Category: General Psychology

Productive Procrastination and ADHD: How to stop running in place and start tackling your goals

A person with ADHD working on building a pile of colorful pens next to a laptop at the table.Many people with ADHD think that procrastination is a natural part of having ADHD and, all too often, see themselves as being incapable of getting things done that they would like to. However, most procrastinators rarely spend their time doing nothing. Instead, they are great at doing other things–sharpening pencils, picking the right music to listen to, tidying up the kitchen, etc.: anything but the main task. It seems that people with ADHD who procrastinate can be productive, as long as they’re focusing on a task that interests them and isn’t too challenging. When people engage in more interesting and approachable tasks, while putting off a more important task that might seem overwhelming, it’s known as productive procrastination.

Procrastination, ADHD and anxiety

Procrastination can be debilitating. Your child with ADHD puts off her science project until the day before it’s due; you wait to clean your house until an hour before your in-laws arrive when your panic about having a messy living room kicks in. Adrenaline jumpstarts your activity level by fueling your dopamine pathways to fire. Often, procrastination is a form of anxiety; you’re not sure that you can do the task, project or assignment the way you want to, or at all. You’re worried and uncertain about the outcome, so you avoid it and set it aside until the due date is right in front of you.  The term productive procrastination was first used by Piers Steel in his book, The Procrastination Equation. Productive procrastination is also known as ‘procrastivity‘ (Russell Ramsey, Ph.D.), positive procrastination or structural procrastination. Often, people put the big ticket items at the top of their to-do list–if they make one–followed by other easier items. Then, they aim for the low hanging fruit, even if it means they are wasting their time. 

The short term relief of productive procrastination

A black alarm clock in front of a bright yellow background with a teal sticky note that says "LATER" on the clock.

Productive procrastination is a delay tactic that feels good because you are getting other things done while avoiding the onerous or unpleasant ones. You keep yourself busy with something else and stay away from the big thing that’s really looming over your head. You still do things that need to be accomplished, but what you work on is less urgent and important than the items you push aside. This makes you feel temporarily better because you feel like you are making progress and you are. But this short term relief increases your long-term stress.

Productive procrastination and the ADHD brain

Reducing productive procrastination relies on self-regulation and the ability to prioritize. You have to do a brain dump: identify what’s critical to do right now (emergencies and crises), and then sort out everything else. This is where folks with ADHD stumble; it’s tough to determine what is most important if urgency isn’t attached to it. An adolescent boy with ADHD practicing productive procrastination on his phone at the table in front of his computer It’s harder to write a history paper or finish that work report than it is to do the laundry. Both need to be accomplished, but doing the laundry is less cognitively demanding than writing, so it gets pushed to the front. It’s a task that’s more on autopilot than the creative, organizing, sorting and persistence needed for research and writing. That’s why ADHD brains wander off to do those tasks first. Tasks that lend themselves to productive procrastination often have a time frame, with clear starting and endpoints. Doing the laundry or taking out the chicken to defrost for dinner is a finite task. Written work, especially if you throw in perfectionism, does not. The ADHD brain, driven towards the satisfaction and engagement from tangible, higher dopamine activities (those that seem more easily achievable), will focus on those activities first.

4 tips to combat productive procrastination:

1. Break down big tasks into smaller chunks

When you complete a piece of work, the work not only then seems smaller, but it also helps reduce your anxiety about completing it. Create a fixed time period to work on it so it doesn’t takeover your life. If you are parenting a child or teen with ADHD, prepare to assist them in chunking assignments and chores. Take stock of what you’ve accomplished when you take your pause. You’ve done something, keep going!

2. Pay attention to and address mood issues

Your son may not want to walk the dog because he’s not in the mood. Your daughter may pick an argument with you to avoid doing her math homework. You may struggle yourself to summon up the effort to sit down and balance your checking account. Overcoming your negativity using emotional control, and starting anyway, is what’s called for. With a smaller chunk of work as your goal, and a set start and stop time, you may find that you can summon the motivation to begin. Consider playing soothing or inspirational music, making a cup of your favorite tea or setting your timer. Ask your kids what would help them get into the frame of mind. The mood may never arrive, and that’s okay. Do it anyway. If you can’t, make a plan with a friend, family member or work buddy to help you talk about what’s bothering and sit down at your desk. If there is nobody you can reach, talk it out in your voice memo, or write it out for a short timed period. Think about how you will feel (positively) on the other side of doing some work.

3. Avoid negative self-talk, exaggeration and trickery

Negative self-talk will tell you that you can’t do things that you actually can do and probably have accomplished in the past. Anxiety often erases memories of courage and competence, and our negative memory bias doesn’t help. Anxiety also distorts things and can exaggerate the discomfort or impossibility of doing a task. Many people with ADHD also deceive themselves into thinking they cannot do something because it didn’t work before, without giving themselves a chance to try it again differently. This is true for kids, too. Challenge these parts by recalling previous successes. Think about a time when you dreaded doing something and left it until the last minute.

    • How did that work out for you?
    • What was the price you paid to complete it?
    • Do you want to do that again?

Create some phrases to talk back to this part of you:

    • Say, “Yes, I can do this, and I have succeeded in the past.”
    • Or, “I’ve set my timers, I’ve planned my reward when I stop, so let’s get started.” 

4. Build a strategy to reduce productive procrastination

Use your logic and ask for help when needed. These tools will continue to improve prioritization skills. Over and over, ask yourself (or your child) about the time and value factors related to the tasks on your to-do list:

    • Is this urgent?
    • What is the importance of this task?

Identify helpful supports–whether digital apps or human advise. Create a map of how to approach the hard stuff, how to set up meaningful incentives, and what tools you might need for self-regulation to get there. If you are really struggling, consider finding a buddy who can assist you or keep you company in this process. Young boy hugging his mom while she sits at the table with work in front of her

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Sources: Ramsay, R. (2020, July 16). Procrastivity (a.k.a. sneaky avoidance) and adult ADHD coping. Psychology Today. Retrieved November 3, 2021, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rethinking-adult-adhd/202007/procrastivity-aka-sneaky-avoidance-and-adult-adhd-coping. Steel, P. (2012). The procrastination equation: How to stop putting things off and start getting stuff done. Harper.

 

The Normangee Star – You Are Worthy of Self-Compassion: How to Break the Habit of Internalized Criticism

“Self-compassion allows you to be good enough as you are, with your warts, with your foibles, sometimes off-balanced, sometimes more reactive than you’d like, sometimes disorganized, but fundamentally perfectly imperfect as a human being, just like everyone else.”

Dr. Saline’s article “You Are Worthy of Self-Compassion: How to Break the Habit of Internalized Criticism” was featured in The Normangee Star Newspaper! It’s featured in Volume 109, No.42, page 5, on October 27, 2021. Read the article, originally published by ADDitude Magazine. Subscribe to The Normangee Star Newspaper Serving Normangee, Hilltop Lakes and Surrounding Communities in Leon and Madison Counties of Texas since 1912.

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YourTango: 4 Common Misconceptions About ADHD That Everyone Needs To Forget (Weekly Best!)

“Do you find yourself often dealing with people who don’t understand what it’s like to live with ADHD or even believe that it truly exists? Maybe it’s your friend, boss, teacher, coach, or family member. ADHD misconceptions and myths negatively impact people with ADHD and those who support them, every day. When it comes to biases, judgments, and frustrations, how do you deal with them with calm and confidence?”

*Now a YourTango Experts Weekly Best: Editor’s Pick!*

Click here to read the article!

PsychCentral: The 10 Best Books for ADHD in 2021

“You want to learn more about attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). You’re looking for tips on how to improve your focus. You’re interested in supporting a loved one who lives with this mental health condition. Whether you have a diagnosis or know someone who does, ADHD books can help you accomplish all of these goals and more.” A graphic with a picture of Dr. Sharon Saline's book cover "What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew" in front of a teal background.Dr. Sharon Saline’s book, What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew, was chosen “Best for parents of kids with ADHD!”

Click here to read the PsychCentral article! Click here to learn more about Dr. Saline’s book!

Psychology Today: Learning to Prioritize With ADHD

“Does it ever seem like you have too much to do and every task looks equally important? Many people with ADHD struggle to figure out the order of doing things and how to begin, which contributes to the common experience of feeling overwhelmed. There often needs to be a crisis or pressing deadline that determines what has to be done and provides you with the motivation to do it. Ultimately, this process is both stressful and ineffective, leaving you depleted and frustrated while you shift from one emergency to the next.” Read the full article by Dr. Saline!

Celebrate ADHD Awareness Month by Accepting the Wonderful Uniqueness of Living with ADHD

Image of girl with ADHD smiling as she looks through her colorful paint-covered hands she's holding up towards the cameraOctober marks ADHD Awareness Month! Let’s kick this off by focusing on how you can live with more acceptance of ADHD — as an individual, as a family or with your child. As a person moves through life with ADHD, criticism, from others and yourself, not only adds up over the years but also becomes internalized negative beliefs. This inner critic puts you down and makes it seem like you never measure up when compared to neurotypical peers, who seem as if they don’t make as many mistakes or struggle to the same extent. The secret to reducing negative thought patterns and harsh self-judgments lies turning down the volume of this negative self-critic and accepting the brain you have. Maybe it’s forgiving those moments where you forgot an appointment or learning how to laugh when your daughter left her lunch on the counter again. Acceptance begins by normalizing your experiences and recognizing that you’re not alone. It begins with self-compassion.

Embrace your ADHD with self-compassion

Adult male with ADHD holding up and pointing to his fidget spinner while smiling Dr. Kristin Neff says that self-compassion is treating yourself with care and understanding instead of harsh judgment. This compassion reduces the isolation that your inner critic thrives on and places you within a common humanity. Instead of feeling alone, unworthy or damaged, you are part of a larger whole — who also experiences disappointment, frustration and low self-esteem at times. All suffering is not the same, of course, but all humans experience pain and suffering in some way that’s worthy of empathy. Dr. Neff explains that compassion depends on mindfulness: the ability to sit with things as they are and not deny or minimize them. This is especially important for kids with ADHD, who need to accept themselves — warts and all — in order to learn how to advocate for themselves effectively and see themselves positively as they develop. Self-compassion means asking yourself, “What would help me now? What do I really need at this moment?” instead of, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get things right?” It allows someone to stop fighting with themselves and start embracing a growth mindset instead.

Explore who you are, and address feelings of shame

Accepting yourself depends on identifying your strengths, talents and interests while acknowledging and addressing shame. I have been working with kids, teens and adults with ADHD for nearly 30 years, and there is one sad constant that I have seen: every single person has a deep seated sense of shame about having ADHD and/or being ‘different’ from their peers. Person holding their hand up to their face, looking down and sad, as they stand outsideWhether this shame is obvious or buried, many youngsters and adults living with ADHD just don’t feel good about how they manage school, work, life tasks or social relationships next to their peers. Just like your kids, you may compare yourself to others and come up short. Engaging in “compare and despair” not only hurts you but also makes it much harder to foster the resilience and self-compassion that you and your child really need. When shame, doubt and judgement rise to the surface, shift your focus, and talk back to this inner critic: “I don’t have to listen to you. I can pay attention to my inner coach instead.”

Amplify the voice of your inner coach

While you need to know where you struggle to create plans and programs for improvement, it’s equally very important to remember and understand where you succeed, where you are engaged and what makes you feel good about yourself. This inner coach is your other voice — another part of ourselves that’s stronger and louder than shame. It comes from the parts of ourselves that we really like. Point of view of someone playing basketball, playing against two neurodiverse kids smiling and having fun, while looking at one playing defense Ask yourself:

    • What about myself am I proud of, and what do I do well?
    • What do I like about my ADHD?
    • Which activities do I really enjoy and wish I could engage in more?

Brainstorm answers to these questions with your kids, too! Maybe you’re a loyal friend or a talented artist; maybe they are a skilled soccer player, delicious baker or enthusiastic pianist. Write down several of these positive aspects, and leave this list in a bedroom, in the kitchen or on your phone.

Identify what your ADHD means to you.

One of my 10 year-old clients transformed the term ADHD into a colorful list of words he liked about himself: “I have ‘Active, Determined, Heavenly, Dreamer Brain,’ or I have ‘Amazing, Desirable, Heartwarming, Delightful Brain.'” What a great positive reframe from having a “disorder,” which is a term that many people in the ADHD community don’t actually agree is an accurate way to describe their ADHD neurotype. According to Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, the ideal positivity ratio is 3 positives for every 1 negative. So, by having his list around, it cued him to notice the positive every day. He increased the volume of the voice of his inner coach while turning down the noise from his inner critic.

Celebrate YOU this ADHD Awareness Month

ADHD Awareness Month is about celebrating who you are. Celebrate by noticing what is working, what goes well and what you like about yourself. Help your kids do the same! Couple with ADHD outside in the fall, standing, hugging and laughing in front of a table set with tea There are so many wonderful aspects of being a creative, outside-the-box thinker. Can your family name these or make a fun poster to hang in the kitchen during October? People who live with ADHD make our world a much richer place. Take pride in the things you or your kids do that are unique, funny, artistic, athletic and brilliant. Accepting yourself with self-compassion allows you to be good enough just as you are: a wonderful, perfectly imperfect human being, and unique — just like everybody else! Enjoy this ADHD Awareness Month — dedicated to you!! 

ADHD Awareness Month Events with Dr. Sharon Saline:

ADHD Awareness Expo (10/1 – 10/31) Hosted by Tara McGillicuddy

ADHD Awareness graphic, text says "ADHD Awareness" on the top and "October" on the bottom against a purple background with a large gold ribbon design flowing across the middle.

TADD Talks for ADHD Awareness (10/1 – 10/31) Hosted by ADDA

3rd Annual ADHD EdCamp Home (10/9) Hosted by Brooke Schnittman, Dr. Christina Seamster, Lynn Miner-Rosen and Melissa Knight

On The Right ADHD Trail Telesummit (10/15 – 10/17) Hosted by Cathy Goett

Join me at the 2021 Virtual International Conference on ADHD in November! It’s a fantastic place to learn, socialize and have fun with hundreds of people living with ADHD — just like you! Register here!

2021 Virtual International Conference on ADHD graphic promo: November 4-6, #ADHDCON2021

View all upcoming events with Dr. Sharon Saline.

Read more blog posts:

Watch on Dr. Saline’s YouTube Channel:

Deeper dive: https://drsharonsaline.com/product/shame/ https://drsharonsaline.com/product/home-seminar/

Psychology Today: How to Find a Therapist for Your Teenager

“Parents should also establish clear expectations about confidentiality, says clinical psychologist Sharon Saline, Psy.D. A parent might ask, “What are your boundaries around confidentiality?” “Will you consult with us at all and if so how?” “What role will family play in the therapy?” Incorporating the family’s perspective can be valuable in addressing dynamics that influence mental health. “The teen is not growing up in a petri dish,” Saline says.” How to Find a Therapist for Your Teenager by Abigail Fagan PsychologyToday.com Read the full article!