Psychology Today: Home from College and the Novelty’s Worn Off: Now What?

This is nothing you ever expected—being stuck at home 24/7 with your parents and siblings while being separated from your friends, your school and your job. Academic, social and financial changes increase your stress with no clear solutions in sight. It’s natural to feel disappointed, confused, angry or worried. Plus, living around your family makes it tough not to fall back into old family patterns. All you want is to hold onto your independent identity but your life’s been turned upside down. Now what? Click logo below to read more.

Negative Assumptions about Students with Disabilities

Yes, we are all more than our diagnosis, but negative assumptions about students with disabilities run rampant in our culture.

Often kids with learning disabilities are seen as less intelligent or competent by peers or adults. Sadly, they may begin to believe that they are ‘less than,’ lower their expectations for themselves and isolate from friends.

The current trend in US education is towards the integration of different types of learners in elementary and secondary school classrooms, not creating homogeneous learning situations. These diverse environments help break down barriers between young people and offer valuable opportunities for them to connect. They reduce the stigma associated with having a learning disability and being seen as ‘different’ in a judgmental light. A child who may be dyslexic but quick with math will see other students who also juggle their own strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps someone writes well but spells poorly or another student excels at algebra but struggles with geometry. Maybe the kickball game at recess levels the academic playing field and what happens in the classroom is long forgotten with a winning home run.

In my book, “What your ADHD child wishes you knew: Working together to empower kids for success in school and life,” I interviewed dozens of kids with ADHD who told me, overwhelmingly, that they do not like being singled out because they have ADHD. They consider it a part of who they are—not the whole story—and they are trying their best to figure out how to accept the brains they have and spend time doing what they love. Often, they turn to non-ADHD friends for feedback, guidance and support. One high school senior told me that she really benefits from doing homework with her non-ADHD boyfriend because he notices when she’s spacing out and calls her back to the task at hand. Another boy is grateful to his group of friends who patiently repeat something in a group conversation if he misses it as they all laugh together. These kids want to do well and fit in as much as any teen.

Inclusion programs provide essential interactions and relationships between kids, replacing feelings of isolation with normalcy. Ultimately what matters is who a person is, not what they can or can’t do. Kids are much more likely to take this perspective when they have natural, unforced contact with each other.

Academic Support for Teens & College Students

School-based interventions improve academic performance and social relationships.

For high school students with ADHD who already run a higher risk for underachievement and dropping out than neurotypical kids, having support services can make all the difference. This recent study also showed that whatever services kids receive in elementary school are often discontinued as they mature. It’s a sad irony I’ve seen too many times: when kids with ADHD have useful scaffolding and are doing better, the services are later withdrawn because of their success. Instead, these interventions need to remain in place to help with the increasing executive functioning demands for independence in middle and high school. When students receive appropriate levels of support during these years, it makes the transition to college or trade school more successful.

For high school and college students who have a diagnosis of ADHD but have never received psychological testing, I highly recommend that you get this because these assessments will identify your cognitive strengths and challenges….. Read More of my advice in Psychology Today.

Strategize Now to Set up a Successful School Year

Gather your strength–it’s time to set the alarms, make the lunches and buy the supplies. School is starting again. How can you avoid frustration and arguments to create the smooth transition that everybody wants? By relying on Compassion, Collaboration and Consistency, you can work with your child or teen to set a positive tone for the year.

Many kids with ADHD feel mixed about the return to school. While they may be excited to see their friends, they often dread the return to academics, waking up early and the responsibility of homework. If they struggled last year, they may worry about repeating the same challenges or facing new, unexpected ones.

Before talking with them, take a few moments to summon your Compassion. Reflect on some of the highs and lows for your son or daughter from last year. How did they meet those challenges? What types of support from you or their teachers was helpful? Jot down some of your ideas. Before moving forward, remember that kids with ADHD are doing the best they can with the limited resources available to them in a given moment. They need you to understand this before approaching any plan for this year.2. Make a time to talk with your child or teen about this upcoming year so you can Collaborate on a plan for success. Ask them to recall successes and challenges and, if they can’t think of anything, offer some reminders from your notes. Together, make a list of useful supports–anything from setting several alarms in the morning to emailing a copy of homework in case they forget to turn it in to breaking up study periods with timed breaks. Then, make a list of common distractions or obstacles you both anticipate could arise this year.

3. Evaluate both your expectations for the year and theirs. Consistency relies on regular efforting, not perfection. We want to nurture resiliency by acknowledging how kids with ADHD are trying to do stuff and improve themselves. You’re looking for progress, not perfection. There are three types of goals to consider: easily attainable (things they can definitely achieve or have already been doing), working on/within reach (things they accomplish but require supervision or help) and mostly reach goals (things that are sporadically achieved). For now focus on one easily attainable goal and one working on/within reach goal. You can expand this list as the year progresses. By keeping things simple, you increase the chance for success and we want children and teens to feel as positive as possible right now. Feeling successful early in the year has a snowball effect: they notice their competence and want to build on it. Using Compassion, Collaboration and Consistency, you’ll create a strong foundation for a great year!

Recent College Grads: Adjustments, Parents’ Role, Jobs and Adult Life

What are some of the adjustments that recent college grad kids will be making?

Recent college grads have many adjustments to make. Not only are they saying good-bye to many of their friends, a familiar surrounding and a student lifestyle, but they are also facing the uncertainty of what comes next. Even if someone has a job and an apartment lined up (these are huge things to swing for many recent college grads), they are leaving behind a structure of going to school and an identity of being a student. Friends disperse, they are responsible for paying their own bills, and self-sufficient adulthood, while longed for, can be overwhelming. Many new college grads aren’t accustomed to creating and living on a budget, shopping for and cooking meals and making plans to spend time with friends instead of bumping into them at the cafeteria. It’s a huge shift in many areas simultaneously.

How can parents and loved ones can help ease the transition?

It’s important that parents and loved ones acknowledge the enormity of this transition and don’t compare their own experiences with those of their children. Things have changed a lot and many young adults struggle under the burden of huge financial debt, a high cost of living and a tight job market. Staying compassionate, offering to assist them and collaborate on tasks and being available to talk through emotions related to this change is most helpful. Don’t solve issues: offer your suggestions and avoid getting hurt if they aren’t taken. Young adults often like to figure things out for themselves, which means trial-and-error learning. Sometimes the best support you can give is managing your own frustrations, sharing your feelings without blame or guilt and validating their successes.

What are some tips for applying to jobs, moving home, and how to adapt a healthy routine in adult life?

Having a daily routine offers structure and freedom. It’s critical to set aside a specific period of time for applying to jobs each day so this activity has boundaries. Looking for job can be exciting but it’s also tedious and sometimes deflating. It can spread into all aspects of your life as the list of things you should be doing keeps growing. Avoidance accompanies discouragement and overwhelm. Talk with your son or daughter about marking off a few hours each day (preferably in the morning to get it over with) for job hunting online, responding to emails or dropping off resumes. This will assist them in feeling accomplished each day and competent as well because they’ve done something in a time frame that they laid out. Then they can do whatever they want. Help young adults limit screen time: advocate for doing other things that interest them and make them feel good. Exercise, time with friends, shopping and cooking with you–these are all activities that contribute to healthy living. Teach them how to shop, balance their bank account, make a budget and understand their health/car insurances. These skills are not necessarily second-nature and it’s very common for recent college grads to need extra support in learning them.

Got an anxious high schooler with ADHD? Help is here.

Many teens today feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious, especially those who are out-of-the-box thinkers. Life seems constantly demanding and stressful. With the executive functioning challenges that are typical of ADHD brains, it’s even harder for them to regulate intense feelings. Routine concerns can quickly balloon into outright panic. Approximately 35% of kids with ADHD have also been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. In my clinical experience, this number seems higher. After hearing over the years about about the ways that they miss the mark, don’t measure up and differ from other kids, these kids develop an internal vigilance–a nervousness–about the next time they will inadvertently stumble, what people will think of them and how to deal with the inevitable consequences. These worries fosters overt or covert anxiety. I’ve asked teens with ADHD to describe the two things that cause them the most anxiety. Here’s what they’ve told me that they wish adults knew:

1. They can’t keep up with 24/7 demands of their lives–whether it’s in real time or on social media. They struggle to regulate themselves regarding technology, understand social nuances and keep track of events and responsibilities. Their parents don’t see or understand all of the nuances they are dealing with.

Solution: Despite their words or actions to the contrary, teens actually want their parents to set limits on technology and help them manage. Parents, befriend your children on all social media outlets and help them manage FOMO. Talk with your teens about appropriate responses to relationship challenges both online and in person. Help them distinguish when to engage and how. Create screen-free family time at meals. Ask them to share an online, Youtube or musical interest or hobby with you so you can understand and participate in their world

1. They feel enormous pressure about school, the college process and what to do after high school. Some teens with ADHD drive themselves too hard, over-focus on achieving good grades and keeping up with their friends. Going to the ‘right’ college becomes more important than pursuing what best fits their interests. Other kids, in the face of repeated academic difficulties, adopt a “why bother even trying” attitude. They’ve lost the interest and impetus to make efforts. Too often, in all of these scenarios, parents will push their children based on their expectations of who they think their teen should be. Arguments and disappointment abound.

Solution: Meet your teen where they are, not where you want them to be or think they should be. Development is an organic process that doesn’t necessarily unfold in a linear fashion. This is especially true for kids with ADHD, learning differences or high functioning autism. Their brains need more time to mature and they may benefit from an alternative path for a while until things fall more into place. Be open to thinking about alternatives. Maybe your son who likes video games and art might be better suited for a vocational program in computer design than conventional academics. Perhaps your daughter who excels at soccer but hates writing might benefit from being an assistant coach for a gap year. Offer guidance and support with an open mind. Of course, you can’t erase your teen’s anxiety. But, you can help them reduce it by monitoring their overwhelm, showing interest in their on-screen activities and keeping perspective on post-high school options.

The Inquirer, Daily News, Philly: How can I help my child with ADHD have a successful school year?

Start the school off right. Helpful recommendations to get students with ADHD – and their parents – organized and focused. continue reading…

WGBY: Building A “Better Brain” Can Help Kids with ADHD

DrSharonSaline joined #CPonWGBY to discuss how building a ‘better brain’ can help children & teens with #ADHD and what parents can do to help start the process.

ONE37pm: How to Use Hyperfocus for Success, and Not Get Sucked into the Vortex

How to Use Hyperfocus for Success, and Not Get Sucked into the Vortex

“You know that zone when you become so immersed in work that the rest of the world fades away? You accomplish a lot, but you also forget to eat, sleep, or interact with other humans.

Then there’s the flip, when you’re working on the computer only to get sucked into an interesting but tangential topic, sending you down a rabbit hole of articles, blog posts and YouTube videos. You accomplish nothing, but boy you sure do learn a lot about the history of Reggaeton….”

Read more…

Kids In The House: Collaboration is the key for back-to-school success with ADHD kids

“As schools open their doors for students, it’s time once more to begin thinking about the year ahead. For many kids, and especially those with ADHD, summer is a huge relief from academic and social pressures. Most of them don’t relish the return to classes and would rather think about anything else. How can you set your child up for success?”

Category: School & Learning