Category: Neurodiversity

Spooky Season: 3 Shocking Halloween Safety Tips for Kids with ADHD

kids running Parents, Halloween is right around the corner, and most kids are giddily anticipating a fun night of costumes, trick or treating and eating way too much candy. Now is a good time to think about safely enjoying the activities the evening has in store. Halloween safety is especially relevant for kids with ADHD who typically need extra support with impulse control, emotional regulation and pacing. Younger kids will likely need more supervision than usual as they will be more easily activated. Older kids will benefit from a Halloween safety game plan to which you both agree ahead of time so check-ins are predictable and collaborative. Here are 3 practical tips to ensure your child has a delightfully spooky and safe Halloween. (4-minute read)

3 ADHD-Friendly Halloween Safety Tips

1. Mindfully Choose Activities

You know your child best, so choose the age-appropriate Halloween activity that best suits your child. Kids with ADHD often become overwhelmed or over excited in stimulating environments. This can sometimes lead to hyperactivity and other times can cause kids to withdraw. So, consider whether going to a neighbor’s party may be too much for your child. Will trick or treating be better with or without a friend? Perhaps your child will have more fun passing out candy at home instead of being out and about? There is no one right way to celebrate Halloween. Remember, whatever activity you choose, time-box it to avoid your child with ADHD becoming overstimulated. And as always, remain flexible and prepare to make adjustments if plans don’t work out the way you envisioned.

2. Focus on Physical Safety

kids trick-or-treating getting candyIt’s easy for your child to get swept up in Halloween festivities. There’s a lot going on and it’s all very easy to make quick decisions without thinking them through first. Many kids with ADHD have struggles with impulse control. Remember, kids with ADHD have a hard time with impulse control. When trick or treating, they may run out onto the street without checking for cars, or run off to chase a friend without telling you. Talk with your child about Halloween safety guidelines and expectations before heading out the door. Then, ask for your child to repeat these rules back to you two times. This will ensure that they heard you and the information was transferred to longer term memory. If your child is younger and needs supervision, be ready to keep an extra close eye on them. If they are older and plan on going out with friends, come up with a Halloween safety agreement together in advance. Discuss who they’ll be hanging out with, what their game plan is in terms of where they are intending to go, what time they’ll come home, and the nature of parent contact. Decide on what your child should do if they want to come home early or if they get separated from their peer group. How can they contact you without losing face? It may be a good idea to reach out to other parents to collaborate on additional channels of communication and supervision.

Halloween Memories

Teens halloween partyI live in a town of about 35,000 people and I remember those Halloween nights when my daughter was in middle school. She told me which friends were part of her group and what streets they were hoping to hit for the most goodies. By making these choices, she was able to exercise her growing autonomy. But we still needed a safety plan. I contacted a few of those parents and we brainstormed the type and frequency of contact with the group that made us comfortable and what we think our kids would agree to. Then we each talked with our kids about our ideas and emphasized the importance of their cooperation for being able to go out alone on Halloween night. All of the kids agreed to answer the phone or text us when they changed locations and for one parent to check in every 30 to 45 minutes. Before they left, we made sure their phones were on, with loud ring tones and vibration as well. Off they went, we stayed in touch and a good, safe time was had by all.

3. Pace and Don’t Overstimulate

For many kids, Halloween is a competitive sport, one where the goal is collecting the most candy in the shortest amount of time. Left to their own devices, kids bolt from one house to the next until they’re exhausted or their treat bag becomes too heavy to carry.

Kids with ADHD need to pace themselves so they don’t take on too much and burn out.

Overstimulation and exhaustion in kids with ADHD are safety risks as they can cause your child to let down their guard and be less careful. Remember, slow and steady wins the race. Rushing through the evening means they may miss out on the fun of being with friends, admiring decorations and enjoying themselves. child holding bowl of Halloween candyTalk with them in advance about monitoring their excitement with steadiness. Brainstorm a few ideas that will help them stay engaged without getting too overwhelmed or distracted early in the night. Maybe saying ‘Hello’ or ‘Thank you’ at each house will give them enough pause to regroup. Some kids collect money for UNICEF or another charity which can also slow things down. Emphasize the importance of savoring their experience rather than racing through it. You can help your child with pacing when it comes to eating their Halloween candy. As tempting as it is to overindulge, eating a little at a time means the candy stash will last longer and the dreaded post-Halloween stomachache will probably be avoided. So, set some guidance around how many pieces of candy your child can have when they get home that night and each day following the holiday. If they like to sneak their candy, consider where it can be stored to minimize this habit and bring it out at a specific time of day. 

What about all the unwanted candy?

Some schools and dentists collect candy donations. Encourage your child to give away some of their candy as an act of kindness and generosity toward others. Some families have their kids swap some of their candy for a toy or activity. This way the child still gets to have fun but without all that sugar. Talk with your child and come up with your own family tradition for excess treats. However you chose to celebrate, remember have fun and make fun-filled memories. I wish you and your family an enjoyable and safe Halloween! Dr. Sharon Saline + Books

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Keys to better productivity with ADHD: How you can improve the 4 types of focus

Young woman at desk with headphones Recently, one of my clients Kaya, with adult ADHD made an astonishing discovery. She read an article in the New York Times about brown noise, and wondered if it could help her focus on the unpleasant but necessary tasks. Like doing her taxes, writing proposals for projects or creating a listing to hire an assistant. According to the article, Brown Noise is “a category of neutral, dense sound that contains every frequency our ears can detect, with a lower deeper quality than white noise.” Kaya struggled with focus and distractedness on dreaded activities. She tried listening to all types of music to no avail. Perhaps this could help.  The next morning, when Kaya sat down at her desk and turned on her computer, she put on her headphones, tuned to Brown Noise. Then, something strange happened. The constant buzz in her brain that she called “a mix of anxiety and a nonstop whirring sound” became quiet. She told me that for the first time in years, she worked for thirty-minutes straight and finished a memo that had been plaguing her. She tried it again after lunch and it happened again. Finally, she had a workable solution to help her concentrate and get stuff done at her job.

How to maintain focus with ADHD

While listening to Brown Noise may also help you concentrate and perform, the real issue here is how to maintain focus while living with an ADHD brain. Focus is a key executive function that affects how long people can sustain attention and work towards a goal. Focus is a dynamic process of choosing what is critical to notice, do or recall. It’s like a spotlight of your attention. In fact, as you are reading this, make a fist with your left hand and put it on your forehead. Where is the spotlight of your attention directed now? Hopefully at this blog but maybe at the bird singing outside your window or wondering if you have time to grab a latte before your next appointment? For many people with ADHD, it’s tough to stay focused on a task unless it’s super compelling, has an immediate reward attached to it or results in something unfortunate if it’s not completed. 

You can improve your focus

But, you can actually improve your focus by noticing where it is and redirecting it back to what’s at hand without negative judgment. Most people with ADHD struggle to catch themselves when their focus drifts. Instead, they notice when they return from drifting off, often worried if anybody noticed and frantically trying to catch up. Instead of berating yourself, I’d like to encourage you to expect these short drifts and matter-of-fact create a strategy for coping. Taking a quick mental trip to the Bahamas, glancing at a shiny object or considering your favorite take-out lunch restaurant at 10 a.m. is normal  for folks with ADHD. Jordan, age 28 describes his frustration, “not being able to focus when you want to. I have a very bad attention span. Really, I get really distracted easily. People talking, one. Looking at something, I would just daydream off into it, forget everything I was just doing. And when I see it start snowing, I’ll look at the snow. Just something that catches my attention.” Jordan’s self-criticism, though, makes things worse for him. Accepting the brain you have and the way it works is the first major step towards improving focus. So, give yourself a break and let’s build some skills to improve productivity and performance. Metacognition, is the ability for self-evaluation and personal awareness. It is directly related to focus. Metacognitive thinking, along with self-regulation, helps you choose, monitor, and evaluate how you approach a task, measure progress and how close you are to achieving (or not) your final goal. It helps you transfer learning and information to different contexts and tasks by being more aware of strengths and challenges. It also affects your ability to think about your thinking, ask open-ended questions that foster self-reflection (like ‘How am I doing?’) and to reframe self-evaluation from good/bad to working/not working. These aspects of metacognition improve how you perceive yourself and notice where your attention is directed. Brain moving

Four Types of Focus

Selecting→Monitoring→Shifting→Hyper-focusing

 Let’s look at each one and some helpful tools for improving focus with ADHD. 

1. Selecting

Selecting refers to choosing what to focus on. It’s related to prioritizing because you have to decide what’s most urgent (time-related) and what’s most important (value-related). Selecting also encompasses time management (like ‘How long will this take?’) and initiation (How can I get started? and What type of procrastination am I engaging in?’) Suggested Tool: Before you begin anything, do a brain dump and make a big to-do list. Now, take the three most pressing items from that list and put them in another document or piece of paper. Decide which of these tasks is toughest, easiest and medium in terms of effort and break each of them down into two smaller parts if you can. Next, think about how you like to get started when you work–with something easy to warm up or something hard to get it over with. Pick whichever task fits with your preferred order of activity and begin. 

2. Monitoring

Monitoring refers to noticing where your attention is and where it isn’t. You have to be as intentional about what you’re not going to pay attention to as what you are going to do. If you are focusing on a distraction, bring the puppy in your mind back to what’s in front of you with kindness and encouragement. Ask yourself: ‘How am I doing? What am I doing?’ Suggested Tool: Take a minute right now and write a list of things that typically distract you. Leave nothing out. Now, consider the task ahead of you. Which of these distractions will likely occur? How will you notice when you’ve drifted off? The important thing is to create a plan for your return. Give yourself a few seconds to look at what is happening around you or what you are working on. Instead of panicking or judging yourself for something that your brain naturally does, create a new coping strategy to guide you.

3. Shifting

Shifting refers to moving smoothly from one task to another. This is where many folks with ADHD get waylaid. It’s tough to navigate a change due to limited working memory, slower processing speed and weaker emotional control. Frustration builds up quickly and often rigidity sets in, making it tough to transition your attention to something else. In addition, worrying about forgetting something or not finishing it makes shifting concentration even harder.  Suggested Tool: When you start to feel anxious, reduce the worry through positive self-talk. Remind yourself of a time in the past when you changed your activity with flexibility, confidence and competence. What can you say about moving to something new that validates your effort instead of doubting your ability? What internal resources or assistance from others helped you in those situations? Leave yourself a voice memo or written note on your phone to describe what you are letting go of and what you want to remember about it for the future.

4. Hyperfocusing

Hyperfocusing refers to tuning out the environment around you because you are completely absorbed in a task. It’s is a state in which everything else falls away and the only thing you are paying attention to and engaged with is activity in the present moment. This differs from being in a flow state. When people are in a flow state, they are humming along and concentrating but they aren’t so zoomed into a task that they are unaware of their surroundings. Hyperfocus can lead to intense periods of productivity and/or periods of intense stress where someone forgets to eat, use the bathroom or sleep. Suggested Tool: For hyperfocus to be useful, you need to give yourself a scheduled, screen-free break. Set a timer and take a walk, have a snack or do a Sudoku puzzle. Choose something that is pleasurable in its own way but won’t drag you in. These pauses give you time to integrate the work that you’ve just completed and let your brain simmer with leftover ideas. Before pausing, leave notes about where you were and what you were thinking about so you can return right to it.  Remember, learning to notice, manage and improve your focus takes time, practice and habits. Develop a routine for when, where and how long you work using timers so you take a break before your brain tires out. Set realistic expectations for yourself and talk through potential obstacles with a friend, colleague, therapist or coach. Try the Pomodoro Technique for effective 25 minute blocks of concentration with short breaks. Think about times when you focus the best and set up scenarios that have these elements. And, give brown noise a try. If you’re like Kaya, it could make all the difference. Remember, our goal is doing more of what works: applying the focus you have effectively and increasing it over time.   Dr. Sharon Saline + Books

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4 Eye-Opening Reasons Why Kids Say “I Hate School!”

Now that the school year is in full swing, I’ve noticed that more parents are sharing how much their kids with ADHD dislike school. Neurodivergent children and teens with ADHD, ASD, a learning disability, or other mental health issues work hard to hold it together during the academic day. Various teaching styles that may not make sense for their brains, long periods sitting at desks, complicated peer interactions, and constant demands on their very real executive functioning challenges frequently make the school the most complex area of functioning for alternative learners. When they arrive home desperately needing time to recover, process what’s happened that day, or zone out, they face homework, after-school activities, chores, or a part-time job. It may seem too much, but tempers rise, meltdowns ensue and the dislike of school grows even more. But what can you do to offer practical, authentic, caring support to shift this mindset for your kids with ADHD from “I hate school!” to “I’m Ready!”?  

4 Proven School Problems Parents Can Solve

The key to providing effective and caring school support for your kids with ADHD and more begins with recognizing the problem and shifting their mindset with a sustainable solution. Included below are four frequently mentioned problems by parents and solutions by experts that work. 

Problem #1: Unrealistic goals for outside-the-box thinkers

Kid doing a math problemSince school uses all executive functioning skills throughout the day, kids often arrive home mentally and physically depleted. Remember, they’ve been asked repeatedly to adapt and perform at neurotypical levels, which may or may not work for their unique brains.  Many of these alternative learners could have unusual strengths in some areas but not in others and are still expected to perform in all areas at the level of their strongest interests and abilities. Some students struggle because of unidentified learning disabilities as well. These standards put extra, unnecessary stress on children and teens and contribute to negative attitudes and lower self-esteem. In addition, they may feel misunderstood by their teachers and harbor frustration that nobody seems to understand enough to help them. 

Solution #1: First, make sure your child or teen has been thoroughly evaluated for any learning challenges.

We want to make sure mandated services are in place for them if they qualify. Next, in conversation with your student, teachers, or guidance counselors, create two sets of expectations. The first set should be related to an interest, talent, or strength–something your child enjoys and does well. Find out what goal they would like to put out for themselves. Also, what do the adults think the youngster can handle? Then agree with this, write it down, and check in weekly about it. Teacher saying expectationsSecond, they should be related to a challenging area that your child either doesn’t enjoy or struggles with. What goals would be realistic to set here? For instance, if your teen loves math and takes an advanced math class, what are their hopes for their performance in this subject? Also, if they have dyslexia and English is tough, figure out what would be appropriate for this class to be effective. Things don’t have to be the same, but the process of talking about issues and making doable plans works best when it is consistent. The goal is to develop a sense of progress to encourage effort and nurture strengths while shoring up challenges.

Problem #2:  Inconsistent motivation and focus

Boy playing guitarIn the book ADHD and Asperger’s syndrome in smart kids and adults (2022), Dr. Thomas Brown talks about the central mystery of ADHD as fluctuating motivation and attention based on varying interests. It’s confusing to kids, teens, and adults with ADHD and those who live, teach or work with them why someone can concentrate on something like playing the guitar for hours but not be able to focus on a twenty-minute assignment for science. Motivation based on a strong personal interest or the belief that something terrible will happen imminently seems to get folks going, but not always. Jules, age 15, says: “I feel like if I’m interested in a subject, I’m good at it, but if I’m not, it’s not as good. If I’m not interested in it, I’m spacing out and I’m just not paying as much attention. It depends on what mood I’m in.” Jules is aware of how interest affects his concentration, but if something is boring or he’s not in the right mood, he struggles with doing it.

Sticky notes with goalsSolution #2: Nurturing motivation depends on identifying interests and relying on extrinsic and intrinsic incentives.

Extrinsic motivation is an outside responsibility or reward that depends on achieving a goal. You pay for your train ticket in advance, so you have a seat; you turn in your history paper on time, so you don’t receive a poor grade. Intrinsic motivation means striving toward a goal for personal satisfaction or accomplishment. Ex. You decide to ride your bike for ten miles instead of five; you make the next level on a computer game. Intrinsic motivation drives us naturally because we are engaged and happy in what we are doing. But, when there is no clear or immediate satisfaction from a task, it takes kids (and adults) with ADHD longer to do anything. They prefer to avoid it and do something they enjoy first, never getting into dreaded activity. To change this pattern means putting the Have-Tos before the Want-Tos. Many neurodivergent kids need to learn how to set up effective incentives that matter to them to tackle the unpleasant stuff. It also helps to break undesirable tasks into small pieces, so there’s a sense of accomplishment as you tick things off.  

Problem #3: Trouble navigating the social world

Kids making friendsMany neurodivergent kids struggle with making and keeping friends. They may feel awkward at the lunch table, during recess, or speaking in front of others.  Verbal or visual cues and misread body language may be missed. Or they may often notice that other kids seem to display ease with each other they don’t possess. School is the environment where the social world is on full display. It’s the crucible for launching friendships, changing relationship dynamics, constant comparisons, and experiencing bullying. Managing social dynamics and academic challenges can overwhelm the already taxed executive functioning skills of neurodivergent children and teens. In addition, many neurodivergent children and teens feel ashamed that they can’t ‘be like everyone else’ and engage more naturally with other people. They tend to hide what’s happening inside and may also lack the language to discuss their true feelings. 

Solution #3:  Extreme self-consciousness, uncertainty about the definition of a friend, and difficulty with the give-and-take of relationships can lead to exclusion or isolation.

Outside-the-box thinkers compare themselves to others and often find themselves lacking. But, the creative, unique ways alternative learners see the world can also result in leadership opportunities and peer respect. Building social skills is critical for developing self-confidence and increased comfort with interpersonal interactions. A brain that says brainstormHelp your neurodivergent child or teen by brainstorming and practicing conversational tools at home, creating a few stock responses to common questions, and formulating an exit strategy when they feel uncomfortable. I taught one of my tween clients to say, “That’s a good question. Can I get back to you?” when she didn’t know what to say to someone. Instead of walking away with no response and alienating the other person, she now had a tool that worked in various uncertain situations. This made her feel better about herself, and nobody was annoyed with her. Even saying phrases in the hallway, such as “Hey, nice to see you” or “What’s up?” can help kids feel more comfortable. Determine the right amount of involvement in the social life of your child. As parents, we are acutely sensitive and reactive to any social challenges our kids may be experiencing. When there’s an issue, listen instead of giving advice and work with them to find solutions instead of giving advice.    

Problem #4: Fixed mindsets

Keep tryingNeurodivergent children and teens tend to be concrete thinkers with fixed mindsets as a result of experiencing constant negative feedback about themselves. Maybe they struggle with verbal impulse control or recall, or emotional regulation. Many kids and teens with ADHD aren’t necessarily aware of doing something offensive until they receive a negative response. This increases their worry about messing up again in the future and lowers their confidence in changing such behaviors. In a fixed mindset, people believe that their basic qualities, like intelligence or talents, are static traits that can’t improve. Then they are overly focused on an outcome, disappointed if they can’t achieve the perceived outcome. Perfectionism, procrastination, and low self-worth are all related to fixed mindsets. Fixed mindsets lead a student to give up on something quickly, sometimes even before trying. They don’t see the possibility of a different outcome. Of course, fixed mindsets affect academic, athletic, or extracurricular performance and social relationships.

Solution#4:  Nurture a growth mindset by noticing and validating what’s working for your child or teen.

Your kids need help counterbalancing the negative things they tell and hear from others. A growth mindset refers to the belief that we can change and grow from our mistakes. Rather than something we should avoid or be afraid of, are a natural part of living. This mindset is crucial for alternative learners.  They realize they can regroup after trying something that doesn’t work instead of blaming or shaming themselves. When we try something, we risk failure; when we avoid something, we ensure it. When kids value the process of trial-and-learning, they become aware that learning and intelligence grow with time and experience. This mindset counters the failure mentality many alternative learners harbor and nurtures essential resilience instead. As Dahlia, age 12, says, “Hopefully, this works. If not, I will have to find a new way to do it, to be brave. It’s hard sometimes, but there’s always a way to pick yourself up.”

Be Brave. Be Patient. Keep Trying.

Dr. Sharon Saline + Books

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ADHD Awareness Month is about celebrating who you are! Accentuate the positive with A+ expert advice.

Kidding running around smiling October is ADHD Awareness Month ̶ a time to reflect on the uniqueness, wonder, and yes, even the bravery shown when managing the challenges of living with ADHD. If you or someone you love has ADHD ̶ you know that it’s not always easy to deal with the anxiety, executive function difficulties and self-criticism. Friends and family with ADHD want to do well, achieve, and succeed, but struggle with challenges that can sometimes seem like insurmountable obstacles. That’s why we should take some time during October, ADHD Awareness Month, to celebrate all that our loved ones with ADHD bring to our lives and focus on building acceptance and compassion with expert ADHD advice. 

Embrace your ADHD with self-acceptance

Accepting your ADHD is the first step to empowering yourself. ADHD is not who you are, it is something you live with. It means you think a little differently, navigate the world a little differently, and solve problems a little differently from others. So when you accept your unique perspective and approach, you are better able to set yourself up for success. You can have a deeper understanding of what makes you tick, and what works and doesn’t work for your living and learning styles. Remember, everyone is different in their own unique ways. ADHD may set you apart from the neurotypical crowd but it doesn’t diminish you in any way. In fact, there are plenty of other neurodiverse folks who can provide encouragement, support and friendship. Embrace your ADHD and all that you are–it’s the key step toward accepting and loving yourself.

Have compassion for yourself and others

smiling daughter with arms wrapped around momIt’s so easy to give in to critical self-talk at times of frustration. We are often our own worst critic, and that’s a heavy load to carry. ADHD makes it harder to stay focused, get organized, and feel like you’ve got your act together. That’s why it’s so important to practice compassion–toward yourself and towards others like you. Learn to minimize the negative inner voice and to amplify the cheerleader within. If your child forgot to hand in their homework again or you were a day late with a work report, it doesn’t mean either of you are a hopeless failure. Remind yourself it’s naturally more challenging for you to stay organized, manage time and follow through. Use lists, alerts and reminders to stay on track. Leave yourself daily motivations, meditate on positive messages, and do whatever it takes to treat yourself with more kindness and forgiveness. 

Accentuate the positive

Think positive signI often ask my clients with ADHD to think of their super-power–something they’re really good at and proud of. If we’re only focused on what isn’t working, we’re bound to miss all the gifts and wonderful qualities that make us unique. For example kids and adults with ADHD can be dreamers, going from one thought to another and then something else. This is what also makes them exceptionally creative. They can make up stories or draw beautifully or compose music. In honor of ADHD Awareness Month, set aside some time to think of 3 positive things about yourself. It can be a particular skill or talent, how you’ve contributed to a good cause, or a wonderful aspect of your personality. These types of affirmations are so important and will help drown out the negativity that can take center stage all too easily.

14 Benefits of ADHD

It’s important to celebrate and enhance the strengths that exist. Here are 14 important strengths shared by Dr. Melissa Welby that you can remember when challenging ADHD moments arise.

    • Resilience
    • Creative
    • Perceptive
    • Adaptive
    • Emotional expression
    • Impulsivity (surprised? Some quick reactions can lead to positive actions.)
    • Funny, humorous
    • Empathic and compassionate
    • Multitasking
    • Spontaneity
    • Drive and passion
    • Curiosity
    • Enthusiastic and bright
    • Authentic and honest

You are worth celebrating!

celebrating while child is on adult shoulders with confetti thrownADHD Awareness Month is about celebrating who you are. There are so many wonderful aspects of being a unique, outside-the-box thinker. This month, focus on what is working in your life right now and help your kids with to do the same. Take some time to honor successes–big and small–and validate your effort and progress. It’s not all about achievement: pay attention to what you are doing differently that’s making a change too. How can you build on this to make it a lasting habit? People who live with ADHD have so much to offer and bring a wide range of perspectives and experiences that enrich us all. Take pride in the things you or your kids do that are creative, funny, artistic, athletic and brilliant. Accepting yourself with self-compassion allows you to be good enough just as you are: a wonderful, perfectly imperfect, unique human being—just like everybody else! Dr. Sharon Saline + Books

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The Best Routines for Adults with ADHD: Reduce Stress & Anxiety

Disorganized room Many adults with ADHD struggle with structure, following rules and creating new routines. Starting a tedious, unrewarding task can be challenging, and it can be equally tough to stay with it until completion. Neurodivergent people can be overly fixated on maintaining a routine at the expense of other things, which can turn into a vicious cycle of frustration and self-defeat. Routines highlight how we spend the hours of our days and the days of our weeks. Whether it’s morning, bedtime, exercise, cleaning, self-care, or meals, these routines offer the structure that assists with creating the order all of us need to get by. Read more about steps you can practice to develop new habits that will decrease everyday anxiety and stress. 

Why Routines Are Important

Maintaining routines is essential. They reduce stress and anxiety and improve mental health. Did you know that habits drive much of our behavior? According to Dr. Wendy Wood and Behavioral Scientist, 43% of what people do daily is made up of automatic responses. These automatic responses are comprised of habit loops. Habit loops are made up of cues, repeated behavior, and the benefit of doing it. Habits are patterns of behavior that are regularly repeated until they become almost involuntary. Of course, some habits and routines are healthier than others. Still, either way, the satisfaction of making a habit at the moment for kids and adults with ADHD can overtake rational thoughts of making a different choice. It’s tough for folks with executive functioning challenges to form mental shortcuts by recalling and repeating what worked in the past, persisting despite distractions, ignoring the impulsiveness to switch gears, or giving up due to overwhelming and distress.

About Bree

Woman with alarm clockI worked with a client on time management and arriving at her job as a middle school teacher promptly, calmly, and ready for the day. Most days, she screeched into the parking ten minutes before the start of classes, drove around frantically looking for a parking spot, and then ran to her class with two minutes to spare. Bree felt embarrassed about her tardiness, disliked her high-stress levels, and wanted to demonstrate a better example for her students. It felt overwhelming to her for us to pick apart her morning routine and tweak it. What was simpler was to commit to arriving to work 45 minutes in advance and to plan to leave her house early enough to do that. But Bree needed accountability, or no change would occur. She reached out to her community and even her students for help. Here’s what happened, in her own words:  “I decided to get to my school 30 minutes early each day. It’s a 30-minute drive with no traffic or parking issues, so I budgeted extra time for traffic, adding 20 minutes. This meant I left for work one hour and twenty minutes early. I told my friends and family about my goal. I also told my students. Everybody was super supportive, and two of my friends and my sister offered to text or called me fifteen minutes before I was set to leave each day for the first two weeks. I approached it one day at a time. Each day for the first week, when the school day began, and I was ready at my desk, the kids gave me high-fives. They saw my persistence! I feel so calm as I start the day now. I also get an excellent parking spot in the lot before it’s too crowded. It’s been one month of success. This is a new routine because I shifted one habit: from leaving late to leaving with enough time. I’m an adult with ADHD who has NEVER done this successfully in the past. I feel so accomplished.” With her community and students’ support, Bree created and maintained a new routine that reduces her life’s anxiety and stress.

5 Tips To Get You Started 

Let’s look at five key aspects of setting up and maintaining routines for adults with ADHD so you can achieve similar success.

1. Name one aspect of your day that isn’t working for you

Your daily routine mattersBe specific but with a narrow focus. This is what you want to change. One of the reasons that Bree was successful is that she selected one thing to work on, arriving at school earlier. Since she didn’t want to change what she did before going to work, she woke up earlier, regardless of the time she went to bed. Bree also set alarms and alerts on her phone and her computer and even bought an alarm clock. Many people with ADHD get too caught up in how to make something work because they have widened their field.

2. Organize the steps needed for your new routine

Do a brain dump of what needs to shift to remake your routine. Then, prioritize what is most important by taking a few items from this list and focusing on those. Define the main steps to change a habit and keep this brief. Figure out what types of planning or materials you need.

3. Identify what motivates you

Is it something external? Like an exceptional coffee, recognition from your boss, or the absence of late fees on your credit cards? Or is it something internal, like reaching a personal goal or the satisfaction of the accomplishment itself? There’s no right or wrong answer. Look for what’s most effective so things may change and you encounter success. It’s okay if you need external validation initially. Man in the garden with flowersChanging a habit for folks with ADHD often works better initially if the people around you notice your efforts. Bree’s students did this spontaneously for her, which touched her and helped her keep going. Is there a particular activity or words of acknowledgment that goes along with the new behavior that would feel good? Many adults with ADHD experienced a childhood littered with criticisms, judgments, and negativity for aspects of being neurodivergent that they could not control. The positive to negative balance in your head is probably still terribly skewed. So it makes perfect sense if you benefit from external and internal motivation.

4. Bring the Future Into the Present 

One reason it’s so tough to change is that the consequences of not changing may not be immediate enough to pressure you to do it now. With your now or not now ADHD brain, unless the present is miserable, change won’t occur. So bring the future into the present. Cheering Consider how you will feel if you don’t follow through with the new routine that you’ve set up for yourself. Visualize your future and how you want to think about the present. Ask yourself, “Do I need to impose artificial consequences instead of waiting for natural, negative ones to occur?” and “How can you make this shift daily and nurture consistency without self-blame or shame?”   

5. Find Accountability Buddies 

Once you’ve narrowed down the habit you wish to change, set up a clear plan, and find accountability buddies. They will compassionately and firmly help you stick to your stated goal and assist you when you face an obstacle. When publicly sharing a purpose and plan, you transform an intention into action. It’s essential to commit to something doable that’s not too daunting. Aim for completion to keep building on your success. Do you have a friend, colleague, partner, coach, or therapist who could be your support? When professional tennis players start a match, they have a cheering section. Who can be in yours? It’s critical to have these folks around to celebrate your success and acknowledge it as the big deal it is. 

Keep Going!

Creating a new routine means changing habits. It’s not just about when you do things but how, what, and why. The ‘why’ could be the reason you’re holding back. In some cases, you may be attached to a particular approach that may have served you in the past. These habits are developed to help you reduce stress, avoid something fearful or uncomfortable or decrease frustration. Ask yourself now: Is this routine serving me in my life currently? If the answer is ‘yes,’ great. Keep going with it. But if the answer is ‘no,’ then it’s time for a change. 

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Managing Screentime: 6 Hacks to Create Healthy Media Habits for Kids and Teens with ADHD

Teacher with 3 diverse studentsAs the digital world plays an ever-growing part in our lives, it is more important than ever to help children establish healthy media habits. A balanced media diet begins with the understanding that screen use is a privilege, not a necessity. As the parent, you define values and expectations around technology usage for yourself and your family. Children and teens, whether they are neurodivergent or neurotypical, need guidance for managing their use of apps and gaming but also for texting and watching television. Kids with ADHD may require some extra support in managing screen time and transitioning to other activities. A healthy relationship to the digital world includes time for non-screen activities, getting together with friends, applying yourself in school and pursuing hobbies. Finding the right balance between digital and non-digital activities can be a tall order. I’ve compiled 6 hacks to help parents and children create lifelong healthy media habits.

The Basics Of Healthy Media Habits

online media graphic with hands at laptop Just as with nutrition, a healthy media diet involves moderation and flexibility. Work with your family on clarifying expectations and defining good media habits. Be sure to talk with your ADHD tweens and teens about good digital citizenship and online safety. Most schools and libraries have materials on these topics. Collaborate with your kids on a screen time plan but be clear that it is ultimately the parents’ responsibility to set guidelines for media usage. Whatever plan you come up with for your family, try to be as consistent as possible in implementing it. Be prepared to make adjustments along the way when circumstances and needs change. Neurodivergent kids may rely more on electronics for social interaction or as a way to manage stress or anxiety. Try to be understanding and compassionate about these needs in your child. Devices and media have a big role in your child’s life, so help guide them toward healthy habits.  

6 Hacks To Help You Create a Digital Plan For Your ADHD Child

1. Recognize your own relationship to technology

Many adults are as constantly tuned into their devices as their kids are. Alyah, age 13, recently told me: “The thing I really don’t like is when they ‘get off of your phone’ but what are they doing? Watching dancing bird videos or going on their Facebook when we’re hanging out before bed.” Try to model the screen behaviors you’d like to see by practicing healthy media habits. Limit online scrolling, texting friends or shopping to times when your kids aren’t around or are otherwise occupied. ‘Just checking your phone’ appears as ‘checking out’ to children. Kids, even teens, will act out to get your attention so try to give it first and avoid the drama.

2. Collaborate to create a digital routine

parents and young son holding cell phoneSince everybody dislikes family arguments, reducing conflict about technology and including kids in your plan to do this increases their motivation and cooperation. If they believe that having a screen time plan will result in less “nagging” from you, they will be more likely to participate. Use my Easy On/Easy Off method. Think about a goal for total media time that you would like for your child or teen. Let’s say the number is three hours per day not including school work. Sit down with them and ask them how much time they would like. Perhaps they say five hours per day. Now the negotiations begin, recognizing that all screens are not created equally. Television doesn’t equal gaming which doesn’t equal discord. Break things down and figure out how much time they want for various devices or activities. Can you meet somewhere in the middle to create a healthy media habit? Maybe three hours is given daily as long as screens are used appropriately (no sneaking at night, no posting rude or disrespectful content, etc.) and the fourth hour is an earned incentive. I recommend that screen time includes the completion of homework, chores or other responsibilities. Talk about when and how this time will occur and write up a contract. Meet weekly to assess your plan and make any necessary tweaks. Remember that a good compromise means everybody is a little unhappy.

3. Rely on the bonus time

That fourth hour is your golden carrot–the shiny, valuable reward that kids desire. How do they earn this bonus? That depends on your child or teen and what types of assistance they need in managing their devices. Perhaps they refuse to stop gaming when their time is up and yell at you; maybe they insist on texting during dinner; perhaps they refuse to turn over their phone at bedtime as agreed upon. Many kids with ADHD struggle with transitioning off their phone, computers or television shows without vigorous protesting. You can incentivize desired behaviors by earning extra time that can start in increments of fifteen minutes and go up to that golden hour.  To improve transition behaviors,  give them a 15 minute and a 5-minute warning while making eye contact and asking them to repeat what you have just said. At first, getting off on its own may be the goal, even with yelling, to earn some bonus. Later, when that’s working regularly, raise the bar to get off their screens with no yelling. If they do not earn the bonus, then that’s it. Don’t negotiate or threaten. Stick to your agreement, regardless of whatever desperate tricks they try to change your mind. When they cooperate, give them lots of specific, positive feedback so they will want to repeat it. 

4. Make a non-screen activity list

Kids playing volleyballMany kids with and without ADHD will tell you that there’s nothing else to do other than be on their devices. Brainstorm a list of alternatives to help your kids create a healthy media habit and post it in the kitchen. While tweens and teens may complain about the uselessness of the list, do it anyway. They will need something to refer to at some point. Consider saving some of their screen time to watch a nightly show with you or spend time doing a puzzle, playing a game or baking together. The ADHD brain is a now or not now brain so we can’t expect our kids to find alternative, low dopamine activities on their own when they are struggling with stopping whatever is giving them so much satisfaction and pleasure. 

5. Decide where screens live at night

Although the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that electronic media (especially phones) stays out of kids’ bedrooms at night, for some families this isn’t possible. If you are a single parent and you work nights, your teen may need a phone to reach you. It’s a matter of health and safety. Kid using phone at night in bedBut for other families whose children or teens sneak screens at night including watching television or movies on the computer or texting with friends at two o’clock in the morning, it’s not possible for them to exert the impulse control and maturity they need to monitor screen use. Sometimes parents have to keep devices in lockboxes in their bedrooms or turn off the internet at night. Ideally, it would be great if you could set a time for your youngster to give you his phone before bed and pick it up in the morning. 

6. Reduce compare and despair

In the process of figuring out their identity, tweens and teens compare their insides to other people’s outsides. Help your tween or teen reduce the myth of perfectionism by learning to pay more attention to their strengths than their challenges. Identify areas of competency, interest and fun. What lights them up? We want to nurture these aspects and build self-confidence. Talk about what real friends are and who they are. How can your child spend more time in person with these folks and listen to what they say rather than what’s stated online. Remind them that images and stories on social media are consciously crafted–nobody posts a disappointing test score or a picture of an acne breakout. Help them create a healthy media habit by limiting time on or getting rid of apps that make them feel bad about themselves.  Brown young girl looking in mirror

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Youth & Technology: How Social Media Affects the Mental Health of Children with ADHD

People on mobile phones standing in a circleLet’s face it: screens are a defining feature in the lives of both children and adolescents. Whether it’s social media apps (i.e. Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat or Discord), YouTube videos, gaming, television, texting, listening to music or buying material goods, kids today are extremely adept at and focused on their phones, computers and tablets. But how can the constant desire to check social media affect our mental health? Especially for those with ADHD or neurodivergent needs. Well, for starters it’s important to understand that virtual reality is their reality. There’s often no real difference between what happens online and in real life for those with ADHD. One question I’m often asked is “How do screens affect the development and behavior of our youngsters, especially those with ADHD?” Great question, let’s talk about it.   A new study by Jason M. Nagata, Jonathan Chu and authors on (July 26, 2022) examined whether total screen time per day affected the onset of oppositional defiant and conduct disorders (ODD and CD) in children between the ages of nine and eleven. They found some really interesting results. First, the average amount of screen time per day was four hours. Secondly, for each hour of screen time or social media, the frequency of new onset disruptive behaviors included lying and sneaking. The strongest association was between social media and conduct disorder, with one hour on social media linked to a 62% higher rate of occurrence. Now, what does this research mean for kids and teens with ADHD who already have higher rates of ODD (30-50% overall) and CD (25% in children and 45% in teens)? and How can parents manage the intrusions of social media and screens in their families to avoid the development of disruptive behavioral conditions while fostering better emotional regulation and teach impulse control?

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How Parents Can Easily Manage Digital Media Time

1. Guide them, don’t threaten

What your child or teen needs most is guidance from you–not threats or punishments for managing how they interact with the digital world. Neither punishing nor separating tweens and teens from their phones will produce the results you are looking for because these disciplinary acts don’t teach any skills. Plus, separating kids from their phones can actually result in social isolation and alienation from peers which nobody wants either. So what is a concerned parent or caregiver to do when they are only trying to help? Keep reading for more tips. 

2. Recall the ADHD fundamentals

Start by recalling the basic biology and fundamental characteristics of ADHD. Kids with ADHD often struggle with impulse control, emotional regulation and following directions due to a delay in the prefrontal cortex maturity and challenge with several executive functioning skills simultaneously.  While neurodivergent kids and teenagers (those with ADHD, LD, 2E and ASD) may struggle to concentrate on or complete tasks they dislike, they can perform very well and focus for a long time on activities they like. Such as social media and video games. This differential attention is a core aspect of ADHD and it’s related to naturally lower amounts of the neurotransmitter dopamine.  Pings, colors and quick, easily achievable levels of achievement seen in online games, Snapchat, or other apps activate novelty detectors in the dopamine pathways in our brains. These pathways manage attention, pleasure and addiction. It’s easier for people with ADHD to become totally engaged in their digital activities because the technology generates the dopamine–pleasure, satisfaction and reward systems–their brains lack. It’s much tougher to stop high-dopamine pursuits because nothing else seems as fun, captivating or compelling. Who wants to stop gaming or scrolling through Instagram to set the table for dinner and then eat the meal? Probably not your youngster with ADHD.

3. Watch out for social comparisons

Young teen sad with arm on desk Some of the most serious consequences of the digital world are social comparisons. Social media and the digital world frequently lead kids to create unrealistic personal expectations that can be inspiring or destructive to their mental health. While it’s a natural part of teen identity formation to compare yourself to others and look for similarities and contrasts, often kids with ADHD who already feel a greater sense of insecurity believe they just don’t measure up. Research has found that adolescents who already suffer from low self-esteem or mild depression are more likely to make frequent social media comparisons that negatively affect their well-being and mental health. Avoid that by implementing a balanced media diet. 

 

How to Implement a Balanced Media Plan + The 5 C’s

African American family smiling and watching tv together Creating an effective and balanced media diet won’t be easy. You will likely encounter pushback, threats, negotiations and pleading. But it will be worth it.

Try Using Dr. Sharon Saline’s 5 C’s

1. self-Control: Monitor your own triggers and take a time-apart when necessary to regroup. 2. Compassion: Remember how hard it is for your child biologically to stop using technology and incorporate some empathy. 3. Collaboration: Work with them for solutions instead of forcing rules on them so they have buy-in. 4. Consistency: Aim for regularity in whatever program you create, not perfection. Explain exceptions when they occur. 5. Celebration: Notice signs of cooperation, make eye contact and verbally acknowledge what you’ve observed to build on the wins.  Remember, meet kids where they are, not where you think they should be. Have sympathy for yourself too. It’s easier to accept your child and their challenges when you can do this personally. Always feel free to reach out to me at info@drsharonsaline.com.   Dr. Sharon Saline headshot

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YourTango: 7 Tools For Managing Childhood Anxiety

“Most kids and adults just want their anxiety to go away NOW. As parents, we try to anticipate and cope with the fear of our child or teen by trying to protect them from the pain. I don’t know about you, but this rarely worked in my family because the worries just came back. Anxiety — the physiological response to powerful worries — needs to be addressed head on. We have to teach our kids tools to cope with their worries so they feel empowered and confident enough to take risks and meet unforeseen challenges.” Learn more tips for childhood anxiety in Dr. Saline’s article on YourTango:

Read the full article on YourTango: “7 Tools For Managing Childhood Anxiety”

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CHADD ADHD Newsstand: Help Your Child Better Cope with Social Anxiety

“Social anxiety is a fear that people will scrutinize you in familiar or unfamiliar social situations and that this negative judgment will have harmful effects on you,” says Sharon Saline, PsyD, author of What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life. Children and teens with social anxiety disorder tend to focus on what they believe other people are thinking about them, something that is outside of reality, says Dr. Saline. A child may be afraid of being judged if they speak out in class, and the fear may be so overwhelming that they say nothing. This can loop to feeling even more anxiety because they worry about also being judged for not saying anything.”

Read the full article featuring Dr. Saline on CHADD.org: “Help Your Child Better Cope with Social Anxiety“

 

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Summer Vacations with ADHD: 5 Beat The Heat Tips for Families

Dog in car for vacation or beachAah, the thrill of family vacations! Everyone piles in the car, bus or plane for a fun-filled week of togetherness and Hollywood happily-ever after endings, right? Family vacations often start with high hopes. Everyone imagines bubbly laughter, good food and happy connections. You are excited and so are your kids. Usually, things work out as you had hoped: people get along well and have a good time. Sometimes things don’t work out as much as you would have liked. Arguments, tantrums, logistical difficulties bring everyone down. What are the ingredients for a successful family vacation with ADHD on the journey? Read a few of my helpful tips below. 

How to use the 5C’s to enhance family vacations

self-Control | Compassion | Collaboration | Consistency | Celebration African-American family looking at the computer.Use the 5C’s as the foundation for a ‘no-drama’ family experience–whether it’s a staycation, a road trip or a plane flight. Manage your reactivity by noticing when you are getting triggered and then taking a short break to re-center. Offer yourself and your kids compassion in a heated moment, remembering that anger, tears and frustration are signs of overwhelm and insufficient personal coping tools. Collaborate by working with your kids to include their ideas for the vacation activities. When they have buy-in on plans, they more eagerly participate in making them a success. Set consistency as a goal instead of perfection. As you stick with your agreements and follow through on them, everybody feels more engaged and enthusiastic about cooperating to make things run smoothly. Last, but definitely not least, kick back, enjoy and celebrate being together. 

5 heat tips for happier family vacations with ADHD kids or adults

1. Before your start the trip, meet together as a family and review the itinerary.

Family headed to the beach togetherKids with ADHD like to know what’s coming down the pike because it helps them prepare for transitions and adjust their expectations.                                          Also, go over the scheduled activities, talk about any possibilities and make a list of what people would like to do. Discuss the difference between “have-to” events and “want to” options. Add one desired activity from each person to the vacation plan.

2. Consider your child’s capacity for self-entertainment while you’re in transit.

Be realistic about what your child or teen with ADHD can actually tolerate in terms of travel. Budget enough bathroom and body breaks. Create a do-able list  of acceptable games and activities. While on vacation with ADHD kids, it helps to throw in a few surprises to keep them on their toes, along with the essentials you need to bring. Also, try to save technology for the latter part of the trip when the other activities have lost their appeal.           

3. Decide how much technology your kids can have, when and where. 

Clearly explain the limits around technology before you leave. If you want to use technology for rewards or relaxation time, make sure you outline the conditions when these will occur. If you decide to give them bonus screen time, name it as such and talk about why. It’s no fun to spend your vacation negotiating tech time so set the boundaries before you go.

4. Create a strategy (in advance) of issues and behavior that trigger folks so you are prepared if they happen.                               

By planning for these potential upsets, you can rely on similar past incidents to give you strategies for responding more effectively if they occur on this trip. Together, think about what’s worked in the past and what hasn’t. Brainstorm the tools you’ll need to deal with such challenges successfully if they occur this summer. Create and agree on specific ways to slow things down when temperatures rise and tempers start flaring. In addition, a sense of humor is your best traveling companion while on vacations with ADHD kids and adults. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If your son is fresh to you, say “Fresh is for vegetables not car rides.” If your kids are yelling at each other and you can’t hear yourself think, put on one of your favorite tunes, roll down the window and sing out loud. They’ll be distracted and complain about the cold.

5. Stay positive.                                                                                               

Try to see the silver lining. A bad traffic jam may be the perfect time to break out the secret snack and delight everyone. Remember, kick-back, enjoy and celebrate being together!

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