If you’re looking for something unique and heartwarming to give to a relative, neighbor, teacher, or friend, here are several ideas to make the holidays more enjoyable and fulfilling. Gifts for adults and kids with ADHD can seem challenging, but many of these ideas are easy and cost nothing or are extremely affordable. Read more>>
“People with inattentive ADHD are not lazy, stupid, unwilling, or oppositional. They have a biologically based challenge with attending to the task at hand, and their brains tire more quickly.” Read more>>
The emotional pain of rejection sensitive dysphoria is real and agonizing. But your responses to rejection follow a pattern. You’ll have to start new patterns – or ways of thinking and behaving – to reduce the effect that rejection has on your ADHD brain.
Do you ever face a task you know you need to do but feel frozen to begin? Task paralysis comes from a combination of being overwhelmed by what’s in front of you, disinterest in the task itself, and a negative expectation that you can actually accomplish it. You may feel profoundly stuck and judge yourself harshly for this too. Folks with ADHD are particularly prone to task paralysis. This is because they often have challenges with initiation, organization, prioritization, sustained focus, and performance anxiety. Of course, stress, worry, and low self-esteem negatively affect anybody’s ability to concentrate. Still, when you add the natural executive functioning challenges that come with having ADHD, it’s even tougher to overcome the hurdles to start, stick with and finish projects, reports, or homework. The likely result is procrastination and avoidance, which only prolongs the inactivity. It’s a vicious cycle that’s hard to break. Fortunately, there are some proven strategies to reduce ADHD task paralysis so that you can feel more productive, more effective, and more regulated.
Simply put, task paralysis is the feeling of being completely overwhelmed and stuck and unable to do the work you need to do. Planning and executing tasks is particularly challenging for people living with ADHD, so you may find yourself too often unable to start something or know how to move forward–whether or not you like the task. Negative self-talk may also fill you with dread and make you think you’ll fail at whatever work you’re supposed to do. Or you may feel the task itself is boring or unpleasant, so why bother doing it in the first place? As a result, you delay, avoid, or ignore the task. You know it must be done, but with little motivation and a sense of dread, stress and anxiety creep up, leading to more overwhelm.
Whether it’s work, school, or family life, getting bogged down by task paralysis is tough. Fear of failure or intense uncertainty can freeze you up and get in the way of performing activities at work or home the way you would like. Here are three strategies to help you overcome feeling stuck and start getting things done.
Whether you have a huge tasks to tackle or just a few things that feel enormous, breaking things down into smaller, manageable chunks will bring a lot of relief. Why does this work? With executive functioning challenges accompanying ADHD, you’ll feel a sense of progress when you can begin to work on things you can accomplish. Then, you’ll start to feel like the ball is rolling instead of being stuck in a mound of snow. This movement is in itself encouraging and starts to build the momentum you need to keep going.
How To Start!Start by making a big list based on a brain dump. Then take a single item, put it on a separate page and separate that into parts. Work your way through one step at a time. Staying organized and then enjoying the satisfaction of checking off completed items is not only gratifying but also productive.
Remember that progress counts more than perfection. Perfection is impossible to achieve, and if that’s your goal, it’s easy to freeze up out of fear of not achieving it. Instead, focus on shorter, reasonable goals that you can actually meet. Making some amount of progress on a task is always better than striving for perfection and getting nothing done.
It’s difficult for the ADHD brain to get energized to do uninteresting tasks. Effective incentives (rewards) foster motivation and goal-directed persistence. When you build in little rewards such as a coffee break or a walk around the office and leave yourself a note that guides you back into the flow when you return, you make doing the smaller, attainable task more tolerable and even pleasant. Plus, you’ll make more effective progress. If you dread doing laundry or washing dishes, why not put on upbeat music or listen to an interesting podcast or audio book? If putting together a presentation is a slog, make it more enjoyable by drinking your favorite beverage while you’re working on it and set up an accountability buddy to do some co-working. Many adults (and kids) with ADHD perform better on projects if they are not alone. Make an accurate assessment of how long you can concentrate before you need a break and work within those time intervals. Plan on a 5 minute break after a shorter chunk (30-45 minutes) and then a longer break after a bigger chunk (60 to 90 minutes). Stretch, walk around the block, have a meal or chat with a friend. These active breaks will replenish you and provide a much-needed energy boost.
Focus is a dynamic process of choosing what is important to notice, do, or recall. When you find yourself frozen in a state of inaction, your mind is likely spinning and reacting to stress. Focus goes out the window. Multitasking may also interfere with your ability to fully pay attention to any one thing and increase feelings of overwhelm. Think of focus as the spotlight of your attention. Notice where it is directed and where you would like it to point. Improve your focus on the task at hand by establishing routines that structure your time and manage interruptions and distractions. Turn off notifications on your phone. Set up a separate browser for work stuff and for everything else. 
When you come back from drifting off (which your ADHD brain will naturally do), be kind to yourself. Look around for signals that can re-engage in what’s going on. Routines build habits and these assist you in preparing for how to manage the present effectively and for what’s ahead. They help to fill in the gaps where your working memory may lapse. Keep these routines simple and include time for transitions as well as basic organization so you sit down to work with a tidy desk. For example, when you arrive at work or begin a project, budget in 30 minutes for settling in and set a timer to do this. With increased focus, you’ll feel more productive and calm. No matter how much you struggle with ADHD task paralysis, try to remember that this moment of inertia, dread or procrastination will pass. If you use some of these strategies, you’ll become unstuck and in motion. This feeling of activity will help you move forward, one steady step at a time.
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We are all hijacked by our devices, tricked into thinking that we can do all of these tasks simultaneously and well — and this is called “media multitasking”.
Family conflict often surges during holiday get-togethers. If you have ADHD, that stress can trigger emotional dysregulation and RSD. Securing emotional support from your partner is essential, but sometimes complicated. These tips will help.
School is often the toughest area of functioning for neurodivergent kids and teens because academic performance requires using all of the executive functioning skills with which they struggle. For neurodivergent learners classes can be interesting, compelling, boring, and/or frustrating.
It’s hard to keep your emotions in check when extended family gatherings go south yet again. Learn how to avoid the holiday spiral with these self-soothing strategies.
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It’s that time of year when parents and kids anxiously await their first report card. School is often the toughest area of functioning for neurodivergent kids and teens because academic performance requires using all of the executive functioning skills with which they struggle. For neurodivergent learners classes can be interesting, compelling, boring and/or frustrating. Either way, kids with ADHD, learning disabilities, autism spectrum disorders or twice exceptionality often face significant challenges that impact their productivity, concentration and behavior. Even though they typically work hard to hold it all together at school as best they can, they frequently come home lacking the energy and focus to face homework, complete assignments and remember to turn them in. Receiving a surprising report card can be upsetting and possibly frustrating for a caregiver, but keep in mind that your child is upset too. In this blog, I will share relatable stories of kids with ADHD and how they feel about report card time and school and how you as a caregiver can manage your reaction appropriately to then find agreeable report card solutions with your child.
Keiran a sophomore in high school has checked Schoology to see what’s coming and it’s not what he’d hoped for. He’s dreading Friday when his parents will receive his grades and ‘the talk’ that will follow. Keiran struggles with inattentive ADHD and writing skills. He has accommodations which help with this but it’s still tough. His U.S. history class often feels like drudgery and it’s tough for him to produce lab reports in his honors chemistry class. Instead of the A’s he aimed for, he’s receiving high C’s. Keiran is disappointed in himself, embarrassed and really doesn’t want his parents to know. Because they agreed that he was ready for more of a challenge in science which is his favorite subject. Now Keiran feels like he made a mistake and let them down.
As Ross Greene famously tells us, “children do well, if they can.” Because doing well is preferable to not doing well.
For neurodiverse kids, I would also add that kids do well when they have effective supports in place to shore up executive functioning challenges. When they are unable to manage school successfully, it’s not a question of poor willpower but rather a reflection that things aren’t set up adequately to foster this. Report cards are a concrete demonstration of what is working well and what isn’t. Instead of seeing them as an evaluation of your child’s performance and where a student is falling short, parents can use them as an opportunity for investigating and improving the school experience.
Students with ADHD tell me that seeing how they are actually doing in terms of evaluations can be tricky. Kids may be sensitive or defensive about their grades and teacher comments if they dislike the teacher, if the results seem unfair or if the feedback seems overly critical. Without telling you directly, they often feel ashamed about their learning differences and their performance and show anger or disregard. Sasha, age 17, shared, “I hate it when teachers say. ‘You have so much potential. It’s a shame you can’t unlock it or be more disciplined.” Logan, age 11, told me, “It feels bad. I don’t really want to disappoint my parents but I frustrate them a lot, like with school because it’s hard for me.” Shame from repeated failures can push children, teens and adults with ADHD to hide or deny their mistakes (or report cards) and leads them to say negative statements to themselves such as “I’m stupid” or “I’m not good enough.” Shame also contributes to oppositional, angry behavior.
How parents respond to any report card is crucial, especially one that is disappointing. Even though you too may feel frustrated, sad or even angry with your child’s performance, punishment, criticism or judgments will worsen the situation. How can you manage your feelings appropriately, talk about what’s going on calmly and offer effective support for moving forward together? 
Start by managing your own reaction to the report card separately. Whatever your thoughts or feelings are, address these privately before you speak to your child or teen. Our kids have incredible radar and can pick up what’s going on for us immediately. They will sense your frustration or disappointment and react to that, rather than listening to anything that you say. Take the time and space you need to regulate yourself and reflect on how you want to approach this situation. Aim for being their ally instead of their critic. They’re probably already judging themselves enough for the both of you. Once you are settled, you are ready to follow these tips.
1. Listen first, ask questions afterYour neurodiverse child or teen will feel likely feel anxious about discussing their report card with you. Whether or not they show it to you, kids want their parents’ respect, their approval and their love. Relieve their anxiety about you seeing their report card by acknowledging that you’ve seen it, explaining that you want to collaborate on making things better and then set aside some time when emotions have cooled to talk about it. Start by asking for their thoughts about school and ask them to name a few successes before focusing on the challenges. Use conversation openers such as ‘what, when and how’ instead of why. Reflect back what you hear so they feel listened to. Remember, your compassion about the challenges they experience at school (instead of your judgments) foster essential connections between parents/caregivers and kids.
Together, explore realistic goals for the next term based on their current performance. What hopes do they have for themselves? What types of support that have been helpful in the past would be useful now? Where could they benefit from more aide than they are currently receiving? Share your hopes as well and remind them of their capabilities. If they feel disliked by a teacher, or they don’t get along with someone or they are not receiving mandate accommodations, arrange a meeting at school with the guidance counselor, social worker/psychologist or principal to discuss your concerns and find a do-able solution.
If your child or teen does not already have mandated supports at school (in the United States these would be 504, IEP and/or behavioral plans), then request a team meeting or fill out the necessary forms to get this process started. Low grades in school are a strong signal that something is up and it’s time to address it now. One of the toughest things for alternative learners is repeated school troubles (academic, social and behavioral) as these lead to negative self-esteem and a failure mentality over time. If a support plan is in place and your child is still struggling as evidenced by their report card, then set up a meeting with the team to find out why it’s not working better. In both of these cases, invite your child to participate for some portion of the meeting. The adults at school would benefit from hearing what they have to say.
Instead of thinking about things you can take away from your child as a punishment for their report card, flip this around to consider incentives and logical consequences. Punishments have been found not to be effective because they don’t teach any skills. Your child or teen with ADHD (and more) needs to learn executive functioning skills and the tasks related to daily living. We want to teach them that “have-to’s” stuff precede the “want-to’s.” They will eventually have to do this for themselves when they are older. Remember, if they do the things that need to get done, they can earn the fun stuff. If not, then they don’t. This gives them more control over the outcome and builds autonomy and choice simultaneously. This attitude lies at the heart of using logical consequences. When you work together to establish motivating incentives, you enable important focus and sustained attention to achieve the best results.
Good study habits go beyond just doing homework at a specific time. The surest way to counter your ADHD child’s forgetfulness, inconsistency and difficulty in focusing on homework is by setting up a routine of study habits. Followed by an incentive of an activity they enjoy and predictability to getting the job done. When your child has a daily routine for doing homework, they will have fewer opportunities for procrastination. Good study habits go beyond just doing homework at a specific time. Although you know your child best, it’s a collaborative approach that works best. Together, talk about your level of involvement in their schoolwork. Base the conversation on the reality of what’s really getting finished and turned in. Understand your child’s study patterns, and talk with you son or daughter about how they can best approach their homework. Then brainstorm a plan and expect to tweak it along the way. Remember, neurodiverse kids do well when they have effective support systems in place to shore up executive functioning challenges.
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