Month: June 2020

What’s a Normal Level of Anxiety?

Stress and anxiety are connected but also different. Stress is related to feeling overwhelmed and incapable of managing the things that you have to do. Productive stress motivates you to get stuff done; poisonous stress contributes to worry and anxiety. You can’t get things accomplished to feel a sense of satisfaction. Stress can also be related to life circumstances such as poverty, illness and racism that cause you distress but have not clear resolution in sight.

Anxiety is a natural physiological and psychological response related to fears and worries. Panic, irrational thinking, reactivity, increased heart rate, perspiration, shortness of breath or insomnia are all signs of anxiety. Anxiety is about safety and security. Anxiety arises because people want to make uncomfortable feelings and uncertainty go away immediately–whether these concerns are based in reality or distorted and based on negative expectancy. Anxiety disorders often have a negative impact on several areas of someone’s functioning simultaneously.

It’s common for people to experience some type of anxiety seen as worry, dread, fear or distress. Some nervousness in a new situation or worry about chronic stress is expected. If these concerns fail to go away once you’ve learned how to manage the worry or stress and you experience persistent anxiety that is interfering with daily living, healthy choices, mood stability, or functioning at work, anxiety has become problematic and needs treatment. If your anxiety is higher than normal, first consult with your doctor to rule out any medical causes. Then, you’ve got to learn some tools to manage it. Meditation, yoga, daily exercise, therapy and medication can be extremely useful in reducing anxiety. You’ll benefit from learning how to soothe yourself and confront anxious, distorted thoughts to reduce their intensity. Don’t try to remove anxiety from your life: it doesn’t work because we need some anxiety to function, protect and aid us in dangerous or challenging situations. Instead, focus on anxiety reduction so that you feel like you have more control over it. The goal is teaching yourself how to manage the volume button on your anxiety rather than having blast you at full volume with its fears and worries.

Read more about Anxiety, depression and more

Upjourney: How to Motivate a Child Who Is Unmotivated

Lack of motivation is a concern that affects everyone, but it can be especially difficult to deal with in kids. Here are some approaches on how to motivate an unmotivated child, as discussed by experts: Click logo below to read more.

EsaCare: Top 3 Benefits of an Emotional Support Animal on ADHD by 14 Renowned Experts

People suffering from mental health conditions experience multiple emotions that change through the day daily. Support animals for them are meant to help their owners keep their emotions in check and remain calm. It helps if the animal you choose to support you is cuddly and cute. ADHD is among the most severe mental health conditions. It affects a patient’s brain and progresses to affect different areas of his/her life in tangible ways when struggling to keep its symptoms in check.

One of the ways that experts have come up to deal with some of the symptoms of ADHD is by having an emotional support animal {ESA}. A few people are nonetheless still unconvinced about the impact of the same on the control of their ADHD symptoms.

We asked fifteen experts; ‘’if you had to list the benefits of an ESA for patients who have ADHD, what are the three leading answers that you will qualify in your list?’’ Here are tidbits on the experts we chose to answer this question.

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Tired of Adolescent Pushback? Here’s how to Understand and Cope with Defiant Teens

Teenagers can push your buttons like no one else. Teens with ADHD–living through the hormonal turmoil of adolescence in addition to struggling with executive functioning challenges such as impulse and emotional control, organization and motivation,  can simultaneously need your support and reject your concern. Unable to skillfully self-regulate, small issues can escalate into volcanic eruptions within seconds. The conflict is as frustrating for you as it is distressing for them. Nobody wants to live in a home marked by anger, yelling and unhappiness amidst frequent provocations. How can you reduce your family’s arguments and find better alternatives? Teenagers push back against their parents as part of their quest to answer the two major developmental issues of adolescence: “Who am I?” and “Where do I belong?” When teens are defiant–rebelling and questioning adult authority–their behavior reflects their burgeoning efforts to separate from their parents and other caring adults while still maintaining their connection. Learning to navigating these attachments while forming your own identity is extremely complicated. It’s a push-pull dynamic inside of them. They want to exercise their independence by making their own decisions and rejecting parental directives but they also rely on their folks for support, guidance and acceptance. They feel confused and resentful but lack the self-awareness and maturity to make more effective choices. Defiance is a relationship problem: communication has broken down and no one feels listened to. Teens become increasingly defiant and reactive when they feel like their needs or opinions are unseen and unacknowledged. They are still struggling with how to pivot when faced with limits they don’t like and tolerate disappointment. As their parents, they need you to meet them where they are: to focus more on your relationship than being right. Expect their  pushback and create a predictable plan for dealing with it–regardless of the content. It’s okay for teens to feel angry at their parents for saying “NO” but it’s not acceptable to rage at them, to break things, to damage the house or threaten others. Defiant teens often feel bad about themselves after these episodes. They regret their outbursts but will frequently hide their shame rather than let you see their vulnerability. What they need are tools to manage their intense feelings: 

  • Increase their body awareness when they are becoming activated: Identify the signs that things are heating up. 
  • Discuss clear actions for calming down (listening to music, going for a walk or run and texting with a friend): Write these down and post them. 
  • Review options for what to do or say when they are upset instead of acting their feelings out. Create a few  “If this, then that” phrases such as “If I don’t like what you are saying, then I’ll say that instead of cursing at you or calling you names.’
  • Acknowledge their efforts whenever they try to make different choices and when they succeed in behaving in alternative, more effective ways. “I see that you really tried to manage your temper for several minutes. That’s progress.” 
  • Use incentives that matter to your adolescent and link these to the behavioral changes you want to see. When defiant teens have input, they have better buy-in. 

Remember, they don’t want conflict in your home any more than you do. They just don’t see other ways to get what they want. Working collaboratively and using STOP, THINK, ACT can further reduce your arguments and their surliness:

  1. Plan for disagreements: STOP: In a calm moment, acknowledge that you will inevitably clash over issues. Instead of heading towards WWIII, create a plan for calling a STOP in the action. The goal of this Time Apart is to cool down before brainstorming any solutions. Set a specific amount of time for this Time Apart, usually around 15 minutes is long enough for the adrenalin-fueled system to calm down. Describe signs and behaviors that indicate this is needed. Make a list of what your teen can do during this break to regulate themselves. 
  2. Re-group for listening: THINK: This is a time where you listen and reflect what your teen tells you is going on for them, how they could make a different choice and share what you can do better too. 
  3. Move forward: ACT: Together, figure out what the next right thing to do is. How can each of you move on from what’s happened? Brainstorm possible solutions and validate any cooperation you receive. This encourages teens to participate in the future.

Parenting Adult Children is Complicated

When young adults have lived independently, they are accustomed to making their own schedules and sleeping, eating, studying and socializing according to their own rhythm. In general,  they’re not that interested in free advice about what they could be doing better or differently. Instead, they want to be respected for the autonomy that they’ve developed and be seen in their developing maturity.

Coexisting peacefully means realizing that your job is to support them more than guide them. They need collaboration and compassion: their lives have been turned upside down and they’ve likely lost many events, activities and plans which really mattered to them. They want to have a sense of their independence by making whatever choices they can in their newly limited lives. Many young adults right now are both anxious and depressed. As parents, we’ve got to remember that they are more fragile than they’ve been.

It’s reasonable to establish ground rules that reflect creating a civil, honest and safe environment for your home. Take about how to share chores, respect each other’s boundaries and work together to solve issues. Make a list of who’s doing what and post it in the kitchen. Create a plan for what to do when people aren’t following through. By strategizing for success and setting up clear plans for daily living, you’ll reduce the frequency of any conflicts which will naturally arise during this time.

If your adult child is behaving irresponsibly (sleeping all day and up all night, not following social distancing recommendations or abusing substances), talk with them about their stated goals for themselves and their view on how they are progressing towards them. Offer neutral observations about their behaviors, ask them how you can help and consider assisting them with making online appointments with their physician, finding a therapist or following a daily routine that includes exercise. Ask questions and listen to their responses, reflecting back what you hear them say and without judging or dismissing their opinions.

Read more about Parenting and Families

22 News Mass Appeal: How to have conversations about race and beliefs with your children

(Mass Appeal) – Understanding how to have difficult conversations with our children around race, politics and justice is important. Children are exposed to the media and may not understand the messages they’re receiving. It’s also a perfect time to teach them to stand up for others. Here with advice is Clinical Psychologist Dr. Sharon Saline from DrSharonSaline.com.

  1. Discuss your beliefs as a family
  2. Outline safe and appropriate guidelines for expressing your views and supporting others
  3. Encourage accountability and collaboration

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22 News Mass Appeal: Self-care tips to reduce stress and anxiety

Mass Appeal) – With the high levels of stress, anxiety and depression people are experiencing right now, it’s more important than ever to take the time for restorative activities. Dr. Sharon Saline, Clinical Psychologist from DrSharonSaline.com joins us with 4 easy ways to practice self-care. Click logo below to read more.

Full Prefrontal Podcast: Ep 112 Dr. Sharon Saline – Counterbalancing Patterns of Failure

Having difficulties can be discouraging and counterproductive. Children with ADHD experience far more defeats and discouragements compared to their counterparts. It’s no surprise that promote thriving in struggling learners depends on the right support, the right tools, but above all, the right environment that conveys a message of acceptance and hope.
On this episode, our guest, Sharon Saline, Psy.D., an author and a clinical psychologist, discusses the unique needs created by the dopamine deficient ADHD brain and how best to coach, train, and support these brains to summon extra dopamine for something they don’t love or care.

Click the logo below to listen.

full prefrontal

Want a summer of sanity? Here are five tips for living better with your ADHD kids today!

With some schools already closed and others finishing up for the summer, parents of kids with ADHD are all asking the same question: What do we do now? Most in-person camps and activity programs have been cancelled and many families have lost necessary childcare, much-anticipated vacations and fun social gatherings. Instead, you are facing weeks of more time spent sheltering-in-place, supervising your children and teens while trying to work from home or scrambling to find safe alternatives so you can go to your job. You’re tired, they are bored and everyone is frustrated. What are your options for salvaging your summer? Before doing anything else, offer empathy to your kids for their disappointment. They’ve lost a lot and kids with ADHD, who tend to have a low frustration tolerance anyway, are particularly  worn down. They can be more reactive, less cooperative and increasingly discouraged about their isolation from friends and family. Children and teens are fed up and you are the likely target. The more you try to enforce safe guidelines for preventing exposure to COVID-19, the angrier they can get. They just want it to be over. Other kids are very anxious about re-connecting with the outside world in spite of taking adequate safety precautions. Listen to their concerns and opinions, validate their experiences and acknowledge their positions. When kids feel seen and heard, they are much more willing to work with you rather than against you.  Collaboration and consistency are the keys to a successful summer for all of you. When you work together on brainstorming ideas, try out possible solutions and aim for steadiness rather than perfection, you can make this challenging situation work. Set up a time for a weekly family check-in. It doesn’t have to be long but everybody needs to participate. Motivate reluctant teens to join you by offering this as a solution to unwanted conflict and ‘nagging.’ These discussion will give you a space to review what’s been happening and tweak plans instead of dealing with spontaneous arguments where nothing can be reasonably discussed.  Now that you’ve got that piece in place here are five tips for your transition to summer: 

  1. Create a daily routine: Divide the day into chunks of time and allocate these periods to various activities including exercise, projects, screen time and rest. Include meals and snacks. This doesn’t have to be rigid but it needs to be consistent. Think like a camp counselor. For example, maybe there’s wake up by 9, breakfast, getting dressed, activity period #1, snack, activity period #2, lunch, quiet time for reading or listening to music–something that promotes calm, activity period #3, screen time, dinner, family game or television show, bath or shower, pajamas and lights out by 10.
  2. Use guided free choice: Give the choice between 2 options during the activity periods that you come up with together. When kids with ADHD can make decisions about what they do, they feel more empowered and have more buy-in. Generate a list of possibilities and then assign two to each activity period. Ideas can include: projects they can do with their hands including crafts, building models or constructing a fort, riding bikes, gardening or just playing in the yard, making a movie, recording a song, playing music, any sports, drawing, painting something including a piece of furniture for fun, cooking, taking action to help others, interactive screen time like visiting a museum, zoo or aquarium, doing puzzles, playing with building blocks or Lego, online games like Fortnite or Dungeons and Dragons, etc. Stick with what engages them and schedule their screen time for the afternoon as much as possible. This is when kids tend to flail around the most, especially as their medications wear off.
  3. Worry less about the ‘summer slide’: Your son or daughter needs a break from school for the next few weeks. They’ve been slogging through with online learning that’s probably been unpleasant and difficult for them. Take a month off. While reading texts and writing messages may seem fruitless, kids are still reading  and writing. You can put free reading into the daily schedule and let them pick the materials including the sports page in the newspaper, graphic novels or any text of interest. Maybe they like to play Soduku or do word searches. These are all ways that they are using academic skills. After they’ve had enough time to recover, if you want to add some studying time to the summer schedule you can but keep it limited to a few times per week for no more than two hours.  
  4. Foster family technology and/or social media breaks: If you don’t put your phones or computers down, your kids won’t either. They will call out your “hypocrisy” and get angry that you can answer your phone or be online and they can’t. If you must leave your device on for work emergencies, then make that very clear and keep it on vibrate in your pocket. Figure out a time each day or each week when everyone goes screen free. Meals are a good place to start. The goal is to create a family ritual that encourages engagement away from texting and social media. 
  5. Arrange and discuss safe social interactions: Kids with ADHD need very explicit guidelines for practicing social distance with peers and family members. Take a tape measure and show them what six feet looks like. Explain the basic science of why and how COVID-19 is so contagious and the risks that exist not only for them but for others too. Talk about how and where children and teens can safely hang out with friends–a park, a driveway or a backyard. Help younger kids set up get-togethers and offer assistance to teens if they are struggling. Work with them to find safe and fun outlets and activities to connect with peers. The other day I saw four teen boys playing frisbee in the park with masks and gloves. I was very impressed! 

This summer is uncharted territory for all of us. Make sure that you get some time for self-care too. Take a rest period for grounding yourself when your kids are taking theirs–even if it’s just five minutes for a cup of tea, some yoga stretches or a catnap. You need to regenerate this summer too!