ADHD Parenting: 4 Ways Adults Can Lighten the Mood with Kids During Difficult Moments

ADHD Parent working from home with kids and dogMaintaining a sense of humor when raising ADHD and non-ADHD kids alike is an essential tool for any parent. Children can expand your heart and push your buttons like no one else. But being able to laugh at what happens, at your reactions and sometimes at life itself helps ease the journey. Now we all know that everybody does things they’re proud of as a parent and things that they wish they hadn’t. Having compassion for yourself when you stumble enables you to giggle at your foibles without bombarding yourself with shame. Because self-blame or criticism of others often intensifies small incidents into full-blown explosions. Although, maintaining a sense of humor in challenging situations reduces the chances of meltdowns and helps you recover from setbacks more easily. Learn four new ways to manage parenting stress with humor and (re)connect with your child below. 

4 ways to manage stress and (re)connect with your child

1. Laugh at yourself when you ‘trip up’

As the parent, you need to set a good example for your kids by using a tone that brings humor, boundaries and self-expression to difficult situations. Raising ADHD kids comes with a unique set of challenges, but managing your emotions and expectations helps keep you calm while keeping life’s ups and downs in perspective. In addition, knowing how to laugh at yourself when you trip up really takes the edge off many challenging situations. Sometimes we get so caught up in the seriousness of parenting, we forget the important role humor plays in handling our own stress and creating a calm and pleasant atmosphere for the whole family.

2. Use levity to diffuse tension and gain self-control

Asian family having fun in stressful situationWhen you inject levity into challenging situations, you shift the conversation away from annoyance and aggravation. This requires some self-control and creativity but the rewards are plentiful. When you look at yourself and your reactions differently, you’ll take the first step toward diffusing tension. You’re not only modeling this for your ADHD child as an effective coping tool, you’ll feel better and they will too. For example, when kids speak to you in a disrespectful tone, you have a choice. You can angrily tell them “You’re not allowed to speak to me that way. Go to your room.” Or, you can say: “Fresh is for vegetables, not speaking to me like that.” The first option throws fuel on the fire; the second one, dampens the flames.  If your teenage son gets into your car, plugs in his phone and listens to music that he knows you hate, you could tell him that he’s being selfish and entitled and unplug his phone. Or, you could learn some of the lyrics to his favorite songs and sing along. That will certainly change the dynamic in the car and likely make you both smile. By proactively doing this you’re able to manage your own reaction with humor and not responding negatively. 

3. Use humor as a way to (re)connect with your child

Sandwich with a smiling face to add humorOne of the toughest predicaments for any ADHD parent is the loss of connection with their child. Sometimes this is a natural extension of your teen’s growing independence. Other times bonds break as the result of divorce or other demands which decrease a parent’s presence in their child’s life. Whether you and your ADHD child are drifting apart or are just finding it difficult to bond in the current phase of your relationship, humor is a wonderful tool with which to reconnect.  Humor can help you form a strong bonder with your child, diffuse tension, overcome problems and setbacks, put things into perspective, loosen you up, and energize your thinking. Using laughter will help you resolve disagreements and strengthen your relationships.

4. Lighten the mood

African-American parents with child talking to lighten the moodIf you were to recall a happy memory from your own life, chances are it involved shared laughter about a funny incident or inside joke. As with your other relationships, look for opportunities to infuse humor into your relationship with your ADHD child. Watch  funny YouTube videos, tell corny Dad jokes or make up goofy song lyrics – it all lightens the mood and gets you to share good times together. Get your creative juices flowing and seek out any activity in which you and your child share an interest. If you can make it a regular occurrence, all the better. If your child doesn’t seem interested at first, shrug it off and enjoy the activity on your own. When your child sees you roaring with laughter watching TikTok videos  or practicing new dance moves, they’ll likely get curious enough to see what you’re up to. Keep it going and chances are your connection with your child will grow with time. Humor is an integral component of emotional well-being and social engagement.  It lifts our spirits and offers a point of connection with others. In addition, humor eases tense situations and relieves stress of all kinds. Of course there are difficult problems and situations where humor is not an appropriate response. But for day-to-day ADHD parenting challenges, maintaining a sense of humor can go a long way and bring joy, calm and connection. Dr. Sharon Saline headshot

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YourTango: 7 Tools For Managing Childhood Anxiety

“Most kids and adults just want their anxiety to go away NOW. As parents, we try to anticipate and cope with the fear of our child or teen by trying to protect them from the pain. I don’t know about you, but this rarely worked in my family because the worries just came back. Anxiety — the physiological response to powerful worries — needs to be addressed head on. We have to teach our kids tools to cope with their worries so they feel empowered and confident enough to take risks and meet unforeseen challenges.” Learn more tips for childhood anxiety in Dr. Saline’s article on YourTango:

Read the full article on YourTango: “7 Tools For Managing Childhood Anxiety”


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CHADD ADHD Newsstand: Help Your Child Better Cope with Social Anxiety

“Social anxiety is a fear that people will scrutinize you in familiar or unfamiliar social situations and that this negative judgment will have harmful effects on you,” says Sharon Saline, PsyD, author of What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life. Children and teens with social anxiety disorder tend to focus on what they believe other people are thinking about them, something that is outside of reality, says Dr. Saline. A child may be afraid of being judged if they speak out in class, and the fear may be so overwhelming that they say nothing. This can loop to feeling even more anxiety because they worry about also being judged for not saying anything.”

Read the full article featuring Dr. Saline on CHADD.org: Help Your Child Better Cope with Social Anxiety

 

Summer Vacations with ADHD: 5 Beat The Heat Tips for Families

Dog in car for vacation or beachAah, the thrill of family vacations! Everyone piles in the car, bus or plane for a fun-filled week of togetherness and Hollywood happily-ever after endings, right? Family vacations often start with high hopes. Everyone imagines bubbly laughter, good food and happy connections. You are excited and so are your kids. Usually, things work out as you had hoped: people get along well and have a good time. Sometimes things don’t work out as much as you would have liked. Arguments, tantrums, logistical difficulties bring everyone down. What are the ingredients for a successful family vacation with ADHD on the journey? Read a few of my helpful tips below. 

How to use the 5C’s to enhance family vacations

self-Control | Compassion | Collaboration | Consistency | Celebration African-American family looking at the computer.Use the 5C’s as the foundation for a ‘no-drama’ family experience–whether it’s a staycation, a road trip or a plane flight. Manage your reactivity by noticing when you are getting triggered and then taking a short break to re-center. Offer yourself and your kids compassion in a heated moment, remembering that anger, tears and frustration are signs of overwhelm and insufficient personal coping tools. Collaborate by working with your kids to include their ideas for the vacation activities. When they have buy-in on plans, they more eagerly participate in making them a success. Set consistency as a goal instead of perfection. As you stick with your agreements and follow through on them, everybody feels more engaged and enthusiastic about cooperating to make things run smoothly. Last, but definitely not least, kick back, enjoy and celebrate being together. 

5 heat tips for happier family vacations with ADHD kids or adults

1. Before your start the trip, meet together as a family and review the itinerary.

Family headed to the beach togetherKids with ADHD like to know what’s coming down the pike because it helps them prepare for transitions and adjust their expectations.                                          Also, go over the scheduled activities, talk about any possibilities and make a list of what people would like to do. Discuss the difference between “have-to” events and “want to” options. Add one desired activity from each person to the vacation plan.

2. Consider your child’s capacity for self-entertainment while you’re in transit.

Be realistic about what your child or teen with ADHD can actually tolerate in terms of travel. Budget enough bathroom and body breaks. Create a do-able list  of acceptable games and activities. While on vacation with ADHD kids, it helps to throw in a few surprises to keep them on their toes, along with the essentials you need to bring. Also, try to save technology for the latter part of the trip when the other activities have lost their appeal.           

3. Decide how much technology your kids can have, when and where. 

Clearly explain the limits around technology before you leave. If you want to use technology for rewards or relaxation time, make sure you outline the conditions when these will occur. If you decide to give them bonus screen time, name it as such and talk about why. It’s no fun to spend your vacation negotiating tech time so set the boundaries before you go.

4. Create a strategy (in advance) of issues and behavior that trigger folks so you are prepared if they happen.                               

By planning for these potential upsets, you can rely on similar past incidents to give you strategies for responding more effectively if they occur on this trip. Together, think about what’s worked in the past and what hasn’t. Brainstorm the tools you’ll need to deal with such challenges successfully if they occur this summer. Create and agree on specific ways to slow things down when temperatures rise and tempers start flaring. In addition, a sense of humor is your best traveling companion while on vacations with ADHD kids and adults. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If your son is fresh to you, say “Fresh is for vegetables not car rides.” If your kids are yelling at each other and you can’t hear yourself think, put on one of your favorite tunes, roll down the window and sing out loud. They’ll be distracted and complain about the cold.

5. Stay positive.                                                                                               

Try to see the silver lining. A bad traffic jam may be the perfect time to break out the secret snack and delight everyone. Remember, kick-back, enjoy and celebrate being together!

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YourTango: 8 Simple Ways To Make Your College Kid’s Transition Home Easier — On Everyone

“As another school year is winding down, many of us have welcomed our sons and daughters home from college. Whether your college kid’s home for just the summer or they are moving back in after graduating, everyone in the household will need to make adjustments. Previously established family routines may require some tweaks or even a full overhaul. Your teen may be living under your roof again, but you need to treat them like the young adult they are, not the child they were. The line between where parental authority ends and your teen’s autonomy begins has shifted, creating tension as your household is figuring out how to live together once again. So how should you reengage with your teen with a healthy dose of parental authority while still respecting their developing independence? You can release some of this tension by applying a number of tried-and-true approaches.”

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“8 Simple Ways To Make Your College Kid’s Transition Home Easier — On Everyone”


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The Peaceful Parenting Podcast – Episode 55: One Year Anniversary: My Fave Experts Give Advice To Their Younger Parent Selves

“In this very special episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, I have compiled a list of advice former podcast guests have shared about what they would say to their younger parent selves.” I know you will find this episode so inspiring. I’ve created a cheat sheet that you can download for free with all of my guests’ expert advice for you to reference. You can get it here: www.sarahrosensweet.com/guestexpertadvice.” Click here to listen to the episode!

Intrepid Ed News – Raising Successful Teens

“When my daughter was in ninth grade, she had very little interest in engaging with me. Sure, she was happy to start a conversation about getting her nose pierced but if I wanted to check in about anything related to school or the tennis team, forget it. She wanted to determine what the parameters were for her life: how to manage social issues, keep up with academics, and what extracurricular activities she did or didn’t do. Frankly, it was hard for me to let things go because raising teens today is challenging. With 24/7 access to screens, peers, and entertainment, it’s tough to know if they are making responsible choices, engaging wisely in activities, and staying on top of homework. For me, being responsive instead of being reactive was, and still can be, my greatest challenge. But I have to realize where my guidance ends and where her decisions about her life begin. This is the complicated dance of raising teens. You are responsible for their health, safety, and welfare and they often want more autonomy than they are actually ready for.”

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“Raising Successful Teens”

Intrepid ED News Article by Dr. Sharon Saline


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ADDitude Mag – Your Regret Won’t Change the Past. These Tips May Save Your Future.

“Regret is tough to pinpoint. It may feel like sadness, remorse, or disappointment. It may emerge following a missed professional opportunity, oversharing at a cocktail party or yelling at our child for spilling their orange juice. All humans feel regret, but people with ADHD may feel regret more often and more strongly due to struggles with impulse control, emotional regulation, and other executive functioning skills. We regret both the things we did — and the ones wish we had done. “For example, I regret how dysregulated I was going through menopause. There were times when I absolutely did not handle myself well. Once, I lost my temper because my daughter wasn’t wearing a warm enough coat before going to First Night festivities on a frigid New Year’s Eve. Another time, I stormed off when my son asked me for help studying for a history test and then repeatedly criticized the questions I asked him. Honestly, it’s hard to remember these moments and practice self-compassion and forgiveness. I just want to shake my younger self and shriek “What were you thinking?” I dearly wish I’d made other choices.”

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“Your Regret Won’t Change the Past. These Tips May Save Your Future.”

Article by Dr. Sharon Saline on ADDitude.com

ADDitude Mag – Flow State vs. Hyperfocus: On Channeling Your Unsteady ADHD Attention

What is considered flow state vs. hyperfocus for people with ADHD? “Are there any differences between being hyperfocused and being in a flow state? Yes! A hyperfocused ADHD brain is completely absorbed in its task — to the point of seemingly ignoring or tuning out everything else. Some people describe hyperfocus as a dream-like state wherein the outside world ceases to exist. A child in hyperfocus [vs. a flow state] may become too engrossed in a video game to hear his parents call his name. An adult in hyperfocus may be reading a book so intently that they lose track of time and miss an appointment. Some neurotypical people may occasionally experience a hyperfocus-like state. However, it occurs more often in people with conditions that reflect attention issues, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or autism spectrum disorder (ASD).”

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“Flow State vs. Hyperfocus: On Channeling Your Unsteady ADHD Attention”

Article by Dr. Sharon Saline on ADDitude.com

ADDitude Mag – When Children with ADHD Explore Gender Identity: A Guide for Parents

“It’s natural and healthy for children, teens, and young adults to explore gender identity along with other aspects of identity. When the child has ADHD, the unique facets of this condition can influence that process. Here, understand the intersection of neurodiversity and gender diversity, and how a family’s support is critical. “There is nothing short of a cultural revolution taking place as today’s youth challenge long-held notions of gender and work to express their authentic selves. Simply put, the discussion around gender identity is no longer a taboo topic – and thank goodness. Simultaneously, many adult caregivers are left scratching their heads and playing catch-up, wondering how to understand and address the changing gender landscape to best support their children, teens, and young adults.”

Read the full article!

“When Children with ADHD Explore Gender Identity: A Guide for Parents”

Article by Dr. Sharon Saline on ADDitude.com