Category: General Psychology

4 Straight-forward, Practical Hacks for Managing Your Anxiety TODAY

It’s natural for parents to feel stressed and anxious right now. Whether your kids are going back to school in person or a hybrid learning situation, there are complicated issues facing families everywhere. Anxiety wants security and certainty and, with COVID related risks,  we just don’t have much of that these days. To help you manage your anxiety, try these tools:

  1. Identify what you can control: Rather than focusing on what might happen and the possible negative outcomes from that, shift your attention to proactive action. What steps can you take to protect your child and yourself as much as possible? Get as informed as you can about your school’s policies and decide whether those make sense to you and your family. If not, explore what choices make you feel most comfortable. Give your student the tools they’ll need. Provide your child or teen with masks and hand sanitizer. Show them what physical distancing looks like: use a tape measure to demonstrate six feet. Review hand-washing techniques and the importance of not sharing food or drinks. Set up a routing of hand sanitization when they come home from school. 
  2. Brainstorm solutions to challenging social situations: Your kids will need some help figuring out what to say when other kids aren’t wearing masks or social distancing. When you work on this together, you’ll lower your anxiety as well as theirs. Create a few easy-to-remember statements with them such as “I’d like to play with you during recess. Will you wear a mask to make it safe for us?” Or, “I’m sorry but I’m not sharing my lunch these days but your sandwich sure looks good.” Or, “I’d love to come over and hang out but I have to check with my parents.” When kids have clear language that gives them a way out of sticky situations, they’ll be less likely to succumb to peer pressure. This will be reassuring for you.
  3. Put a centering activity into your daily routine: Whether it’s five or thirty minutes of meditation or yoga, a walk, run or bike ride outside or dancing to your favorite song each morning, find something that makes you feel good and do it. We need those wonderful endorphins from exercise now more than ever. The benefits from daily yoga and/or meditation will help you practice how to monitor your reactivity and use your breath or slow movements to calm yourself down during those inevitable stressful moments. Make a list of quick calm-me-down activities when you feel nervous that includes changing your environment (go to a different room or get a breath of fresh air), drinking a glass of water, saying a positive affirmation that you believe or going to the bathroom and splashing water on your face.
  4. Recall past successes in times of stress: Anxiety is very skilled at fostering amnesia about our personal resources and strengths. In a quiet moment, think about some challenging times in the past and how you overcame them. What personality traits and life skills assisted you? How can you apply those strengths to this situation? Write down some of your reflections so you can refer to them in a tough time. Ask for support from caring friends and family members to help you use some of these tools when you’re feeling particularly worried.

Dealing with Defiant ADHD Teens and Tweens in this Strange COVID Summer

Mother on the phone looking stressed working from home while her tween boy with ADHD plays with a loud boombox in the backgroundNow, more than ever, there seems to be very little we can predict and hold onto. Everyday, we hear new reports about climbing COVID cases as we struggle to practice safety measures, keep up with work, manage bored kids and keep our sanity intact. It can all feel too much to handle. Of course, in the midst of trying to keep your head above the water, there’s nothing like a defiant ADHD teen or tween to put you over the edge. How do you cope with the overwhelming stress? What can you do to help your child manage their big feelings and reduce family conflict?

Why teens and tweens with ADHD are engaging in more defiant behavior

Angry and frustrated with the many changes to their lives wrought by COVID, and feeling helpless to do anything, many kids are acting out in ways that are often inappropriate. It seems that they’ve taken a giant step backwards in managing their distress. With their executive functioning challenges related to emotional and impulse control, scattered kids are prone to intense pushback and aggressive anger. Defiant ADHD teen girl getting upset and yelling at the camera in front of a pink background Teens and tweens with ADHD, whose brains mature more slowly than their neurotypical peers, are particularly torn between what they would like to be capable of doing and what they can actually accomplish. They’re often very frustrated with themselves, and, unable to tolerate their shame, act out their personal dissatisfaction towards others–often their parents. They unconsciously want you to make it better for them, just like a young child would. Teens are still struggling with how to tolerate disappointment appropriately and how to pivot when faced with limits they don’t like. With all of the changes surrounding COVID and losses of familiar and beloved activities, the natural challenges with shifting, flexibility and planning for transitions for many kids with ADHD are intensified. Of course, when they are triggered, emotional and verbal impulse control fly out of the window. 

Frustrated defiant ADHD teen looking angry and putting his fingers in his ears to block out noiseUnderneath all of their bluster, many defiant ADHD teens and tweens suffer from low self-esteem and shame. They need tools for expressing themselves appropriately and signs of parental support for their attempts to use these techniques, even if they’re not completely successful. You’ve got to remember that, while they may seem to enjoy the sense of power in the moment, they really don’t like the conflict any more than you do. It’s just that they lack certain skills which could help them.

Steps to disrupting cycles of defiance for ADHD teens and tweens:

1. Acknowledge their frustration:

Instead of convincing your defiant ADHD teen or tween why things aren’t the way that they perceive them, validate their feelings. Mirror what you hear them saying with language like, “I hear that you are upset about X” or, “What you’re telling me is Y.” When kids feel seen and heard, they’ll begin to slow down.

2. Set ground rules about acceptable behavior:

Discuss with your kids what ways of expressing anger or displeasure is appropriate and what are not. Be specific about language and physical actions. In addition, set up incentives for cooperating and logical consequences for obstruction. For instance, “If you curse at me, you will not earn the privilege of your phone for the rest of the day.”  Or, “If you can go through a day and not scream or break something, you’ll earn extra screen time.” Work with incentives that matter to them. 

3. Plan for arguments:

Let’s face it, you will get into fights. Instead of being surprised each time this happens, identify signs that you are heading into the red zone and how to take a planned, timed break. Make a list of acceptable choices for this “Calm-me-down” time and post it in the kitchen and bedrooms. Separate for an agreed-upon time until you can re-convene without hot tempers from defiant ADHD teens or tweens. For some kids, this break may need to be a few hours. That’s okay. 

4. Decide what’s next:

Mom joyfully dancing with her adolescent with ADHD Instead of trying to teach a lesson, talk about what’s needed to move on. Ask questions, listen and reflect back what you hear. Wonder about alternative choices you both could have made in that instant or could make in the future. Collaborate on an action for moving on. Refer back to your agreement about ground rules while staying compassionate but firm. You can talk about any lessons at another time, perhaps the next day in the car or perhaps at a scheduled hour. It’s really important to notice and validate the activities and emotions that your defiant teen is becoming triggered. This type of validation will lower their rage and shame. Your goal is to cool the flames in the moment and follow your collaborative agreement. Teaching lessons will come later.

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Feeling low? Tips for keeping your sense of humor amidst the uncertainty

It’s really tough to stand in uncertainty and, right now, people around the globe are facing this challenge as best they can. With all of the confusion about whether to send kids back to school and how to manage hybrid or home learning while working, many parents are wrestling with anxiety, frustration and hopelessness. There are just no clear guidelines about what to do or how to move forward. As parents of kids with ADHD, you’re used to facing struggles at home. Issues related to impulsivity, inattention, disorganization among other executive functioning skills can fray your nerves when there’s not a pandemic. Living in close quarters, dealing with food, housing, work or educational insecurity, you’ve probably lost your temper a few more times recently than you would have liked.  While regrets can foster change, judging yourself unkindly only makes matter worse. Instead, let’s try to practice self-compassion through humor.  Having a sense of humor when raising kids is an essential tool for any parent. Children can expand your heart and push your buttons like no one else. Being able to laugh at what happens, at your reactions and sometimes at life itself helps ease the journey, especially right now. Everybody does things they’re proud of as a parent and things that they wish they hadn’t. Having compassion for yourself when you stumble enables you to giggle at your foibles without bombarding yourself with shame. Self-blame or criticism of others often intensifies small incidents into full-blown explosions. Maintaining a sense of humor reduces the chances of a conflagration.  As the parent, you need to set the example for your kids by using a tone that brings humor, boundaries and self-reflection to the unprecedented situations we are facing.  For example, when your child or teen with ADHD speaks to you in a disrespectful tone, you have a choice. You can angrily tell them “You’re not allowed to speak to me that way. Go to your room.” Or, you can say: “Fresh is for vegetables, not speaking to me like that.” The first option throws fuel on the fire; the second one, dampens the flames. If your teenage son gets into your car, plugs in his phone and listens to rap music loudly that he knows you hate, you could tell him that he’s being selfish and entitled and unplug his phone. Or, you could learn some of the lyrics to his favorite songs and sing along. That will certainly change the dynamic in the car and likely make you both smile. You’re managing your own reaction with humor and not responding negatively.  We need some laughs–any humor–to alleviate our stress and worrying. I’m not talking about  ignoring the complex reality you are dealing with, but rather pivoting to something lighter temporarily. Put some reminders about positive attitudes and quick comebacks. Consider watching some old family videos (kids love to see themselves when they were younger); make a family movie night with favorite comedy and popcorn; play a silly game together (Mad Libs, charades, Sorry); crank the music and dance in your living room. Using self-control and creativity to look at yourself and your reactions differently, you shift conversations and situations away from annoyance or aggravation by injecting some levity. You’re not only modeling this for your kids as an effective coping tool, you’ll feel better and they will too.

22 News Mass Appeal: Reducing Anxiety by Shifting From Worry to Wonder

(Mass Appeal) – Look at how much worrying you’ve done over the past few months. Imagine in the future you took all the time you would’ve spent worrying and shifted that to be more inquisitive by wondering in a positive way? Dr. Sharon Saline explains how this simple change can have an enormous effect on your personal well being. Click logo below to read more.

Body Image and ADHD: How to help kids who dislike their bodies

It’s heartbreaking when your son or daughter shares that they don’t like their bodies. They may dislike their shape, their height, their hair color, their fingernails, their nose or their feet. All too often, kids (and adults) compare themselves to an unattainable ideal of beauty put forth by mainstream media and culture. We see actors, models and social media icons who look polished and seemingly perfect.  It seems impossible for us to measure up because their images are carefully crafted and maintained with lots of money and support staff. Kids also perceive other kids as prettier, stronger and more popular. Sometimes family members may criticize us in particularly cruel and painful ways which makes it even more difficult to love who we are. For kids with ADHD who often get on a hamster wheel of negative thinking and may already feel diminished academically or socially, it’s especially tough to stop the repetitive, critical thoughts in their heads.  Shifting your views about your body means accepting who you are, what you look like and appreciating our differences. We need to remind kids that yes, they’re not perfect but no one is. Of course, the work is really about what’s inside as much as what’s on the outside. We all have to learn to fill up our own approval cups instead of holding them out for others to fill with compliments and reassurance. This is really tough for kids with ADHD who want to fit in and be accepted by their peers. They want something about themselves to be “normal” since their learning styles are different. Outer appearance, however, may give them some relief but it won’t mend the insecurities inside of them. You really can’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides. We have to teach our kids and teens that people may look one way but have something entirely unexpected going on inside of them. To challenge distorted or negative perceptions about body image, start by helping your son or daughter create a supportive team of caring friends, teachers, mentors and family who love all parts of them.

  1. Help them take stock of the parts of themselves that they like, make a list and post this in their room or keep in a journal.
  2. Make a second list of things they don’t like and what, if any, action they could take to change those items.   
  3. Name a positive aspect of these parts. For instance, if you don’t really like your feet (like me–they are flat and I have small toes), you could think about what a great job they do of holding you up each day and helping you walk places. Since I can’t change them, I try to polish my toenails with a fun color to make them look nicer and deal with them as they are. Your daughter might not care for your straight hair, but it’s healthy, shiny and looks good in a ponytail. Your son may feel overweight but is very strong and his size is useful on the football field.
  4. Go through their clothes and keep the items that they love and make them feel good to wear.  Each day, encourage them to dress in something that makes them feel good or boosts their mood. I had one nine year old client who told me: “I dress in the color that I feel that day. Like, if I’m feeling purple, then it’s a purple day.” Go with it. Perhaps ask a caring friend or relative to come over and help your child or teen purge unwanted items or shop online for some new, fun stuff that you can afford.

If people around your youngster are critical of their appearance, brainstorm ways they can deal with these comments appropriately. In a calm moment, create one or two comebacks that are witty and easy to remember and then practice using them. If you need to intervene with teachers or school administrators to set limits because of suspected bullying, talk this over with your son or daughter and protect their safety. It’s not okay for someone to criticize your body and kids need tools to convey that it has to stop.  Saying it was a joke or they were just being sarcastic is also unacceptable. These are simply passive aggressive ways to put someone down.  If necessary, encourage your son or daughter to take a break from interacting with this person for a while.   Sadly, it’s typical for many kids, especially tweens and teens, to dislike some parts of their body. Sometimes dissatisfaction with one’s appearance can have serious and disturbing consequences. Body dysmorphic disorder, bulimia and anorexia are serious mental health conditions that require immediate attention. There’s a difference between casually disliking how your bottom looks in a certain outfit or wanting a smaller nose or wishing your torso was more muscular and actively trying to change your appearance or manage uncomfortable feelings with obsessive thinking and self-harming behaviors. If you notice that your child is seeing bodily defects or malformations that do not exist, if your child is showing changes in how, when and what they eat or if they tell you that they are throwing up on purpose, consult their pediatrician or primary care provider immediately. In the meantime, focus on healthy living. Offer positive body-affirming comments and monitor how you talk about your physique. Our kids notice everything and take in what we say and do. Accepting ourselves, warts and all, is a process that benefits everybody. Empathize with their feelings and also remember to, as the song says, “Accentuate the positive!” without being a pollyanna.

EsaCare: Top 3 Benefits of an Emotional Support Animal on ADHD by 14 Renowned Experts

People suffering from mental health conditions experience multiple emotions that change through the day daily. Support animals for them are meant to help their owners keep their emotions in check and remain calm. It helps if the animal you choose to support you is cuddly and cute. ADHD is among the most severe mental health conditions. It affects a patient’s brain and progresses to affect different areas of his/her life in tangible ways when struggling to keep its symptoms in check.

One of the ways that experts have come up to deal with some of the symptoms of ADHD is by having an emotional support animal {ESA}. A few people are nonetheless still unconvinced about the impact of the same on the control of their ADHD symptoms.

We asked fifteen experts; ‘’if you had to list the benefits of an ESA for patients who have ADHD, what are the three leading answers that you will qualify in your list?’’ Here are tidbits on the experts we chose to answer this question.

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