“In this very special episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, I have compiled a list of advice former podcast guests have shared about what they would say to their younger parent selves.” I know you will find this episode so inspiring. I’ve created a cheat sheet that you can download for free with all of my guests’ expert advice for you to reference. You can get it here: www.sarahrosensweet.com/guestexpertadvice.” Click here to listen to the episode!
Category: Neurodiversity
Smoother Conversations with ADHD: Tips for managing attention, memory, impulsivity and anxiety while socializing
Conversations can be tough for folks with ADHD, ASD or LD. It can be difficult to track the conversation flow and stay focused on a subject. You might talk about a topic that seems relevant and related to you but tangential to others. Then, there’s the volume and tone of your voice, reading facial expressions, and difficulty gauging physical proximity. Often times, neurodivergent teens and adults are overly critical of what they are or aren’t doing. You might think you should be worrying about what someone else is thinking about you, rather than being present with what’s going on. Engaging in conversations with ADHD involves coping with multiple ADHD-related challenges while socializing, which isn’t easy for anyone. How can conversations flow easier? Here are tips and tools to help.
Why people with ADHD interrupt conversations more frequently
Interruptions for people with ADHD frequently reflect weaker verbal impulse control, but also issues with working memory and metacognition. You may not remember to wait your turn because you don’t trust yourself to remember what you want to say later–when there’s a pause in the conversation or the other person has finished talking. This reflects a fear of forgetting. 
Maybe you are unaware that you are interrupting until someone lets you know. Sometimes people interrupt because they feel a need to prove themselves and establish their expertise. Or, you may really want to engage in this conversation but can’t find a way in, so you interrupt. After all, you’re very excited about this topic and eager to discuss it. At other times, you may be bored and want to change the subject by interrupting. The urge to interrupt is also affected by anxiety. The more anxious you feel in a social situation, the higher likelihood that you will interrupt. Anxiety will exacerbate any nervousness or worries about acceptance, performance and embarrassment. When you are flooded with these intense feelings, you can be naturally more impulsive as a protective measure. In addition, you can be less capable of monitoring your words and actions.
How interrupting impacts connections
Take a moment and reflect on how you feel when someone interrupts you. It seems like they aren’t listening, but rather waiting for their turn to talk. The interrupter is demonstrating that their thoughts are more important than yours. How does that make you feel? Angry, unimportant, dismissed, unseen? Even though interrupting may demonstrate a lack of effective impulse control on your part, other people may not understand this. They may become irritated or impatient, and they probably feel just like you do when you’re interrupted.
Sidetracking conversations with ADHD
Many people with ADHD go on tangents when they are telling a story or sharing what’s on their mind. This is an understandable part of having many ideas simultaneously. For example, one of my clients recited aloud for me what he was thinking, and it was a nonstop train of observations, interpretations, ideas and curiosity. Do you think your brain does this too? These many ideas lead to sidetracking in conversations. For instance, you may go off track and may not realize that you are too far down a road that goes nowhere until someone tells you. People start looking away or confront you directly, sometimes not so nicely. All too often, neurodivergent kids and adults become defensive. They feel angry and ashamed at the same time. These feelings can make things worse socially and contribute to exclusion or humiliation. Let’s look at some strategies for reducing interruptions.
5 tips for interrupting less with ADHD
1. Write things down:
Use your phone or a small pad of paper that you keep with you to jot down a few key words that will cue you to recall what it is that you want to say. Whether you are in a meeting or hanging out with friends, let other folks know that you don’t want to interrupt so taking some notes while others are talking helps you remember your thoughts better. This prepares them in case you choose to do this and wards off judgment.
2. Be candid:
If you don’t want to write things down, say, “I have something to share but I don’t want to interrupt you. I’m just afraid that I will forget it.” This warns people of why you are interrupting. You will have to monitor how many times you do this though. Depending on who you’re speaking with, more than a few times in a conversation might be too much. If you do happen to forget something, don’t worry. It will probably come back to you later, and you can text or email them when it does.
3. Watch out for overwhelm:
Indoor parties, gatherings at a park or beach or eating dinner at a busy restaurant, all of these environments can be extra distracting. It will be harder for you to track what’s being said by whom and staying with the conversation. If you can’t hear or focus on what someone is telling you, ask if you can move somewhere else or step away from the noise for a few moments.
4. Listen and ask questions:
People like to talk about themselves, and they also like to feel heard. Use reflective listening techniques (“I heard you say X, tell me more about that.”) or (“That sounds interesting. Can you describe/explain it further?”)
5. Use the “WAIT-Now” method:
The “WAIT-Now” method involves periodically asking yourself, “Why am I talking now?” Remember that a pause in a sentence doesn’t mean the person is finished speaking. If you are unsure, wait 10 seconds, and then ask if they’re done before you start speaking.
4 tips for helping conversations flow smoothly with ADHD:
Now that you know how to manage your interruptions, let’s look at some strategies for participating in conversations more effectively with ADHD, ASD or LD:
1. Consider personal space, volume and body language:
Think about the physical proximity of those engaged in the conversation. In the United States, it’s common for people to stand about three feet apart. You also want to consider hand gestures and touching others. Some people are very uncomfortable with being touched casually during an exchange. Initially, keep your hands and body parts to yourself. Later, if you want, you can share that you talk a lot with your hands and ask if a tap on their arm or shoulder would be okay. 
Check out the volume and tone of the conversation. How are people speaking? Are you speaking louder or quieter than the people around you? Can you hear yourself? Do you have a buddy who can signal you if you’re too loud or too soft? Observe body language and facial expressions of the folks around you. Interest and engagement look open and calm (relaxed posture, eye contact, leaning forward). Judgment and discomfort look more closed (crossed arms and legs, looking away). What are their faces and bodies showing you about their response to what you are saying?
2. Reflect on your behavior in conversations:
Find acceptable alternatives to eye contact if that’s uncomfortable for you. Perhaps engage in an activity during a conversation so people aren’t looking right at you: walking, bicycling, shopping, going to baseball game or visiting a museum. Pause and observe before you enter a room. Get a sense of what’s going on instead of jumping right in by asking “what’s going on?” or interrupting to say something.
3. Make a plan for when you get distracted, space out or start interrupting:
If you lose focus when someone is talking, watch their mouth or hand gestures to follow along. Ask open-ended questions that begin with how and what more than why. How will you get back into the conversation? Could anyone assist you? Likewise, ask a friend or family member to help you with interrupting. Maybe collaborate on a signal that communicates if you’ve wandered too far off topic or have been talking too long.
4. Learn to feel awkward without judgment:
Everybody has insecurities whether they show them or not. You might be uncertain about something, worried about how you compare to others, or worried about how other people perceive you. But it doesn’t mean you should stop making social connections or engaging in conversations. Instead, armed with the tools and strategies described here, you can feel more confident and courageous in meeting new people and making lasting friendships.
Read more blog posts:
- Social Anxiety and ADHD: How to better manage anxiety with supportive planning and preparation
- Tone of Voice Awareness in Neurodiverse Families: How to practice self-regulation in family conflicts
- Taming Emotional Triggers with an ADHD Brain: How to understand big feelings and respond differently
Handouts, Webinars & More in Dr. Saline’s Store:
- Webinar Recording: Navigating College with ADHD: Setting yourself up for success
- Handout: You Can’t Stop Anxiety. You Change Your Relationship with It.
- Handout: Harness GRIT and Get It Done!
Watch on Dr. Saline’s YouTube Channel:
https://youtu.be/LwlMYlV1PX8
Intrepid Ed News – Raising Successful Teens
“When my daughter was in ninth grade, she had very little interest in engaging with me. Sure, she was happy to start a conversation about getting her nose pierced but if I wanted to check in about anything related to school or the tennis team, forget it. She wanted to determine what the parameters were for her life: how to manage social issues, keep up with academics, and what extracurricular activities she did or didn’t do. Frankly, it was hard for me to let things go because raising teens today is challenging. With 24/7 access to screens, peers, and entertainment, it’s tough to know if they are making responsible choices, engaging wisely in activities, and staying on top of homework. For me, being responsive instead of being reactive was, and still can be, my greatest challenge. But I have to realize where my guidance ends and where her decisions about her life begin. This is the complicated dance of raising teens. You are responsible for their health, safety, and welfare and they often want more autonomy than they are actually ready for.”
“Raising Successful Teens”
Intrepid ED News Article by Dr. Sharon Saline
Read related blog posts by Dr. Saline:
- Helping your ADHD Teen Get Out of the “Compare and Despair” Trap: Strategies for Nurturing Self-Acceptance
- How to Nurture Connected Independence in Kids & Teens with ADHD: Parenting with the 5C’s Framework
- Coping with the recent mass shootings: Advice for processing senseless gun violence in America
ADDitude Mag – Your Regret Won’t Change the Past. These Tips May Save Your Future.
“Regret is tough to pinpoint. It may feel like sadness, remorse, or disappointment. It may emerge following a missed professional opportunity, oversharing at a cocktail party or yelling at our child for spilling their orange juice. All humans feel regret, but people with ADHD may feel regret more often and more strongly due to struggles with impulse control, emotional regulation, and other executive functioning skills. We regret both the things we did — and the ones wish we had done. “For example, I regret how dysregulated I was going through menopause. There were times when I absolutely did not handle myself well. Once, I lost my temper because my daughter wasn’t wearing a warm enough coat before going to First Night festivities on a frigid New Year’s Eve. Another time, I stormed off when my son asked me for help studying for a history test and then repeatedly criticized the questions I asked him. Honestly, it’s hard to remember these moments and practice self-compassion and forgiveness. I just want to shake my younger self and shriek “What were you thinking?” I dearly wish I’d made other choices.”
Read the full article!
“Your Regret Won’t Change the Past. These Tips May Save Your Future.”
Article by Dr. Sharon Saline on ADDitude.com
Read more blog posts:
- Overcoming Negative Thinking: 5 Tips For Adults With ADHD
- Reducing Regret as an ADHD Adult with the 4R’s
- Family, Forgiveness and ADHD: Loving and letting go, during and beyond the holiday season
Watch on Dr. Saline’s YouTube Channel:
https://youtu.be/AZGrbNjUGlo
ADDitude Mag – Flow State vs. Hyperfocus: On Channeling Your Unsteady ADHD Attention
What is considered flow state vs. hyperfocus for people with ADHD? “Are there any differences between being hyperfocused and being in a flow state? Yes! A hyperfocused ADHD brain is completely absorbed in its task — to the point of seemingly ignoring or tuning out everything else. Some people describe hyperfocus as a dream-like state wherein the outside world ceases to exist. A child in hyperfocus [vs. a flow state] may become too engrossed in a video game to hear his parents call his name. An adult in hyperfocus may be reading a book so intently that they lose track of time and miss an appointment. Some neurotypical people may occasionally experience a hyperfocus-like state. However, it occurs more often in people with conditions that reflect attention issues, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or autism spectrum disorder (ASD).”
Read the full article!
“Flow State vs. Hyperfocus: On Channeling Your Unsteady ADHD Attention”
Article by Dr. Sharon Saline on ADDitude.com
Read more blog posts:
- ADHD Hyperfocus: How to manage this double-edged sword for your health and productivity
- ADHD Misconceptions: How to respond to 4 damaging false beliefs and assumptions about ADHD
- Personal Project Planners for ADHD Minds: Start managing tasks, time and ideas with this creative tool!
Watch on Dr. Saline’s YouTube Channel:
https://youtu.be/3I4Kj49Qsgw
Psychology Today: ADHD and Productive Procrastination
“Do you ever feel so overwhelmed with dreaded tasks that you do anything else instead of beginning them? Does it seem like you’re running in place and not getting where you want to go? Instead of calling yourself “lazy” or a “slacker,” consider that many people with ADHD struggle with procrastination. Whether it’s wanting things to be perfect—and not starting something because you can’t get it that way—avoiding a dreaded task that seems miserable, or going to the car wash instead of writing the report that’s due tomorrow, if you have ADHD, you have natural executive functioning challenges related to initiation, motivation, and goal-directed persistence.” Read the full article by Dr. Saline!
“ADHD and Productive Procrastination: How to stop delaying and get to the main task.”
By Dr. Sharon Saline on Psychology Today
Read Dr. Saline’s blog posts:
6 Tips for Parenting College Students with ADHD During Summer Break
As another school year is winding down, you may be preparing for your college student with ADHD to come back home for a while. Whether they’re home for just the summer, or moving back in, everyone in the household will need to make adjustments. Previously established family routines may require some tweaks or even a full overhaul. Your teen may be living under your roof again, but you will all benefit if you treat them more like the emerging adult they are, not the child they were. The line between where parental authority ends and their growing autonomy begins has shifted, and your household is figuring out how to live together once again. It’s exciting and somewhat uncomfortable, like breaking in a new pair of shoes: fun, but with a blister or two in the beginning. Here are six helpful tips for how to reset and maintain a satisfying and manageable family life with your young adult this summer.
Welcome home! Helping your ADHD child transition back home from college
Consider what your college-age child is feeling when they return home after being away for a while. They have gotten used to a certain level of independence and self-management in college. They don’t want to come home and feel “bossed around” by their parents. Your young adult college student with ADHD may also be focused on any number of new experiences–romantic relationships, shifting friendships, summer jobs or planning for the future. They may also be exhausted, needing to have some time to chill out and unwind. The last thing they want to hear is your well-intentioned advice perceived as a lecture, criticism or unsolicited assistance. 
On the flip side, we, as parents, still see our college-age kids as needing our attention, guidance and motivation. We want our children to have a productive summer and pitch in around the house. And, with more of us working from home these days, it’s all too easy to get annoyed seeing our teen hanging around the house all day, staying out late or making choices with which we don’t agree. As you both may experience heightened stress from these changes, it’s natural to feel disappointed, confused, angry, or worried. You’re living under the same roof, only with new stresses and growing pains. So how should you re-engage with your teen with a healthy dose of parental authority, while still respecting their developing independence?
Creating healthy daily routines with your family this summer
A healthy daily summer routine will ground all of you and help to manage your time more efficiently. Use this opportunity to brainstorm ways to create structure while establishing and following through on healthy family boundaries. Of course, your child might want to sleep in and have some down time. But they need to understand that participating in the daily maintenance of the home, and taking care of responsibilities like dishes and laundry, is part of the summer plan. Instead of expecting regular dinners together, aim to agree on a few nights when you will share a supper. This allows time for their work and social commitments in the evenings. Instead of resorting to old communications and frustrating family dynamics, opt for discussions that foster collaboration and respect.
Encouraging your young adult with ADHD to practice more independence
Our independent, young adults want to be treated more as equals, even if they may not act that way. Think about ways that they can demonstrate their developing ‘adulting’ skills, and try to listen more than talk. Reflect what you hear back to them, and state your opinions neutrally. Respond with “I notice…” or “I’ve observed…” statements. Avoid saying things like “I feel that you…” and, instead, say “I feel (an emotion) when this (action or behavior occurs).” Then, pause for their response. Give them a chance to process what you are saying and mull it over. Many emerging adults with ADHD may agree with what you are saying but want to assert some power by transforming this into their own idea or just taking time to consider it. Everybody has surely grown and changed since the last time you were all under the same roof. You want to explore ways to help them figure out a daily summer routine that accomplishes the things they need to do and the things they want to do. You’re not telling them what to do: you’re offering your assistance and coaching. If they don’t follow that, it’s fine to express your frustration. However, don’t tell them why they should. That’s not part of the collaborative spirit.
6 tips for parents of college students with ADHD who are returning home for summer break:
1. Start with the basics
Most emerging adults still need some support with organization, prioritizing and initiating (especially undesirable tasks). Offer to help them by working together on making a list for everything they HAVE to do (self-care, work/classes, household chores, etc.) and another of everything they WANT to do (hanging out with friends, playing music or sports or gaming). If your teen doesn’t have a summer job or internship yet, you can further divide the day into a morning ‘looking for work’ period and an afternoon one with a timed break for something fun following each one. If your child already has a job or internship, that will provide some structure to their day. However, they may need some assistance juggling family or social responsibilities to go with it.
2. Avoid micromanaging
Instead of reminding them to do stuff which they will inevitably hear as ‘nagging,’ talk with them about what types of cueing work best for them. Your goal is to offer assistance and not manage things for them. The pull for parents of older teens to do things to help (or take over for) their kids as they used to do when kids were smaller is strong. It’s equally strong for kids to resort back to their younger selves and expect you to make appointments for them or pick up after them. If they are struggling to follow through, have a discussion about what types of tools assisted them previously and how those can be applied now. In addition, it is reasonable to ask them to notify you at a certain hour if they will be out late or not planning to come home without knowing what their activities are. Living under the same roof means that you will tend to worry about them more than when they aren’t in sight. Couch this as considerate behavior rather than a control issue.
3. Re-establish responsibilities
Don’t assume your child will pick up old chores just because they’re home from college. Set up a family meeting to discuss household tasks. This way, dishes won’t mount while you’re on conference calls. Wet towels won’t spend the day collecting mold in the bathroom, either. Talk about responsibilities and the common good for your family unit. As a young adult, your child can plan and cook meals. They can give their younger sibling a ride or take the dog for a walk. They may prefer to be responsible for the recycling and the litter box rather than unloading the dishwasher. That’s okay. Try it their way, and see what happens. Kids with ADHD are also more likely to follow through on chores that mean something to them. If your kid cares about climate change, they might be more motivated to empty the compost and clean the container than grocery shopping. Make a clear agreement about who does what, write it down, post it in the kitchen, and then step back. They can set phone alarms, create to-do lists or ask a smart home device for reminders. Set up a family Google Calendar, or dust off the white board in the kitchen and get organized the old-school way.
4. Promote good sleep patterns
College-age adults are going to make a schedule that they feel works best for them. They may sleep until 10 every morning and work until 7 every night. Whereas, you may get up at 6:30 a.m. and work until 4 p.m. They’ve been in control of their own time at college, and you need to trust their process. It’s helpful to know their general daily plan. However, you don’t want to be the person knocking on their door every morning to wake them up. If your kid stays up late gaming, and then can’t get up the next day to apply for jobs or show up for one, then discuss your concerns. Explore options with them, such as turning off the internet at a certain time at night to help them get to bed sooner.
5. Be available, and empathize
Though you’re juggling more than before with your child back home from college, take advantage of openings to talk. Avoid using meal time to discuss studies or life plans. Instead, create regular check in times for those issues. Make it easy and comfortable for your college student with ADHD to come to you for advice. They might seek advice for school, work, relationships or anything else. Young adults with ADHD often want to think aloud about their decisions, process their emotional challenges or analyze social issues. Focus on listening. And, if you want to ask questions, rely on ‘what’ and ‘how’ more than ‘why.’
6. Encourage daily exercise
Like you, your kid will be healthiest and happiest if they’re exercising in some regular capacity. This could be going for a run with the dog, doing a workout video online, yoga, etc. If they aren’t doing this on their own, invite them to join you! Go for a bike ride together, or do a Pilates video on YouTube. This can be a fun and unexpected way to hang out, laugh and bond. Setting up clear expectations and structures will help make summertime relaxing and joyful for your and your emerging adult. Model how to be responsible and healthy by balancing your own work and downtime. Make plans for some fun excursions based on their interests as well as your own. Lay the groundwork for a pleasant summer now and enjoy this precious time. 
Read more blog posts:
- Consistent Parenting in ADHD Families: A 5-step plan for improving cooperation and communication
- Therapy for ADHD: 5 Tips for Finding the Right Therapist for a Child, Teen or Adult with ADHD
- The 4 Steps to New Habits with ADHD: Taking control of your routines to better meet your goals
Handouts, Webinars & More in Dr. Saline’s Store:
“Navigating College with ADHD: Setting yourself up for success” LIVE ADHD Webinar + Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline on Zoom June 20, 2022 | 7:30-9:00pm EDT Learn more & register here!
Watch on Dr. Saline’s YouTube Channel:
- Daily Routine Tips for ADHD Adults: How to create + keep healthy habits
- Stop the Self-Sabotage: How to support yourself with love
- How to Forgive Your Kids for ADHD Symptoms Beyond Their Control
ADDitude Mag – When Children with ADHD Explore Gender Identity: A Guide for Parents
“It’s natural and healthy for children, teens, and young adults to explore gender identity along with other aspects of identity. When the child has ADHD, the unique facets of this condition can influence that process. Here, understand the intersection of neurodiversity and gender diversity, and how a family’s support is critical. “There is nothing short of a cultural revolution taking place as today’s youth challenge long-held notions of gender and work to express their authentic selves. Simply put, the discussion around gender identity is no longer a taboo topic – and thank goodness. Simultaneously, many adult caregivers are left scratching their heads and playing catch-up, wondering how to understand and address the changing gender landscape to best support their children, teens, and young adults.”
Read the full article!
“When Children with ADHD Explore Gender Identity: A Guide for Parents”
Article by Dr. Sharon Saline on ADDitude.com
Read more blog posts:
- Gender, Sexuality And ADHD: Parenting Children And Youth With ADHD Exploring Their Gender And Sexual Identity
- Worried and Watchful: 7 Strategies for Helping Neurodivergent Kids Manage Anxiety
- Coping with the recent mass shootings: Advice for processing senseless gun violence in America
Coping with the recent mass shootings: Advice for processing senseless gun violence in America
I had planned to write a blog this week on a hot topic related to ADHD–avoidance procrastination. It was outlined and researched. But, when I sat down to write, I couldn’t focus on it. My thoughts, my heart, my grief were with the people in Uvalde, Texas. How can we approach coping with these recent mass shootings? Ten days after a racist shooting in Buffalo, New York at a grocery store, and ten years after the unspeakable tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, Americans are once again dealing with another horrific mass shooting. This small community West of San Antonio will be forever marked by this unspeakable event: parents, siblings, friends, extended family members, coworkers and neighbors whose lives will never be the same. This tragedy has also triggered, and possibly re-traumatized, thousands of people who lost loved ones at similar atrocities: Parkland High School, Sandy Hook elementary school, Columbine High School, Las Vegas, Pittsburgh, Charleston-–the list goes on and on. It’s nearly impossible not to be affected by this devastating news. In fact, it can be related to a biological response based on vicarious trauma.
We grieve, again: Traumatized by mass shootings in America
Although I live in Massachusetts, far from Texas, my heart aches for the Uvalde community. Senator Chris Murphy said tonight, “This is not inevitable.” A mother who lost a child a few years ago in a similar shooting commented that it is beyond insanity for us to continue to witness these events and offer our sympathy without any real policy change. It is inhuman. But, as these events re-occur, so many of us have become inured to these murders and to other atrocities of war and hardship across the globe. Our brains don’t have pathways to make sense of these senseless deaths. Many people feel hopeless, frustrated and powerless as we hear about the mass shootings occurring again and again. Despite the research that “84% of voters, including 77% of Republicans, support requiring all gun purchasers to go through a background check,” no legislation has been passed. How do we understand this ourselves? How do we explain this to children? The issues raised by such horrors force us to examine ourselves as a country and our values as people. We:
- feel shocked and afraid
- share the pain and grief we see
- are not sure how to respond because it is confusing
- reach out for comfort and to offer solace
- talk to each other
- discuss our emotions, our thoughts and our perceptions as a step towards healing.
We pray, we make food, we donate clothes, we offer hugs. And, we fight for real change.
Advice for adults and families processing senseless gun violence in America:
Here are four tips to help you cope with this latest tragedy and, if you have children, talk with them about it.
1. Process your reactions first
You may feel shut down, incredulous, enraged or devastated. If you are a survivor yourself, or you know someone who is, you may be overwhelmed with re-experiencing your own trauma. Talk about what’s going on for you with someone who cares, who understands and who will offer you the support you need. This may be a partner, a relative, a friend, a co-worker or a counselor. Due to the widespread and immediate accessibility of news through social media, you may need to limit the time you spend in front of a screen to titrate your exposure. Consider doing something that will reduce your powerlessness, such as volunteering to send food, or working with an organization towards a cause you believe in. Getting active and participating is a great antidote to feeling alienated.
2. Shield young children, and share facts with the older ones
Think about what you want to say and how you would like to present information to your child–based on their age and developmental level. Children under the age of ten can be frightened by headlines about school shootings. They can also be disturbing images related to this story or the war in the Ukraine. Nonetheless, they may hear about things from their peers. Since kids are naturally curious, and will read things that are left around, put away newspapers or magazines with potentially upsetting images or tag-lines. Give them a one or two sentence summary about what has happened so they are informed but not scared. Answer their questions honestly but not extensively: they don’t need to know a lot of details that could upset them. Try not to watch or listen to the news while they are within earshot. If they hear about what happened from other people, or express distress about it, ask them questions. In addition, be available to talk when they approach you. You might want to remind them that they are safe right now, and you and their teachers are working together to keep them safe. Listening to their feelings, and validating their concerns without solving them, helps foster the resilience they need now and later in life.
3. Be straight with middle and high schoolers
Ask your preteens and teens what they have heard and how they feel about it. Use open-ended questions, such as “What do you think about what has happened?” or “What types of concerns do you have about how this could relate to your life?” Be prepared that they may not want to discuss this at all right now, but they may have a delayed reaction and bring it up next week. Avoid oversharing details and, again, monitor the amount of news they are exposed to. They may search for things online without your knowledge, but you also don’t have to have the news on in the background while you are cooking or eating dinner. We want to limit the possibility for any secondary trauma, which can occur by seeing disturbing images repeatedly. Listen to what they have to say and validate their feelings. They know that you can’t fix things. What they want is a supportive place to discuss emotions and explore ideas. Talk about ways to get involved, as many teens like to solve problems and move into action.
4. Acknowledge bravery
Counteract all of the negative and frightening information by focusing on examples of courage and our common humanity. This will reduce despair and help you (and your kids) manage fear and anxiety. There are people who have said and done amazing things to help others during the massacre in Uvalde, the war in the Ukraine and other atrocities. There are people who have survived the losses of loved ones from a past mass shooting, who are talking about their experiences to help others. Some have started foundations and organizations dedicated to ending gun violence in schools and communities. They are our heroes: they manifest the type of humane, compassionate values we aim to live by and want our children to emulate. Share their stories–with your kids, with your friends, with anyone who will listen. Their courage is an inspiration for all of us. Today, my thoughts and prayers are not only with the families in Uvalde, and also with families everywhere who have lost a beloved son, daughter, spouse, parent or relative. May the memory of those lost be a blessing to us all.
Donate to verified fundraisers on gofundme.com:
Texas Elementary School Shooting Relief
Buffalo Mass Shooting Fundraisers
Read more blog posts:
- Managing Uncertainty With Your Family During COVID-19: More than deep breathing
- Beyond ADHD Pandemic Burnout: How to help your family regroup and find strength
- ADHD and Bullying (Part 1): How to help kids with ADHD recognize, respond to and prevent bullying
Watch on Dr. Saline’s YouTube channel:
- Talking to children and teens appropriately about what’s seen in the news
- ADHD and Emotional Triggers: What to say when you’re feeling triggered
- How to get your teens to open up
Dr. Saline’s Webinar Series:
Navigating College with ADHD: Setting yourself up for success LIVE on June 20th, 7:30-9:00pm EDT: Register here. Beyond High School Graduation: How to help neurodivergent teens prepare for their next chapter May 2022: Access the recording here. Defeating the Worry Monster: Tips & tools for helping elementary school children with ADHD & anxiety February 2022: Access the recording here.
Sources:
Eyokley, E. L. (2021, March 10). Voters are nearly united in support for expanded background checks. Morning Consult. Retrieved May 26, 2022, from https://morningconsult.com/2021/03/10/house-gun-legislation-background-checks-polling/ Knorr-Evans, M. (2022, May 24). “what are we doing?” asks Connecticut senator Chris Murphy after a mass shooting in Texas kills 19 children. Diario AS. Retrieved May 26, 2022, from https://en.as.com/latest_news/what-are-we-doing-asks-connecticut-senator-chris-murphy-after-a-mass-shooting-in-texas-kills-14-children-almost-ten-years-after-the-sandy-hook-attack-n/
YourTango: The 4-Step Process That Helps People With ADHD (And Everyone Else!) Break Free Of Bad Habits
“While some habits like engaging in daily exercise, wiping down the kitchen counters before going to bed, or laying out your clothes for the next day can be useful and even good for you, others can hold you back and fuel unwanted clutter, chaos, or unhealthy lifestyles. Habits like these can be even more of a challenge for people with ADHD. But, as the saying goes, “Old habits die hard” and, as much as you may want to change what you know doesn’t serve you, it can seem impossible to make a much-needed shift.” Read the full YourTango article for tips on breaking ADHD bad habits and creating new, lasting ones!
Read the full article on YourTango!
“The 4-Step Process That Helps People With ADHD (And Everyone Else!) Break Free Of Bad Habits” by Dr. Sharon Saline
Learn More with Dr. Sharon Saline
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