Month: June 2023

Summer has arrived, and with it, a break in the routines and structures of the past school year. For children and teens with ADHD (and for their parents, too!), times of transition and changes can be difficult. Adjusting to new environments and people can be challenging, whether your children are enrolled in camp, working, or enjoying some downtime. In order to help them shift into summer mode more smoothly, here are some dos and don’ts for ensuring your child will have a restful, enjoyable, and productive summer.

5 Summer Dos

Limit screen time

With summer comes more unstructured time and kids and teens will jump at the chance to catch up on gaming or social media. Children with ADHD tend to have a tougher time with self-regulation. Help them by setting reasonable limits around screen time, with clear expectations around device usage. While you’ll have an easier time controlling screen time for younger kids, it becomes tougher for older kids, who may already have their own phone, gaming station and more unsupervised time. Collaborate with your tween or teen and come up with screen time limits and alternatives that will work best for your family.

Get outdoors

There are countless benefits to spending time in the great outdoors. Spending time in nature provides exercise, stress-relief, and a wonderful opportunity to explore your surroundings. Encourage your child to join you on a swim, hike or bike ride, or see if your child is interested in trying an outdoor activity that’s new to them. Would they like to try canoeing? Or maybe camping? Even gardening, walking and berry picking are great outdoor activities while also being less physically demanding. Getting outdoors is a great way to move your body and to rest your mind.

Have regular wake-up and bedtimes

Just because it’s summer doesn’t mean your child should sleep in every day. Even if they don’t need to get up for camp or a job, they should still have a regular wake-up time on weekdays to stay on a healthy schedule. The same applies for bedtimes. Your child should continue using their alarm clock and keep to the daily rhythms of family life, like set meal times and chores. Staying on a regular schedule will keep them productive during the summer and will make the transition back to school in the fall much smoother.

Set some goals

Ask your child or teen to come up with a few goals they’d like to work toward this summer, and support them in the pursuits. It can be something as simple as doing a summer reading program at the local library, learning a new song on their guitar, or delivering meals to an older relative. This is a good way to try something new, advance a skill they’re already working on, or being of service to others. Your child will feel a sense of accomplishment and purpose, which is so crucial for their self-esteem. Encourage your child to set achievable goals. Even if those goals aren’t met by the end of the summer, what’s most important is the work your child puts in along the way.

Spend time together

Summer is an ideal time to reconnect with your child, slow down and enjoy each other’s company. Think of some activities you both would enjoy and set aside time to pursue them. It could be a sport, a hobby, or just cooking some meals together. Can you turn Friday nights into family movie and pizza nights? Are there any activities or experiences you’ve been meaning to try? Time really does fly, especially in the hustle and bustle of family life. Make time for each other and nurture the beautiful connection between you and your child.

5 Summer Don’ts

Don’t overschedule

It may be tempting to view the summer months as “catch-up time”, but it’s better to think of them as “rest up time”. Trying to squeeze in too many activities will likely lead to stress and overwhelm for you and your child. Aim to maintain some balance between work and play, with enough unstructured time for kicking back and taking things easy.

Don’t underschedule

It may also be tempting to underschedule, but a lack of structure can be unsettling for kids with ADHD. Routines, commitments and chores all provide structure and predictability. For children and teens with ADHD, too few rules and routines may leave them feeling anxious or disengaged. Striking a balance between structured and unstructured time may be tricky, but it’s well worth the effort. Keep your kids accountable and responsible to keep to their summer routines and schedules, while giving them some time to rest, explore, and yes, even feel boredom for a while. There’s nothing better than a little boredom to motivate kids to get creative.

Don’t drop academics

Summer is a time to take a break from academic rigor, but don’t stop academic activities entirely, especially for kids and teens with ADHD. Academic momentum will help them maintain learning momentum and make it easier to readjust once school begins in the fall. The amount of summer learning depends on your child. Some kids will gladly take an online class or pick up a math workbook. For others, 20-30 minutes of daily reading will do. Whatever the right level of academics is for your child, set expectations and provide effective incentives to keep your child motivated in meeting their summer academic goals.

Don’t skip chores and responsibilities

Family life doesn’t take a summer break. Dishes, laundry, and cleaning all need to be done on a regular basis in order to maintain your household. Everyone in the family should pull their weight and help out. Assign age-appropriate tasks to your child and use reminders, todo lists and chore wheels to keep them accountable. When kids take care of their responsibilities around the house, they learn the value of contributing to family life and walk away with a strong sense of accomplishment.

Don’t wing it

Not everyone likes surprises, especially not those with ADHD. So, try to minimize any last-minute plans and decisions as much as possible. Plan ahead and get your child on board by making them a part of the planning process. They’ll be more cooperative if they know what to expect. Visual queues like calendars are a good way to map out summer schedules, vacations, and social occasions. Summer is the time to slow down, reset and have fun. We all need a break and an opportunity to rest. But it’s still important to set clear guidelines and expectations for behavior and responsibilities. Talk with your child or teen with ADHD about summer plans and schedules, and give them the opportunity to weigh on decisions where appropriate. Then sit back, relax and enjoy all the pleasures that summer brings.

Dear Dr. Saline, Dear Dr. Sharon: Our 14 year old son can rarely think of alternatives to screen time that he actually seems to enjoy. He does not do video games or sports–doesn’t react quickly–but does love movies/Youtube videos and would watch them constantly if we did not set limits. When his screen time ends he frequently asks, “What are we going to do?” but has no response to, “what do you want to do?” When he “is in the mood,” he likes to read, draw or write stories. He also plays the trumpet in the school band. How can we help him discover alternatives to the screen and try new things?  – Eve

From Dr. Saline

Dear Eve, Thank you for this great question. It’s tough for so many kids with ADHD to stop engaging with screens and choose alternative activities. While it sounds like it’s easy for him to log onto his devices to watch movies or television, there’s not a lot of natural rewards or satisfaction in logging off. Nothing else seems as interesting which is why managing screens is such a huge, common problem in families. He is resistant to shifting to a different activity and is unclear about making a decision because he really has no idea what would be as much fun. He needs a visual cue. Luckily, he has other interests and hobbies so you are halfway there. 

Set Expectations Around Screen Time

While logging onto devices is easy for kids, especially those with ADHD, getting off can be an ordeal for everybody. This phenomenon is related to the lower amounts of the neurotransmitter dopamine in ADHD brains. With their Now/Not now thinking and need for visual stimulation, kids like your son struggle to make transitions to anything after screen time. Helping your son understand that technology is a privilege, not something he’s entitled to, is an important first step. Most kids think they should have their screens 24/7- no matter what. So, establishing sensible technology guidelines for your child is critical. Instead, we want to use screen time as an earned privilege that is part of an established routine with clear limits. Plus, it’s critical to separate out different types of screens or programming: watching movies does not equal watching YouTube videos or television shows. My guess is that your son dislikes your arguments as much as you do.  Reducing them and “stopping your nagging” is his incentive to cooperate. Set a time to sit down and talk about managing screen time in the family. Be clear about how much time you want him to have as a baseline and what he can earn through cooperation. Ask him about his desired amount and see if you can create a compromise that is lower than what he initially wants but offers him opportunities to earn more time. This Easy On/Easy Off plan is based on collaboration. By linking his desired screen time to activities you would like to see him pursue, you are putting the have-to’s before the ‘want-to’s. He has to do a non-screen activity before using the screens OR he can have his baseline screen time but the bonus time is earned after doing something different. Either way, he’s broadening his horizons.

Brainstorm Alternative Activities Together

Given that there is a delay in the maturation of the ADHD of up to three years, I think it’s unlikely that your son will willingly exit his technology time or choose a follow-up activity. His brain is on stimulation overload and wants more of something high-paced. Instead, I recommend that you create a list of possible activities that he can choose from. During a quiet moment, brainstorm “The Big List.” This list will become your handy tool to offer him options when he is bleary-eyed and help him improve his abilities to organize, prioritize and sequence as well. Together, rank order the stuff that seems most fun to him and move those items to a new list so that he’s not overwhelmed. (Later, when he’s tired of this shorter list, make a new one from other, unused activities on the first one.) When it’s time to turn off the screen, give him a choice of three activities from this list. I call this process Guided Free Choice. The list stimulates his brain so he can see his options instead of recalling them or arguing with you. He will feel less pressure and so will you.  Here are some suggestions:  Go outside–run, walk, swim, bike, skateboard or scooter Baking/Cooking Art–drawing, painting, chalk designs, coloring books Photography Play a board game or a sport Do Soduku or other puzzles Read a book or illustrated novel Listen to or play music Learn card tricks, yoyo skills or juggling Go to bowling or to a rock climbing gym or escape room Do something with a grandparent or friend–mini golf, ice cream, surprise adventure, etc Do chores to earn a desired privilege or activity Volunteer Build a fort Take a class  Stage a play Using the Easy On/Easy Off plan and Guided Free Choice will take practice and patience. You may need to tweak these strategies to fit your family’s needs. Stick with these tools and you will find alternatives to screens which work for you. I am confident things will improve for the better soon.