artefact_admin, Author at Dr. Sharon Saline

The Myth of Multitasking: Creating Better Routines to Reduce Stress and Anxiety

Its after school on a Tuesday, and you are in the kitchen trying to prepare dinner (while you are talking on the phone, and checking your texts) as soon as a new notification appears. Meanwhile, your teenage son is watching television (while doing math homework and constantly checking Instagram). If this sounds familiar to you, you are not alone! Even more so as our news cycle spins 24/7, we are all hijacked by our devices into thinking that we can do all of these tasks simultaneously and well… but this is not true, especially for those of us with ADHD. In fact, multitasking usually slows productivity, changes how we absorb information, and interferes with social relationships, especially if our attention is split by our devices. The use of technology in our lives is here to stay. It is up to us to learn to manage it effectively. We can do so by reducing multitasking and building habits which improve productivity, organization and focus.

Why Multitasking is a Myth

The belief that we can effectively do multiple things simultaneously is simply untrue. When you multitask, you are simply splitting our attention. Each time you switch from one thing to another, you’re not really concentrating on either task and then need a mental warm-up to resume the suspended task. Efficiency goes down. Productivity decreases. You likely get less done and feel more depleted as a result. In fact, a recent study in the journal, Nature, found that heavier media multitasking is associated with a higher likelihood for attention lapses and forgetfulness. For adults with ADHD who already struggle with working memory and/or processing speed issues, media multitasking can have serious, if not dire, consequences.

Media Multitasking and ADHD

Media multitasking is part of the new ‘normal’. It is no longer considered rude to interrupt a conversation by responding to your cell phone. It’s now acceptable to type emails in the middle of a meeting. We have “novelty detectors” in our brains that get activated each time these things “ping.” This activation occurs in the dopamine pathway of the brain which manages pleasure, attention and addiction. These pings pull our attention away but also become addictive. ADHD brains, already taxed by executive functioning challenges and prone to seeking out high dopamine activities, are biologically primed for the increased adrenaline and cortisol these notifications deliver. Does this mean you shouldn’t listen to music while you work on a project or rely on brown noise to soothe the buzzing in your head? No. What I’m talking about is the process of switching back and forth from tab to tab, from device to device, from one sensory overload to another. These patterns overwhelm all brains but particularly those that are neurodivergent.

Opt for Single-tasking Whenever Possible

What can we do about this unhealthy trend that promotes disconnection from ourselves and from each other? Opt for single tasking as often as possible. I struggle with this too. Just like you, I’ve got a lot to do each day and it’s easier if I talk on the phone when I walk my dog or create a presentation while also checking my email. But, actually, I’m simply shredding my attention when I do this because I’m not really present for either task. And this, in turn, makes me more stressed. It’s a bad habit that sometimes feels impossible to break. You may not be able to eliminate all media multitasking habits but, if you can make even a small change, you’ll be better able to perform and feel less stressed. Here are a few suggestions for how to reduce multitasking habits and create better routines which will reduce stress and anxiety .

How to reduce multitasking habits

1. Make a conscious effort to do one thing at a time

Notice when you are multitasking and stop engaging in one of those activities for a while. Examples are not texting while driving (common but extremely dangerous) and no phones during family meals. Instead, set aside some phone-free time and use it as an opportunity to connect with your family. It’s not easy to do but the pay-offs will be increased sanity and calm for you, for them, and for your household.

2. Turn off your cell phone when you are working

It’s one thing to listen to music and go for a run. It’s something else to receive texts or social media notifications throughout a work period. Your concentration will be constantly disrupted and the quality of your work will suffer. If you are worried about missing an emergency, then set a timer to check your phone at regular intervals. It’s the ping, ping, ping which activates your stress response, throws off your focus and increases your distractibility and vulnerability for other interruptions. Instead, use a timer for whatever break you need in between your work periods to mark its beginning and ending.

3. Close unnecessary tabs and create separate browsers

This is a hard one for many folks with ADHD. One idea can lead to another and then suddenly you have 30 tabs open. Do you feel more or less stressed when you look at the top of your screen and see all of those tabs? Ask yourself, how many open tabs can you really handle without feeling overwhelmed? Once or twice a day, reduce your tabs to that number. If you are worried that you will forget something if the tab is closed, bookmark it for later. Similarly, divide your interests into two browsers: Separating home and work stuff can really lower your multitasking tendencies. When you are at work, close the other browser, opening it during breaks only with a timer to limit yourself. Remember not going down rabbit holes.

4. Engage in conversations when you are not distracted by your phone

It doesn’t feel good to anyone to be interrupted by a buzzing phone in the middle of conversation. Yes, it may be the custom now but, each time you do this, you signal that your phone is more important than the person you’re speaking with. This is especially true when parents turn away from their children to their own phones. It may look like multitasking but it’s really more like dismissing: you turn away from your loved one towards the digital universe. Notice how single tasking, and paying more attention to the conversation at hand, affects your engagement. Take some time to reflect on the benefits of doing fewer things simultaneously, even if it feels strange or uncomfortable. When you set limits around multitasking, no matter how small, you will start to give your ADHD brain more time and space to process and retain information, to produce a higher quality of work and show up genuinely for colleagues, friends and family. Model this change in behavior for your kids and stick by the guidelines yourself that you want them to follow. As you shift your habits, you’ll decrease information and emotional overload and build cognitive strengths like improved focus, attention and memory. Reducing media multitasking takes practice and persistence. Throw in a little self-compassion because this is a daunting process. Start slowly and don’t give up!

The Best 5 Tips for Managing a Disappointing Report Card with Your Child

.It’s that time of year when parents and kids anxiously await their first report card. School is often the toughest area of functioning for neurodivergent kids and teens because academic performance requires using all of the executive functioning skills with which they struggle. For neurodivergent learners classes can be interesting, compelling, boring and/or frustrating. Either way, kids with ADHD, learning disabilities, autism spectrum disorders or twice exceptionality often face significant challenges that impact their productivity, concentration and behavior. Even though they typically work hard to hold it all together at school as best they can, they frequently come home lacking the energy and focus to face homework, complete assignments and remember to turn them in. Receiving a surprising report card can be upsetting and possibly frustrating for a caregiver, but keep in mind that your child is upset too. In this blog, I will share relatable stories of kids with ADHD and how they feel about report card time and school and how you as a caregiver can manage your reaction appropriately to then find agreeable report card solutions with your child.

Teen Time: About Keiran

Keiran a sophomore in high school has checked Schoology to see what’s coming and it’s not what he’d hoped for. He’s dreading Friday when his parents will receive his grades and ‘the talk’ that will follow. Keiran struggles with inattentive ADHD and writing skills. He has accommodations which help with this but it’s still tough. His U.S. history class often feels like drudgery and it’s tough for him to produce lab reports in his honors chemistry class. Instead of the A’s he aimed for, he’s receiving high C’s. Keiran is disappointed in himself, embarrassed and really doesn’t want his parents to know. Because they agreed that he was ready for more of a challenge in science which is his favorite subject. Now Keiran feels like he made a mistake and let them down.

As Ross Greene famously tells us, “children do well, if they can.” Because doing well is preferable to not doing well.

For neurodiverse kids, I would also add that kids do well when they have effective supports in place to shore up executive functioning challenges. When they are unable to manage school successfully, it’s not a question of poor willpower but rather a reflection that things aren’t set up adequately to foster this. Report cards are a concrete demonstration of what is working well and what isn’t. Instead of seeing them as an evaluation of your child’s performance and where a student is falling short, parents can use them as an opportunity for investigating and improving the school experience.

“I Hate it When Teachers Say…”

Students with ADHD tell me that seeing how they are actually doing in terms of evaluations can be tricky. Kids may be sensitive or defensive about their grades and teacher comments if they dislike the teacher, if the results seem unfair or if the feedback seems overly critical. Without telling you directly, they often feel ashamed about their learning differences and their performance and show anger or disregard. Sasha, age 17, shared, “I hate it when teachers say. ‘You have so much potential. It’s a shame you can’t unlock it or be more disciplined.” Logan, age 11, told me, “It feels bad. I don’t really want to disappoint my parents but I frustrate them a lot, like with school because it’s hard for me.” Shame from repeated failures can push children, teens and adults with ADHD to hide or deny their mistakes (or report cards) and leads them to say negative statements to themselves such as “I’m stupid” or “I’m not good enough.” Shame also contributes to oppositional, angry behavior.

How Parents Respond To Report Cards Is Crucial

How parents respond to any report card is crucial, especially one that is disappointing. Even though you too may feel frustrated, sad or even angry with your child’s performance, punishment, criticism or judgments will worsen the situation. How can you manage your feelings appropriately, talk about what’s going on calmly and offer effective support for moving forward together? Start by managing your own reaction to the report card separately. Whatever your thoughts or feelings are, address these privately before you speak to your child or teen. Our kids have incredible radar and can pick up what’s going on for us immediately. They will sense your frustration or disappointment and react to that, rather than listening to anything that you say. Take the time and space you need to regulate yourself and reflect on how you want to approach this situation. Aim for being their ally instead of their critic. They’re probably already judging themselves enough for the both of you. Once you are settled, you are ready to follow these tips.

5 Ways To Manage ‘The Report Card’ Conversation

1. Listen first, ask questions after

Your neurodiverse child or teen will feel likely feel anxious about discussing their report card with you. Whether or not they show it to you, kids want their parents’ respect, their approval and their love. Relieve their anxiety about you seeing their report card by acknowledging that you’ve seen it, explaining that you want to collaborate on making things better and then set aside some time when emotions have cooled to talk about it. Start by asking for their thoughts about school and ask them to name a few successes before focusing on the challenges. Use conversation openers such as ‘what, when and how’ instead of why. Reflect back what you hear so they feel listened to. Remember, your compassion about the challenges they experience at school (instead of your judgments) foster essential connections between parents/caregivers and kids.

2. Set realistic goals for the next quarter or trimester

Together, explore realistic goals for the next term based on their current performance. What hopes do they have for themselves? What types of support that have been helpful in the past would be useful now? Where could they benefit from more aide than they are currently receiving? Share your hopes as well and remind them of their capabilities. If they feel disliked by a teacher, or they don’t get along with someone or they are not receiving mandate accommodations, arrange a meeting at school with the guidance counselor, social worker/psychologist or principal to discuss your concerns and find a do-able solution.

3. Make sure adequate support is in place

If your child or teen does not already have mandated supports at school (in the United States these would be 504, IEP and/or behavioral plans), then request a team meeting or fill out the necessary forms to get this process started. Low grades in school are a strong signal that something is up and it’s time to address it now. One of the toughest things for alternative learners is repeated school troubles (academic, social and behavioral) as these lead to negative self-esteem and a failure mentality over time. If a support plan is in place and your child is still struggling as evidenced by their report card, then set up a meeting with the team to find out why it’s not working better. In both of these cases, invite your child to participate for some portion of the meeting. The adults at school would benefit from hearing what they have to say.

4. Avoid punishments and use logical consequences

Instead of thinking about things you can take away from your child as a punishment for their report card, flip this around to consider incentives and logical consequences. Punishments have been found not to be effective because they don’t teach any skills. Your child or teen with ADHD (and more) needs to learn executive functioning skills and the tasks related to daily living. We want to teach them that “have-to’s” stuff precede the “want-to’s.” They will eventually have to do this for themselves when they are older. Remember, if they do the things that need to get done, they can earn the fun stuff. If not, then they don’t. This gives them more control over the outcome and builds autonomy and choice simultaneously. This attitude lies at the heart of using logical consequences. When you work together to establish motivating incentives, you enable important focus and sustained attention to achieve the best results.

5. Set up an effective routine for studying at home

Good study habits go beyond just doing homework at a specific time. The surest way to counter your ADHD child’s forgetfulness, inconsistency and difficulty in focusing on homework is by setting up a routine of study habits. Followed by an incentive of an activity they enjoy and predictability to getting the job done. When your child has a daily routine for doing homework, they will have fewer opportunities for procrastination. Good study habits go beyond just doing homework at a specific time. Although you know your child best, it’s a collaborative approach that works best. Together, talk about your level of involvement in their schoolwork. Base the conversation on the reality of what’s really getting finished and turned in. Understand your child’s study patterns, and talk with you son or daughter about how they can best approach their homework. Then brainstorm a plan and expect to tweak it along the way. Remember, neurodiverse kids do well when they have effective support systems in place to shore up executive functioning challenges.

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Keys to better productivity with ADHD: How you can improve the 4 types of focus

Recently, one of my clients Kaya, with adult ADHD made an astonishing discovery. She read an article in the New York Times about brown noise, and wondered if it could help her focus on the unpleasant but necessary tasks. Like doing her taxes, writing proposals for projects or creating a listing to hire an assistant. According to the article, Brown Noise is “a category of neutral, dense sound that contains every frequency our ears can detect, with a lower deeper quality than white noise.” Kaya struggled with focus and distractedness on dreaded activities. She tried listening to all types of music to no avail. Perhaps this could help. The next morning, when Kaya sat down at her desk and turned on her computer, she put on her headphones, tuned to Brown Noise. Then, something strange happened. The constant buzz in her brain that she called “a mix of anxiety and a nonstop whirring sound” became quiet. She told me that for the first time in years, she worked for thirty-minutes straight and finished a memo that had been plaguing her. She tried it again after lunch and it happened again. Finally, she had a workable solution to help her concentrate and get stuff done at her job.

How to maintain focus with ADHD

While listening to Brown Noise may also help you concentrate and perform, the real issue here is how to maintain focus while living with an ADHD brain. Focus is a key executive function that affects how long people can sustain attention and work towards a goal. Focus is a dynamic process of choosing what is critical to notice, do or recall. It’s like a spotlight of your attention. In fact, as you are reading this, make a fist with your left hand and put it on your forehead. Where is the spotlight of your attention directed now? Hopefully at this blog but maybe at the bird singing outside your window or wondering if you have time to grab a latte before your next appointment? For many people with ADHD, it’s tough to stay focused on a task unless it’s super compelling, has an immediate reward attached to it or results in something unfortunate if it’s not completed.

You can improve your focus

But, you can actually improve your focus by noticing where it is and redirecting it back to what’s at hand without negative judgment. Most people with ADHD struggle to catch themselves when their focus drifts. Instead, they notice when they return from drifting off, often worried if anybody noticed and frantically trying to catch up. Instead of berating yourself, I’d like to encourage you to expect these short drifts and matter-of-fact create a strategy for coping. Taking a quick mental trip to the Bahamas, glancing at a shiny object or considering your favorite take-out lunch restaurant at 10 a.m. is normal for folks with ADHD. Jordan, age 28 describes his frustration, “not being able to focus when you want to. I have a very bad attention span. Really, I get really distracted easily. People talking, one. Looking at something, I would just daydream off into it, forget everything I was just doing. And when I see it start snowing, I’ll look at the snow. Just something that catches my attention.” Jordan’s self-criticism, though, makes things worse for him. Accepting the brain you have and the way it works is the first major step towards improving focus. So, give yourself a break and let’s build some skills to improve productivity and performance. Metacognition, is the ability for self-evaluation and personal awareness. It is directly related to focus. Metacognitive thinking, along with self-regulation, helps you choose, monitor, and evaluate how you approach a task, measure progress and how close you are to achieving (or not) your final goal. It helps you transfer learning and information to different contexts and tasks by being more aware of strengths and challenges. It also affects your ability to think about your thinking, ask open-ended questions that foster self-reflection (like ‘How am I doing?’) and to reframe self-evaluation from good/bad to working/not working. These aspects of metacognition improve how you perceive yourself and notice where your attention is directed.

Four Types of Focus

Selecting→Monitoring→Shifting→Hyper-focusing

Let’s look at each one and some helpful tools for improving focus with ADHD.

1. Selecting

Selecting refers to choosing what to focus on. It’s related to prioritizing because you have to decide what’s most urgent (time-related) and what’s most important (value-related). Selecting also encompasses time management (like ‘How long will this take?’) and initiation (How can I get started? and What type of procrastination am I engaging in?’) Suggested Tool: Before you begin anything, do a brain dump and make a big to-do list. Now, take the three most pressing items from that list and put them in another document or piece of paper. Decide which of these tasks is toughest, easiest and medium in terms of effort and break each of them down into two smaller parts if you can. Next, think about how you like to get started when you work–with something easy to warm up or something hard to get it over with. Pick whichever task fits with your preferred order of activity and begin.

2. Monitoring

Monitoring refers to noticing where your attention is and where it isn’t. You have to be as intentional about what you’re not going to pay attention to as what you are going to do. If you are focusing on a distraction, bring the puppy in your mind back to what’s in front of you with kindness and encouragement. Ask yourself: ‘How am I doing? What am I doing?’ Suggested Tool: Take a minute right now and write a list of things that typically distract you. Leave nothing out. Now, consider the task ahead of you. Which of these distractions will likely occur? How will you notice when you’ve drifted off? The important thing is to create a plan for your return. Give yourself a few seconds to look at what is happening around you or what you are working on. Instead of panicking or judging yourself for something that your brain naturally does, create a new coping strategy to guide you.

3. Shifting

Shifting refers to moving smoothly from one task to another. This is where many folks with ADHD get waylaid. It’s tough to navigate a change due to limited working memory, slower processing speed and weaker emotional control. Frustration builds up quickly and often rigidity sets in, making it tough to transition your attention to something else. In addition, worrying about forgetting something or not finishing it makes shifting concentration even harder. Suggested Tool: When you start to feel anxious, reduce the worry through positive self-talk. Remind yourself of a time in the past when you changed your activity with flexibility, confidence and competence. What can you say about moving to something new that validates your effort instead of doubting your ability? What internal resources or assistance from others helped you in those situations? Leave yourself a voice memo or written note on your phone to describe what you are letting go of and what you want to remember about it for the future.

4. Hyperfocusing

Hyperfocusing refers to tuning out the environment around you because you are completely absorbed in a task. It’s is a state in which everything else falls away and the only thing you are paying attention to and engaged with is activity in the present moment. This differs from being in a flow state. When people are in a flow state, they are humming along and concentrating but they aren’t so zoomed into a task that they are unaware of their surroundings. Hyperfocus can lead to intense periods of productivity and/or periods of intense stress where someone forgets to eat, use the bathroom or sleep. Suggested Tool: For hyperfocus to be useful, you need to give yourself a scheduled, screen-free break. Set a timer and take a walk, have a snack or do a Sudoku puzzle. Choose something that is pleasurable in its own way but won’t drag you in. These pauses give you time to integrate the work that you’ve just completed and let your brain simmer with leftover ideas. Before pausing, leave notes about where you were and what you were thinking about so you can return right to it. Remember, learning to notice, manage and improve your focus takes time, practice and habits. Develop a routine for when, where and how long you work using timers so you take a break before your brain tires out. Set realistic expectations for yourself and talk through potential obstacles with a friend, colleague, therapist or coach. Try the Pomodoro Technique for effective 25 minute blocks of concentration with short breaks. Think about times when you focus the best and set up scenarios that have these elements. And, give brown noise a try. If you’re like Kaya, it could make all the difference. Remember, our goal is doing more of what works: applying the focus you have effectively and increasing it over time.

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4 Eye-Opening Reasons Why Kids Say “I Hate School!”

Now that the school year is in full swing, I’ve noticed that more parents are sharing how much their kids with ADHD dislike school. Neurodivergent children and teens with ADHD, ASD, a learning disability, or other mental health issues work hard to hold it together during the academic day. Various teaching styles that may not make sense for their brains, long periods sitting at desks, complicated peer interactions, and constant demands on their very real executive functioning challenges frequently make the school the most complex area of functioning for alternative learners. When they arrive home desperately needing time to recover, process what’s happened that day, or zone out, they face homework, after-school activities, chores, or a part-time job. It may seem too much, but tempers rise, meltdowns ensue and the dislike of school grows even more. But what can you do to offer practical, authentic, caring support to shift this mindset for your kids with ADHD from “I hate school!” to “I’m Ready!”?

4 Proven School Problems Parents Can Solve

The key to providing effective and caring school support for your kids with ADHD and more begins with recognizing the problem and shifting their mindset with a sustainable solution. Included below are four frequently mentioned problems by parents and solutions by experts that work.

Problem #1: Unrealistic goals for outside-the-box thinkers

Since school uses all executive functioning skills throughout the day, kids often arrive home mentally and physically depleted. Remember, they’ve been asked repeatedly to adapt and perform at neurotypical levels, which may or may not work for their unique brains. Many of these alternative learners could have unusual strengths in some areas but not in others and are still expected to perform in all areas at the level of their strongest interests and abilities. Some students struggle because of unidentified learning disabilities as well. These standards put extra, unnecessary stress on children and teens and contribute to negative attitudes and lower self-esteem. In addition, they may feel misunderstood by their teachers and harbor frustration that nobody seems to understand enough to help them.

Solution #1: First, make sure your child or teen has been thoroughly evaluated for any learning challenges.

We want to make sure mandated services are in place for them if they qualify. Next, in conversation with your student, teachers, or guidance counselors, create two sets of expectations. The first set should be related to an interest, talent, or strength–something your child enjoys and does well. Find out what goal they would like to put out for themselves. Also, what do the adults think the youngster can handle? Then agree with this, write it down, and check in weekly about it. Second, they should be related to a challenging area that your child either doesn’t enjoy or struggles with. What goals would be realistic to set here? For instance, if your teen loves math and takes an advanced math class, what are their hopes for their performance in this subject? Also, if they have dyslexia and English is tough, figure out what would be appropriate for this class to be effective. Things don’t have to be the same, but the process of talking about issues and making doable plans works best when it is consistent. The goal is to develop a sense of progress to encourage effort and nurture strengths while shoring up challenges.

Problem #2: Inconsistent motivation and focus

In the book ADHD and Asperger’s syndrome in smart kids and adults (2022), Dr. Thomas Brown talks about the central mystery of ADHD as fluctuating motivation and attention based on varying interests. It’s confusing to kids, teens, and adults with ADHD and those who live, teach or work with them why someone can concentrate on something like playing the guitar for hours but not be able to focus on a twenty-minute assignment for science. Motivation based on a strong personal interest or the belief that something terrible will happen imminently seems to get folks going, but not always. Jules, age 15, says: “I feel like if I’m interested in a subject, I’m good at it, but if I’m not, it’s not as good. If I’m not interested in it, I’m spacing out and I’m just not paying as much attention. It depends on what mood I’m in.” Jules is aware of how interest affects his concentration, but if something is boring or he’s not in the right mood, he struggles with doing it.

Solution #2: Nurturing motivation depends on identifying interests and relying on extrinsic and intrinsic incentives.

Extrinsic motivation is an outside responsibility or reward that depends on achieving a goal. You pay for your train ticket in advance, so you have a seat; you turn in your history paper on time, so you don’t receive a poor grade. Intrinsic motivation means striving toward a goal for personal satisfaction or accomplishment. Ex. You decide to ride your bike for ten miles instead of five; you make the next level on a computer game. Intrinsic motivation drives us naturally because we are engaged and happy in what we are doing. But, when there is no clear or immediate satisfaction from a task, it takes kids (and adults) with ADHD longer to do anything. They prefer to avoid it and do something they enjoy first, never getting into dreaded activity. To change this pattern means putting the Have-Tos before the Want-Tos. Many neurodivergent kids need to learn how to set up effective incentives that matter to them to tackle the unpleasant stuff. It also helps to break undesirable tasks into small pieces, so there’s a sense of accomplishment as you tick things off.

Problem #3: Trouble navigating the social world

Many neurodivergent kids struggle with making and keeping friends. They may feel awkward at the lunch table, during recess, or speaking in front of others. Verbal or visual cues and misread body language may be missed. Or they may often notice that other kids seem to display ease with each other they don’t possess. School is the environment where the social world is on full display. It’s the crucible for launching friendships, changing relationship dynamics, constant comparisons, and experiencing bullying. Managing social dynamics and academic challenges can overwhelm the already taxed executive functioning skills of neurodivergent children and teens. In addition, many neurodivergent children and teens feel ashamed that they can’t ‘be like everyone else’ and engage more naturally with other people. They tend to hide what’s happening inside and may also lack the language to discuss their true feelings.

Solution #3: Extreme self-consciousness, uncertainty about the definition of a friend, and difficulty with the give-and-take of relationships can lead to exclusion or isolation.

Outside-the-box thinkers compare themselves to others and often find themselves lacking. But, the creative, unique ways alternative learners see the world can also result in leadership opportunities and peer respect. Building social skills is critical for developing self-confidence and increased comfort with interpersonal interactions. Help your neurodivergent child or teen by brainstorming and practicing conversational tools at home, creating a few stock responses to common questions, and formulating an exit strategy when they feel uncomfortable. I taught one of my tween clients to say, “That’s a good question. Can I get back to you?” when she didn’t know what to say to someone. Instead of walking away with no response and alienating the other person, she now had a tool that worked in various uncertain situations. This made her feel better about herself, and nobody was annoyed with her. Even saying phrases in the hallway, such as “Hey, nice to see you” or “What’s up?” can help kids feel more comfortable. Determine the right amount of involvement in the social life of your child. As parents, we are acutely sensitive and reactive to any social challenges our kids may be experiencing. When there’s an issue, listen instead of giving advice and work with them to find solutions instead of giving advice.

Problem #4: Fixed mindsets

Neurodivergent children and teens tend to be concrete thinkers with fixed mindsets as a result of experiencing constant negative feedback about themselves. Maybe they struggle with verbal impulse control or recall, or emotional regulation. Many kids and teens with ADHD aren’t necessarily aware of doing something offensive until they receive a negative response. This increases their worry about messing up again in the future and lowers their confidence in changing such behaviors. In a fixed mindset, people believe that their basic qualities, like intelligence or talents, are static traits that can’t improve. Then they are overly focused on an outcome, disappointed if they can’t achieve the perceived outcome. Perfectionism, procrastination, and low self-worth are all related to fixed mindsets. Fixed mindsets lead a student to give up on something quickly, sometimes even before trying. They don’t see the possibility of a different outcome. Of course, fixed mindsets affect academic, athletic, or extracurricular performance and social relationships.

Solution#4: Nurture a growth mindset by noticing and validating what’s working for your child or teen.

Your kids need help counterbalancing the negative things they tell and hear from others. A growth mindset refers to the belief that we can change and grow from our mistakes. Rather than something we should avoid or be afraid of, are a natural part of living. This mindset is crucial for alternative learners. They realize they can regroup after trying something that doesn’t work instead of blaming or shaming themselves. When we try something, we risk failure; when we avoid something, we ensure it. When kids value the process of trial-and-learning, they become aware that learning and intelligence grow with time and experience. This mindset counters the failure mentality many alternative learners harbor and nurtures essential resilience instead. As Dahlia, age 12, says, “Hopefully, this works. If not, I will have to find a new way to do it, to be brave. It’s hard sometimes, but there’s always a way to pick yourself up.”

Be Brave. Be Patient. Keep Trying.

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The Best Routines for Adults with ADHD: Reduce Stress & Anxiety

Many adults with ADHD struggle with structure, following rules and creating new routines. Starting a tedious, unrewarding task can be challenging, and it can be equally tough to stay with it until completion. Neurodivergent people can be overly fixated on maintaining a routine at the expense of other things, which can turn into a vicious cycle of frustration and self-defeat. Routines highlight how we spend the hours of our days and the days of our weeks. Whether it’s morning, bedtime, exercise, cleaning, self-care, or meals, these routines offer the structure that assists with creating the order all of us need to get by. Read more about steps you can practice to develop new habits that will decrease everyday anxiety and stress.

Why Routines Are Important

Maintaining routines is essential. They reduce stress and anxiety and improve mental health. Did you know that habits drive much of our behavior? According to Dr. Wendy Wood and Behavioral Scientist, 43% of what people do daily is made up of automatic responses. These automatic responses are comprised of habit loops. Habit loops are made up of cues, repeated behavior, and the benefit of doing it. Habits are patterns of behavior that are regularly repeated until they become almost involuntary. Of course, some habits and routines are healthier than others. Still, either way, the satisfaction of making a habit at the moment for kids and adults with ADHD can overtake rational thoughts of making a different choice. It’s tough for folks with executive functioning challenges to form mental shortcuts by recalling and repeating what worked in the past, persisting despite distractions, ignoring the impulsiveness to switch gears, or giving up due to overwhelming and distress.

About Bree

I worked with a client on time management and arriving at her job as a middle school teacher promptly, calmly, and ready for the day. Most days, she screeched into the parking ten minutes before the start of classes, drove around frantically looking for a parking spot, and then ran to her class with two minutes to spare. Bree felt embarrassed about her tardiness, disliked her high-stress levels, and wanted to demonstrate a better example for her students. It felt overwhelming to her for us to pick apart her morning routine and tweak it. What was simpler was to commit to arriving to work 45 minutes in advance and to plan to leave her house early enough to do that. But Bree needed accountability, or no change would occur. She reached out to her community and even her students for help. Here’s what happened, in her own words: “I decided to get to my school 30 minutes early each day. It’s a 30-minute drive with no traffic or parking issues, so I budgeted extra time for traffic, adding 20 minutes. This meant I left for work one hour and twenty minutes early. I told my friends and family about my goal. I also told my students. Everybody was super supportive, and two of my friends and my sister offered to text or called me fifteen minutes before I was set to leave each day for the first two weeks. I approached it one day at a time. Each day for the first week, when the school day began, and I was ready at my desk, the kids gave me high-fives. They saw my persistence! I feel so calm as I start the day now. I also get an excellent parking spot in the lot before it’s too crowded. It’s been one month of success. This is a new routine because I shifted one habit: from leaving late to leaving with enough time. I’m an adult with ADHD who has NEVER done this successfully in the past. I feel so accomplished.” With her community and students’ support, Bree created and maintained a new routine that reduces her life’s anxiety and stress.

5 Tips To Get You Started

Let’s look at five key aspects of setting up and maintaining routines for adults with ADHD so you can achieve similar success.

1. Name one aspect of your day that isn’t working for you

Be specific but with a narrow focus. This is what you want to change. One of the reasons that Bree was successful is that she selected one thing to work on, arriving at school earlier. Since she didn’t want to change what she did before going to work, she woke up earlier, regardless of the time she went to bed. Bree also set alarms and alerts on her phone and her computer and even bought an alarm clock. Many people with ADHD get too caught up in how to make something work because they have widened their field.

2. Organize the steps needed for your new routine

Do a brain dump of what needs to shift to remake your routine. Then, prioritize what is most important by taking a few items from this list and focusing on those. Define the main steps to change a habit and keep this brief. Figure out what types of planning or materials you need.

3. Identify what motivates you

Is it something external? Like an exceptional coffee, recognition from your boss, or the absence of late fees on your credit cards? Or is it something internal, like reaching a personal goal or the satisfaction of the accomplishment itself? There’s no right or wrong answer. Look for what’s most effective so things may change and you encounter success. It’s okay if you need external validation initially. Changing a habit for folks with ADHD often works better initially if the people around you notice your efforts. Bree’s students did this spontaneously for her, which touched her and helped her keep going. Is there a particular activity or words of acknowledgment that goes along with the new behavior that would feel good? Many adults with ADHD experienced a childhood littered with criticisms, judgments, and negativity for aspects of being neurodivergent that they could not control. The positive to negative balance in your head is probably still terribly skewed. So it makes perfect sense if you benefit from external and internal motivation.

4. Bring the Future Into the Present

One reason it’s so tough to change is that the consequences of not changing may not be immediate enough to pressure you to do it now. With your now or not now ADHD brain, unless the present is miserable, change won’t occur. So bring the future into the present. Consider how you will feel if you don’t follow through with the new routine that you’ve set up for yourself. Visualize your future and how you want to think about the present. Ask yourself, “Do I need to impose artificial consequences instead of waiting for natural, negative ones to occur?” and “How can you make this shift daily and nurture consistency without self-blame or shame?”

5. Find Accountability Buddies

Once you’ve narrowed down the habit you wish to change, set up a clear plan, and find accountability buddies. They will compassionately and firmly help you stick to your stated goal and assist you when you face an obstacle. When publicly sharing a purpose and plan, you transform an intention into action. It’s essential to commit to something doable that’s not too daunting. Aim for completion to keep building on your success. Do you have a friend, colleague, partner, coach, or therapist who could be your support? When professional tennis players start a match, they have a cheering section. Who can be in yours? It’s critical to have these folks around to celebrate your success and acknowledge it as the big deal it is.

Keep Going!

Creating a new routine means changing habits. It’s not just about when you do things but how, what, and why. The ‘why’ could be the reason you’re holding back. In some cases, you may be attached to a particular approach that may have served you in the past. These habits are developed to help you reduce stress, avoid something fearful or uncomfortable or decrease frustration. Ask yourself now: Is this routine serving me in my life currently? If the answer is ‘yes,’ great. Keep going with it. But if the answer is ‘no,’ then it’s time for a change.

Youth & Technology: How Social Media Affects the Mental Health of Children with ADHD

Let’s face it: screens are a defining feature in the lives of both children and adolescents. Whether it’s social media apps (i.e. Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat or Discord), YouTube videos, gaming, television, texting, listening to music or buying material goods, kids today are extremely adept at and focused on their phones, computers and tablets. But how can the constant desire to check social media affect our mental health? Especially for those with ADHD or neurodivergent needs. Well, for starters it’s important to understand that virtual reality is their reality. There’s often no real difference between what happens online and in real life for those with ADHD. One question I’m often asked is “How do screens affect the development and behavior of our youngsters, especially those with ADHD?” Great question, let’s talk about it. A new study by Jason M. Nagata, Jonathan Chu and authors on (July 26, 2022) examined whether total screen time per day affected the onset of oppositional defiant and conduct disorders (ODD and CD) in children between the ages of nine and eleven. They found some really interesting results. First, the average amount of screen time per day was four hours. Secondly, for each hour of screen time or social media, the frequency of new onset disruptive behaviors included lying and sneaking. The strongest association was between social media and conduct disorder, with one hour on social media linked to a 62% higher rate of occurrence. Now, what does this research mean for kids and teens with ADHD who already have higher rates of ODD (30-50% overall) and CD (25% in children and 45% in teens)? and How can parents manage the intrusions of social media and screens in their families to avoid the development of disruptive behavioral conditions while fostering better emotional regulation and teach impulse control?

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How Parents Can Easily Manage Digital Media Time

1. Guide them, don’t threaten

What your child or teen needs most is guidance from you–not threats or punishments for managing how they interact with the digital world. Neither punishing nor separating tweens and teens from their phones will produce the results you are looking for because these disciplinary acts don’t teach any skills. Plus, separating kids from their phones can actually result in social isolation and alienation from peers which nobody wants either. So what is a concerned parent or caregiver to do when they are only trying to help? Keep reading for more tips.

2. Recall the ADHD fundamentals

Start by recalling the basic biology and fundamental characteristics of ADHD. Kids with ADHD often struggle with impulse control, emotional regulation and following directions due to a delay in the prefrontal cortex maturity and challenge with several executive functioning skills simultaneously. While neurodivergent kids and teenagers (those with ADHD, LD, 2E and ASD) may struggle to concentrate on or complete tasks they dislike, they can perform very well and focus for a long time on activities they like. Such as social media and video games. This differential attention is a core aspect of ADHD and it’s related to naturally lower amounts of the neurotransmitter dopamine. Pings, colors and quick, easily achievable levels of achievement seen in online games, Snapchat, or other apps activate novelty detectors in the dopamine pathways in our brains. These pathways manage attention, pleasure and addiction. It’s easier for people with ADHD to become totally engaged in their digital activities because the technology generates the dopamine–pleasure, satisfaction and reward systems–their brains lack. It’s much tougher to stop high-dopamine pursuits because nothing else seems as fun, captivating or compelling. Who wants to stop gaming or scrolling through Instagram to set the table for dinner and then eat the meal? Probably not your youngster with ADHD.

3. Watch out for social comparisons

Some of the most serious consequences of the digital world are social comparisons. Social media and the digital world frequently lead kids to create unrealistic personal expectations that can be inspiring or destructive to their mental health. While it’s a natural part of teen identity formation to compare yourself to others and look for similarities and contrasts, often kids with ADHD who already feel a greater sense of insecurity believe they just don’t measure up. Research has found that adolescents who already suffer from low self-esteem or mild depression are more likely to make frequent social media comparisons that negatively affect their well-being and mental health. Avoid that by implementing a balanced media diet.

How to Implement a Balanced Media Plan + The 5 C’s

Creating an effective and balanced media diet won’t be easy. You will likely encounter pushback, threats, negotiations and pleading. But it will be worth it.

Try Using Dr. Sharon Saline’s 5 C’s

1. self-Control: Monitor your own triggers and take a time-apart when necessary to regroup. 2. Compassion: Remember how hard it is for your child biologically to stop using technology and incorporate some empathy. 3. Collaboration: Work with them for solutions instead of forcing rules on them so they have buy-in. 4. Consistency: Aim for regularity in whatever program you create, not perfection. Explain exceptions when they occur. 5. Celebration: Notice signs of cooperation, make eye contact and verbally acknowledge what you’ve observed to build on the wins. Remember, meet kids where they are, not where you think they should be. Have sympathy for yourself too. It’s easier to accept your child and their challenges when you can do this personally. Always feel free to reach out to me at info@drsharonsaline.com.

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Summer Vacations with ADHD: 5 Beat The Heat Tips for Families

Aah, the thrill of family vacations! Everyone piles in the car, bus or plane for a fun-filled week of togetherness and Hollywood happily-ever after endings, right? Family vacations often start with high hopes. Everyone imagines bubbly laughter, good food and happy connections. You are excited and so are your kids. Usually, things work out as you had hoped: people get along well and have a good time. Sometimes things don’t work out as much as you would have liked. Arguments, tantrums, logistical difficulties bring everyone down. What are the ingredients for a successful family vacation with ADHD on the journey? Read a few of my helpful tips below.

How to use the 5C’s to enhance family vacations

self-Control | Compassion | Collaboration | Consistency | Celebration Use the 5C’s as the foundation for a ‘no-drama’ family experience–whether it’s a staycation, a road trip or a plane flight. Manage your reactivity by noticing when you are getting triggered and then taking a short break to re-center. Offer yourself and your kids compassion in a heated moment, remembering that anger, tears and frustration are signs of overwhelm and insufficient personal coping tools. Collaborate by working with your kids to include their ideas for the vacation activities. When they have buy-in on plans, they more eagerly participate in making them a success. Set consistency as a goal instead of perfection. As you stick with your agreements and follow through on them, everybody feels more engaged and enthusiastic about cooperating to make things run smoothly. Last, but definitely not least, kick back, enjoy and celebrate being together.

5 heat tips for happier family vacations with ADHD kids or adults

1. Before your start the trip, meet together as a family and review the itinerary.

Kids with ADHD like to know what’s coming down the pike because it helps them prepare for transitions and adjust their expectations. Also, go over the scheduled activities, talk about any possibilities and make a list of what people would like to do. Discuss the difference between “have-to” events and “want to” options. Add one desired activity from each person to the vacation plan.

2. Consider your child’s capacity for self-entertainment while you’re in transit.

Be realistic about what your child or teen with ADHD can actually tolerate in terms of travel. Budget enough bathroom and body breaks. Create a do-able list of acceptable games and activities. While on vacation with ADHD kids, it helps to throw in a few surprises to keep them on their toes, along with the essentials you need to bring. Also, try to save technology for the latter part of the trip when the other activities have lost their appeal.

3. Decide how much technology your kids can have, when and where.

Clearly explain the limits around technology before you leave. If you want to use technology for rewards or relaxation time, make sure you outline the conditions when these will occur. If you decide to give them bonus screen time, name it as such and talk about why. It’s no fun to spend your vacation negotiating tech time so set the boundaries before you go.

4. Create a strategy (in advance) of issues and behavior that trigger folks so you are prepared if they happen.

By planning for these potential upsets, you can rely on similar past incidents to give you strategies for responding more effectively if they occur on this trip. Together, think about what’s worked in the past and what hasn’t. Brainstorm the tools you’ll need to deal with such challenges successfully if they occur this summer. Create and agree on specific ways to slow things down when temperatures rise and tempers start flaring. In addition, a sense of humor is your best traveling companion while on vacations with ADHD kids and adults. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If your son is fresh to you, say “Fresh is for vegetables not car rides.” If your kids are yelling at each other and you can’t hear yourself think, put on one of your favorite tunes, roll down the window and sing out loud. They’ll be distracted and complain about the cold.

5. Stay positive.

Try to see the silver lining. A bad traffic jam may be the perfect time to break out the secret snack and delight everyone. Remember, kick-back, enjoy and celebrate being together!

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Smoother Conversations with ADHD: Tips for managing attention, memory, impulsivity and anxiety while socializing

Conversations can be tough for folks with ADHD, ASD or LD. It can be difficult to track the conversation flow and stay focused on a subject. You might talk about a topic that seems relevant and related to you but tangential to others. Then, there’s the volume and tone of your voice, reading facial expressions, and difficulty gauging physical proximity. Often times, neurodivergent teens and adults are overly critical of what they are or aren’t doing. You might think you should be worrying about what someone else is thinking about you, rather than being present with what’s going on. Engaging in conversations with ADHD involves coping with multiple ADHD-related challenges while socializing, which isn’t easy for anyone. How can conversations flow easier? Here are tips and tools to help.

Why people with ADHD interrupt conversations more frequently

Interruptions for people with ADHD frequently reflect weaker verbal impulse control, but also issues with working memory and metacognition. You may not remember to wait your turn because you don’t trust yourself to remember what you want to say later–when there’s a pause in the conversation or the other person has finished talking. This reflects a fear of forgetting. Maybe you are unaware that you are interrupting until someone lets you know. Sometimes people interrupt because they feel a need to prove themselves and establish their expertise. Or, you may really want to engage in this conversation but can’t find a way in, so you interrupt. After all, you’re very excited about this topic and eager to discuss it. At other times, you may be bored and want to change the subject by interrupting. The urge to interrupt is also affected by anxiety. The more anxious you feel in a social situation, the higher likelihood that you will interrupt. Anxiety will exacerbate any nervousness or worries about acceptance, performance and embarrassment. When you are flooded with these intense feelings, you can be naturally more impulsive as a protective measure. In addition, you can be less capable of monitoring your words and actions.

How interrupting impacts connections

Take a moment and reflect on how you feel when someone interrupts you. It seems like they aren’t listening, but rather waiting for their turn to talk. The interrupter is demonstrating that their thoughts are more important than yours. How does that make you feel? Angry, unimportant, dismissed, unseen? Even though interrupting may demonstrate a lack of effective impulse control on your part, other people may not understand this. They may become irritated or impatient, and they probably feel just like you do when you’re interrupted.

Sidetracking conversations with ADHD

Many people with ADHD go on tangents when they are telling a story or sharing what’s on their mind. This is an understandable part of having many ideas simultaneously. For example, one of my clients recited aloud for me what he was thinking, and it was a nonstop train of observations, interpretations, ideas and curiosity. Do you think your brain does this too? These many ideas lead to sidetracking in conversations. For instance, you may go off track and may not realize that you are too far down a road that goes nowhere until someone tells you. People start looking away or confront you directly, sometimes not so nicely. All too often, neurodivergent kids and adults become defensive. They feel angry and ashamed at the same time. These feelings can make things worse socially and contribute to exclusion or humiliation. Let’s look at some strategies for reducing interruptions.

5 tips for interrupting less with ADHD

1. Write things down:

Use your phone or a small pad of paper that you keep with you to jot down a few key words that will cue you to recall what it is that you want to say. Whether you are in a meeting or hanging out with friends, let other folks know that you don’t want to interrupt so taking some notes while others are talking helps you remember your thoughts better. This prepares them in case you choose to do this and wards off judgment.

2. Be candid:

If you don’t want to write things down, say, “I have something to share but I don’t want to interrupt you. I’m just afraid that I will forget it.” This warns people of why you are interrupting. You will have to monitor how many times you do this though. Depending on who you’re speaking with, more than a few times in a conversation might be too much. If you do happen to forget something, don’t worry. It will probably come back to you later, and you can text or email them when it does.

3. Watch out for overwhelm:

Indoor parties, gatherings at a park or beach or eating dinner at a busy restaurant, all of these environments can be extra distracting. It will be harder for you to track what’s being said by whom and staying with the conversation. If you can’t hear or focus on what someone is telling you, ask if you can move somewhere else or step away from the noise for a few moments.

4. Listen and ask questions:

People like to talk about themselves, and they also like to feel heard. Use reflective listening techniques (“I heard you say X, tell me more about that.”) or (“That sounds interesting. Can you describe/explain it further?”)

5. Use the “WAIT-Now” method:

The “WAIT-Now” method involves periodically asking yourself, “Why am I talking now?” Remember that a pause in a sentence doesn’t mean the person is finished speaking. If you are unsure, wait 10 seconds, and then ask if they’re done before you start speaking.

4 tips for helping conversations flow smoothly with ADHD:

Now that you know how to manage your interruptions, let’s look at some strategies for participating in conversations more effectively with ADHD, ASD or LD:

1. Consider personal space, volume and body language:

Think about the physical proximity of those engaged in the conversation. In the United States, it’s common for people to stand about three feet apart. You also want to consider hand gestures and touching others. Some people are very uncomfortable with being touched casually during an exchange. Initially, keep your hands and body parts to yourself. Later, if you want, you can share that you talk a lot with your hands and ask if a tap on their arm or shoulder would be okay. Check out the volume and tone of the conversation. How are people speaking? Are you speaking louder or quieter than the people around you? Can you hear yourself? Do you have a buddy who can signal you if you’re too loud or too soft? Observe body language and facial expressions of the folks around you. Interest and engagement look open and calm (relaxed posture, eye contact, leaning forward). Judgment and discomfort look more closed (crossed arms and legs, looking away). What are their faces and bodies showing you about their response to what you are saying?

2. Reflect on your behavior in conversations:

Find acceptable alternatives to eye contact if that’s uncomfortable for you. Perhaps engage in an activity during a conversation so people aren’t looking right at you: walking, bicycling, shopping, going to baseball game or visiting a museum. Pause and observe before you enter a room. Get a sense of what’s going on instead of jumping right in by asking “what’s going on?” or interrupting to say something.

3. Make a plan for when you get distracted, space out or start interrupting:

If you lose focus when someone is talking, watch their mouth or hand gestures to follow along. Ask open-ended questions that begin with how and what more than why. How will you get back into the conversation? Could anyone assist you? Likewise, ask a friend or family member to help you with interrupting. Maybe collaborate on a signal that communicates if you’ve wandered too far off topic or have been talking too long.

4. Learn to feel awkward without judgment:

Everybody has insecurities whether they show them or not. You might be uncertain about something, worried about how you compare to others, or worried about how other people perceive you. But it doesn’t mean you should stop making social connections or engaging in conversations. Instead, armed with the tools and strategies described here, you can feel more confident and courageous in meeting new people and making lasting friendships.

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Creating Stress-Free Summer Routines for Kids with ADHD

School is finally out, and everybody in the family exhales with a collective sigh of relief. No more harried mornings, bothersome homework sessions or arguments about bedtime. Time to kick back into free and easy mode, right? Well, not exactly. Just because you’ve eliminated school from daily life doesn’t mean all routines and structure should be thrown out the window. Kids with ADHD actually benefit from structure and predictability in their lives during the warmer months because they often can’t create these for themselves. Formulating and maintaining a summer plan with your child or teen continues whatever progress they’ve made during the school year and sets them up for a smooth transition in the fall. Here are the steps to help create the ideal stress-free summer routines for kids with ADHD.

Kids benefit from daily structure, especially kids with ADHD

After a few days of just chilling, family conflicts begin to arise. Arguments about summer screen time, household chores and curfews can quickly escalate into massive, unpleasant explosions. Plus, the Blobdom-Boredom Matrix sets in. Your son or daughter displays a lack of interest in doing anything other than lying horizontal using screens. This is followed by incessant complaining about having nothing to do when the devices are removed. It’s no way to go through a summer. Despite their claims for disliking schedules or feeling choked by plans, many kids, especially those with ADHD, need a sense of purpose and structure to their days. Having a place to go and something to do keeps them engaged mentally, physically and socially. Otherwise, it’s screen time 24/7 and arguments about screen time 24/7. Think about how much down time your son or daughter actually needs. You want to alternate free time options with planned activities so there’s a healthy balance. This is especially true for neurodivergent youngsters who may have trouble with initiating a wider range of appropriate activities. Maintaining routines serves a purpose because kids know what’s expected of them and what to look out for. While they may not like the structure, it helps them stay organized in ways they’re accustomed to. If your child or teen balks at this approach, you’re not alone–most kids think this way. But it’s in their best interest, nonetheless, to continue developing the executive functioning skills like planning, organizing and follow-through they really need.

Encourage your child to explore their interests this summer

Summer is a good time for kids to pursue their interests and non-academic interests. There’s so much focus on their academic achievement throughout the year, including grades, test scores and applications for college for high schoolers. Kids need a mental and emotional break to explore other parts of themselves, and the summer is a great opportunity. Summer can also be good for targeted remedial work or pursuing a school subject in depth. However, make sure there’s other fun stuff planned, too. The key to creating a stress-free summer lies in staying the course with routines you’ve already been following, but allowing for specific, strategic tweaking when necessary. If you are working from home, you will benefit from dividing the day into chunks. Mornings for family work: you focus on your professional responsibilities and they use this time for summer studying, remediation, pleasure reading or hobbies like music or art. Consider setting up childcare trades with some friends or asking a relative (grandparent, aunt or cousin) for some assistance. If you can hire a mother’s helper, that can also help you focus on work at home more effectively. Since it is vacation, there’s probably more flexibility about when to wake up and go to bed, how much screen time makes sense and curfews for older kids. What doesn’t change are your expectations for cooperation and effort. Whether your child goes to camp, plays organized sports, goes on playdates, plans sleepovers, works at a job or shoots hoops at the Y, there’s still some type of schedule for each day that correlates to the one they’re accustomed to from the school year.

5 steps for creating stress-free summer routines for kids with ADHD:

1. Pick a quiet time to talk about the summer with your child

If they already have plans for camps, work or travel, write these down on a large calendar or whiteboard that you post in the kitchen. The change of summer routines for kids with ADHD can be discombobulating, and many already struggle with transitions. They like to have a sense of predictability, so why not give it to them? Plus, when they ask about when something’s happening, you can direct them to the schedule. It will give them a sense of control.

2. Make a time for a brainstorming conversation

Whether or not you have not made arrangements for the summer, I encourage you to make a time to have 2 conversations: The first one is for brainstorming and the second is for following up. Sit down for limited amount of time to talk about the summer. Consider what worked for last year’s summer routines for your kids and what didn’t. Perhaps do some preliminary research based on that info. Make a list of possibilities and who’s going to look into what. Older kids and teens will want to investigate options which helps them with their burgeoning desire for autonomy. Set a specific date and time for the second conversation within 2 weeks. Or, it’s out of sight out of mind.

3. Set up your follow-up conversation

Come back together with everybody’s research that should include dates and cost. Map out the entire summer if everything comes through and make a tentative schedule. At this point, you, as the adult, have to take the reigns in terms of sign ups and payment. If you hit an obstacle, come back, regroup and find something else. Your kids may well need your assistance to create a purpose and destination for each day. If they refuse to cooperate, use screen time and other privileges as incentives and earned rewards. For example, if your daughter agrees to work as a mother’s helper for five mornings a week, she can earn an extra hour of screen time on those days.

4. Relax some of the school year rules about sleep and wake times

Negotiate these items with your child or teen, letting them take the lead on what they want before you offer anything. That way, you come off as generous and they’ve got more buy-in to the program. You still have to establish clear times for waking up, getting dressed, leaving the house, doing chores and going to bed at night, but because it is summer, there’s some leeway.

5. Collaborate and create very specific limits on screen time

In a calm moment, talk about what your child or teen would like and what you are hoping for. Listen to their input, reflect on what they’ve said and, if appropriate, make a compromise that you can stick to. Set a baseline for daily screen usage with extra minutes earned for doing chores, avoiding an argument when transitioning from the screen to something else or helping you out with a project. Last but certainly not least, make room for summer fun and spontaneity. Set up times when routines are broken and name these as exceptions so your kids don’t think this is the new norm. Maybe go for an unplanned hike, ice cream treat or day at the beach. Think about one of your own favorite summer memories for a moment right now. What made it special? How can you create some of those joyful times with your family? Summer calls out to us to enjoy being outdoors and enjoying the bounty of nature, trying new things and going places.

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6 Tips for Parenting College Students with ADHD During Summer Break

As another school year is winding down, you may be preparing for your college student with ADHD to come back home for a while. Whether they’re home for just the summer, or moving back in, everyone in the household will need to make adjustments. Previously established family routines may require some tweaks or even a full overhaul. Your teen may be living under your roof again, but you will all benefit if you treat them more like the emerging adult they are, not the child they were. The line between where parental authority ends and their growing autonomy begins has shifted, and your household is figuring out how to live together once again. It’s exciting and somewhat uncomfortable, like breaking in a new pair of shoes: fun, but with a blister or two in the beginning. Here are six helpful tips for how to reset and maintain a satisfying and manageable family life with your young adult this summer.

Welcome home! Helping your ADHD child transition back home from college

Consider what your college-age child is feeling when they return home after being away for a while. They have gotten used to a certain level of independence and self-management in college. They don’t want to come home and feel “bossed around” by their parents. Your young adult college student with ADHD may also be focused on any number of new experiences–romantic relationships, shifting friendships, summer jobs or planning for the future. They may also be exhausted, needing to have some time to chill out and unwind. The last thing they want to hear is your well-intentioned advice perceived as a lecture, criticism or unsolicited assistance. On the flip side, we, as parents, still see our college-age kids as needing our attention, guidance and motivation. We want our children to have a productive summer and pitch in around the house. And, with more of us working from home these days, it’s all too easy to get annoyed seeing our teen hanging around the house all day, staying out late or making choices with which we don’t agree. As you both may experience heightened stress from these changes, it’s natural to feel disappointed, confused, angry, or worried. You’re living under the same roof, only with new stresses and growing pains. So how should you re-engage with your teen with a healthy dose of parental authority, while still respecting their developing independence?

Creating healthy daily routines with your family this summer

A healthy daily summer routine will ground all of you and help to manage your time more efficiently. Use this opportunity to brainstorm ways to create structure while establishing and following through on healthy family boundaries. Of course, your child might want to sleep in and have some down time. But they need to understand that participating in the daily maintenance of the home, and taking care of responsibilities like dishes and laundry, is part of the summer plan. Instead of expecting regular dinners together, aim to agree on a few nights when you will share a supper. This allows time for their work and social commitments in the evenings. Instead of resorting to old communications and frustrating family dynamics, opt for discussions that foster collaboration and respect.

Encouraging your young adult with ADHD to practice more independence

Our independent, young adults want to be treated more as equals, even if they may not act that way. Think about ways that they can demonstrate their developing ‘adulting’ skills, and try to listen more than talk. Reflect what you hear back to them, and state your opinions neutrally. Respond with “I notice…” or “I’ve observed…” statements. Avoid saying things like “I feel that you…” and, instead, say “I feel (an emotion) when this (action or behavior occurs).” Then, pause for their response. Give them a chance to process what you are saying and mull it over. Many emerging adults with ADHD may agree with what you are saying but want to assert some power by transforming this into their own idea or just taking time to consider it. Everybody has surely grown and changed since the last time you were all under the same roof. You want to explore ways to help them figure out a daily summer routine that accomplishes the things they need to do and the things they want to do. You’re not telling them what to do: you’re offering your assistance and coaching. If they don’t follow that, it’s fine to express your frustration. However, don’t tell them why they should. That’s not part of the collaborative spirit.

6 tips for parents of college students with ADHD who are returning home for summer break:

1. Start with the basics

Most emerging adults still need some support with organization, prioritizing and initiating (especially undesirable tasks). Offer to help them by working together on making a list for everything they HAVE to do (self-care, work/classes, household chores, etc.) and another of everything they WANT to do (hanging out with friends, playing music or sports or gaming). If your teen doesn’t have a summer job or internship yet, you can further divide the day into a morning ‘looking for work’ period and an afternoon one with a timed break for something fun following each one. If your child already has a job or internship, that will provide some structure to their day. However, they may need some assistance juggling family or social responsibilities to go with it.

2. Avoid micromanaging

Instead of reminding them to do stuff which they will inevitably hear as ‘nagging,’ talk with them about what types of cueing work best for them. Your goal is to offer assistance and not manage things for them. The pull for parents of older teens to do things to help (or take over for) their kids as they used to do when kids were smaller is strong. It’s equally strong for kids to resort back to their younger selves and expect you to make appointments for them or pick up after them. If they are struggling to follow through, have a discussion about what types of tools assisted them previously and how those can be applied now. In addition, it is reasonable to ask them to notify you at a certain hour if they will be out late or not planning to come home without knowing what their activities are. Living under the same roof means that you will tend to worry about them more than when they aren’t in sight. Couch this as considerate behavior rather than a control issue.

3. Re-establish responsibilities

Don’t assume your child will pick up old chores just because they’re home from college. Set up a family meeting to discuss household tasks. This way, dishes won’t mount while you’re on conference calls. Wet towels won’t spend the day collecting mold in the bathroom, either. Talk about responsibilities and the common good for your family unit. As a young adult, your child can plan and cook meals. They can give their younger sibling a ride or take the dog for a walk. They may prefer to be responsible for the recycling and the litter box rather than unloading the dishwasher. That’s okay. Try it their way, and see what happens. Kids with ADHD are also more likely to follow through on chores that mean something to them. If your kid cares about climate change, they might be more motivated to empty the compost and clean the container than grocery shopping. Make a clear agreement about who does what, write it down, post it in the kitchen, and then step back. They can set phone alarms, create to-do lists or ask a smart home device for reminders. Set up a family Google Calendar, or dust off the white board in the kitchen and get organized the old-school way.

4. Promote good sleep patterns

College-age adults are going to make a schedule that they feel works best for them. They may sleep until 10 every morning and work until 7 every night. Whereas, you may get up at 6:30 a.m. and work until 4 p.m. They’ve been in control of their own time at college, and you need to trust their process. It’s helpful to know their general daily plan. However, you don’t want to be the person knocking on their door every morning to wake them up. If your kid stays up late gaming, and then can’t get up the next day to apply for jobs or show up for one, then discuss your concerns. Explore options with them, such as turning off the internet at a certain time at night to help them get to bed sooner.

5. Be available, and empathize

Though you’re juggling more than before with your child back home from college, take advantage of openings to talk. Avoid using meal time to discuss studies or life plans. Instead, create regular check in times for those issues. Make it easy and comfortable for your college student with ADHD to come to you for advice. They might seek advice for school, work, relationships or anything else. Young adults with ADHD often want to think aloud about their decisions, process their emotional challenges or analyze social issues. Focus on listening. And, if you want to ask questions, rely on ‘what’ and ‘how’ more than ‘why.’

6. Encourage daily exercise

Like you, your kid will be healthiest and happiest if they’re exercising in some regular capacity. This could be going for a run with the dog, doing a workout video online, yoga, etc. If they aren’t doing this on their own, invite them to join you! Go for a bike ride together, or do a Pilates video on YouTube. This can be a fun and unexpected way to hang out, laugh and bond. Setting up clear expectations and structures will help make summertime relaxing and joyful for your and your emerging adult. Model how to be responsible and healthy by balancing your own work and downtime. Make plans for some fun excursions based on their interests as well as your own. Lay the groundwork for a pleasant summer now and enjoy this precious time.

Handouts, Webinars & More in Dr. Saline’s Store:

“Navigating College with ADHD: Setting yourself up for success” LIVE ADHD Webinar + Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline on Zoom June 20, 2022 | 7:30-9:00pm EDT Learn more & register here!

Why Multitasking is a Myth

Media Multitasking and ADHD

Opt for Single-tasking Whenever Possible

How to reduce multitasking habits

1. Make a conscious effort to do one thing at a time

2. Turn off your cell phone when you are working

3. Close unnecessary tabs and create separate browsers

4. Engage in conversations when you are not distracted by your phone

Teen Time: About Keiran

“I Hate it When Teachers Say…”

How Parents Respond To Report Cards Is Crucial

5 Ways To Manage ‘The Report Card’ Conversation

1. Listen first, ask questions after

2. Set realistic goals for the next quarter or trimester

3. Make sure adequate support is in place

4. Avoid punishments and use logical consequences

5. Set up an effective routine for studying at home

How to maintain focus with ADHD

You can improve your focus

Four Types of Focus

Selecting→Monitoring→Shifting→Hyper-focusing

1. Selecting

2. Monitoring

3. Shifting

4. Hyperfocusing

4 Proven School Problems Parents Can Solve

Problem #1: Unrealistic goals for outside-the-box thinkers

Solution #1: First, make sure your child or teen has been thoroughly evaluated for any learning challenges.

Problem #2: Inconsistent motivation and focus

Solution #2: Nurturing motivation depends on identifying interests and relying on extrinsic and intrinsic incentives.

Problem #3: Trouble navigating the social world

Solution #3: Extreme self-consciousness, uncertainty about the definition of a friend, and difficulty with the give-and-take of relationships can lead to exclusion or isolation.

Problem #4: Fixed mindsets

Solution#4: Nurture a growth mindset by noticing and validating what’s working for your child or teen.

Be Brave. Be Patient. Keep Trying.

Why Routines Are Important

About Bree

5 Tips To Get You Started

1. Name one aspect of your day that isn’t working for you

2. Organize the steps needed for your new routine

3. Identify what motivates you

4. Bring the Future Into the Present

5. Find Accountability Buddies

Keep Going!

Read more blogs

How Parents Can Easily Manage Digital Media Time

1. Guide them, don’t threaten

2. Recall the ADHD fundamentals

3. Watch out for social comparisons

How to Implement a Balanced Media Plan + The 5 C’s

Try Using Dr. Sharon Saline’s 5 C’s

How to use the 5C’s to enhance family vacations

5 heat tips for happier family vacations with ADHD kids or adults

1. Before your start the trip, meet together as a family and review the itinerary.

2. Consider your child’s capacity for self-entertainment while you’re in transit.

3. Decide how much technology your kids can have, when and where.

4. Create a strategy (in advance) of issues and behavior that trigger folks so you are prepared if they happen.

5. Stay positive.

Read more blog posts:

Learn More with Dr. Saline’s Webinars:

Watch on Dr. Saline’s YouTube Channel:

Why people with ADHD interrupt conversations more frequently

How interrupting impacts connections

Sidetracking conversations with ADHD

5 tips for interrupting less with ADHD

1. Write things down:

2. Be candid:

3. Watch out for overwhelm:

4. Listen and ask questions:

5. Use the “WAIT-Now” method:

4 tips for helping conversations flow smoothly with ADHD:

1. Consider personal space, volume and body language:

2. Reflect on your behavior in conversations:

3. Make a plan for when you get distracted, space out or start interrupting:

4. Learn to feel awkward without judgment:

Read more blog posts:

Handouts, Webinars & More in Dr. Saline’s Store:

Watch on Dr. Saline’s YouTube Channel:

Kids benefit from daily structure, especially kids with ADHD

Encourage your child to explore their interests this summer