrift shop. Set goals like this with your kids too. They will have outgrown certain clothes or games and sharing them with others can give them a sense of purpose. It can be hard for some neurodivergent kids to let go of their stuff. If that’s true in your house, create a maybe bag as a transitional holding place. Then, you can revisit it in two weeks. Working together like this shows them know how to contribute to the household and to those less fortunate. Remember to use small incentives (like a new book or extra screen or outdoor time) to motivate them and keep them focused on the goal.

4. Organize your kids with Self-Smart Systems.

Mother spring cleaning and decluttering the living room with her ADHD kids Start your organizing projects with your kids by asking them some questions. Instead of, “Why are your clothes always on the floor?” try, “I notice your clothes seems to end up on the floor. What might change that?” Kids with ADHD often have their own ideas about what makes sense to their brains in terms of managing their stuff. Some like to separate their clothes by color; others by function (tops, bottoms, etc.); others by seasons. Work with your child’s internal systems by expressing curiosity. “I wonder what would make it easier for you to see what’s in your drawers” or, “Let’s put the things you’re not really wearing in a plastic box and revisit this in a few months.” Ask, listen, participate and guide. When you do this, you become your child’s cleaning ally instead of their adversary.

5. Consider storing winter or other seasonal items.

Blankets, coats, gloves, hats, bathing suits, flip flops, beach toys. You don’t need access to all of these things all year long. Decide what you will need and use and then put away the other stuff. For people living in cooler climates, may winter items can be bulky and take up lots of space.  When there’s fewer items in the environment, it’s easier for kids with ADHD (and their parents) to see their options and use their stuff. To deal with unnecessary items, consider vacuum sealing. First, your son or daughter will think it’s the coolest thing ever and probably will help you. Who doesn’t want to see stuff shrink?  These packages will take up less space so that your closets look and feel more streamlined. Storage bins for spring decluttering and organization for ADHD kids and familiesAnother option is using plastic storage bins. I love these! Label the boxes and put them out of sight. When winter returns next year, you’ll be able to see and locate everybody’s stuff more quickly. Of course, if you find items that are outgrown or used very little this winter, pass them along to others! Spring cleaning and decluttering can refresh the mind, body, and spirit. Set aside specific times on the family calendar to tidy up. Whatever steps your family takes now, you’ll reap the benefits that much sooner! Parent enjoying a moment of relaxation leaning back on the couch with her eyes closed after spring cleaning and decluttering


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RE-Focus Podcast EP 39: Managing your child’s risky behaviors

Angela Stephens, host of the RE-Focus podcast, is joined by Sharon Saline, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, who is an expert in how ADHD, learning disabilities and mental health issues affect children, teens and families. They discuss improving memory and focus, taking on your child’s risky behaviors, when to use a primary care provider over a counselor, how she decided to become a counselor, and how she focuses. Click the logo below to listen to the episode.