Recently, a study on ADHD and life expectancy caught my attention, and it’s one that really made me stop and think. Researchers Elizabeth Nions and her colleagues at Cambridge University examined how symptoms of ADHD impact the life expectancy of adults in the United Kingdom. The results were alarming: women with ADHD had a life expectancy reduced by over 8.64 years, while men experienced a reduction of 6.78 years. These findings raise a lot of important questions about the long-term effects of ADHD, especially about how ADHD manifests differently in men and women and how those differences influence health outcomes.

The researchers attributed these reductions in life expectancy to a combination of factors, including ADHD-related risk factors and unmet needs for treatment and support. But what exactly are these factors, and why does ADHD appear to have a more significant impact on the lives of women compared to men? More importantly, what can women with ADHD do to improve their health and longevity, despite these challenges?

In honor of Women’s History Month, I’m going to guide you through understanding how ADHD can impact women’s health, the factors that contribute to a shorter life expectancy, and—most importantly—how you can create a Personal Wellness Plan to address these concerns. This plan will help reduce physical, emotional, and psychological stress while offering you practical strategies to manage your symptoms and live a healthier, more fulfilling life.

Cultural Expectations

In the decades following the second wave of feminism, outdated gender roles and societal norms still expect for women to bear most of the weight for their households. Although it’s been 30 years since the publication of “The Second Shift” by Arlie Hotschild, the experience of women in dual-career households remains largely unchanged. In single parent households, a lack of partnership means that full responsibility for childcare and income can prevent women from educational, work and social opportunities. For women of color, equal access to care and racism further complicate their lives. These issues contribute to barriers with diagnosis and treatment related to ADHD (resource allocation, scheduling, healthcare/insurance, etc.). 

The stress and difficulties associated with the many roles that women with ADHD are expected to play can be overwhelming and, according to the study results above, even life-threatening. These difficulties can lead to poor lifestyle habits, such as neglecting exercise, poor eating habits, and inadequate sleep. With executive functioning challenges related to planning and prioritizing, women with ADHD may face more significant barriers to accessing proper treatment and support, further exacerbating their health risks.  

 

The Gender Gap: Why Does ADHD Affect Women More Severely?

First, it’s crucial to understand why women with ADHD are at greater risk of reduced life expectancy than men. Historically, ADHD was considered to be a disorder that primarily affected boys, and women’s ADHD symptoms were often overlooked or misdiagnosed. Women may not exhibit the hyperactive symptoms that are typically associated with ADHD in men. Instead, they may experience more internalized symptoms, such as inattentiveness, forgetfulness, and difficulty focusing—symptoms that are sometimes dismissed as “just being disorganized” or “not trying hard enough.”

As a result, many women with ADHD go undiagnosed until later in life, by which time they’ve already experienced the negative consequences of untreated ADHD, such as chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and relationship issues. In fact, research has shown that women with ADHD are more likely to experience co-occurring mental health conditions like depression and anxiety, which can further affect their overall health and well-being.

Your Five Step Personal Wellness Plan

Now that we’ve explored why women with ADHD may experience a reduction in life expectancy, let’s shift focus to how you can take charge of your health and well-being. A Personal Wellness Plan is a customized approach to improving your physical, emotional, and psychological health. By incorporating a variety of strategies, you can minimize the impact of ADHD on your life and increase your chances of living a longer, healthier life.

Here are some essential components of a Personal Wellness Plan that can help you live longer and healthier with ADHD:

1. Get informed about ADHD and co-occurring conditions: Knowledge about ADHD and its common co-occurring conditions (what I often call “friends”) is empowering. Research about ADHD and neurodivergence gives you facts and statistics that you can use to your advantage  –  and these are not found on TikTok. Reliable information found on websites such as CHADD, ADDA, ADDitudemag, Psychology Today, NIMH/CDC etc., and from ADHD expert coaches and therapists also reduces feelings of isolation (“this only happens to me”) and validates your experiences. Plus, verified research informs you about what works and what doesn’t work – with the goal in mind of a higher quality of life, more vitality, and efficiency.
2.  Zoom out and assess your situation:  Look around at your environment and also at yourself – ask: “What’s happening inside of me, or external to me, that could be contributing to some of the challenges that I’m having?”. Be honest about whether you are experiencing symptoms of anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc. Maybe you notice your moods are cycling. Maybe you have a history of trauma and you’re having recurring nightmares. Maybe you’re having panic attacks before team meetings at work. How are you managing these symptoms? Are you using food, cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, or the internet to self-medicate or avoid uncomfortable feelings? Improving your understanding of what’s actually going on will affect your choices for interventions, and help build coping skills that are more easily learned and applied to your everyday life. 
3. Ask for help and find support: People do not have to struggle alone. It’s important to ask for help. Often we need an outsider to look at our situation and offer suggestions, interventions and ideas. I think that people often wait too long to get assistance, thinking that “If I just slog through this, the rest will get easier”. Effective support is both collaborative and compassionate–you work with a provider or coach towards goals that you mutually set. These goals need to address chronic stress, financial issues, unhealthy coping behaviors and personal relationships. Together you build up your resources (medical, psychological, cognitive, community, religious) and your coping mechanisms by learning new skills or leaning into existing ones. 
4. Create simple self-care routines:  Self-care entails more than a bubble bath. Self-care habits reduce overwhelm and stress and are most effective when part of a routine. Your goal here is to decrease the ‘too-muchness’ of your life, moment by moment. Start by brainstorming activities that you enjoy and that increase your calm. Then, schedule a time in the day when you can do one of them – keep it simple by aiming for just one thing to increase the probability of success over time. Listening to a favorite playlist, doing five minutes of stretching, taking a brisk walk around the block, five minutes with a pet – things that are small, simple, and rewarding.  By creating and sticking to these small routines, you’ll be better able to tackle  bigger things like eating, sleeping, personal hygiene, cleaning, laundry, and even spending time with friends. All of these will reduce the sense of “drowning” and keep stress at bay.
5. Whole Person Approach: Accept your brain by taking  a whole-person perspective.  Create space from who you are while acknowledging your neurodivergence. You are not your diagnosis. A diagnosis is something that is part of a narrative, not the whole story.  In education, teachers are trained to use “person first” language – not “Autistic child” or “ADHD girl”but rather”a child with Autism” or “a girl with ADHD”. This is a small but mighty distinction that is also relevant to a whole person approach for adults. This shift in language and perspective acknowledges that having ADHD reflects something in you, but it is not you. The  sum of your being is so much more than that. Yes, having ADHD affects your executive functioning skills in terms of organization, prioritizing, emotional regulation, and working memory but it doesn’t lessen your value as a person. Those internal judgments from your  inner critic can be debilitating emotionally, psychologically, and harmful to your well-being.

 

Living Well with ADHD

Living with ADHD can present unique challenges, but with the right tools and strategies, you can lead a fulfilling, healthy life. By prioritizing your establishing simple routines, becoming educated about ADHD and its “friends”, reframing your approach, and finding supportive communities, you can enhance your focus, reduce stress, and improve your longevity. 

Remember, you are not alone on this journey. Support is available, and there are effective treatments that can help. By implementing a Personal Wellness Plan tailored to your needs, you can take control of your health and improve your chances of living a longer, healthier life.

Dear Dr. Sharon:

My daughter has ADHD and I suspect she might be on the Autism spectrum, though she hasn’t been formally evaluated. She is eight years old and struggles with understanding social cues, navigating groups and keeping friends in addition to inattention and distractibility. After a lot of hard work, this is the first year that we finally have solid systems in place to support her at home and at school with consistent routines, clear expectations, a social skills group  and behavior therapy. But. with the holidays coming, I am worried that all of the activities and events will undo our hard work! It’s just so much – for her, our younger son and for us, as parents, too. We want our children to experience the joy that comes with this time of year, but not at the cost of her intense meltdowns and disruptions. How do I reduce holiday stress and overwhelm for my neurodivergent child, yet still make this time of year meaningful?   – Wendy

 

Dear Wendy,

The holiday season runs on overstimulation – all the food, all the lights, all the sounds, all the expectations…all the things, all month long. As the parent of a neurodivergent child, it can be tricky to strike a balance between fostering seasonal joy and setting boundaries during the holidays.  How can you create experiences that are fun, rewarding and calmer for you AND your neurodiverse family?

 

REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

As parents, we have to take into consideration how much our children and teens with ADHD can actually tolerate, process and enjoy. Part of the holiday stress for neurodiverse kids and families comes from having too many of these activities in a row and not enough ‘down time’ to process them. When your daughter has a meltdown at 6 p.m. because she doesn’t like the mac-and- cheese, it probably has nothing to do with the food and everything to do with unloading steam from holding it together for so long throughout the day. So, here’s the tip: be realistic about how many gatherings and social engagements are truly necessary for a joyful holiday. Less is often more!

 

 

TIS’ THE SEASON TO SCHEDULE 

We know that children who are neurodivergent thrive with consistent expectations and a sense of control of some aspects of their day. But, these things aren’t that common in the chaos of the holiday season. Since schedules can change frequently during the holiday season, start by establishing basic routines to your day. Create blocks of times between breakfast, lunch and dinner that include high and low energy activities as well as a quiet period. Set up regular check-in times in the mornings and afternoons to monitor how she is doing. Collaborate on up to three choices for these time blocks if appropriate. 

You might also try saying “What’s different today?” on the refrigerator or a dry erase board – this is for the holiday party, or dinner at Grandma’s, or a parade after school. Remind her that the plan for the day is posted there and she can check it for herself. Verbal AND visual cues are key for kids with ADHD to help reduce the chaos of this season. 

Remember to have the “holiday house rules” conversation with both of your children. Different households often have different rules (no surprise). Be hyper-specific with your explanations about what’s okay and what’s to be avoided at the homes you are visiting. For example, “At Grandma’s house, we don’t jump on the couch,” or, “Uncle Bill doesn’t hear very well so it’s okay to talk loudly with him.” A little clarity goes a long way, and the more you can help your child visualize these transitions, the smoother they’ll go.

 

CREATE A CODE WORD

For a neurodivergent child, it can be difficult under normal circumstances to control their impulses and regulate emotions. This is doubly difficult during the holidays when everything is at full tilt.  Talk with your child about how she will know it’s time for a quiet break. What are the physical cues in her body like balled fists, clenched teeth, sweaty palms, etc. that signal its time for a breather. 

Together, come up with a code word that she can use to let you or other adults know that she needs a break. Pick a predetermined place that she can access easily to slow down and expect to go with her. This might be the bathroom or even your car, if quiet areas are in short supply at a party.  Keeping a few of her favorite activities or items in a tote bag such as fidget toys, a book or a small game can help her settle and bring comfort simultaneously.  

 

GIVE YOURSELF GRACE

Let’s be real: The holidays, even with all of the good stuff, can be stressful —for everyone. So, as much as you’re preparing to make things easier for your neurodivergent child, don’t forget to cut yourself some slack. Things won’t always go according to plan, and that’s okay. Sometimes, the most important things you can do are stay flexible, keep a sense of humor and ignite your playfulness. If you have to ditch caroling with the neighbors or throw unwrapped presents in colorful bags, that is just FINE.. After all, the holidays are about creating memories, not stressing over perfection.

 

 

 

The holiday season doesn’t have to be a minefield of overstimulation, confusion, and meltdowns. By setting realistic expectations, maintaining a flexible yet predictable routine, and keeping communication clear, you can ensure that your neurodivergent child has a holiday season that’s both joyful and manageable. And hey, with the right tools and a little humor, you might even survive it without needing to resort to a full-on holiday “time apart” yourself!