Category: Anxiety, Depression & More

What We Eat is Something We Can Control Now

During this pandemic, we all are experiencing heightened anxiety and there is so much we can’t control. What we eat is luckily something we can control now. Some foods are good for our physical, emotional well-being, and some are not.
Although I am not a medical doctor, I’ve observed that foods do have an impact on us:
Anxiety – Food that is especially sugary or those with a lot of caffeine can increase someone’s agitation and then make them more prone to anxiety. Sometimes ginseng can do this as well.
I think herbal teas such as chamomile or those with other calming properties can be extremely useful.
What amount of food should people eat? – Eating slowly and mindfully can help reduce intake. Often when people eat quickly or standing up, their bodies don’t have a chance to metabolize the food and recognized that they are sated. Often overeating happens with rushing, or when certain moods kick in. Some people eat when they feel anxious; others can’t eat. It’s really an individual response. Whether or not you have an anxiety disorder or ‘just feel anxious sometimes,’ the feeling of anxiety is the same. The difference is one of frequency and intensity.

22 News Mass Appeal: Understanding and managing the anxiety of returning to school

(Mass Appeal) – These are anxious times for kids and adults as the school year restarts. But it’s important to remember that children absorb how adults act in different situations and feed off those emotions and actions. Dr. Sharon Saline is here today with some ways to speak with your little ones to reduce the anxiety of the times. Click logo below to read more.

Millennial Loneliness and Depression

Teen looking lonely and depressed on her bed by the window

It can be hard to make friends as adults:

People often feel like it’s hard to make friends as an adult because, quite frankly, it is. When we are in college or technical school, we have a community made for us and we share common goals and interests. We spend time each day or week together. You don’t have to look far for peers because they are all around you. Once young adults have transitioned to living on their and working full-time, the social networks are less obvious. You may have friends at work or you may not. In addition, you may be living in a new place where you lack historical connections to people or a familiar community. Be shy and/or suffering from social anxiety doesn’t help either. Millennial loneliness and depression is real and a challenge to cope with.

Social media increases millennial loneliness:

Women in particular are socialized to develop a sense of themselves based on their relationships. These interpersonal networks help define us and give us purpose. Social media increases loneliness: women have superficial contact with others, often based on short text exchanges, photos or quick responses. Girls and women are developing an inner notion of who they are based on the number of likes they have and how engaged they are online with others. Ultimately, these ways of relating with others are less satisfying than in-person conversations, time spent together and sharing real time experiences.

Aim for Balance:

To build a community, aim for balance between social media and real time interactions. Folks need a few friends, not an entire posse, to feel like they matter and make a difference. Meet up with friends and talk in person more than texting, Snapchat or Instagram conversations. Pursue what interests you and join a club, take a class or volunteer for an organization. By participating in these activities, you’ll make natural relationships, share experiences and build a stronger sense of self to feel less lonely and more fulfilled.

Watch Dr. Saline’s advice on depression, loneliness and teens and millennials.

Learn more:

4 Straight-forward, Practical Hacks for Managing Your Anxiety TODAY

It’s natural for parents to feel stressed and anxious right now. Whether your kids are going back to school in person or a hybrid learning situation, there are complicated issues facing families everywhere. Anxiety wants security and certainty and, with COVID related risks,  we just don’t have much of that these days. To help you manage your anxiety, try these tools:

  1. Identify what you can control: Rather than focusing on what might happen and the possible negative outcomes from that, shift your attention to proactive action. What steps can you take to protect your child and yourself as much as possible? Get as informed as you can about your school’s policies and decide whether those make sense to you and your family. If not, explore what choices make you feel most comfortable. Give your student the tools they’ll need. Provide your child or teen with masks and hand sanitizer. Show them what physical distancing looks like: use a tape measure to demonstrate six feet. Review hand-washing techniques and the importance of not sharing food or drinks. Set up a routing of hand sanitization when they come home from school. 
  2. Brainstorm solutions to challenging social situations: Your kids will need some help figuring out what to say when other kids aren’t wearing masks or social distancing. When you work on this together, you’ll lower your anxiety as well as theirs. Create a few easy-to-remember statements with them such as “I’d like to play with you during recess. Will you wear a mask to make it safe for us?” Or, “I’m sorry but I’m not sharing my lunch these days but your sandwich sure looks good.” Or, “I’d love to come over and hang out but I have to check with my parents.” When kids have clear language that gives them a way out of sticky situations, they’ll be less likely to succumb to peer pressure. This will be reassuring for you.
  3. Put a centering activity into your daily routine: Whether it’s five or thirty minutes of meditation or yoga, a walk, run or bike ride outside or dancing to your favorite song each morning, find something that makes you feel good and do it. We need those wonderful endorphins from exercise now more than ever. The benefits from daily yoga and/or meditation will help you practice how to monitor your reactivity and use your breath or slow movements to calm yourself down during those inevitable stressful moments. Make a list of quick calm-me-down activities when you feel nervous that includes changing your environment (go to a different room or get a breath of fresh air), drinking a glass of water, saying a positive affirmation that you believe or going to the bathroom and splashing water on your face.
  4. Recall past successes in times of stress: Anxiety is very skilled at fostering amnesia about our personal resources and strengths. In a quiet moment, think about some challenging times in the past and how you overcame them. What personality traits and life skills assisted you? How can you apply those strengths to this situation? Write down some of your reflections so you can refer to them in a tough time. Ask for support from caring friends and family members to help you use some of these tools when you’re feeling particularly worried.

Help! My Teen is So Unmotivated This Summer!

Teens experience a few types of academic burnout depending on their individual situations. For neurotypical kids, academic burnout usually arises towards the end of the semester when they are burdened with final tests, projects and paper in addition to their other commitments such as sports, music or theater or work. For high-achieving kids who are taking AP classes, preparing for AP tests can add to their stress. For juniors in high school who additionally have to take the SAT’s or ACT’s for college, it can be overwhelming. They can become exhausted with how much they have to do.

Neurotypical Kids:

As a parent of these types of teens, your primary job is helping them maintain balance and perspective in their lives. Work with them to create a study/life schedule that allows for some down time each day. Don’t orchestrate what they should do during that time though. Instead brainstorm some healthy options other than screens such as cooking, walking the dog, going for a run, listening to music or even watching a single show with you. If they want to mess around on their phone a bit to “chill”, keep it (like tv) time limited. Teen brains especially need some non-screen to decompress and integrate all of the information they are learning and processing during the day.

Neurodiverse Kids:

For kids with ADHD, learning disabilities or autism spectrum disorders, burnout  can occur more frequently and more intensely. Working hard to hold it together at school all day takes a lot of effort and concentration for these teens. They spend a lot of their time doing academic tasks that are hard, boring or unpleasant. By mid-semester, their efforts may not be panning out as they had hoped and they become discouraged and uninterested in doing the work.

While the recommendations above for neurotypical kids apply equally to these teens, teens who are outside-the-box thinkers benefit from additional parental support in creating shorter work periods with timed breaks, specific tasks to accomplish in those work periods and acknowledgement of their efforts towards working towards goals, even if they are not fully met. This validation encourages them to keep going. Family work time, when parents and kids work side-by-side on their stuff, also helps teens stay on track because adults can monitor them without being intrusive.

Learn more:

Dealing with Defiant ADHD Teens and Tweens in this Strange COVID Summer

Mother on the phone looking stressed working from home while her tween boy with ADHD plays with a loud boombox in the backgroundNow, more than ever, there seems to be very little we can predict and hold onto. Everyday, we hear new reports about climbing COVID cases as we struggle to practice safety measures, keep up with work, manage bored kids and keep our sanity intact. It can all feel too much to handle. Of course, in the midst of trying to keep your head above the water, there’s nothing like a defiant ADHD teen or tween to put you over the edge. How do you cope with the overwhelming stress? What can you do to help your child manage their big feelings and reduce family conflict?

Why teens and tweens with ADHD are engaging in more defiant behavior

Angry and frustrated with the many changes to their lives wrought by COVID, and feeling helpless to do anything, many kids are acting out in ways that are often inappropriate. It seems that they’ve taken a giant step backwards in managing their distress. With their executive functioning challenges related to emotional and impulse control, scattered kids are prone to intense pushback and aggressive anger. Defiant ADHD teen girl getting upset and yelling at the camera in front of a pink background Teens and tweens with ADHD, whose brains mature more slowly than their neurotypical peers, are particularly torn between what they would like to be capable of doing and what they can actually accomplish. They’re often very frustrated with themselves, and, unable to tolerate their shame, act out their personal dissatisfaction towards others–often their parents. They unconsciously want you to make it better for them, just like a young child would. Teens are still struggling with how to tolerate disappointment appropriately and how to pivot when faced with limits they don’t like. With all of the changes surrounding COVID and losses of familiar and beloved activities, the natural challenges with shifting, flexibility and planning for transitions for many kids with ADHD are intensified. Of course, when they are triggered, emotional and verbal impulse control fly out of the window. 

Frustrated defiant ADHD teen looking angry and putting his fingers in his ears to block out noiseUnderneath all of their bluster, many defiant ADHD teens and tweens suffer from low self-esteem and shame. They need tools for expressing themselves appropriately and signs of parental support for their attempts to use these techniques, even if they’re not completely successful. You’ve got to remember that, while they may seem to enjoy the sense of power in the moment, they really don’t like the conflict any more than you do. It’s just that they lack certain skills which could help them.

Steps to disrupting cycles of defiance for ADHD teens and tweens:

1. Acknowledge their frustration:

Instead of convincing your defiant ADHD teen or tween why things aren’t the way that they perceive them, validate their feelings. Mirror what you hear them saying with language like, “I hear that you are upset about X” or, “What you’re telling me is Y.” When kids feel seen and heard, they’ll begin to slow down.

2. Set ground rules about acceptable behavior:

Discuss with your kids what ways of expressing anger or displeasure is appropriate and what are not. Be specific about language and physical actions. In addition, set up incentives for cooperating and logical consequences for obstruction. For instance, “If you curse at me, you will not earn the privilege of your phone for the rest of the day.”  Or, “If you can go through a day and not scream or break something, you’ll earn extra screen time.” Work with incentives that matter to them. 

3. Plan for arguments:

Let’s face it, you will get into fights. Instead of being surprised each time this happens, identify signs that you are heading into the red zone and how to take a planned, timed break. Make a list of acceptable choices for this “Calm-me-down” time and post it in the kitchen and bedrooms. Separate for an agreed-upon time until you can re-convene without hot tempers from defiant ADHD teens or tweens. For some kids, this break may need to be a few hours. That’s okay. 

4. Decide what’s next:

Mom joyfully dancing with her adolescent with ADHD Instead of trying to teach a lesson, talk about what’s needed to move on. Ask questions, listen and reflect back what you hear. Wonder about alternative choices you both could have made in that instant or could make in the future. Collaborate on an action for moving on. Refer back to your agreement about ground rules while staying compassionate but firm. You can talk about any lessons at another time, perhaps the next day in the car or perhaps at a scheduled hour. It’s really important to notice and validate the activities and emotions that your defiant teen is becoming triggered. This type of validation will lower their rage and shame. Your goal is to cool the flames in the moment and follow your collaborative agreement. Teaching lessons will come later.

Learn more:

Feeling low? Tips for keeping your sense of humor amidst the uncertainty

It’s really tough to stand in uncertainty and, right now, people around the globe are facing this challenge as best they can. With all of the confusion about whether to send kids back to school and how to manage hybrid or home learning while working, many parents are wrestling with anxiety, frustration and hopelessness. There are just no clear guidelines about what to do or how to move forward. As parents of kids with ADHD, you’re used to facing struggles at home. Issues related to impulsivity, inattention, disorganization among other executive functioning skills can fray your nerves when there’s not a pandemic. Living in close quarters, dealing with food, housing, work or educational insecurity, you’ve probably lost your temper a few more times recently than you would have liked.  While regrets can foster change, judging yourself unkindly only makes matter worse. Instead, let’s try to practice self-compassion through humor.  Having a sense of humor when raising kids is an essential tool for any parent. Children can expand your heart and push your buttons like no one else. Being able to laugh at what happens, at your reactions and sometimes at life itself helps ease the journey, especially right now. Everybody does things they’re proud of as a parent and things that they wish they hadn’t. Having compassion for yourself when you stumble enables you to giggle at your foibles without bombarding yourself with shame. Self-blame or criticism of others often intensifies small incidents into full-blown explosions. Maintaining a sense of humor reduces the chances of a conflagration.  As the parent, you need to set the example for your kids by using a tone that brings humor, boundaries and self-reflection to the unprecedented situations we are facing.  For example, when your child or teen with ADHD speaks to you in a disrespectful tone, you have a choice. You can angrily tell them “You’re not allowed to speak to me that way. Go to your room.” Or, you can say: “Fresh is for vegetables, not speaking to me like that.” The first option throws fuel on the fire; the second one, dampens the flames. If your teenage son gets into your car, plugs in his phone and listens to rap music loudly that he knows you hate, you could tell him that he’s being selfish and entitled and unplug his phone. Or, you could learn some of the lyrics to his favorite songs and sing along. That will certainly change the dynamic in the car and likely make you both smile. You’re managing your own reaction with humor and not responding negatively.  We need some laughs–any humor–to alleviate our stress and worrying. I’m not talking about  ignoring the complex reality you are dealing with, but rather pivoting to something lighter temporarily. Put some reminders about positive attitudes and quick comebacks. Consider watching some old family videos (kids love to see themselves when they were younger); make a family movie night with favorite comedy and popcorn; play a silly game together (Mad Libs, charades, Sorry); crank the music and dance in your living room. Using self-control and creativity to look at yourself and your reactions differently, you shift conversations and situations away from annoyance or aggravation by injecting some levity. You’re not only modeling this for your kids as an effective coping tool, you’ll feel better and they will too.

22 News Mass Appeal: Reducing Anxiety by Shifting From Worry to Wonder

(Mass Appeal) – Look at how much worrying you’ve done over the past few months. Imagine in the future you took all the time you would’ve spent worrying and shifted that to be more inquisitive by wondering in a positive way? Dr. Sharon Saline explains how this simple change can have an enormous effect on your personal well being. Click logo below to read more.

What’s the Difference Between Nervousness and Anxiety?

Recently, a parent asked me to answer this question. He wanted to understand when his child’s frequent worrying should be evaluated by a mental health practitioner or a primary care provider. In these tense and confusing times, it’s easy to confuse normal feelings of nervousness with more debilitating anxiety. Here are two basic definitions that can clear up any questions you may have. Feeling nervous is different that feeling anxious in terms of intensity, frequency and focus. Nervousness, like anxiety, is experienced cognitively and physically but it doesn’t stop you from doing something. Nervousness is a temporary feeling of insecurity related to specific concerns about a new or stressful situation. Usually these concerns go away once you’ve mastered the tasks associated with that situation or lived through and managed it successfully. You’ll feel nervous with a flutter in your stomach or some perspiration about doing something like getting a flu shot or going to see a friend for the first time in months, but you’ll do these things anyway. Anxiety disorders are more debilitating and persistent, reflecting repeated all or nothing thinking, negative expectations of events and an inability to tolerate uncertainty. They can be related to general or specific fears that don’t go away despite positive experiences of successfully overcoming them. Although anxiety can be adaptive by helping us prepare for real danger, anxiety disorders involve the experience of a natural emotion at an inappropriate time and to an excessive degree. Sometimes there can be episodes of fear or worry in the absence of a genuine threat. Whether it’s a true emergency or a false alarm, anxiety disorders distort your perceptions and create uncomfortable bodily states including racing heart rate and shortness of breath. Most people try to avoid whatever triggers the anxiety which, outside of crisis management, actually makes it worse. Instead, it’s most helpful to identify what triggers your anxiety, your typical, distressful reactions and brainstorm alternative responses. The goal for reducing anxiety is learning how to tolerate the discomfort that comes from uncertainty and realistically assess the safety of a given situation. For example, your child may be very anxious about being stung by a bee, refusing to spend any time outside. You will have to work with her to go outdoors slowly, by increasing the minutes she successfully tolerates the fresh air each day. We want her to learn that she can worry about bee stings and live through her fear. She’ll likely need to create and use self-calming phrases such as “I don’t see any bees around me,” “Bees want pollen” or “A sting will hurt less than getting my ears pierced.” She’s learning to how to manage her anxiety and you are supporting her budding confidence. Whether your child or teen is dealing with nervousness or anxiety, they need to figure out a strategy for self-soothing. You won’t always be there to reassure them that things will be okay. Practice some phrases and calming behaviors outside of challenging situations  so they’re familiar enough for kids to summon up when needed.

 

Getting ready: Tips for preparing for school in uncertain times

After a spring semester with remote learning and its many complications for students, parents and educators, schools are reopening in the fall. While each state is dictating its own guidelines for this reopening, it looks like many independent schools and public school districts will opt for some type of hybrid learning–a mix of in-person and online instruction. These hybrid models differ according to age groups but the details have yet to be ironed out. The general consensus is that primary school students need more face-to-face instruction that allows for safe distancing and mask-free breaks. Secondary school students, those in middle and high school who tended to adapt better to online learning,  will likely face some classroom time alternating with virtual instruction. It’s quite possible that these students won’t attend school daily to accommodate recommendations about social distancing and class size. But, with so much still unknown about the fall semester and information about COVID changing daily, parents, kids and educators are understandably anxious and uncertain about what to expect. How can you prepare yourself and your child or teen for the start of school in this constantly shifting situation? School closures in the spring and the quick shift to virtual learning combined with job, housing and food insecurity for many people led to high levels of stress and frustration for families. Kids faced losses of daily routines that kept them on track and organized, extracurricular activities that brought them self-confidence, fitness and fun, and regular social interactions with peers and caring adults. They felt angry, discouraged and lonely. As parents, you did the best you could in a tough situation: you managed work, health and safety concerns while making sure your kids with learning differences kept up with their schoolwork. You became their teachers, tutors and advocates–roles, frankly, you were simply not trained for. It’s hard to imagine repeating this scenario again this fall, especially for those of you who have returned to work outside of the home. Although many things about school remain in flux, now is a good time to begin preparing your kids and yourself emotionally and mentally for the re-entry. Start with these steps:

  1. Empathize with their anxiety:  As children and teens face returning to school, they’ll have mixed emotions. On the one hand, they look forward to seeing friends, reconnecting with teachers and embracing a ‘normal’ structure to their lives. On the other hand, many kids will be nervous about the changes to school, possible COVID contamination and social interactions. You can best assist alternative learners by empathizing now with whatever feelings they have and normalizing them. It’s hard for adults to understand what’s happening; it’s almost impossible for kids.
  2. Expect an adjustment period: When kids with ADHD feel anxious and nervous, they can be more inflexible than usual. They may act out their concerns with increased anger, aggression or isolation. Talk about the specifics of their worries, explore possible solutions together and offer pertinent information to answer any questions. Facts and knowledge when shared appropriately alleviates anxiety. Talking about the process of adjustment amidst this unfamiliar of this situation will help them understand that adapting to this new normal takes time and practice. 
  3. Collaborate on weekly family meetings:  Although the specifics of school are still unknown, you’ve got to explore and plan for options. When parents and kids collaborate on setting up a learning plan for this fall, the transition back to the new academic picture will flow more smoothly. Make a date and time for a short weekly family meeting to check-in.  This is when parents and kids discuss what’s going well, what could be different and how to make those changes.

I’ll be addressing specific tools for the transition back to school in future blogs. In the meantime, focus on the present. Things are unfolding so quickly that it’s important not to get ahead of yourself. Try not to worry. You’ll have the information you need soon enough and then we can figure out what to do next.