Category: School & Learning

ADHD Misconceptions: How to respond to 4 damaging false beliefs and assumptions about ADHD

man looking holding his hands to his head and looking in disbelief about ADHD misconceptions someone is sharing with himAs we continue to celebrate ADHD Awareness Month, I’d like to offer you support and suggestions for dealing with people who don’t understand what it’s like to live with ADHD or believe that it truly exists. Maybe it’s your friend, boss, teacher, coach or a family member. ADHD misconceptions and myths negatively impact people with ADHD, and those who support them, every day. Here are some comments that folks just like you have shared about the biases, judgments and frustrations they encounter every day. We’ll review why these are beliefs and assumptions are false and how you can respond to them with calm confidence.

4 Common ADHD Misconceptions:

1. ADHD is a lack of willpower.

  • “I’m tired of hearing that I’m not trying, or I just make excuses.”
  • “People think I don’t want help. What I don’t want is for someone to tell me to do something that makes no sense to my brain.”
  • “People think we are just hyperactive, stupid or lazy. They don’t understand that we need a different way to understand concepts or approach tasks.”

conversation between two women at a restaurant, one looking a bit unsure of what the other is sayingOne of the biggest ADHD misconceptions is that people with ADHD don’t have willpower. But people with ADHD actually have a lot of willpower: You face each day and do the best you can while living with significant executive functioning challenges. You have determination: you try to apply yourself to a variety of tasks in a variety of situations. Lower levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain make it much more difficult to muster up the energy and concentration for things that seem uninteresting or unfulfilling and yet, kids and adults with ADHD figure out how to do this when they have access to appropriate supports. You (and/or your child) are a neurodivergent, outside-the-box thinker, which can be a great asset to any project, classroom, team or job. You are warriors.

How you can respond:

When someone talks about laziness or a lack of willpower, consider responding by saying: “ADHD is a biologically-based condition that affects executive functioning skills such as organization, time management and planning. I’m building those skills every day. If you’d like to learn more about ADHD, I’m happy to share some information with you.” Remember that you are warriors, regardless of what others think.

2. Everybody has a little ADHD.

  • “A little ADHD. Haha. That’s called distraction.”
  • “People think if you are not hyper and wild, you don’t have ADHD.”
  • “Don’t we all have ADHD because of computers and smartphones?”

Person with ADHD sitting at her computer at an office while her boss standing beside her looks upset with her There are different types of ADHD (hyperactive-impulsive, inattentive and combination) and different levels of symptomology (mild, moderate or severe). However, there is no such thing as “a little ADHD,” and technology does not cause ADHD. Using technology and multitasking can exacerbate symptoms of inattention and impulsivity, but they don’t cause ADHD. ADHD is rooted in a person’s neurology. This is why “everybody has ADHD” is not a valid statement. What we have today is a distracted society, with kids and adults alike accustomed to being virtually connected at all times and expecting immediate responses to questions or problems. These statements minimize your experience as an adult with ADHD, or as a parent of someone with ADHD. It’s easy to feel hurt or angry when you hear them.

How you can respond:

While you might feel frustrated, try responding by saying: “While all people can feel distracted and preoccupied at times, that is very different from the biology of having ADHD.” Do not let their ignorance diminish your lived experience, and focus on your personal strengths. 

3. ADHD means lower intelligence.

  • Two girls joyfully dancing in a large, sunlit living room“The assumption is that you can’t be at the top of your class and have ADHD.”
  • “Kids with ADHD don’t have the same abilities as kids without it.”
  • “How do I convince my daughter she is not broken but needs help to teach her the skills she is just lacking in?”

Having ADHD doesn’t mean that your brain is broken or your intelligence is lower. There is more than one way to view intelligence. Harvard psychologist Howard Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligences suggests eight to nine different types, including visual-spatial intelligence, musical intelligence, naturalistic intelligence and more. The reality is that everyone has stronger areas of intelligence than others — ADHD or not. But even if you’re simply concerned about IQ, ADHD is not correlated with someone having a a higher or lower score.

People with ADHD struggle with attending to and remembering certain subjects that they’re not interested in–more so than their peers. This is because their memory and attention works differently. What people with ADHD attend to, learn and remember is often determined by what elicits a stronger dopamine response.

This doesn’t mean that they can’t succeed in subjects that don’t interest them, it’s just much more difficult for them. However, people with ADHD can — and often DO — excel in subjects, and especially those that interest them! They can even hyperfocus on interests and activities that attract their attention (which can be, but is not always, a positive experience).

test paper with a pencil filling in circles for answer A, B, C or D.A person with ADHD might also have a lot of knowledge on a subject but struggle with the format of the “tests” that they’re given. Many people with ADHD think, process and recall better in less distracting environments. Some think better when they can move around or fidget. They might need more testing time and/or the flexibility to express their knowledge in different ways. Thus, we can’t effectively assess everyone’s intelligence with a single testing system that wasn’t designed for neurodiverse people.

It’s a common and dangerous ADHD misconception to think low intelligence is linked to ADHD. It can harm confidence and self-esteem.

How you can respond:

So how do you respond to this hurtful ADHD misconception? Try saying: “ADHD doesn’t correlate with higher or lower intelligence. There are many types of intelligence, and people with ADHD are often intelligent in areas that interest us compared to areas that don’t because of how our attention is regulated. Though people with ADHD can struggle in school, it has much more to do with the accessibility and flexibility of the learning and testing systems than it does our intelligence.” Though people might want to point out your challenges, I encourage you to reflect on, and focus on, your strengths and interests.

4. ADHD means less success.

  • Kid with ADHD sitting on the basketball court next to his coach who is looking confused“My partner thinks our teenager won’t get into a good college because of his ADHD.”
  • “I don’t see the point of trying to sell my art, no one’s going to want it anyways.”
  • “People think that those with ADHD will always be ‘a little behind’ their peers.”

Growing up, it might have seemed like adults assessed how well we would “succeed in life” based on our school grades, athletic achievements, ability to make and keep friends, etc. Sometimes, it felt that our “success” as a teenager was going to determine the rest of our lives! Kids and teens can get the impression that they’re destined for failure when they experience struggles in school. That is far from the truth! But, unfortunately, this belief can negatively impact their mood, self-esteem and motivation. Two people having a good conversation outside of a building Adults with ADHD still experience difficulties, such as executive functioning, emotional dysregulation and impulsivity challenges. But they can also have a greater understanding of their needs and strengths. They have more experience trying what works and what doesn’t. Even though adulthood brings more challenges (it certainly does), there are also more opportunities for exploration, self-discovery, connections, joy and “success.” It’s hard to ignore the many societal influences we encounter everyday that promotes a limited idea of what “success” should look like, but it’s important to reflect on what “success” means to you, personally. This way, you make choices that reflect your own goals. Focus on your strengths, interests and values. What would YOU like to accomplish because YOU want to accomplish it? If you have ADHD, you might notice your interests change more frequently than your peers. This might mean your idea of “success” is changing, too, and that’s okay!

How you can respond:

If someone is questioning you or your child’s ability to “succeed,” consider saying something like this: “What it means to ‘succeed’ is often different from one person to the next. People with ADHD might need accommodations in certain school, work, social and community settings, but we can thrive academically, professionally, socially, creatively and in other various ways. We often live successful and fulfilling lives.” Rather than believing people with ADHD don’t have the means to “succeed,” how can we focus more on helping people with ADHD access the support and accommodations they need so they have more opportunities to succeed? professional meeting with two people, focusing on one man on a couch

Read more blog posts:

Watch on Dr. Saline’s YouTube Channel:

Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

Sources: Cherry, K. (2019, July 17). Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences. Verywell Mind. Retrieved October 14, 2021, from https://www.verywellmind.com/gardners-theory-of-multiple-intelligences-2795161. Fletcher, J. (2019, July 11). ADHD and high IQ: What’s the link? Medical News Today. Retrieved October 14, 2021, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325715#are-there-any-links.

 

YourTango: The Very Best Strategies to Reduce Conflict and Increase Calmness in Your Neurodiverse Kids

“Have you ever said something to your child or teen that you wished you could take back? In the heat of the moment, it’s all too easy to let our emotions take over instead of choosing our words carefully. Most parents lose their cool at one time or another. Similarly, many neurodiverse kids and teens who struggle with impulsivity and self-regulation can say things they wish they hadn’t. Cooling down conversations once they’ve heated up doesn’t come easy for most people.”

Click here to read the article!

Low Motivation and ADHD: Using ‘GRIT’ to tackle the essential tasks when you’re just not interested

Woman with low motivation and ADHD, looking disinterested at the vegetables in front of her on the counter.Handling tasks and obligations we don’t enjoy is a part of everyday life. There are always meals to cook, laundry to do and garbage to take out. Most of us need to push ourselves to do tedious chores. Those with ADHD find it especially difficult to get started and follow through on boring, unpleasant tasks. This can lead to frustration, discouragement and even shame. It can also appear as negativity or procrastination. My GRIT method can help adults and kids learn two essential life skills: how to get motivated and how to see the work through to completion. GRIT is a process by which you get yourself ready to do a task or a work project, stay with it, apply consistent effort and finish a part or all of it. Let’s take a closer look.

People with ADHD lack dopamine, not willpower

Teen boy with ADHD looking unmotivated and bored sitting at his desk with his arms over his folders next to his laptop

The perception that people with ADHD lack grit or willpower is simply not true. ADHD is not a lack of willpower, but rather a condition of being unable to harness the abilities that you have to motivate yourself on something that interests you, and then apply them to something that does not. Dopamine plays an important role here.

People with ADHD are deficient in dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter involved in the reward pathway of the brain that can fuel motivation and action. Young people with ADHD, who have also yet to develop strong internal motivation (which usually develops in early adulthood), have an especially tough time feeling any motivation to start or finish day-to-day or long-term tasks and projects.

Grit is the steadfastness and persistence you need to stick with something and complete it. The GRIT method will help you achieve results and enjoy that wonderful sense of accomplishment.

Building Motivation: The What and The Why

In order to build motivation when you have ADHD, it is important to identify what you want to accomplish and why, and set goals accordingly. 

Ask yourself:

      • What do I want to achieve?
      • Why is this goal important? 

Writing goals in notebook

Here are some examples:

      • I have to pay my bills by the end of the day to avoid late fees.
      • I want to do the laundry so I can wear my favorite outfit to work.

Similarly, children stand a better chance of finishing unpleasant tasks by setting goals for themselves rather than relying on external motivators:

      • Once I clean my room, I’ll be able to watch a movie.

Understanding your goals will not only help motivate you but will make it easier to see the work through to completion. This is an especially important skill for kids and teens to practice as they learn to manage schoolwork and chores independently.

Set Realistic Expectations

Once you’ve identified your goals, create realistic expectations of your capability, available resources and time constraints. Make a plan for when, where and how you’ll get things done. Try breaking large tasks down into smaller, more manageable pieces.

If it’s unrealistic that you’ll wash, dry and fold a load of laundry on a weeknight, split up the work between two nights. Easy tasks can be done anywhere, but difficult tasks might require a quiet room or a stretch of time with minimal interruptions. Consider these constraints and plan accordingly.

Use GRIT to help manage your everyday tasks:

Get situated.

Todo list

Think about your tasks, do a brain dump and assign numbers to the first 3 items. Then, write where and when you want to do them.

Break your first and second items down into smaller chunks. Finish these first two items before moving on to the next one.

Consider starting your own Personal Project Planner to help you visualize the steps and process of more lengthy or complicated projects.

Resist distraction.

Set reminders. Ask yourself, “How long can I do something before I get bored?” If it’s 20 minutes, do your tasks in 20 minutes. Write yourself a note marking where you left off. Go on your break, set the time, go back to what you were doing. Don’t try to do something for an hour if that’s an unrealistic expectation. It will end in criticism and negative self-talk. We’re all about positive self-talk when building motivation with ADHD.

Implement incentives that matter.

Start with small steps and identify achievable goals. Put the “have-to” before the “want-to,” and use incentives. Watch your TV show after you do the dinner dishes. Meet your friend for coffee after you turn in your project. Use incentives that matter to kids and collaborate with them on setting up the agreement.

Take small steps, and positively talk yourself through the tasks.

Family high five

Instead of saying to yourself, “Why can’t I get more done? Why didn’t I do this the way it should have been done?” say, “Look at what I was able to do!”  Model positivity for your kids.

Try a “high and a low,” or a “happy and a crappy” exercise at dinner to highlight the day’s wins.

Consider writing down three good things or accomplishments each night before bed. 

Low motivation is a common struggle for people with ADHD. But you CAN overcome it. Enable yourself with the right motivational tools and a positive can-do attitude. Make it a point to acknowledge each accomplishment, no matter how small.

Read more blog posts:

Watch on Dr. Sharon Saline’s YouTube Channel:

Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/harness-grit/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

Planning and Prioritizing Practices for ADHD Brains: What’s the plan, and when do you start?!

A team of three neurodiverse adults organizing sticky notes on a glass window, picture is from the point of view behind the glass and sticky notes.Does it ever seem like you have way too much to do, and every task looks equally important and daunting? Many kids and adults with ADHD struggle to figure out what the order of doing things should look like and how to get started. This contributes to the common experience of feeling overwhelmed. There often needs to be a crisis or something unpleasant will occur if you don’t do the task right now. Planning and prioritizing are executive functions that are closely related to organization, time management and initiation. However, these skills can be improved individually, and here are some practices to help get you started.  

The Core Principles of Prioritizing

Before learning techniques to help you (and your kids) decide what to do, in which order and when to begin, let’s look at the fundamental principles of prioritizing: urgency and importance. Urgent tasks cause us to react immediately and stop whatever else we are doing to attend to them. Urgency reflects a time pressure or a deadline. Important tasks represent the significance we attribute to something. They also reflect our life values and guide us towards our purpose and goals.

Teen with ADHD planning and drawing out a blueprint in a woodworking shop at school

How we prioritize things, and understand their relevance, depends on two connected factors:

      1. The first revolves around when something needs to be accomplished and why it needs to be accomplished, based on what we know about it.
      2. The second factor involves emotion: our brain calls up any conscious or unconscious memories about this task (or something like it) from our lived experience. The feelings that go with these memories contribute to how we rate the significance of the task, its interest to us and its inherent rewards.

When we are faced with prioritizing activities, these two factors work together to engage or bore us.

Urgent and Important: Learning the Eisenhower Matrix

The Eisenhower Matrix was developed my President Dwight D. Eisenhower to assist him in choosing which of the many tasks to focus on each day and make difficult decisions. This matrix can be very useful to folks living with ADHD as a tool to help them think about the ways that they prioritize certain items while putting others off.

Here is my adaptation of The Eisenhower Matrix:

    • Quadrant 1: Spending time in Q1 means living in crisis mode. Many kids and adults with ADHD live here or put things off until they wind up with emergencies. The intensity of urgency and importance helps motivate them to get things done, but they wind up with lots of stress.
    • Quadrant 2: Time in Q2 feels like being in the flow; you are setting goals for yourself, making plans and following through.
    • Quadrant 3: When you struggle with managing interruptions and setting boundaries, you probably spend time in Q3.
    • Quadrant 4: Q4 is the home of distractions–everything you do to avoid the task at hand.

Stressed out professional adult with ADHD looking down at a desk of colorful sticky notes in front of her laptop while holding her head in her hands

Spend time reflecting on the following questions:

– Where do you spend your time? – In which quadrant does your child or teen hang out? – How can you spend more time in Q2 and less time in Q1 and Q4?

To improve the ability to prioritize, we have to strengthen our capacity to determine time pressures (deadlines); schedule plans, work, homework, personal projects, chores and errands, and then reasonably estimate how long something will take and rely on a system of organization. Then, you’ll have to break tasks down into small enough, bite-sized chunks to get started on them. This typically means using the exact executive functioning skills that are naturally challenging for ADHD brains.

4 Steps To Approach Planning and Prioritizing with ADHD:

1. Do a brain dump:

A person standing with her arms out to the side, palms facing up like she is overwhelmed and not sure what do. Her eyes are wide open in overwhlem. In an arch circling around her body is a bunch of objects floating in the air resembling what's on her mind - a clock, computer, baby bottle, house, dollar and more.

Many folks with ADHD attempt to hold all of their to-do items in their head or write them on several pieces of paper which they then cannot find. Centralize this process. Pick one location for your lists: your phone, your computer or iPad or a notebook. Sit down and take two deep breaths: breathe in for 4, hold for 4 and breathe out for 6. Now, write down everything you can recall that you need to do. You probably won’t get everything in one sitting–that’s fine. You can come back and add things as necessary. 

2. Assign time and importance values to your tasks:

Pick a time value (when is this due?) and an importance value (how critical or significant is this?) for each of these items in order to prioritize them. This is where most kids and adults with ADHD get stuck. Everything seems equally critical, unless there’s a real emergency that’s pressing. I’ve created this chart with some examples to help you create your own. You can also use Post-it notes to help you move things around and schedule them.

TASK DUE DATE SIGNIFICANCE PRIORITY NUMBER
Laundry None I have no clean socks 2
Work Report/History Project Friday – in 2 days Performance/50% grade 1
Making dentist appointment Haven’t had a teeth cleaning in 2 years Cavities, gum disease or other concerns 3

To decide the priority number, ask yourself these questions:

– What will happen if I don’t do this? – What will happen if I do this? – Which task am I leaning towards avoiding?

The more you don’t want to do something, the more likely that it’s important to start. These answers are usually very personal. Some people might rank making the dental appointment over the socks and will wear a used pair again. For me, I prefer clean socks and I can make the dental appointment when I’ve started the laundry. 

3. Make an accountability buddy, or be a body double:

Couple with ADHD smiling and having a good time helping each other stay on task as one holds the baby and one folds laundry in their laundry. room.It’s usually easier to determine your priorities when you have support. Having someone to discuss ideas with or talk through urgent and important issues can be extremely helpful to kids and adults with ADHD. Planning and prioritizing are executive functioning skills that really benefit from direct instruction, so having another person there to assist you is essential.

As adults, think about a friend or family member who can support you as you do the laundry, clean up the kitchen or break down the steps to approach your work report. With kids, you are that buddy.

Become a body double: sit with them while they pick up their clothes from the floor and fold the clean stuff. Or, review their brain dump and talk through how to choose where to start.

4. Be patient and persistent:

Planning and prioritizing on a regular basis takes practice and time. Expect to stumble and feel frustrated. This is a tough skill to learn and practice makes progress! Most people, with and without ADHD, struggle with this skill so be kind to yourself and compassionate with your kids as you embark on improving it.

Read more blog posts:

Watch on Dr. Sharon Saline’s YouTube Channel:

Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/harness-grit/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

YourTango: 3 Steps To Achieve Tone Of Voice Awareness In Neurodiverse Families So All Members Are Comfortable And Safe

“What is a tone of voice and how does it affect neurodiverse families Neurodiverse families often struggle with emotional reactivity and verbal impulse control. Negative feelings and unpleasant words can intensify in the blink of an eye. Still, when the moments arise, it’s hard enough to calm down your own emotions — let alone, the emotions of your child, teen, or partner.”

Click here to read Dr. Saline’s article on YourTango. Click here to read the original blog post by Dr. Saline.