Author: Lisa Fernandez

Kids and Mental Health Days

Mental health days can be very beneficial to kids for a much-needed break from the stress of school, particularly with kids who have ADHD, learning disabilities or high functioning ASD for whom school can be their hardest area of functioning.

When kids are particularly overwhelmed, exhausted, anxious and fed up with school, a planned day off can be very helpful. These are days for rest, recovery and regrouping. Perhaps some time outside is in order: a walk, hike, or doing something athletic with you. Or maybe it’s a day with you a day in pajamas with limited screen time, playing board games, creating art projects, baking, reading or making music. I’ve worked with a number of kids with ADHD, LD or ASD who needed a break from the social and academic demands every 6-8 weeks. School was emotionally and physically draining for them. For adolescents who face increasing pressure to excel at everything, having a planned day off can be a lifesaver. Other kids benefit from a general agreement that they can have X number of days off per semester and you can choose these on an emergency basis (e.g. “I can’t take it anymore. I need a break”) or with certain dates set in mind. If a child doesn’t seem to rebound after this day and their symptoms of anxiety, sadness, depression or social difficulties persist, then I highly recommend finding a therapist to assist you in figuring out what is going on.

To be honest, I used mental health days with my daughter when she was a teenager. About twice a semester, she would hit a wall: she needed sleep and some down time to get her head back in the game.  So, we periodically gave her a “Sick-and-Tired” day off from school. It wasn’t planned but we had agreed as a family in advance that she could have 2 such days per semester. It was a successful collaboration: she felt that she got the mental health day she needed and we saw a positive difference when she returned to school.

Read more about the habits that hurt mental health

Habits that Hurt Mental Health

I see a few major habits in my clients that hurt their mental health more than help them.

  1. Spending too much time on social media: Social media not only seems to suck up time faster than you notice but it also is built to so that people compare themselves to others. These comparisons are rarely favorable and people walk away with not feeling positive about themselves. As one adolescent girl told me, “No one ever posts pictures of their face mid-menstrual break-out or of their bombed test grade.” People feel pressured to keep up with friends, stay in touch and maintain an image that they’ve created. This creates more stress in their lives which interrupts their  ability to reflect on themselves, what they think and create a sturdy sense of self.

  2. Eating fast food on the run instead of preparing healthy meals and sitting down to eat them: We are so much of what we eat and we eat non-nutrutious food quickly, we’re not providing our brains or bodies with the appropriate fuel needed to think and function well. Sharing a meal is not only good for our physiology but it also provides an opportunity to connect with people face-to-face and talk about our lives. During a sit down meal, our bodies slow down and properly digest our food so we can absorbe the nutrients and simultaneously take a much-needed break from the chaos of our lives.

  3. Having arguments via texting or emailing: You can’t take an emotional weather report via electronic communication. If you say something difficult or sensitive this way, there’s no way for you see how your words affected the other person or perceive whatever feelings are brewing inside them. It’s easier to disengage and avoid accountability for your words and actions. People need to learn and practice interactional skills not only for healthy personal relationships but also for work and life situations where they have to deal with others.

Impact of Watching Scary Shows

Stranger Things is back on Thursdays.
Should you let your child watch it or other scary shows?
How to judge if they are ready.

Watching anything scary on television or at the movies before a child is cognitively, psychologically and emotionally ready to understand and process the visual information can lead to increased fears, phobias and nightmares. Adult themes, violence, inexplicable events and cruelty are simply not appropriate for many kids.

It’s important that parents examine why they are allowing their children to watch such shows and if their kids are really ready for it. Kids will show by their behavior, words and facial expressions how they respond to information that is overwhelming them and unpleasant to watch.

If kids need to verbally discuss the themes for reassurance about their safety and the fabricated nature of the show, then they aren’t ready for it. I personally think there is NO rush to expose kids to frightening shows. Kids today are more anxious than ever so why exacerbate the possibility for unnecessary worries.

The Benefits of Experiential Gifting

Black Friday, Cyber Monday Alternatives

People Over Stuff! Giving experiences benefits people in several ways.

First, you are offering them something unique that will provide them with lasting memories. Perhaps it’s an experience they’ve wanted to do but not been able or willing to arrange for themselves. You are showing your caring support by both noticing this desire and making it happen.

Secondly, experiences offer people opportunities to stretch themselves in ways that objects may not. By giving an experience, you are offering someone the opportunity to go beyond their comfort zone with the encouragement of a kind friend.

Thirdly, if you join them on the activity, that might be even more fun. You’re demonstrating how the two of you can engage in something meaningful together. This deepens relationships and fosters closeness.

Finally, experiences can alter both someone’s perspective about themselves and about the world around. When you engage in an activity, you are participating and this action-oriented gift have a rippled effect in ways you can’t necessarily see.

Read about Great Holiday Gift Ideas for Kids with ADHD Shop for “The Gifts That Keep Giving” at the Dr. Sharon Saline Family Support Store

4 Tools to Manage Panic Attacks

Panic attacks are best managed by having a concrete set of steps to follow that you’ve figured out beforehand. When you can identify the triggers and notice the warning signs, you can ground yourself more effectively and won’t be thrown off course as much. In a calm moment, think about what internal changes signal that you are feeling panicked and write these down.  Increased heart-rate, shortness of breath, perspiration, knot in the stomach are common signs that anxiety is rising.

Next, create a list of the following tools and put it on your phone, computer or post-its so you can easily refer to it.

  1. Breathing exercises: Alternate nostril yoga breathing calms you down quickly. Put your index finger on your right nostril: breathe in and out of your left nostril. Now switch and breathe in and out of your right nostril. Do this on both sides until you start to settle down. It might be as many as 10-20 times.
  2. Make a playlist of songs that you love, soothe you or just make you smile. Give the playlist a fun title like “Cooling down tunes.”
  3. Change your environment: If you are inside, go to a different room or step outside. Notice what’s happening around you as you are inhaling in for 4 counts and exhaling for 4 counts. 
  4. Go to the bathroom and wash your face and hands. Tell yourself something encouraging such as: “You’ve got this.” “This has happened before and you’ve survived.” “It’s just your fears trying to run the show. Slow down so you can calm down.” 

Read More about Anxiety Purchase handout: You Can’t Stop Anxiety. You Change Your Relationship with It

Depression Myths

What people get wrong about depression:

  1. You could make it go away if you tried harder.
  2. An incident must have happened to make you depressed. Otherwise you wouldn’t be sad.
  3. If you practiced more gratitude, you’d feel better.
  4. Anxiety and depression are unrelated.

Depression is not a matter of will. People who are depressed would strongly prefer not to feel this way. Depression is usually a combination of several factors: biological, environmental and psychological. People may be biologically pre-disposed (it runs in their family) or their brains lack sufficient neurotransmitters (Serotonin, Dopamine, Norepinephrine) to help them regulate their mood. They may have persistent stressors in their lives which don’t resolve (poverty, trauma, unhappy home or work situations). They may suffer from low self-esteem and lack confidence. While a single event can lead to feeling depressed (loss of a loved one, prolonged unemployment, etc), some people simply become depressed without a ‘cause.’

When you’re struggling with depression, you often don’t see any options for yourself and the depression itself prevents you from seeking assistance from others, including therapy or medication. It can be hard to manage daily living, take care of yourself or appreciate anything. Changing your perspective on things would be great but usually it’s out of reach because everything seems difficult and dark. Sure, more gratitude is always a good thing but a depressed person has to start noticing a few positives in their lives first. They’ve lost a sense of agency and getting back is a top priority.

Untreated anxiety has been found to lead to depression. When people feel worried and powerless over time, they can develop an anxious depression.  They’re preoccupied with things that might go wrong or they can’t control and feel discouraged about their alternatives. It can be overwhelming to act on anything.

More Resources: Why do I cry so easily Anxiety and other conditions Handout: Anxiety

Habits that Hurt Mental Health

I see a few major habits in my clients that hurt their mental health more than help them.

  1. Spending too much time on social media: Social media not only seems to suck up time faster than you notice but it also is built to so that people compare themselves to others. These comparisons are rarely favorable and people walk away with not feeling positive about themselves. As one adolescent girl told me, “No one ever posts pictures of their face mid-menstrual break-out or of their bombed test grade.” People feel pressured to keep up with friends, stay in touch and maintain an image that they’ve created. This creates more stress in their lives which interrupts their  ability to reflect on themselves, what they think and create a sturdy sense of self. 
  2. Eating fast food on the run instead of preparing healthy meals and sitting down to eat them: We are so much of what we eat and we eat non-nutritious food quickly, we’re not providing our brains or bodies with the appropriate fuel needed to think and function well. Sharing a meal is not only good for our physiology but it also provides an opportunity to connect with people face-to-face and talk about our lives. During a sit down meal, our bodies slow down and properly digest our food so we can absorb the nutrients and simultaneously take a much-needed break from the chaos of our lives.
  3. Having arguments via texting or emailing: You can’t take an emotional weather report via electronic communication. If you say something difficult or sensitive this way, there’s no way for you see how your words affected the other person or perceive whatever feelings are brewing inside them. It’s easier to disengage and avoid accountability for your words and actions. People need to learn and practice interactional skills not only for healthy personal relationships but also for work and life situations where they have to deal with others. 

Negative Assumptions about Students with Disabilities

Yes, we are all more than our diagnosis, but negative assumptions about students with disabilities run rampant in our culture.

Often kids with learning disabilities are seen as less intelligent or competent by peers or adults.  Sadly, they may begin to believe that they are ‘less than,’ lower their expectations for themselves and isolate from friends. 

The current trend in US education is towards the integration of different types of learners in elementary and secondary school classrooms, not creating homogeneous learning situations. These diverse environments help break down barriers between young people and offer valuable opportunities for them to connect. They reduce the stigma associated with having a learning disability and being seen as ‘different’ in a judgmental light.  A child who may be dyslexic but quick with math will see other students who also juggle their own strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps someone writes well but spells poorly or another student excels at algebra but struggles with geometry. Maybe the kickball game at recess levels the academic playing field and what happens in the classroom is long forgotten with a winning home run. 

In my book, “What your ADHD child wishes you knew: Working together to empower kids for success in school and life,” I interviewed dozens of kids with ADHD who told me, overwhelmingly, that they do not like being singled out because they have ADHD. They consider it a part of who they are—not the whole story—and they are trying their best to figure out how to accept the brains they have and spend time doing what they love. Often, they turn to non-ADHD friends for feedback, guidance and support. One high school senior told me that she really benefits from doing homework with her non-ADHD boyfriend because he notices when she’s spacing out and calls her back to the task at hand. Another boy is grateful to his group of friends who patiently repeat something in a group conversation if he misses it as they all laugh together. These kids want to do well and fit in as much as any teen. 

Inclusion programs provide essential interactions and relationships between kids, replacing feelings of isolation with normalcy. Ultimately what matters is who a person is, not what they can or can’t do. Kids are much more likely to take this perspective when they have natural, unforced contact with each other.

Academic Support for Teens & College Students

School-based interventions improve academic performance and social relationships.

For high school students with ADHD who already run a higher risk for underachievement and dropping out than neurotypical kids, having support services can make all the difference. This recent study also showed that whatever services kids receive in elementary school are often discontinued as they mature. It’s a sad irony I’ve seen too many times: when kids with ADHD have useful scaffolding and are doing better, the services are later withdrawn because of their success. Instead, these interventions need to remain in place to help with the increasing executive functioning demands for independence in middle and high school. When students receive appropriate levels of support during these years, it makes the transition to college or trade school more successful.

For high school and college students who have a diagnosis of ADHD but have never received psychological testing, I highly recommend that you get this because these assessments will identify your cognitive strengths and challenges….. Read More of my advice in Psychology Today.

Anxiety and Food

Q: What foods might spike anxiety … and why?

A: Although I am not a medical doctor, I’ve observed that especially sugary foods or those with a lot of caffeine can increase someone’s agitation and then make them more prone to anxiety. Sometimes ginseng can do this as well. 

Q: Are there foods we should turn to instead to reduce anxiety?

A: I think herbal teas such as chamomile or those with other calming properties can be extremely useful. 

Q: How much should people be eating?

A: Everyone is different, but we should all eat slowly and mindfully! Often when people eat quickly or standing up, their bodies don’t have a chance to metabolize the food and recognized that they are sated Often overeating happens with rushing. u

Q: Are there any links between how much you eat and your anxiety or when you eat and anxiety?

A: Yes, some people eat when they feel anxious; others can’t eat. It’s really an individual response.  

Q: Is all of this true for people with diagnosed anxiety disorder only or just regular folks who sometimes feel anxious?

Whether or not you have an anxiety disorder or ‘just feel anxious sometimes,’ the feeling of anxiety is the same. The difference is one of frequency and intensity. So yes, it’s true for both sets of folks.

Read more advice from Dr. Saline on anxiety Purchase Anxiety Worksheet