Ask Dr. Saline: How Do I Motivate Myself to Get Started on Big Projects?

Dear Dr. Saline,

I’m having a hard time getting big projects at work completed on time. I do ok with smaller projects that are concrete. But when I have a longer term project that isn’t so cut and dry, I just don’t know how to get organized and get started. My ADHD has made me a professional procrastinator. So I end up pulling all-nighters and handing in my work bleary-eyed the morning it’s due. I’m exhausted and I know it’s not my best effort. I want to do better and put an end to the stress, mediocrity and disappointment. What advice do you have for how to get started on big projects and stop procrastinating?

Thanks,

Brandon

From Dr. Saline:

Dear Brandon,

Many people with ADHD struggle with productivity due to a number of executive functioning skills that relate to motivation. Whether it’s initiation, planning, organizing, time management, sustained attention or focus, it’s common to struggle with knowing where to begin an ambiguous project and watch procrastination creep in faster than a rough sea during a hurricane.

Plus, living with a Now/Not now brain, lower amounts of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain and inconsistent attention patterns all combine to create a massive overwhelm freeze and intense avoidance. So you, like so many other folks with ADHD, put unpleasant, unclear things off until the pressure of the deadline creates a crisis mode in your brain and body. Now buoyed by adrenaline and cortisol, you rush madly to complete something, get it done but wind up depleted and exhausted afterwards. It’s a frustrating and unhealthy cycle to live with.

Managing Ambiguity

Let’s tackle this pattern by first looking at the impact of ambiguity on a task. Unstructured projects–whether they are for work or school–can paralyze people of all ages with ADHD. A lack of clarity about what you are supposed to do, how to proceed and where to begin can thwart the best of intentions. Plus, the ambiguity of a task makes organizing materials, planning for time and prioritizing what matters most seem impossible: it’s all just one big shapeless blob.

Improving motivation starts by finding a reason to do something and then clarifying what needs to get done by chopping the blob into smaller parts. Interest fosters motivation so what can possibly engage you in this task? It might not be the inherent pleasure in completing it and that’s fine. How can you link doing parts of this project to something that matters to you? How can you set up small, earned rewards along the way? What are the components of this task? Do a brain dump and, once you’ve looked at what’s entailed, put items that relate to each other together.

For example, if your task is to write up summaries of client contacts that day and then categorize them, start by grouping interactions by length of sessions (short vs. long), or times when they occurred during the day (morning or afternoon). This shortens a big, unwieldy project into something manageable.

Recently, I had to create two training sessions simultaneously: one was six hours and one was four hours. Yes, these were for my trip to Australia but that was a month away. I felt overwhelmed by these tasks. I decided to address one training at a time and start with the longer one–I needed to eat the frog, so to speak. Then I broke it down into four sections based on the breaks that the hosts had requested. Whew. I could more easily create four training sessions of one and half hours. I also like to work for 90 minute chunks before taking a break. I’d leave myself some Post-it pebbles to find my way back to what I was thinking before I stopped too.

I also found a colleague who wanted to do some Zoom co-working. These made the project seem doable. When one section was finished, I rewarded myself with a walk outside, a lunch or coffee break or talking on the phone to a supportive friend who was encouraging me. At the end of a day, instead of judging myself for what was left to do, I tried to appreciate what I had accomplished. Again, my friend and my Zoom buddy helped because we both shared. These strategies and incentives, along with the knowledge that I would feel much less anxious when the presentation was done, provided me with that key motivation I needed.

You too can improve your motivation by starting with finding some aspect of a project that interests you. Then, armed with your reason for engagement, create helpful incentives, adjust the size of the task, pay attention to your capacity and time for focus, identify individual challenges, and emphasize progress. Put the have-to’s before the want-to’s and ask a friend or colleague to be a Zoom buddy, body double or accountability partner. By increasing motivation and decreasing ambiguity, even a little bit, you are more likely to get moving on the task at hand.

Tips for Increasing Productivity

The following are more specific tips for ADHD adults who are looking to increase productivity.

Reframe your view of the task

drafting The greatest barrier to initiation is your perception of the task. You may understand the need of doing something but lack the interest, skill or focus to do it. Make tasks small enough that beginning them is within your reach. For example, instead of worrying about the entire research project, make it a goal to just work on the intro or hypothesis. Consider how long you can concentrate and for how long: then create work periods based on that information. Build in short and longer breaks, using timers and notes to get you back to what you were doing.

Chunk it and chunk it again

postits The size of the task affects initiation, a critical element of motivation. If a task seems insurmountable, it’s much more difficult to start it. This is especially true for neurodivergent thinkers. So, break things down into chunks and start small. If you still can’t begin, then the task is still too big. Make it smaller. Keep a list of three tasks on a list, either on paper or digitally, and cross each one out as you complete it. There’s so much satisfaction in knowing you’re making progress. Not surprisingly, this will also give you more motivation to keep going until the entire project is completed. You are looking for small wins to build confidence and energy so you can keep going.

Track Your Focus

In addition to initiation, focus is another important element of motivation. People with ADHD and chronic difficulties with inattention have some areas where they can pay attention with no problem. They lack attention for uninteresting tasks.

Focus is a dynamic process of what is critical to notice or do. It is the spotlight of your attention. You can improve focus by noticing where it is and where it’s not. If you have a tendency to drift off while working or studying, create a plan for recovering focus when you catch your attention shifting away from the task at hand. It’s often helpful to create a work space for yourself which lacks distractions, like a quiet room without a TV or other digital temptations. Make it a habit to leave your phone and other devices out of arm’s reach to give yourself the best chance to stay focused on your work.

Make Note of What’s Working

success Self-evaluation, also known as metacognitive awareness, is the last executive functioning skill to coalesce, in the mid to late twenties for people with ADHD. Self-evaluation refers to the abilities for self-understanding, judgment and decision-making. Better self-awareness fosters academic and social competence.

As an exercise, think of what has worked well for you previously, and what didn’t when faced with a similar project. What lessons can you apply from those prior experiences to what’s in front of you right now? Create a strategy around doing more of what’s working well for you.

It may take some trial and error to come up with an approach which works well for you. That’s ok, it’s all part of learning and maturing. Stay positive, curious, and open-minded. Now let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work!

Ask Dr. Saline: How Can I Stop Emotional Meltdowns As an Adult With ADHD?

Dear Dr. Saline, I’m an adult in my late 50’s and have finally been diagnosed with ADHD. One of the behavior patterns I’ve struggled with over the years is emotional meltdowns. I get easily overwhelmed by stress, worry, or uncomfortable social situations. At first I get irritable, then it builds up to anger and eventually I just snap and lose my temper. I know it affects my family life and would like to do better for them and for myself. Any tips? Thank you, Kevin

From Dr. Saline:

Dear Kevin, It’s wonderful that you have been diagnosed and are working on making positive changes for yourself and your family. Anger is often a difficult emotion to manage for kids and adults with ADHD. Regulating intense emotions can be extra tough in the heat of the moment when your ADHD brain goes into overdrive. It’s hard to hold it together when you’re angry, frustrated or afraid. You may know you’re supposed to stay calm, take a break or practice breathing exercises, but that all flies out the window once you’re triggered. Instead, you may yell, cry or say inappropriate things which you’ll probably regret later. You already have the self-knowledge and awareness about your emotional dysregulation at times of great overwhelm. So you’re most of the way there! In order to gain more control over your emotions in the moment, you’ll need to practice a 4-step process I call “STOP-THINK-ACT-RECOVER”. The basic idea is that you stop long enough to notice the oncoming emotional meltdown, think about what’s happening and what other choices you could make, take a different action or approach and set aside time to recover and integrate. Let’s take a closer look at this technique.

Regain Emotional Control with “STOP-THINK-ACT-RECOVER”

Self-regulation is tough for folks with ADHD. The swell of emotional triggers take over the portion of the brain that helps us regulate and remain steady. The ADHD brain, with its ‘now/not now’ switch, may not recognize the triggers until it’s too late, leading to emotional flooding. STOP-THINK-ACT-RECOVER is a technique which will allow you to learn to identify and respond to emotional triggers and manage angry outbursts more intentionally. Think of it as your internal GPS which will guide you away from the oncoming storm and toward quieter shores.

STOP:

hands making stop sign

In this step you practice self-awareness. You notice the physiological signs that you are activated. You may feel your heart rate increase, notice perspiration and hear your voice growing louder. Catch yourself as soon as you’re aware of your physical symptoms and mounting emotions and stop before you melt down. If possible, go to another room or step outside. Take yourself out of the environment which is creating stress. If you’re interacting with other people, it’s ok to say, “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and need to take a little breather to gather my thoughts.”

THINK:

woman thinking Now that you’ve stopped the oncoming meltdown and put yourself in a neutral environment, take a pause long enough to regain your composure and gather your thoughts. Use metacognition to reflect on your thoughts and experiences. Take a few deep breaths and consider what’s most important right now. If you need to respond to an upsetting email, consider composing a few drafts to get your thoughts out. If you need to get back to a conversation, think about what might be a genuine response that isn’t offensive. Decide what the next right thing to do is.

ACT:

ACT graphic Here’s where you engage in doing that next right thing. You redirect your actions toward others in ways that are more constructive. These can include making repairs or simply moving onto something else. Either way, you are making a choice that is different from your typical reactions. Instead of yelling at your spouse or child, take the time to breathe deeply, speak calmly and share honestly.

RECOVER:

woman sitting on mountain Give yourself time and space to recalibrate. There is no need to rush and process anything. In fact, having some distance between an emotional meltdown and talking about it can be really helpful. Everybody has settled down and sometimes people have moved on or are more comfortable being accountable. After a few hours or maybe the next day, you (and those around you) will be better able to have an effective and clarifying conversation. ADHD or not, we are ultimately responsible for our reactions and behavior. We may not be able to control an unpleasant situation, but we can learn how to manage the ways we choose to respond. It’s the power of choice that needs to be the target of your focus, not self blame or shame. When you equip yourself with the necessary tools to manage anger, you will feel better about yourself, improve social relationships and increase productivity. And most importantly, you will help restore calm and connection within yourself and for your family.

“I wish more people understood how it felt to be neurodivergent”: What to Know About Neurodiversity

Time for a societal change? Awareness of neurodiversity is one step, acceptance and valuing these differences are the goals. This would mean a shift from ‘corrective’ behaviour therapy offered by Early Intervention centres. Here’s what to know about the Neurodiversity movement.

‘There is nothing wrong with being neurodiverse. It is simply a different way of thinking. Some of the greatest minds in history are suspected of being neurodiverse and their discoveries have changed the world. If as a society, we could find a way to embrace neurodiversity and support individuals rather than treating it as a problem to be solved, we might be a lot further in finding solutions for some of the major problems we are currently facing’ says Donna who is neurodivergent herself and has two neurodivergent children. As Autism Acceptance Week (previously referred to as Autism Awareness Week) nears, two mamas and Speech and Language Therapists Fátima Ionescu and Melanie Muttit advocate for a societal change to move from awareness of autistic individuals and neurodiversity to acceptance, support and inclusivity instead. The autistic community would like us to move away from Autism Awareness and instead to Autism Acceptance due to the ableist views and perceptions created by Autism Awareness Day. This would also mean not aiming to “fix” or “correct” neurodivergent attributes and characteristics as some Early Intervention centres aim to do and instead looking for neurodiverse-affirming approaches

Ask Dr. Saline: Woman Diagnosed with ADHD at 40 Years Old

Dear Dr. Saline: I figured out I had ADHD about 10 years ago when my daughter was diagnosed. I have never been diagnosed because it was obvious to me after I learned so much. Now that my children are grown I have been concentrating more on myself. Is there a benefit, besides medication, to being diagnosed? I’m 50 years old. Thanks! Denise Sign-up for my newsletter + Free Handout | Ask Dr. Saline

From Dr. Saline

Dear Denise: This is an important question and I’m glad you are asking it. ADHD in women can look very different than it does in men which is why it is so often misunderstood and misdiagnosed. Before I answer your question directly, let’s look at ADHD in girls and women in context. Most of the research about ADHD has long been centered on males and the externalizing symptoms of ADHD: hyperactivity, impulsiveness, aggression, fidgeting, excessive movement, visible restlessness, disorganization, loudness, trouble waiting, interrupting, and overtalking. In fact, boys are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than girls (12.9% compared to 5.6%). (Danielson ML, Bitsko RH, Ghandour RM, Holbrook JR, Kogan MD, Blumberg SJ. Prevalence of parent-reported ADHD diagnosis and associated treatment among U.S. children and adolescents, 2016. Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology. 2018, 47:2, 199-212.)

ADHD in Girls vs. Women

But ADHD manifests differently in girls and women which is why it tends to be diagnosed later. Girls are far more likely to experience the internalizing symptoms of ADHD: excessive talking, tardiness, disorganization, inner restlessness, distractedness, overwhelm, perfectionism, self-harm, social awkwardness, dreaminess, or early sexual activity. These traits are less disruptive in a classroom so girls are less likely to be referred by educators for an evaluation. In addition, many girls develop strategies to overcompensate for their struggles with inattention and mask their academic and/or social difficulties. As they mature and the demands on their executive functioning skills intensify, their coping methods are less effective. They become overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed. Frequently, girls and women are referred for these mood conditions or self-harming behaviors and their attention issues are overlooked.

Hormonal Shifts & ADHD

In addition, hormonal shifts in the menstrual cycle affect the symptoms of ADHD, increasing distractibility, mood changes, and forgetfulness. The onset of perimenopause and menopause can lead to extreme mood and cognitive shifts related to the declining levels of estrogen and progesterone. Women who may have experienced mild symptoms of ADHD (known or unknown) may suddenly experience issues that seem ‘new’ and distressing to them including decreased working memory and time management abilities and increased impulsivity, reactivity, disorganization, and overwhelm.

“ADHD manifests differently in girls and women which is why it tends to be diagnosed later. ”

Research

With the popularity of TikTok and other social media outlets, many women have been diagnosing themselves. In a recent study by Anthony Yeung, Enoch Ng et. al., the authors reviewed 100 videos and found that 52% were misleading and 71% misattributed symptoms to ADHD. I believe very strongly in the value of obtaining an accurate diagnosis from a mental health professional rather than a video. It’s important to discuss the symptoms and patterns of ADHD in your life with someone who is trained in this area, whether or not you decide to pursue medication. If you choose to obtain a psychoeducation evaluation, you will additionally learn a lot about how your brain works and understand strengths and challenges more fully. If you don’t, you can still assess your executive functioning skills with rating scales that a professional will explain to you. Your ADHD likely was present when you were younger, just like your daughter. But, people knew so much less about ADHD in women and girls at that time. One study found that 74% of girls who were diagnosed with ADHD in childhood persisted into adulthood. (Yeung, A., Ng, E., & Abi-Jaoude, E. (2022). TikTok and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: A cross-sectional study of social media content quality. The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, 67(12), 899–906. Being able to look back on some of your previous challenges in school, at home, or with peers now with the new information you have about ADHD in girls and women can put so many things into perspective. For many women, a formal diagnosis brings relief and context to behaviors that have long been puzzling. For others, there is grief about the years they lost feeling misunderstood.

In Conclusion

I strongly encourage you to find someone to work with you who really knows about ADHD in women. This is essential to receiving the help you need to accept the wonderful, unique brain you have. Instead of listening to the inner critic and its messages of doubt and judgment, embark on a journey of learning the executive functioning skills you need to live your best life as a woman with ADHD. Join a group, listen to podcasts, seek a knowledgeable therapist or coach, and practice radical acceptance. Connect with others who have shared a similar journey so reach out to the sisterhood of neurodivergent women. You are not alone.

Want to ask Dr. Saline a question? Click Here

Become A Member

Please become a member of my newsletter community. You can find support and resources and connect with a group that understands your questions and needs. Click here Follow me on social media: YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Invite Me to Speak | Join A Group | Newsletter | Read my blog

Sign-up for my newsletter today and receive 10% off!

Avoiding Mental and Emotional Burnout at Work with ADHD

Feeling tired and unexcited about work these days? You may be stressed, or you could be suffering from burnout. But how can you tell these apart, and what will help you feel better? Understanding how stress and burnout relate can help you keep energized and centered for work, home, and relationships.

Persistent Stress Leads to Burnout

When people with and without ADHD are stressed, they wonder about finding some trick to figuring out how to get their lives under control. They experience physical symptoms and search for a magic solution to make it all disappear. Whether dealing with persistent work changes, constant demands, or all-consuming projects in the office or at home, you’re simultaneously juggling and solving various issues. Things can feel overwhelming. Persistent stress can lead to burnout over time. It indicates that you are giving too much until there’s nothing left to give. Remember, stress and burnout are on two ends of the energy spectrum. Stress occurs when there are too many pressures on your mind and body: it’s a matter of too much. Burnout reflects a deficiency, a feeling of not having enough. You lack energy or resources because you are depleted. Your fuel tank is empty. When people are burned out, they experience more emotional symptoms such as hopelessness, a lack of motivation, and exhaustion. You’ve been multitasking and overworking for too long, exhausting your brain and body, and you feel like nothing is left. The candle that you’ve been burning at both ends has no wax left.

The Key to Lowering Stress

Lowering stress and addressing burnout also require different interventions. The key to lowering stress is reducing your commitments and slowing down stimulation. For folks with ADHD, these options can be unappealing and boring. Who wants to limit fun activities or do only one thing at a time? Because the ADHD brain craves novelty and struggles with managing intense emotions, it can be especially tough for you to do the activities that will assist you in managing stress.

Pause and Give Yourself Time

Reducing overwhelm by pausing or giving yourself time before agreeing to do something, scheduling adequate downtime to integrate and process information or experiences, and doing more of what you enjoy will help you feel less stressed. Setting up routines for eating, sleeping, personal hygiene, cleaning laundry, and spending time with friends reduces the sense of drowning–an important aspect of stress. You want to aim to decrease the ‘too-muchness’ of your life. This is why picking ONE habit to change will launch you towards progressing instead of aiming for three or four.

Learn How to Set Limits

Recovering from burnout differs because the issues relate more to feeling empty, overburdened, or unsatisfied. Isolation, shame, and self-criticism are common denominators for folks who experience burnout. Burnout is often the result of an imbalance in the work-life ratio in your life, which can include the extracurricular activities/school life ratio of kids for parents. How can you set limits on these? Think about something that makes you happy (no matter how small) and bring that into your life. Active self-care and a healthy lifestyle are key to recovering from and preventing burnout.

Tips to Reduce Mental & Emotional Burnout

Follow these tips to reduce mental and emotional burnout at work:

1. Reduce Isolation

Talk to caring friends, partners, relatives, or professionals. This is tough to do because you often lack energy for connections when burnt out. But you need support right now to pivot into self-care.

2. Incorporate Pleasure Into Daily Life

You need a reprieve from your routine. What can you do, outside of work, to fill your bucket? Something that you enjoy and can put into your routine. If you don’t like running, even though it’s good for you, then it’s not that.

3. Look at Work Differently

Reducing burnout means setting limits on what you do, how much time you spend on it, and how often you think (or obsess) about it. Who can assist you with figuring out how to set limits and what to say? Can you make a friend or two at work to increase comradery and support? This can reduce the drudgery–monotony–of an unfulfilling job.

4. Plan for a Break

Take a few days off or a longer vacation to recharge. If you have it, use your sick time. After all, you are sick and tired, right?! Perhaps shake things up and make a day trip or two if you can’t afford to go away. Separate yourself from your environment.

5. Explore What Contentment Looks Like

Your personal standard for sanity and success is yours and can’t be based on someone else’s ideas to heal burnout. Reconsider your priorities; nurture a hobby; spend time outside; watch a favorite movie; hang out with caring friends.

6. Follow a Healthy Lifestyle

Start to exercise daily. Any form of physical movement will increase the endorphins in your brain and improve your mood. In addition, get enough sleep. Set up a regular bedtime and use alarms so you follow them. Eat fewer refined foods, and saturated fats, avoid nicotine, and use alcohol or marijuana sparingly, if at all.

Want to ask Dr. Saline a question? Click Here

Become A Member

ADHD and Imposter Syndrome: Stop Criticizing and Start Believing in Yourself

Do you dismiss a compliment or attribute success at your work to luck instead of your intelligence, creativity, or effort? Unfortunately, many adults (and kids) with ADHD have trouble accepting positive feedback about themselves. Years of hearing about their deficiencies or experiencing challenges related to having a neurodivergent brain lead many folks with ADHD to walk around with a persistent feeling that they are just not good enough. Perhaps you feel like an imposter. You wonder if you genuinely deserve validation or acknowledgment when good things happen. If these statements are factual, you probably struggle with imposter syndrome.

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome reflects feeling like a fraud or a phony. It comes from a sense of insecurity in your awareness or hovering just below the surface. Imposter syndrome doesn’t occur overnight. Instead, it takes years of receiving criticism and experiencing judgments for somebody to develop a core sense of deficiency. Based on evaluations, exclusion, or hostility from others as you mature, this deficiency lies at the heart of imposter syndrome. People with ADHD and without can suffer from it. This insecurity fosters pervasive self-doubt that you don’t deserve any accolades that you receive. Instead, you deem other people more worthy because of their accomplishments, confidence, or appearance. Imposter syndrome is directly related to perfectionism. Since you are not perfect and can never achieve perfection, then you are fundamentally flawed. Sadly, no success seems to lessen this wound for so many folks. Many neurodivergent teens and adults who have frequently been judged unfavorably against neurotypical standards have internalized these opinions. Despite all efforts to the contrary and any admirable achievements, you may still believe they are true. Imposter syndrome is the domain of your inner critic. It’s the voice spews negativity about simply being an outside-the-box thinker, an imperfectly perfect human like the rest of us. But this voice adds a toxic layer of insecurity: you walk around anxious that someone will discover the incompetent, foolish person you think you indeed are. You can’t assimilate the accolades your receive, no matter how much you deserve them. In addition, many people with imposter syndrome also live with a low (or overt) level of depression. There’s a mix of persistent anxiety about discovering your dark secret and hopelessness that you can never entirely change for the better. Even though its origins can make sense, given your personal history, it’s still a brutal way to treat yourself.

Manifest A Growth Mindset

I want to offer you a different approach that allows you to value and absorb affirming things about yourself. You do not have to live with imposter syndrome. Yes, lowering the volume of these harsh thoughts and deeply ingrained false beliefs can be very challenging. You may be so accustomed to second-guessing yourself that it seems counterintuitive to act differently. But what if you allowed yourself to make mistakes and be successful simultaneously? Sometimes you hit a home run, and sometimes, you swing and miss. The average baseball player strikes out at the plate two out of three times. Trying, struggling, regrouping, and trying again doesn’t mean that you’ve failed or other people are better than you are. It’s what living is all about: manifesting a growth mindset. Imposter syndrome intensifies your vulnerabilities while denying you the satisfaction derived from effort and engagement. You have strengths and challenges like everybody else. The problem is the struggle to hold onto your successes long enough to believe in your abilities and nurture a sense of inner pride. Instead, the imposter monster quickly grabs them and tosses them away.

Acknowledge Your Wins

When you acknowledge your wins, regardless of size or importance, you are laying Kryptonite at the feet of the imposter beast. When you pay equal if not more attention to things that go well, something that you enjoy, and things that you are good at, you weaken this pattern even more. It’s about shifting your perspective from what’s wrong and not enough about you to celebrate what is positive and good enough. Accept it if someone pays you a compliment–don’t deflect it. Say “thank you.” Please take it in and hold it like the precious gift that it is. If you tell a colleague that you want to improve your timeliness and you show up to a meeting on time, receive their high-five of support with a grin. When your partner appreciates that you went grocery shopping and put away all the food, refrain from minimizing and accepting their acknowledgment.

Build Self-Confidence & Self-Worth

Start to counter the inner critic’s voice by strengthening your inner ally. This coach is the one who encourages you, who reminds you of your value as a person, and who sees the good in things you do. Strengthen this ally by paying attention to what is working. At the end of each day, with your partner at dinner, via text with a friend, or in your journal, acknowledge three things that went well. These can be as simple as “I made a great cup of coffee this morning” to “My boss told me that she loved my presentation.” Fill up the well inside of you with these statements instead of the self-critical, judgmental ones. You’ll be building self-confidence and self-worth instead of fueling anxiety.

You’re Important and Valuable

Lastly, I cannot emphasize the importance of validating traits about yourself that are separate from what you do–traits about who you are: warm, funny, intelligent, spontaneous, generous, and kind. People with ADHD struggle to perform effectively in areas related to executive functioning deficits like emotional regulation, organization, time management, and focus. But you also excel at activities and interests you love. Both are true simultaneously. There’s a lot right with you so take the time to notice, honor and hold onto those things today. This is how you will reduce imposter syndrome.

Want to ask Dr. Saline a question? Click Here

Become A Member

Sign-up for my newsletter today and receive 10% off!

Learn how to Genuinely Live Free & Shine Your light with ADHD in 2023 Without Pressure or Promises

Sometimes I get a bit blue around New Year’s Day. With everybody making promises about things they want to change or do differently, I feel pressured instead of motivated, pressured to make another resolution about fixing some aspect of my life that could go better. Then I overfocus on my mistakes this year, on things that didn’t go well at work, in my family, or how I tried something new with mixed results. With all of these thoughts swirling in my head, I feel anything but excited about what’s ahead in the coming months. Ugh. Do you do this? Frankly, let’s do away with resolutions and focus instead on the wins from the year that just passed.

Focus On The Good

Wouldn’t it be lovely to gather around the table and share one achievement, along with our thoughts about how to further these? Take a minute now and reflect on something that happened in 2022 that you feel good about. It can be small, or it can be big. Size or impact doesn’t matter. What’s essential is shifting your mindset from fixing what’s wrong to enhance what’s going well. I’ve always loved the gospel spiritual “This little light of mine.” When my children were young, we sang it at holidays or birthdays. We loved the message and the melody. Lately, this song has been buzzing through my head as a theme song for my clients. It has helped me assist them in moving beyond previous limitations (set by others or themselves) toward taking appropriate risks for genuine participation in relationships, work events, and social situations.

Your 2023 Call-to-Action

When you grow up with a neurodivergent brain, whether it’s having ADHD, a learning disability, autism, being twice-exceptional, or dealing with mental health issues, other people may have blown out your light. Not once, not twice, but multiple times. This year, my call to action is to fire your light up and shine it, no matter what other people say or do. It can be tough to shine your light in the face of criticism, misunderstanding, or rejection. It can also be challenging to try living as an outside-the-box thinker in a world marked by categories, labels, and judgments. Shining your light isn’t about ignoring what’s happening around you but instead accepting yourself, warts and all, and owning what is unique and brilliant about who you are. Yes, we all make mistakes; that’s how human beings learn. These experiences can also be painful, embarrassing, and discouraging, but they are opportunities to grow, practice flexibility, and change.

Lowering The Volume on Negative Voices

Learning can be challenging to do and a struggle for many people. But it will also allow you to reduce the volume on the negative internal voices in their heads and raise the dimmer on the light switch to project something unique and positive about themselves instead. Practicing self-compassion, being mindful about your choices, acting with accountability rather than shame, and talking to yourself the way you would speak to a third-grader with a skinned knee–will lead to more personal happiness and greater self-esteem. In 2023, I ask that we honor our full selves’ wonderful, complicated nature. Reflect on one behavior or characteristic about yourself that you enjoy and that seems to make others happy too. This is what we can share brightly with others. I encourage you to stop beating yourself up for what you aren’t and start empowering yourself for who you are. When you foster a consistent connection with this part of yourself, the foibles seem smaller and less significant because they are. You are more than whatever a resolution aims to change. This upcoming year, you may live with ease, safety, and health. May you treat yourself and others with kindness and care. Happy 2023! P.S. After I wrote this blog, a friend sent me this poem by Donna Ashworth that she saw on Facebook. It was so synchronistic that I had to share it with you.

Let Your Light Shine!

Why do we start a new year with promises to improve? Who began this tradition of never-ending pressure? The end of a year should be filled with congratulation for all we survived. And I say a new year should start with promises to be kinder to ourselves, to understand better just how much we bear, as humans on this exhausting treadmill of life. And if we are to promise more, let’s pledge to rest, before our bodies force us. Let’s pledge to stop, and drink in life as it happens. Let’s pledge to strip away a layer of perfection to reveal the flawed and wondrous humanity we truly are inside. Why start another year, gifted to us on this earth, with demands on our already over-strained humanity. When we could be learning to accept, that we were always supposed to be imperfect. And that is where the beauty lives, actually. And if we can only find that beauty, we would also find peace. I wish you peace in 2023. Everything else is all just a part of it. Let it be so. Donna Ashworth

Become A Member

Sign-up for my newsletter today and receive 10% off!

4 New Ways to Create ADHD-Friendly Family Traditions

For many of us, this is the first holiday season we get to spend with friends and family after the past few years learning how to live a “new normal” during the pandemic. Although it made gathering difficult, it helped us realize the importance of spending time and celebrating important moments with people we love. Initially, family gatherings may feel a bit awkward after this long gap. But reviving established family traditions will not only help rebuild connections and memories for years to come. It will also help to create new traditions, both for your family and friends. Below, I have shared four meaningful and inclusive ways you can create new ADHD-friendly family fun traditions. Join my newsletter community>>

Take-A-Break & Focus on Family

Start this process by focusing on the whole family. Include them in the planning process and see what lights people up about the holidays. What does everybody imagine would make this time special and fun? Using collaborative brainstorming techniques works most effectively for kids, teens and adults with ADHD because you can balance activity with recovery time in whatever you set up. You also want to keep things interesting with variety of new and familiar activities. Celebrating and creating family traditions is sure to put mores sparkle into the holiday season.

Celebrate Your Family Traditions

During the end-of-year holiday season, it’s nice to reflect on customs and traditions which make your family unique. This creates bonds and gives the younger members of the family a deeper sense of identity and connection to their heritage. It’s also just a nice way to mark the season. When you have a family tradition, you have something to plan and look forward to each year. This is very helpful for kids and teens with ADHD who tend to be concrete thinkers. The traditions offer a foothold in a holiday season that can otherwise feel overwhelming. Whether you take a trip, volunteer, bake, play games or have a movie marathon, the family has something special to focus on and contribute to year after year. You can also use this time of year as an opportunity to learn about other family customs and traditions. Do you have friends or neighbors whose holiday celebrations are different from your own? Perhaps there’s an opportunity to share in their experience, and invite them over to see how your family celebrates. This can be an enriching and rewarding experience for everyone, but especially for children. The value of learning about other people’s traditions is immense, and teaches everyone to not only accept but to also appreciate our differences and uniqueness.

Creating New ADHD-friendly Family Traditions

Time to roll up your sleeves and get creative! Discuss as a family what types of activities or particular celebrations might be fun, meaningful and doable. Remember to accommodate the needs of members of your family with ADHD. Discuss their capacity for participation and address specific challenges related to impulse control, hyperactivity or inattention. They may get bored more easily or struggle to disengage from something fun when it’s time to leave. Together, make a plan in advance for coping with these issues when they arise so you aren’t scrambling in the midst of meltdown. Write these down and remind your kids about them beforehand. This is also a time to give back to others. See if you can incorporate helping or volunteering within your family, community, and beyond. Giving to others helps nurture both gratitude and empathy. When you think outside-of-the-box about the holidays, you can combine the traditions people love with the opportunity to apply their creative brains. This helps avoid the “same old, same old” mentality that can make some folks with ADHD dread the holiday season. Here are some ideas for fun and meaningful ADHD-friendly holiday traditions for you to consider:

Food-related Traditions

Transform one of your family’s favorite holiday dishes by making it a new way
Make a beloved recipe that brings people together to prepare, cook and enjoy it
Assemble small gift packages with delectable treats (cookies, homemade bread, spiced nuts or dried fruits) for relatives, neighborhoods or guests
Hold a light-hearted gingerbread house assembly contest with prizes for different categories such as the most colorful, the most unusual, the most delectable, etc.
Use foods like pasta, popcorn or candy to make crafts and decorations
Organize a food related scavenger hunt around your house (candy, nuts, brownies, etc.)
Cook and freeze a few beloved dishes that your college-age kids or emerging adults can carry home with them

Social Traditions

Organize a family sing-along or a sing-down
Play charades, the salad bowl game or a family talent show
Gather friends or family and drive around your neighborhood looking at the holiday lights, picking your favorites and then coming home for hot cocoa (This was a favorite for my gang!)
Have an ugly sweater or funky hat contest
Go sledding, ice skating, skiing or do other outdoor activities together
Take a family photo with a theme
Host a game night or movie evening

Gifting Traditions

Organize a gift exchange for family and friends with new rules for the gift exchange (e.g. nothing store-bought, must be a specific color, should be eco-friendly, etc.)
Make your own digital or snail mail cards or calendar for the year using photos, original designs or valued poems
Consider homemade gifts such as potted plants, a knitted cap, collages, tie dye tee-shirts, etc.
Brainstorm ideas for experience gifts (museum passes, guitar lessons, day trips, etc.)
Create a coupon book for activities that somebody might really like such as getting a free pass from doing certain chores (clearing the table, making dinner, folding the laundry, etc.) or for doing desired activities (going out to a movie, ordering take-out of their choice, sleeping in on a Saturday, etc.)

Giving Back Traditions

As a family, talk about and choose one charity that you wish to support through a donation or volunteer opportunity
Find a way to include a relative or friend who could not join your festivities in person
Give your services at a food pantry, senior center or soup kitchen
With the help of a few friends, organize a gently used clothing/toy/book swap with leftovers going to a homeless shelter, immigrant family, hospital charity.

It’s really important to think ahead rather than flying by the seat-of-your-pants and feeling anxious or guilty or not good enough. When you set up activities in advance, name the new ones it’s perceived as something special. This increases anticipation, buy-in and participation. Shaking things up with something new while simultaneously repeating lovely traditions is what keeps kids and adults with ADHD engaged in the holiday celebrations because there is variety. Collaborate on creative, interesting and practical ideas that will work for your family and enjoy time with friends, coworkers and loved ones. Most importantly, make sure to slow down and take a break from the day-to-day stress in your life if you can. Kick back and take that well-deserved break, whatever it may look like. During this holiday season, I wish you peace, good health and joy! We will return with our next blog January 2023.

“The most important thing in the world is family and love.” ~ John Woode

Become A Member

Please become a member of my newsletter community. You can find support and resources and connect with a group that understands your questions and needs. Click here

Follow me on social media: YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Invite Me to Speak | Join A Group | Newsletter | Read my blog

Sign-up for my newsletter today and receive 10% off!

How to Avoid Being Overwhelmed During the Holiday Season

Are you starting to feel stressed about the holidays? I am. This weekend as I was out doing errands, the Christmas music was loudly blaring in every store while people rushed around with lists in hand and frantic expressions. I wondered quietly why we put ourselves through this holiday stress. There has to be another way to approach the holiday season. This year, I’d like to advocate emphasizing experiences over material gifts, creating meaningful holiday traditions with people we love, and for volunteering to help those in need. If you could change one thing about how you approach this holiday season, what would it be? Believe it or not, when we race around less, we limit the overwhelming feeling that can be debilitating for those with and without ADHD. We all know this is true, and yet we still lose ourselves in the hustle and bustle of shopping until we drop. While many people anticipate the excitement of the holiday season, children and adults with ADHD might be a bit overwhelmed by party planning, socializing, and last-minute shopping. During this time, you should find ways to prioritize what matters most, your mental health, fully enjoy the season, and restart the new year with a fresh and renewed mindset.

Prioritize Your Mental Health

Prioritizing what matters means taking care of your well-being during these busy weeks and showing up for others. You might make a list of self-care activities and schedule it into your calendar along with the endless errands. Perhaps consider the fun factor and the role that it plays. I’m not advocating selfishness but rather healthy self-focus. Slow down when you feel activated, pause, and consider what’s happening and what would help you settle. This is showing yourself the love that lies at the heart of this season of light. If parties aren’t your thing, how about planning a hot cocoa with whipped cream at your favorite cafe? Or, maybe, a walk in the park with a single friend or relative. A drive around the neighborhood to look at the colorful lights might also boost your spirit and be a fun outing with your family. Below is expert advice on how to enjoy the holiday season without getting overwhelmed.

4 Ways to Care For Yourself

1. Be present and think creatively

Forget comparisons to previous holidays and the recurring ‘should have’s of the season. Shift your focus and think a bit outside of the box. Reflect on what would make this time of year special to you. Consider what takes you into those stressful moments and identify what helps you stay more in the present. Identifying your personal goals and hopes for 2023 will bring you joy. Now go and enjoy it!

2. Keep it simple

It is MORE than okay to stop operating on an “all-systems-go” battery. Keep your days simple. By this time of the year, everyone is tired and feeling drained. Brainstorm a few easy, rewarding things that don’t make you feel worn out. Plan for rest and restorative activities and put them on your calendar. When you write them down in your schedule, they are much more likely to occur.

3. Create a vacation routine

Often the appeal of days off from work with lots of open space can diminish when the time arrives. Given the upheaval and unpredictability of the past few years, some daily routines will give just enough organization to your days and, if you’ve got kids, keep them off screens 24/7. Of course, it’s a vacation, so you don’t want to structure each day with a formal plan. But having a loose routine for your days helps you (and your kids) know what to expect and think about. I recommend something like wake up, breakfast, activity period one, lunch, activity period two, maybe a rest, dinner, and possibly a night-time outing if you’re up for it.

4. Practice self-compassion

Be kind to yourself right now and always. Nobody can do this for you, and it’s an essential practice for living fully. There’s probably more than enough disappointment and frustration from the past eleven months (or more) to go around. Criticizing yourself adds to the dirty laundry pile instead of empowering you to toss that load into the washer. Instead, acknowledge that you, like all of us, have been doing the best you can with the available resources–today and every day. Remember, reflect on some things you’ve appreciated this year and be specific. Pat yourself on the back for them. When you nurture your gratitude, you counteract negative messages from others. This builds your self-esteem and reduces negativity and burnout.

“Do something nice for yourself today. Find some quiet, sit in stillness, and breathe. Put your problems on pause. You deserve a break.”― Akiroq Brost

Become A Member

Please become a member of my newsletter community. You can find support and resources, and connect with a group that understands your questions and needs. Click here

Follow me on social media: YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Invite Me to Speak | Join A Group | Newsletter | Read my blog

Sign-up for my newsletter today and receive 10% off!

ADHD Tips for Kids & Adults: Improve Brain Focus & Productivity

. Can you relate to this scenario? You’re in the kitchen at 6 p.m. trying to prepare dinner while talking on the phone using your earpods and looking at texts periodically when a notification appears. Meanwhile, your teenage son watches television while doing math homework and checking Facebook. At this moment, you are all being hijacked by your devices into thinking all these tasks can be done simultaneously. However, your brains are not fooled. Multitasking doesn’t exist in the brain, and the myth that we can do multiple things simultaneously is untrue. Multitasking, especially involving technology, slows productivity, changes how we absorb information, and can increase superficiality in social relationships.

The Effects of Multitasking

When we multitask, we are simply splitting our attention. Each time we switch from one task to another, we’re not concentrating on either charge, and our body needs a mental warm-up to resume the suspended task. In addition, while multitasking, our bodies become over-activated and addicted to constant stimulation, our stress hormones rise with every text or email alert, exhaust the connections between different parts of our brain and increase our susceptibility to illness, accidents, and inattentiveness. Dr. Daniel Goleman (2013) wrote in his book, Focus that it can take anywhere from ten to fifteen minutes to regain complete focus from these regular disruptions. Efficiency goes down—productivity decreases. You likely get less done in all areas and probably feel more depleted. A recent study in the Nature journal found that heavier media multitasking is associated with a higher tendency to have attention lapses and forget things. For adults with ADHD who already struggle with working memory and processing speed issues, media multitasking can have serious, if not dire, consequences. Media multitasking is part of the new ‘normal’ today. It is no longer considered rude to turn our attention away from someone we are talking to and respond to a cell phone call. Or to participate in a meeting and be engaged in other tabs or emailing someone simultaneously. We have “novelty detectors” in our brains that activate each time these technology devices “ping.” This activation occurs in the brain’s dopamine pathway, which manages pleasure, attention, and addiction. These pings, deliver messages that we want to hear. But also pulls on our attention becoming an addiction for us.

Sensory Overload in ADHD Brains

ADHD brains, already taxed by executive functioning challenges and prone to seeking out high dopamine activities, are biologically primed for the increased adrenaline and cortisol these notifications deliver. Does this mean you shouldn’t listen to music while you work on a project or rely on brown noise to soothe the buzzing in your head? No. I’m talking about the process of switching back and forth from tab to tab, from device to device, and from one sensory overload to another. These patterns overwhelm all brains but particularly those that are neurodivergent.

Opt for a Single Task

What can we do about this unhealthy trend that promotes disconnection from ourselves and each other? Opt for single-tasking as often as possible. I struggle with this. Like you, I’ve got a lot to do each day. It’s easier if I talk on the phone when I walk my dog or create a presentation while checking my email every hour so it doesn’t accumulate. But I’m simply shredding my attention when I do this because I’m not present for either task. I can feel the stress increase. Can you? It feels like a bad habit I need to stop, but sometimes I just can’t. Recently, I spent a Saturday at a writing workshop. I intentionally closed all of my Google Drive tabs except those on my Google drive, except the ones related to the story I was working on. I turned off the ringer on my phone and checked for texts only before meals. Although it was tough initially, I soon found myself relieved and free to think only about the writing project. My shoulders relaxed, and I got a lot done. I’ve been trying to carry this forward with me since then, but it’s two steps ahead and one step back. When it works, my concentration is more substantial, and I feel calmer. You may or may not be able to eliminate your media multitasking habits, but if you can make even a tiny change, I think you’ll find a difference in your ability to perform better and feel less stressed. Here are a few suggestions for you.

Steps to Improve Brain Focus & Productivity

1. Make a conscious effort to do one thing at a time

This means noticing when you are multitasking and pausing to stop engaging in one of your activities. Last week I saw someone talking on his cell phone while biking- YIKESJust last week, I saw someone talking on his cell phone when he was biking–YIKES! Examples include no texting while driving (“Almost 9% of all fatalities are linked to distracted driving”) or no phones during family meals. How about using the time when you are doing chores or helping your kids with homework to connect and take a phone break? It’s not easy to do, but the pay-offs will increase sanity and calm for you, them and your household. By the way, listening to music while doing something, interestingly enough, didn’t seem to be included in the multitasking/information overload processes I read about for this blog.

2. Turn off your cell phone when you are working

It’s one thing to listen to music and go for a run. It’s something else to receive texts or social media notifications throughout work. Your concentration and productivity gets disrupted, and the quality of your work suffers when this happens. If you are worried about missing an emergency, set a timer to check your phone regularly set a timer to check your phone at regular intervals. It’s the ping, ping, ping which activates your stress response, throws off your focus, and increases your distractibility to other interruptions. Instead, use a timer for whatever break you need between your work periods to mark its beginning and end.

3. Close unnecessary tabs and create separate browsers

This is a hard one for many folks with ADHD. One idea can lead to another, and then suddenly, you have 30 (or more) tabs open. Do you feel more or less stressed when you look at the top of your screen and see all those tabs? It increases my anxiety because I’m now looking at an extensive array of things that I ‘should’ pay attention to. Ask yourself, how many open tabs can you handle without feeling overwhelmed? Once or twice a day, reduce your tabs to that number. If you are worried you will forget something important if the tab is closed, add it to a bookmarked folder. Then you can return to it later. Similarly, divide your interests into two browsers: Separating home and work stuff can lower your multitasking tendencies. When you are at work, close the other browser, opening it during breaks only with a timer to limit yourself. Remember your goal is increased productivity, not going down rabbit holes.

4. Engage in conversations when you are not distracted by your phone

It doesn’t feel good to anybody to have someone turn their attention away from a conversation. Their phone is buzzing while you are in the middle of saying something that you think is valuable. Yes, it may be the custom now, but, each time you do this, you signal that your phone is more important. This is especially true when parents turn away from their children to their phones. It may look like multitasking, but it’s more like dismissing: you turn away from your loved one towards the digital universe. I struggle with this as a parent, and I also know how it feels as a child. When I visit my aging father (who lives several hours away) and he’s playing around with his iPad while talking to me, I feel hurt. Didn’t I just travel here to see and connect with you? Does this happen in your family or at your job? How does single-tasking, paying more attention to the conversation affect your participation? Do yourself a favor and take some time to reflect on the benefits of doing fewer things simultaneously, even if it feels strange or uncomfortable. When you set limits around multitasking, no matter how small, you will start to give your ADHD brain more time and space to process and retain information, produce a higher quality of work, and show up genuinely for colleagues, friends, and family. Model this change in behavior for your kids and stick by the guidelines that you want them to follow. As you shift your patterns, you’ll decrease information and emotional overload and build cognitive strengths like improved focus, attention, and memory. Reducing media multitasking takes practice and persistence. Throw in a bit of self-compassion because this is a daunting process. Start slowly, and don’t give up!

Become A Member

Please become a member of my newsletter community. You can find support and, resources, and connect with a group that understands your questions and needs. Click here

Follow me on social media: YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Invite Me to Speak | Join A Group | Newsletter | Read my blog

Sign-up for my newsletter today and receive 10% off!

From Dr. Saline:

Managing Ambiguity

Tips for Increasing Productivity

Reframe your view of the task

Chunk it and chunk it again

Track Your Focus

Make Note of What’s Working

From Dr. Saline:

Regain Emotional Control with “STOP-THINK-ACT-RECOVER”

STOP:

THINK:

ACT:

RECOVER:

From Dr. Saline

ADHD in Girls vs. Women

Hormonal Shifts & ADHD

“ADHD manifests differently in girls and women which is why it tends to be diagnosed later. ”

Research

In Conclusion

Want to ask Dr. Saline a question? Click Here

Become A Member

Persistent Stress Leads to Burnout

The Key to Lowering Stress

Pause and Give Yourself Time

Learn How to Set Limits

Tips to Reduce Mental & Emotional Burnout

1. Reduce Isolation

2. Incorporate Pleasure Into Daily Life

3. Look at Work Differently

4. Plan for a Break

5. Explore What Contentment Looks Like

6. Follow a Healthy Lifestyle

Want to ask Dr. Saline a question? Click Here

Become A Member

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

Manifest A Growth Mindset

Acknowledge Your Wins

Build Self-Confidence & Self-Worth

You’re Important and Valuable

Want to ask Dr. Saline a question? Click Here

Become A Member

Focus On The Good

Your 2023 Call-to-Action

Lowering The Volume on Negative Voices

Let Your Light Shine!

Become A Member

Take-A-Break & Focus on Family

Celebrate Your Family Traditions

Creating New ADHD-friendly Family Traditions

Food-related Traditions

Social Traditions

Gifting Traditions

Giving Back Traditions

“The most important thing in the world is family and love.” ~ John Woode

Become A Member

Prioritize Your Mental Health

4 Ways to Care For Yourself

1. Be present and think creatively

2. Keep it simple

3. Create a vacation routine

4. Practice self-compassion

“Do something nice for yourself today. Find some quiet, sit in stillness, and breathe. Put your problems on pause. You deserve a break.”― Akiroq Brost

Become A Member

The Effects of Multitasking

Sensory Overload in ADHD Brains

Opt for a Single Task

Steps to Improve Brain Focus & Productivity

1. Make a conscious effort to do one thing at a time

2. Turn off your cell phone when you are working

3. Close unnecessary tabs and create separate browsers

4. Engage in conversations when you are not distracted by your phone

Become A Member

Sign-Up for Dr. Saline’s Newsletter

Quick Links

Contact Info