ADHD in the New Year: Grow Something Good

Person celebrating a structure saying 2021 on top of a mountain cliff and pushing away the 0 from 2020Let’s face it, New Year’s resolutions rarely work. We all set well-intentioned goals about what we can do differently that rarely come to fruition. This year, I’d like to encourage you and your family to try something different. Instead of choosing something that isn’t going well, what would happen if you nurture one thing that makes you happy, that you are already making progress on? My guess is that you and your child or teen with ADHD would feel more competent and confident.  Kids with ADHD have really struggled this year. As alternative learners who generally do better when school is in person, they’ve had to make tough adjustments to accommodate online learning during the pandemic. They’ve lost valuable daily social contact that brings them joy, helps with self-esteem and offers cues for how to behave in classes. There’s been so much disappointment across the board. For many children and teens with ADHD who already experience more negative self-talk than Neurotypical peers, pandemic challenges have intensified patterns of self-criticism. Working with them to alter these patterns by focusing on Celebration (the 5th of my 5C’s) is the best New Year’s resolution you can make.  How can you shift from things that aren’t going well, from anger about the pandemic and social isolation to something brighter? By paying attention to and acknowledging the small successes of every day. I’m not talking about being a pollyanna: I’m talking about the act of acknowledging big and small positive stuff throughout each day of the week. This means validating efforts as well as successes in ways that encourage your son or daughter to see the progress they are making, to notice what’s working and to continue with desired actions. When you nourish the seed of an attitude or behavior that is already starting to bud, you are building on success. Given all of the inherent difficulties of 2020, when you shift to enhancing what is beginning to take root, you’re helping your family to move forward positively. Of course, you have to manage inappropriate behaviors, foul language and non-cooperation. That’s a key part of parenting. I’m inviting you to balance what’s difficult with increased attention and feedback about what is actually going well–enough. Kids with ADHD already struggle with feeling like they are not enough or different in a “bad” way. They really need your support to develop the parts of themselves that are appropriate, helpful and positive.   Instead of making New Year’s resolutions about a host of ongoing problems that just generate shame and failure, let’s cultivate the plants that are already in the garden right now. Your kids with ADHD have already adapted to the best of their abilities given their personal resources to online learning, socially distant friendships and extended time at home. For now, let’s honor those successes before moving onto what needs improvement. There will be plenty of time for that soon enough. Fertilize, water and nurture desired behaviors as much or more than giving corrective statements.

Grow Something Good in the New Year:

1. Reflect:

Take a few moments and think about what ways your child has matured in 2020 and how your parenting has shifted. What are they able to manage more effectively and independently than they could a year ago? What are you doing differently? Write these down. Then, set aside a time (perhaps during your weekly family meeting) to ask your child or teen to consider their own growth. Repeat what you hear them say and then write these down too. 

2. Investigate:

Adolescent girl sitting on the couch as she talks to her mother who is asking her questions about the new year Ask your child which of these skills or actions they feel particularly proud of and want to see continue. Is there anything you can do to support them in their efforts to keep this good stuff going? Are there any tweaks to family agreements that would be useful? Brainstorm any new interventions and pick ONE step to move forward. 

3. Notice:

Use encouraging statements that reflect your observations about how they are doing. “I notice X. That’s good progress.” OR “I see that you are trying this. That’s cool.” OR “It looks like you’ve done a great job. Bravo! Here’s a high five!” Remember, getting through every day can be an achievement and let’s honor that fortitude. Family of three holding their hands in heart shapes as they have a zoom meeting with their family for new years

           Best wishes for a happy and healthy new year!


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Attention Talk Radio: ADHD and Social Anxiety: Point/Counterpoint

Those with ADHD often struggle with social anxiety. There is help to those in need. Question is do you need a psychologist, a therapist, or a coach? Or should you will your way through it all or just give up and hide? The options are overwhelming. In this episode of Attention talk Radio, ADHD coach Jeff Copper interviews psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline. They discuss social anxiety and their two different mindsets to help those with ADHD address the challenge. The point/counterpoint conversation gives insight and context to help you formulate what path might be right for you to gain the help and resources you need. If you struggle with social anxiety and are overwhelmed trying to find help, listen to this insightful discussion. Click the logo below to listen.

ADHD and 2020: How to Pivot to Positivity as an Uncertain Year Ends

A person holding a mask worn during the pandemic that says Goodbye 2020 on itWhat a year this has been! 2020 has redefined what it means to bounce back. Just when you think you’ve set up a routine that works and life seems to be chugging along, something comes and upsets the whole apple cart again. Pivoting to these new challenges, everybody has repeatedly been forced to regroup, think quickly and adapt.  Bouncing back has been the theme of 2020. I’m so impressed by the creativity, fortitude and persistence I’ve seen in parents, kids and young adults throughout this year. Necessity is truly the mother of invention, isn’t it? I’ve seen children have driveway playdates with a chalk line separating them for safety: teens sit six feet apart on the trunk of their cars to see their buddies in person; college students throw a virtual dance party to connect with their community. Kids have made their own popcorn and watched a movie with their cousins on Zoom while parents have arranged “Mocktini’s” with beloved extended family members and friends. Somehow people managed to host virtual or distanced birthday parties and holiday gatherings that had meaning and fun. As parents, you have risen to the enormous challenges of this pandemic. You’ve created effective routines to manage remote learning, homework and chores, often in combination with your own work, and tweaked them as needed. You’ve fought so that the educational needs of your Neurodiverse sons and daughters are met in this new academic environment. You arranged music lessons, safe participation in sports and socially distant playdates. You’ve lost your tempers, wished you had some time to yourself and did the right thing for your kids despite the personal cost. You grieved the loss of loved ones and nursed the sick back to health. You rose to meet this awful pandemic and showed up even when you felt sapped of strength. I have been moved over and over again by how you, your children and teens keep bouncing back. You inspire me. While it’s not easy, you’ve all adapted to the many tough challenges that 2020 put in your path. Bravo. Take a minute and let this sink in. You and your family made it this far. This is what resilience is all about.  According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary (https://bit.ly/2JaDaq9), resilience comes from the Latin root of salire, a verb meaning “to leap.” Everybody has taken leaps this year–sometimes landing on your feet and sometimes falling. But, somehow, we stand up. We pivot, we change direction and move forward.  During this holiday season, I hope that you and your family acknowledge all of the strides you have made by creating a Wall of Wonder. Get some Post-It’s, open some space on a wall and encourage people to write down (or draw) and post any of the following:

  • Something they are grateful for
  • One thing that went well
  • A memory of a fun experience (maybe an outing to the beach, the time you made pizza from scratch or riding bicycles in the park)
  • Something they are proud of themselves for
  • One thing they appreciate about someone else

On New Year’s Eve, gather as a family in front of the Wall of Wonder and look at what 2020, with all of its frustrations, sadness and obstacles, was also made of. Seeing these positive aspects of the year will help all of us make a bridge towards a better 2021. Happy holidays!


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HealthCentral: Let’s Talk About ADHD Treatment

Getting treatment for ADHD requires using several strategies while working closely with healthcare providers, therapists, teachers, and family members. It also means adopting approaches such as school interventions, behavioral therapy, psychotherapy, coaching, and possibly medication. Perhaps most importantly, you’ll need to swap any notion of “cure” for the reality of ongoing management. Now for the encouraging news: With persistence, you’ll hit on the solution that works for you or your kiddo. The best place to start your journey? Right here. Click logo below to read more.

5 Parent Self-Care Ideas: Parenting ADHD in a Pandemic

Mother looking overwhelmed as she holds her hand on her head looking at a computer with a mask on next to her child who is doing remote work during the pandemicParent self-care is essential during these times in a pandemic. Parenting an ADHD child or teen can add even more complexity to this difficult time. Children and teens with ADHD have symptoms that make remote learning more difficult due to executive function challenges, and they need more support with this new system. Factoring in self-care to an already full life of work, family and now teaching can be complicated. In fact, it’s usually the first thing to go out the window when people are stressed. But it should be one of the last. You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of others.

As you are told to put the oxygen masks on you before your child in order to be a support, the same principle applies here. Exercise, nutrition and emotional support are key elements to helping you run this long, arduous race.

5 Parent Self-Care Ideas during a Pandemic:

1. Get some physical exercise:

Not only will your body and your brain benefit enormously from the endorphins that exercise produces but you will also feel less resentful because you’ve done something good for yourself in the midst of all of the stress in your list. Make a parent self-care list of two types of activities you could actually do: one for home activities and one for safe outside activities. For the first list, include taking the stairs or seated/wall yoga poses to do when you need a break. For the second list, identify times and activities of exercise that you ENJOY and want to do. Decide how often you can do something and put it on your calendar with a reminder alarm. The goal is to use your body to help you let go of stress, not to get into the best shape of your life.

2. Eat well:

Shopping during COVID has become a little more complicated. The good food in your home get eaten first, and what’s left may not be what you desire. You need fuel for this marathon, so make a list of healthy snacks that can stay fresh longer to purchase the next time you go to the grocery store. 

A young girl child with ADHD with a mask on and pigtail braids walking and holding her fathers hand who is practicing parent self-care by going out in town3. Shop local:

Consider ordering take out from your community restaurant to bring in a healthy meal. Get your hair done and get a message if you are comfortable with the proximity. Even a box of tasty chocolates can brighten a day. Shopping local is a fun activity for family and parent self-care, but it also provides you with opportunities to support your local small businesses that are likely struggling during the pandemic. In addition, you’re fostering connection with your community as a whole.

4. Practice meditation:

Take some each evening before bed or each morning as you awaken to be with yourself. Guided meditations on Apps such as Headspace, Mindful or Insight Timer can be a great way to start or end your day (or both) with a sense of personal calm, insight and hope.

5. Parent self-care includes connection & support:

Consider getting professional help or joining a support group if you need it to get through this horrible time. Stay connected to others but have some ‘me’ time, too. The Pandemic is a great way to tune into your own needs and discover what you can do for yourself to keep moving forward. Self-care is not selfish. It is a requirement for a happy soul and family.


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22 News Mass Appeal: Improve your health by giving

Being a volunteer, making charitable donations, or even something as simple as holding the door for someone has positive health benefits. So, why not improve your well being by giving to others. Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Sharon Saline explains how the act of selflessness can have a positive effect on your health. Click logo below to read more.

ADHD and Motivation: How stress reduces productivity and what you can do about it

Young girl with ADHD and motivation issues playing with a pencil on her face instead of doing homework at the kitchen table with her parents watching in the backgroundIn October, the American Psychological Association released the results of its latest Stress in America survey. The report concluded that stress about COVID-19, the economy, racism and politics are threatening the mental health of our country, especially young people. In fact, the survey found that Generation Z students ages 13-17(81%) reported a negative impact on their lives from pandemic-related school changes and 51% said that planning for their future felt impossible. If we add to these results the daily stress that neurodivergent students with ADHD already face with remote/hybrid learning, it’s easy to understand why they are overwhelmed, discouraged and fed up. How can we help manage ADHD and motivation in these unprecedented times?

Challenges with ADHD and motivation for kids and teens

Boy outside on his phone listening to headphones struggling with ADHD and motivation

Kids and teens with ADHD have trouble regulating their attention. When they are stressed, it’s even harder to concentrate. Flooded by emotions that they can’t process or break down, their brains resort to fight, flight or freeze mode. Distractibility increases and cooperation goes down while procrastination rules the day.

You’ll see more angry outbursts from your child or teen, bouts of irrational anxiety and flashes of hopelessness and helplessness. As a parent, it’s tough to know what to do that’s helpful in these moments. Threats and punishment may get the job done temporarily, but they fail in the long run. They simply don’t teach the lasting skills about motivation that your student really needs. What can you do instead?

Nothing positive can occur when kids are in the middle of a stress reaction. Yes, they need to start their math worksheet, study for the science test or write that history paper. But, in those moments, no clear thinking occurs. Slow things down and do something different. STOP the action.

What’s most important is that your son or daughter feels listened to and cared for. Feeling heard reduces their stress reaction and the isolation that they feel. Once they are calmer, then you can brainstorm how to approach the task at hand. This is how we motivate kids when they are stuck. We honor their struggle and gently shift their direction.

Reduce stress and help kids with ADHD with motivation by using the 3 R’s: reflect, reassess and recalculate.

1. Reflection:

Listen to what your son or daughter is showing you with their behavior and their words. Rather than interpreting or solving problems, just reflect back what you hear and ask if there’s anything more they want to say. Empathize with their struggle. Believe me, they would rather not procrastinate. Many kids who struggle with ADHD and motivation tell me that they hate this cycle and feel defeated but don’t know how to break out of it.

Mother consoling her daughter who is upset

2. Reassess:

Talk through what’s going on and what realistic options look like. Anxiety and depression related to stress distort our thinking and exaggerate negativity. Concentrate on what is really happening here? The calmer you can be, the easier it will be for your child or teen to collect themselves. There are three types of procrastination:

          • Perfectionism (“If I can’t get do it just right, why bother?”)
          • Avoidance (“I hate doing this, it seems like I’ll never finish so I’m not going to try.”)
          • Productive (“I’ll do other stuff that needs to get done but not the main thing because it seems overwhelming or impossible.”)

Which one is your child engaging in and why?

3. Recalculate:

Father sitting on the floor supporting his daughter with ADHD sitting and crying on the bed

Like your GPS, your student needs to pivot and go another way. How can you assist them in breaking down the task into smaller, more manageable parts? The key to getting started when you have ADHD and motivation challenges is feeling like you can do something and there is an end in sight. What is the bare minimum that your child or teen can do right now? Perhaps you need to reset the threshold today, email the teacher and strategize new options tomorrow. 

Use meaningful incentives to teach your son or daughter that effort leads to satisfying accomplishment. Incentives change the conversation from “I can’t” to “Let’s try a small step and earn a desired reward.” This extrinsic motivator helps kids get going until the intrinsic motivation system kicks in–by the late teens or early twenties in neurotypical kids with, as much as a three year delay in young people with ADHD. 

Over time, your child will learn to put the have-to’s in front of the want-to’s but this lesson takes patience, practice, scaffolding and collaboration. Work together to determine incentives and then stick with whatever you agreed to. When you are faced with that inevitable pushback from your son or daughter, remember that kids freak out when they feel overwhelmed because they lack appropriate coping skills to deal with challenges they are facing. Take a deep breath and meet them where they are, offering love and support for the scary place they are in.

Child with ADHD with headphones on engaged in online learning at home.

Source: Stress in America 2020 survey signals a growing national mental health crisis. (n.d.). Retrieved December 08, 2020, from https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2020/10/stress-mental-health-crisis.


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Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast: Parenting, Anxiety, and COVID at Home with Dr. Sharon Saline

Dr. Sharon Saline has focused her work on ADHD, anxiety, learning differences and mental health challenges and their impact on school and family dynamics for over 30 years. She’s channeled this experience and expertise into her book, What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life. She recently published The ADHD Solution Deck: 50 Strategies to Help Kids Learn, Reduce Stress & Improve Family Connections. As we move into the winter months, the wake of the pandemic always just ahead of us, Dr. Saline is here to talk about ADHD Parenting under stress, particularly when COVID comes home. Click the logo below to listen to the episode.