It’s that holiday time of the year again. In all of the hustle and bustle to plan get togethers, shop for presents, wrap them and prepare festive meals, we sometimes are  just too busy to stop and consider the blessings in our lives. I am not talking about the things people post on Facebook or Instagram. Rather, I am thinking about being grateful for our families and the people in them–for the ways that make them unique and lovable to you. Being able to appreciate ADHD kids for who they are–talents, warts and all is especially important to helping them develop the healthy self-esteem they need to grow into happy, productive adults. Ideally, noticing what your child is doing well happens every day or close to it. During the holidays, when many families spend extra time together, you have additional opportunities to connect positively with your kids and show them how grateful you are to have them in your life. Too often, ADHD kids hear more about the ways in which they miss the mark than the ways that they make a hit. Paying attention to what you love about them offers a balance for those ‘misses’ and the holidays are the perfect time to even the score a bit. At this time of year, when the days are shorter, when we are living in the midst of giving and receiving, I encourage you to bring some extra light to your ADHD families by thinking about these questions:

1. What do you really appreciate about your ADHD son or daughter? When was the last time you told them? Can you make an effort to say something during the next week at a time when they are showing you what you love?
2. What unique gifts does your ADHD son or daughter have? How do you let them know what is special about them?
3. What interests your child? How can you join them in something that is fun for them over the holidays even if it isn’t your favorite thing?

Acknowledging the positive, noticing individual talents and doing activities together all show your ADHD child or teen that you care about who they are and you are glad that they are in your lives. They see how much they matter to you while you are showing them what giving love really looks like. You also nurture their self-confidence by spending quality time together. Most importantly, you reflect the essence of the holiday season by giving and receiving joy from the strength of your connectedness with your child and family. Ultimately, isn’t this what celebrating the holidays is all about?! I wish you and your families peace, love and health in the New Year.

Parents often ask me for the keys to raise their ADHD kids into effective, happy adults. Sometimes it’s hard for them to see that the struggles of today will eventually transform into the successes of tomorrow. Between the daily reminders about organization, homework completion, doing chores and treating others respectfully, it can be easy to lose your temper and your faith that your efforts will pay off. Will your ADHD sons and daughters will learn the life lessons you are trying to teach them? How can you maintain your cool, your hope and your positivity in light of the inevitable bumps you will encounter?

5 C’s of ADHD parenting

In over 25 years of working with youth and families, I have seen that there are ways of being a capable ADHD parent and raising capable ADHD kids that really work. They are what I call the 5 C’s of ADHD parenting: self-Control, Compassion, Collaboration, Consistency and Celebration. By using these tools, you can reduce your stress, create peace in your family and increase cooperation and love all around.

1. Self-Control

Learning to manage your own feelings first so you can act effectively and teach your ADHD child to do the same.

2. Compassion

Meet your child where they are, not where you expect them to be.

3. Collaboration

Work together with your child and co-parent (if one exists) to find solutions to daily challenges instead of imposing your rules on them.

4. Consistency

Do what you say you will do–over and over and over again.

5. Celebration

Acknowledge what’s working and doing more of it, day after day after day.

Incorporating the 5 C’s

The trick to using the 5 C’s is making them part of your parenting routines. Take time to cool off when you are aggravated with your son; show concern and support for your daughter when her struggles annoy you; talk about any problems and come up with alternatives as a team; be steady and predictable. Even when you feel like giving up, stay positive–and notice what is going well, no matter how small. Start today and you will see a difference before you know it!

Read more blog posts! Learn more about Dr. Saline’s Home Study Seminar for Parents of kids with ADHD: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/