Ask Dr. Saline: How to Stay Calm, Confident, and Consistent When Raising Kids with ADHD

child holding mother's handsDear Dr. Saline, I’m raising 2 kids under the age of 10, both of whom have ADHD. Every day feels like a fire drill. It seems like I’m constantly juggling problems and never have time to catch up or slow down. I’m frustrated, exhausted and constantly losing my temper instead of enjoying time with my family. What’s your advice to a tired and busy Mom to cope with the demands of raising kids with ADHD while finding ways to have a more calm and balanced life? Thanks, Jenny

From Dr. Saline

Dear Jenny, I know exactly how you feel, as do lots of other busy and tired parents of kids with ADHD. Learning how to manage your stress and tending to the needs of your youngsters is an important part of self-care. When you equip yourself with effective coping strategies, you will be better able to show up for your family. After many years of working with families like yours, I developed a method I call The 5 C’s of ADHD™ which helps parents handle the demands of ADHD with confidence and competence every day. Here’s how…

The 5 C’s of ADHD in a Nutshell

calm womanThe goal of The 5 C’s of ADHD approach is to reach, teach, and support kids with varying learning styles, emotional needs and psychological issues through collaboration and with compassion. When you work with your child on finding solutions to common problems, you increase their buy-in and cooperation. Your child will develop more self-confidence and you’ll benefit from peace of mind. That’s what I call win-win! 

The Pillars of The 5 C’s of ADHD

My approach consists of 5 pillars: self-Control, Compassion, Collaboration, Consistency and Celebration. Try applying these at home, at work, or when facing personal struggles to help you cope with whatever challenges come your way. By incorporating the following strategies into your daily life, you’ll gain the confidence and competence needed to be your best for your children, relationships, and most importantly, for yourself.

  1. Self-Control: Identify triggers so you can slow down and manage your own feelings first before engaging with a friend, colleague, child or partner. Once you are settled, then you can work on assisting others to do the same. 
  2. Compassion: Meet people where they are, not where you think they should be. This means treating people, including yourself, with empathy and kindness despite struggles or upset.
  3. Collaboration: Work with others (your children, other caring adults, partners or colleagues) to find solutions to daily challenges together instead of imposing your ideas on them. Focus on cooperation and partnership using incentives and realistic expectations.
  4. Consistency: Aim for steadiness instead of perfection. Do your best to follow through and expect that some situations require shifting and flexibility. Practice persistence and efforting, using a growth mindset.
  5. Celebration: Pay attention to the positive and acknowledge when things go well. No effort is too small to go unnoticed. Validate how you and those around you try to grow and change. Do more of what works day after day.

Parenting with Calm, Confidence and Consistency 

daughter and father smiling on the beachWhen raising kids with ADHD, the trick to using the 5 C’s is making them part of your parenting routines. Take time to cool off when you are aggravated with your son; show concern and support for your daughter when her struggles annoy you; talk about any problems and come up with alternatives together; stick with things, even when you feel like giving up; stay positive and notice what is going well, no matter how small. This approach helps you ​elicit and listen to the experiences your child with ADHD is sharing with you, while responding empathically, supportively and calmly. You improve your ability to notice what your son or daughter is communicating to you with their words and actions. Together, you work towards solutions for everyday challenges so your child or teen has buy-in and sees you as an ally. You aim for steadiness instead of perfection, noticing their efforting along the way. Then, they will be more open to cooperating because they feel seen and heard. You pay more attention to what’s working instead of focusing on what isn’t, offering validation and encouragement. In the end, you’ll feel less stressed and your child or teen will thrive. There will be more calm and balance, perhaps not every day, but certainly more days than not.

Eight Tips to Make Halloween a Treat for Your Child with ADHD

Eight Tips to Make Halloween a Treat for Your Child with ADHD

Halloween can be tough for children with ADHD — and their parents. There is so much stimulation, unknowns, safety rules, unexpected transitions and waaayyyy too much sugar candy. How can you help your child enjoy the holiday without meltdowns or having to have the fun curtailed?

Read here!

Supplements For ADHD: Are They Effective?

Supplements For ADHD: Are They Effective?

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) treatments don’t eliminate this common mental health condition, but rather aim to reduce symptoms and improve an individual’s functioning, per the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Typically, individuals with ADHD benefit from psychotherapy, medication or education surrounding ADHD, or a combination of all three. One emerging area of research is the efficacy of certain vitamins and minerals for easing ADHD symptoms. Learn more below from experts and scientific studies on the efficacy of certain supplements for the treatment of ADHD, including whether they’re effective and safe.

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ADHD Awareness Month Is All About The Wonderful, Unique YOU!

tweens laughing togetherOctober is ADHD Awareness Month. It’s a time to celebrate all that is wonderful, unique, and special about you. If you, or someone you love or work with, has ADHD, you’re aware of the various challenges and obstacles that go along with it. There’s a lot to manage day to day and it can leave you tired, overwhelmed or just wishing things would be easier. So I’d like to propose a little break from the hard work of living with ADHD and instead let’s shine a light on the positives. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in dealing with challenges that we forget to celebrate the wins. ADHD Awareness Month is the perfect time to highlight all that is special about you!

Creativity

sketching in notebookFolks with ADHD tend to be highly creative. The same symptoms of ADHD which can be seen as determinants can actually inspire creativity. For example, impulsivity, curiosity, spontaneity, and a tendency for daydreaming are all essential ingredients for unlocking the imagination. The ability to hyperfocus on an interesting activity (within limits) may aid you in getting the tough stuff done just as it fuels novel ideas when you’re immersed in an art project. Folks with ADHD are often great writers, musicians and artists. Creative expression can bring a world of joy into your life and gives you wonderful opportunities to engage with the world around you.

Strength and Resilience

woman making muscleLet’s face it, living with ADHD can be challenging at times. Sometimes it takes extra effort to do things others consider “easy”. Other times it takes seemingly forever to master a skill others take for granted. You may not notice it, but over time, living with these challenges builds strength and resilience. You learn how to overcome obstacles, face difficulties head on, and pick yourself up after each stumble. Navigating academic, professional, personal, and romantic relationships gets easier with the confidence gleaned from lived experience. Strength and resilience will help you overcome hardships in life and help you reach your goals. Be proud of these superpowers!

Empathy and Compassion

hands holding hearts graphicLiving with ADHD means developing a deeper awareness of how your brain works, understanding what feels comfortable, and noticing when things become overwhelming. People develop self-awareness (metacognition) over time which helps with emotional regulation, motivation and focus as well as making and keeping friends. Through experiences at school, at work, in social settings, you learn to observe what goes well and what needs tweaking. Getting to know other folks with and without ADHD helps you build empathy and compassion. Compassion means meeting people where they are not where you think they should be and accepting that we are all perfectly imperfect. When you accept the brain you have and lean into your strengths, you show up for yourself with more kindness. Then, you’re able to be available to others without judgment. When you understand your own challenges as a natural part of being human, you can then extend that awareness to others, spreading kindness and compassion in the process. Everyone is wired differently, and no one understands that more than folks with ADHD.

You Are Wonderful Just As You Are

smiling teensChildren and adults with ADHD are not deficient but rather blessed with creative, innovative ways of seeing things, a comfort with spontaneity and unique sensitivities. These traits are worth validating and celebrating.  Take the time to acknowledge your special gifts and accomplishments today and every day. Notice, write down or talk about three things that have gone well enough every day to counteract negativity bias. Emphasize the positives (no matter how small) and turn the volume down on negative self-talk, criticism and worry. Think of all that as background noise – it’s always there humming in the background, but can be tuned out. Strive to measure yourself by the progress you make rather than striving for perfection. You are worthy and wonderful just as you are. adhd graphic

Upcoming ADHD Awareness Events:

  1. Instagram Live with @drsharonsaline & @coachingwithbrooke. Happening Friday, October 20th at 3pm (EST). An open discussion on ADHD, specifically managing your adult ADHD so that you can then assist your children, family, etc., will ensue. 
  2. Building Better Brains Webinar. Happening Wednesday, November 8th at 7pm (EST). Dr. Sharon Saline will help participants navigate the challenges of living in and running a family with ADHD.
  3. ADDitude Facebook Live. Happening Friday, October 27th at 4pm (EST). Dr. Sharon Saline will offer advice for improving the executive function of working memory, which is commonly impaired with ADHD. Related questions welcome from adults, caregivers, and professionals.
  4. ADDA Tadd Talks. Happening throughout the entire month of October 2023. Dr. Sharon Saline’s will be on October 20th specifically. TADD Talks are an ADHD-friendly riff on “TED talks.” TED talks are 18 minute presentations on a variety of interesting subjects, TADD recordings are only 9 minutes long (we do have a shorter attention span, you know!) on interesting ADHD topics. Dr. Sharon Saline will be speaking on Unpacking Social Anxiety: Perfectionism, Imposter Syndrome and RSD. Registration Link: https://add.org/taddtalks/ 
  5. 2023 Annual International Conference on ADHD. Happening in-person on November 30th – December 2nd in Baltimore, Maryland and Virtually on December 5-6th. ACO, ADDA, and CHADD—the leaders in ADHD support for individuals and families—welcome the ADHD community to the 2023 Annual International Conference on ADHD. Dr. Sharon Saline will be in attendance and you don’t want to miss it! Registration Link: https://adhdconference.eventsair.com/adhd-conference 

What are The Five C’s of ADHD Parenting? How Can It Help Improve Parent-Child Bond?

What are The Five C’s of ADHD Parenting? How Can It Help Improve Parent-Child Bond?

ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects millions of children and adults worldwide. In India, the prevalence of ADHD has been on the rise, with approximately 11% of school-going children estimated to be affected by this condition, as per the Indian Journal of Psychiatry

Read here!

Ask Dr. Saline: How to Help Teens with ADHD Succeed in School and Overcome Executive Function Challenges

teens on floor doing homeworkDear Dr. Saline: My 14 year old daughter just started high school and is having a hard time keeping up. She has ADHD and is (thankfully!) getting support in school for a number of academic challenges. She’s also getting some executive functioning (EF) coaching outside of school but it doesn’t seem to help her much. She struggles to hand in her assignments on time and is extremely disorganized with her materials and tasks. How can I help her better manage her EF challenges so has a better chance to do well in school? Thank you, Kelly

From Dr. Saline

Dear Kelly- Your question is one that many parents struggle with and I’m so glad you’ve brought it up. The transition to high school is tough enough as it is, and kids who struggle with ADHD and executive functioning skills have it that much harder. When your daughter was little, you probably were much more involved in her school work and making sure she completes her homework and projects. But in high school, the responsibility for academics and time management shifts more toward your teen and away from you, as it should. Fortunately, there are a few key ways to support your high schooler with ADHD and help her strengthen her EF competencies and succeed in school.

Make an action plan together

mom and teen daughter looking at laptopWork with your child to come up with some possible solutions to common problems. You’re more likely to get your teen’s buy-in if you work with them, and not just tell them what you want done. Ask for your child’s input on where they may need extra help and collaborate on ways to address the issue(s). Start with 1 or 2 most important challenges and work through those before taking on additional challenges. Keep in mind, what you think is a good solution may not work for them or happen right away. Be ready to make adjustments and try new things. If something isn’t working, it’s not a failure. Just like with most things in life, supporting your child is a process of trial and error. So keep at it, and you will find a solution which works.

Transition time management to your child (but slowly)

don't be late graphic with alarm clockBy high school, most kids are capable of managing their time reasonably well. For example, if you’ve served as your child’s alarm clock in middle school, it’s time to pull back and give them ownership of wake-up and bed times. You can always be their back-up, but they should have an alarm clock (or two) and learn the value of getting up on time and how to do it. Similarly, your high schooler should have some control over when they begin their homework. But you can help your child instill good homework and study habits. Leaving homework until after dinner may not be the best option because it leads to frustration, overwhelm, and staying up late to finish. Work with your child on a reasonable after school schedule that’s age appropriate and takes into consideration their other activities and other family members’ needs. Once you have a working plan, support your child in keeping the agreed-upon schedule. Check in with them to see how it’s going and adjust as needed. Provide them with alarms, post-it reminders, daily task lists or whatever will help them manage their time independently.

Break down large tasks into manageable chunks

task letter blocksWhen kids with ADHD are tasked with a big school project, they may get so overwhelmed that they won’t know where to begin. Big tasks seem uncomfortable, scary, or even impossible at the start. Explain to your child that this is normal and that even adults go through similar feelings. Show your teen how to take a big project and start breaking it down into smaller, more manageable parts. Completing one small chunk of work at a time will help your child feel they’re making progress. It will also help them move from a negative mindset (“I can’t do this!) to a positive one (“I finished the outline of my essay, so now I can make progress on the first paragraph”). Breaking things down is a huge confidence builder.

Use meaningful incentives

teen boy holding car keys thumbs upTo encourage your teen to manage their time, keep track of deadlines, and be more responsible for their obligations, figure out some good incentives–together. The best motivators are ones which work for your child. If she’s social, then being allowed to hang out with friends for earned extra time on the weekend is a great incentive for finishing her homework beforehand. If she’s looking forward to seeing a movie with you, use that to motivate her to hand in all her homework the day before. Meaningful incentives, chosen with collaboration, are most effective and rewarding. 

Celebrate successes

mother encouraging teen doing homeworkIt’s easy to get caught up in task lists and problem solving but do make time to take a break and celebrate your child’s successes, no matter how small. Kids with ADHD have a tendency to perceive themselves in a negative light – as not being good enough or lacking certain skills which seem to come easily to others. So when your child gets something right, tell them you’re proud, encourage them, and celebrate their accomplishments and gifts. This will build them self-esteem and in turn, their resilience. Noticing what is going well helps kids become more confident to succeed in and outside of school.