Author: Lisa Fernandez

Academic Support for Teens & College Students

School-based interventions improve academic performance and social relationships.

For high school students with ADHD who already run a higher risk for underachievement and dropping out than neurotypical kids, having support services can make all the difference. This recent study also showed that whatever services kids receive in elementary school are often discontinued as they mature. It’s a sad irony I’ve seen too many times: when kids with ADHD have useful scaffolding and are doing better, the services are later withdrawn because of their success. Instead, these interventions need to remain in place to help with the increasing executive functioning demands for independence in middle and high school. When students receive appropriate levels of support during these years, it makes the transition to college or trade school more successful.

For high school and college students who have a diagnosis of ADHD but have never received psychological testing, I highly recommend that you get this because these assessments will identify your cognitive strengths and challenges….. Read More of my advice in Psychology Today.

Anxiety and Food

Q: What foods might spike anxiety … and why?

A: Although I am not a medical doctor, I’ve observed that especially sugary foods or those with a lot of caffeine can increase someone’s agitation and then make them more prone to anxiety. Sometimes ginseng can do this as well. 

Q: Are there foods we should turn to instead to reduce anxiety?

A: I think herbal teas such as chamomile or those with other calming properties can be extremely useful. 

Q: How much should people be eating?

A: Everyone is different, but we should all eat slowly and mindfully! Often when people eat quickly or standing up, their bodies don’t have a chance to metabolize the food and recognized that they are sated Often overeating happens with rushing. u

Q: Are there any links between how much you eat and your anxiety or when you eat and anxiety?

A: Yes, some people eat when they feel anxious; others can’t eat. It’s really an individual response.  

Q: Is all of this true for people with diagnosed anxiety disorder only or just regular folks who sometimes feel anxious?

Whether or not you have an anxiety disorder or ‘just feel anxious sometimes,’ the feeling of anxiety is the same. The difference is one of frequency and intensity. So yes, it’s true for both sets of folks.

Read more advice from Dr. Saline on anxiety Purchase Anxiety Worksheet

Recent College Grads: Adjustments, Parents’ Role, Jobs and Adult Life

What are some of the adjustments that recent college grad kids will be making?

Recent college grads have many adjustments to make. Not only are they saying good-bye to many of their friends, a familiar surrounding and a student lifestyle, but they are also facing the uncertainty of what comes next. Even if someone has a job and an apartment lined up (these are huge things to swing for many recent college grads), they are leaving behind a structure of  going to school and an identity of being a student. Friends disperse, they are responsible for paying their own bills, and self-sufficient adulthood, while longed for, can be overwhelming. Many new college grads aren’t accustomed to creating and living on a budget, shopping for and cooking meals and making plans to spend time with friends instead of bumping into them at the cafeteria. It’s a huge shift in many areas simultaneously. 

How can parents and loved ones can help ease the transition?

It’s important that parents and loved ones acknowledge the enormity of this transition and don’t compare their own experiences with those of their children. Things have changed a lot and many young adults struggle under the burden of huge financial debt, a high cost of living and a tight job market. Staying compassionate, offering to assist them and collaborate on tasks and being available to talk through emotions related to this change is most helpful. Don’t solve issues: offer your suggestions and avoid getting hurt if they aren’t taken. Young adults often like to figure things out for themselves, which means trial-and-error learning. Sometimes the best support you can give is managing your own frustrations, sharing your feelings without blame or guilt and validating their successes. 

What are some tips for applying to jobs, moving home, and how to adapt a healthy routine in adult life?

Having a daily routine offers structure and freedom. It’s critical to set aside a specific period of time for applying to jobs each day so this activity has boundaries. Looking for job can be exciting but it’s also tedious and sometimes deflating. It can spread into all aspects of your life as the list of things you should be doing keeps growing. Avoidance accompanies discouragement and overwhelm. Talk with your son or daughter about marking off a few hours each day (preferably in the morning to get it over with) for job hunting online, responding to emails or dropping off resumes. This will assist them in feeling accomplished each day and competent as well because they’ve done something in a time frame that they laid out. Then they can do whatever they want. Help young adults limit screen time: advocate for doing other things that interest them and make them feel good. Exercise, time with friends, shopping and cooking with you–these are all activities that contribute to healthy living. Teach them how to shop, balance their bank account, make a budget and understand their health/car insurances. These skills are not necessarily second-nature and it’s very common for recent college grads to need extra support in learning them.

Anxiety and Resilience

Anxiety is a physiological response related to a perceived danger and worried, negative thinking. Basic fight or flight responses are triggered from worries and these reactions are usually disproportionate to the concern at hand.

Worry can be productive or poisonous. Productive worry is worry about doing things–completing homework or getting to work on time –and can be helpful in getting things done. Poisonous worry is worry about things you can’t control–the ultimate demise of the planet or whether people like you–and can be debilitating. The first step to dealing effectively with anxiety is to determine which type of worry you are dealing with. Then, engage the thinking brain to slow down the tidal wave of anxiety and emotion volcano by doing two things:

  1. Rely on past experiences of successfully overcoming anxiety and applying those skills to this moment.
  2. Engage in a worse-case scenario by asking “And then what?” repeatedly until you land at the illogical end.

This process works with kids and adults.  I give you more specifics in this Youtube video and in this handout.

Screens, Summer and Sanity

You are the parent! Repeat. Screens are NOT a right! You are the parent! Repeat. Screens are NOT a right, they are to be earned. Write what you will accept, and then work with your child – now, at the start of summer, to collaborate on a plan that you both agree to. Learn more about my screens and summer advice in this Youtube video.

Teens and Summer Jobs

When teenagers get their first job, they’re very excited to make and have their own money. Managing that money, though, is often a bit of challenge. They may have held small jobs like babysitting or dog-walking before, but they don’t know how to use a bank account, write a check and kept track of what they’re spending. Many of them use debit cards without understanding how to monitor what they’re spending and overdraw their accounts quickly. This is especially true for teens with ADHD. It’s critical for parents to help their kids learn about money management and budgets.

I’ve worked with many kids who come to my psychotherapy office and have no idea how to make a simple budget. They don’t know how to total up monthly expenses and subtract them from their paycheck to see how much spending money they actually have or what they can save because no one has shown them. Several young adults have asked me to teach them how to write a check.

I advise newly employed teens to live in a cash world for a while so they can grasp how much money they actually have and see how they spend it. Forget debit cards: instead, once their checks are deposited, tell them to take out the sum that they’ll need for the week. Help them open up both checking and savings accounts so they can start to put away some portion of their earnings for something special in the future. This teaches how to save. Most kids proudly tell me how much money they are saving. It makes them feel like adults and contributes to the autonomy that teens need (and want) to develop. 

Read other family and parenting topics here.

Business.org: What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

 Even though most kids change their career goals as they get older and experience more of the world, they tend to follow certain patterns in those choices—as we learned when we asked 70 children between ages five and eleven what they want to be when they grow up and why. We partnered with child psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline to get to the bottom of our results. Click logo below to read more.

ADHD Parenting Class: What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew and How You Can Help

Webinar: 4 sessions 

Dates: 4/24/19 – 5/15/19

When a child is diagnosed with ADHD, the whole family is affected. In this workshop, taught by author and ADHD expert Dr. Sharon Saline, you will gain the essential information you need to understand ADHD and improve your child or teen’s executive functioning skills more effectively and patiently. You’ll learn how the ADHD brain works, how to navigate school and advocate for your son or daughter, how to reduce conflicts at home and how to help them become more confident and competent. She will also address hot topics such as managing technology, anxiety, siblings and social relationships. Learn directly from Dr. Sharon Saline as she shares her valuable insights and recommendations about living successfully with ADHD.

Based on her award-winning book, What your ADHD child wishes you knew, Dr. Saline mixes lecture, exercises, and discussion to help you develop creative, lasting solutions to everyday challenges.  

Only $119 with early registration discount before April 10, 2019. $149 Regular price.

Meet your child where they are – not where you expect them to be.

Learn more and register here

Parents, here’s how to talk to your teen about self care

“Talking to your teen about self care can be difficult, so we spoke with leading experts on teen psychology to find out the best way parents can approach their teens to talk–and what skills they recommend you try!”

From Mentally Fit Response by Dr. Sharon Saline: I am a clinical psychologist and author of What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life. I specialize in working with kids, young adults and families living with ADHD, learning disabilities and mental health issues.

There are a few challenges that parents face when talking with or trying to help their teens.

Parents quickly move into problem-solving mode which usually doesn’t work for teens. They want to feel heard and met where they are but often parents tell them how to be different, how they ‘should be’. Sometimes parents are too reactive to their teens: afraid of what they’re hearing or angry when their ideas are rejected. When they become upset, it’s like throwing kindling on the fire of their kids’ issues. The conversation now involves two people whose emotions are running the show instead of only one.

Talking to a teen about self care has to start with compassion: accepting your child for who they are and acknowledging the efforts you see them making.

Teens are very quick to become defensive and dismissive. Using phrases such as “I notice” or “It seems like” is an effective way to communicate your observations without pushing them away. Then follow up with questions that encourage their participation in solving the problem: “What are your ideas about?” or “How can I support you in doing things differently?” Routines are helpful as long as they’re written down and posted somewhere. Otherwise, the parent becomes a reminder machine. It may seem juvenile to a teen but until that routine is firmly ensconced in their brains, having it written down is key.

Parents can help their kids by first and foremost setting a positive example of self-care and attention to wellbeing.

Being available to listen non-judgmentally and use reflective listening tools is extremely helpful for promoting honest, heartfelt discussions. Bedtime is usually a good time to connect with a teen and often when they want to chat. That can be tough for tired parents so set a limit around how long you’ll talk with them and prop open your eyes as best you can. Car rides are another natural, comfortable time to check in. Perhaps agree in advance to discuss 2 good things and 1 challenging thing about your days. Setting boundaries around screen time not only promotes mental health.

Seek additional support.

Finally, if you are arguing a lot with your teen or if they are showing atypical levels of anxiety, stress, isolation or negative moods, then seeking family or individual counseling them would be important. If they are resistant to going alone, then start with family work on improving your communication.