Dealing with ‘Back to School’ Anxiety: 5 Tips to Assist your Child or Teen with ADHD Make a Smooth Transition

two girls on bikes with backpacks smiling and wavingBack to school is a time which usually comes with a mix of excitement and worry. For kids and teens with ADHD, there tends to be a little more anxiety around shifting to a school routine and schedule, navigating unfamiliar social dynamics, and a whole lot of “what if…” questions. Plus, COVID is still very much in the picture, requiring us to consider health and safety measures for the school year once again. Taken all together, this can create worries and stress not only for the kids but for the parents as well. So how can parents reduce back to school anxiety for themselves and their kids? Here are 5 tips for reducing back to school anxiety and making the re-entry as smooth as possible for ADHD kids and teens and their parents.  

5 Tips to Smoothly Transition Kids Back to School

1. Manage your own concerns first

woman on sofa with mug deep in thoughtKids have an incredible radar. They easily pick up when their parents are stressed or anxious and it increases their own distress, conscious or unconscious. The first step in decreasing the anxiety your child or teen is feeling is to lower your own. Take a few minutes and discuss your concerns with your partner, a friend, extended family member or counselor. Write these down and then strategize responses or to-do action items to each one by creating an “Anxiety Decelerator Plan.” This ADP will help you feel like you have some control. For instance, if your child needs more support than they received in the spring, one of your action items should be to contact the school adjustment or guidance counselor and set up a meeting. 

2. Identify their worries

father watching son writing in notebookIn order to reduce the frequency or intensity of kids anxiety we must first know what’s causing it. Being worried, thinking and environmental triggers can all set children and teens off leading them down the rabbit hole. But, we want to stop this tumble. During your weekly or twice a week check-in meetings (which are a must), explore with your child what feels uncomfortable or uncertain to them about returning to school or their day-to-day experience. Write these down together and pick one fear to address first and when its volume is lower, then pick another and so on. Working on one issue at a time is not only more manageable, but will allow you to make progress faster. Remember, people can really only change one thing at a time. 

3. Consider prior successes

kids hands stacked on each otherWhen kids are anxious, they experience amnesia about times in the past when they overcame obstacles. Talk to your child about a situation or two from the previous school year when there was a challenge that they dealt with successfully. What happened? What did they rely on inside of themselves to do this? Did anyone assist them? and write down their responses. Each child’s response is a critical piece of your youngster’s resilience toolkit that they will need for bouncing back from anxiety. Then link some of these tools to the worry that you both have agreed to work on, and cue them to use this tool and check in about how it’s going at your family check-ins. Brainstorming about what you can do to assist them works for both of you, especially in reducing anxiety for your ADHD tweens and teens.

4. Avoid reassurance and rely on acknowledgment

mother comforting teen daughterAnxiety loves reassurance. But while reassurance brings about short-term relief, it increases long-term anxiety because it doesn’t teach kids the skills they need to do this for themselves. Avoid saying things like, “Don’t worry, it’s all going to work out!” This doesn’t address your child’s specific worry, and they won’t just take your word for it that everything will turn out ok. What parents need to do is acknowledge the fear and validate their concerns. Say something like “Yes, of course you are worried about getting more homework this year. It’s an understandable concern. How did we handle the workload last year? How can we apply those tactics this school year?”

5. Create a new normal for back to school

Things have fundamentally changed since COVID began and, while we desire our old normal, it’s not here. We continue to adjust and adapt to new rhythms. In spite of that, do your best to focus on the positives and what you and your child have to look forward to. For additional support, identify available resources to lean on such as educational tutors, community programs, and social connections. And be sure to make time with friends and family, exercise, and practice stress-management as a part of your family’s new normal. This shift in your focus will aid your kids with ADHD who naturally wrestle with flexibility to pivot more successfully towards reducing anxiety for you, your child and your family.  three apples and a pencil back to school

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Managing Screentime: 6 Hacks to Create Healthy Media Habits for Kids and Teens with ADHD

Teacher with 3 diverse studentsAs the digital world plays an ever-growing part in our lives, it is more important than ever to help children establish healthy media habits. A balanced media diet begins with the understanding that screen use is a privilege, not a necessity. As the parent, you define values and expectations around technology usage for yourself and your family. Children and teens, whether they are neurodivergent or neurotypical, need guidance for managing their use of apps and gaming but also for texting and watching television. Kids with ADHD may require some extra support in managing screen time and transitioning to other activities. A healthy relationship to the digital world includes time for non-screen activities, getting together with friends, applying yourself in school and pursuing hobbies. Finding the right balance between digital and non-digital activities can be a tall order. I’ve compiled 6 hacks to help parents and children create lifelong healthy media habits.

The Basics Of Healthy Media Habits

online media graphic with hands at laptop Just as with nutrition, a healthy media diet involves moderation and flexibility. Work with your family on clarifying expectations and defining good media habits. Be sure to talk with your ADHD tweens and teens about good digital citizenship and online safety. Most schools and libraries have materials on these topics. Collaborate with your kids on a screen time plan but be clear that it is ultimately the parents’ responsibility to set guidelines for media usage. Whatever plan you come up with for your family, try to be as consistent as possible in implementing it. Be prepared to make adjustments along the way when circumstances and needs change. Neurodivergent kids may rely more on electronics for social interaction or as a way to manage stress or anxiety. Try to be understanding and compassionate about these needs in your child. Devices and media have a big role in your child’s life, so help guide them toward healthy habits.  

6 Hacks To Help You Create a Digital Plan For Your ADHD Child

1. Recognize your own relationship to technology

Many adults are as constantly tuned into their devices as their kids are. Alyah, age 13, recently told me: “The thing I really don’t like is when they ‘get off of your phone’ but what are they doing? Watching dancing bird videos or going on their Facebook when we’re hanging out before bed.” Try to model the screen behaviors you’d like to see by practicing healthy media habits. Limit online scrolling, texting friends or shopping to times when your kids aren’t around or are otherwise occupied. ‘Just checking your phone’ appears as ‘checking out’ to children. Kids, even teens, will act out to get your attention so try to give it first and avoid the drama.

2. Collaborate to create a digital routine

parents and young son holding cell phoneSince everybody dislikes family arguments, reducing conflict about technology and including kids in your plan to do this increases their motivation and cooperation. If they believe that having a screen time plan will result in less “nagging” from you, they will be more likely to participate. Use my Easy On/Easy Off method. Think about a goal for total media time that you would like for your child or teen. Let’s say the number is three hours per day not including school work. Sit down with them and ask them how much time they would like. Perhaps they say five hours per day. Now the negotiations begin, recognizing that all screens are not created equally. Television doesn’t equal gaming which doesn’t equal discord. Break things down and figure out how much time they want for various devices or activities. Can you meet somewhere in the middle to create a healthy media habit? Maybe three hours is given daily as long as screens are used appropriately (no sneaking at night, no posting rude or disrespectful content, etc.) and the fourth hour is an earned incentive. I recommend that screen time includes the completion of homework, chores or other responsibilities. Talk about when and how this time will occur and write up a contract. Meet weekly to assess your plan and make any necessary tweaks. Remember that a good compromise means everybody is a little unhappy.

3. Rely on the bonus time

That fourth hour is your golden carrot–the shiny, valuable reward that kids desire. How do they earn this bonus? That depends on your child or teen and what types of assistance they need in managing their devices. Perhaps they refuse to stop gaming when their time is up and yell at you; maybe they insist on texting during dinner; perhaps they refuse to turn over their phone at bedtime as agreed upon. Many kids with ADHD struggle with transitioning off their phone, computers or television shows without vigorous protesting. You can incentivize desired behaviors by earning extra time that can start in increments of fifteen minutes and go up to that golden hour.  To improve transition behaviors,  give them a 15 minute and a 5-minute warning while making eye contact and asking them to repeat what you have just said. At first, getting off on its own may be the goal, even with yelling, to earn some bonus. Later, when that’s working regularly, raise the bar to get off their screens with no yelling. If they do not earn the bonus, then that’s it. Don’t negotiate or threaten. Stick to your agreement, regardless of whatever desperate tricks they try to change your mind. When they cooperate, give them lots of specific, positive feedback so they will want to repeat it. 

4. Make a non-screen activity list

Kids playing volleyballMany kids with and without ADHD will tell you that there’s nothing else to do other than be on their devices. Brainstorm a list of alternatives to help your kids create a healthy media habit and post it in the kitchen. While tweens and teens may complain about the uselessness of the list, do it anyway. They will need something to refer to at some point. Consider saving some of their screen time to watch a nightly show with you or spend time doing a puzzle, playing a game or baking together. The ADHD brain is a now or not now brain so we can’t expect our kids to find alternative, low dopamine activities on their own when they are struggling with stopping whatever is giving them so much satisfaction and pleasure. 

5. Decide where screens live at night

Although the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that electronic media (especially phones) stays out of kids’ bedrooms at night, for some families this isn’t possible. If you are a single parent and you work nights, your teen may need a phone to reach you. It’s a matter of health and safety. Kid using phone at night in bedBut for other families whose children or teens sneak screens at night including watching television or movies on the computer or texting with friends at two o’clock in the morning, it’s not possible for them to exert the impulse control and maturity they need to monitor screen use. Sometimes parents have to keep devices in lockboxes in their bedrooms or turn off the internet at night. Ideally, it would be great if you could set a time for your youngster to give you his phone before bed and pick it up in the morning. 

6. Reduce compare and despair

In the process of figuring out their identity, tweens and teens compare their insides to other people’s outsides. Help your tween or teen reduce the myth of perfectionism by learning to pay more attention to their strengths than their challenges. Identify areas of competency, interest and fun. What lights them up? We want to nurture these aspects and build self-confidence. Talk about what real friends are and who they are. How can your child spend more time in person with these folks and listen to what they say rather than what’s stated online. Remind them that images and stories on social media are consciously crafted–nobody posts a disappointing test score or a picture of an acne breakout. Help them create a healthy media habit by limiting time on or getting rid of apps that make them feel bad about themselves.  Brown young girl looking in mirror


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Youth & Technology: How Social Media Affects the Mental Health of Children with ADHD

People on mobile phones standing in a circleLet’s face it: screens are a defining feature in the lives of both children and adolescents. Whether it’s social media apps (i.e. Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat or Discord), YouTube videos, gaming, television, texting, listening to music or buying material goods, kids today are extremely adept at and focused on their phones, computers and tablets. But how can the constant desire to check social media affect our mental health? Especially for those with ADHD or neurodivergent needs. Well, for starters it’s important to understand that virtual reality is their reality. There’s often no real difference between what happens online and in real life for those with ADHD. One question I’m often asked is “How do screens affect the development and behavior of our youngsters, especially those with ADHD?” Great question, let’s talk about it.   A new study by Jason M. Nagata, Jonathan Chu and authors on (July 26, 2022) examined whether total screen time per day affected the onset of oppositional defiant and conduct disorders (ODD and CD) in children between the ages of nine and eleven. They found some really interesting results. First, the average amount of screen time per day was four hours. Secondly, for each hour of screen time or social media, the frequency of new onset disruptive behaviors included lying and sneaking. The strongest association was between social media and conduct disorder, with one hour on social media linked to a 62% higher rate of occurrence. Now, what does this research mean for kids and teens with ADHD who already have higher rates of ODD (30-50% overall) and CD (25% in children and 45% in teens)? and How can parents manage the intrusions of social media and screens in their families to avoid the development of disruptive behavioral conditions while fostering better emotional regulation and teach impulse control?

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How Parents Can Easily Manage Digital Media Time

1. Guide them, don’t threaten

What your child or teen needs most is guidance from you–not threats or punishments for managing how they interact with the digital world. Neither punishing nor separating tweens and teens from their phones will produce the results you are looking for because these disciplinary acts don’t teach any skills. Plus, separating kids from their phones can actually result in social isolation and alienation from peers which nobody wants either. So what is a concerned parent or caregiver to do when they are only trying to help? Keep reading for more tips. 

2. Recall the ADHD fundamentals

Start by recalling the basic biology and fundamental characteristics of ADHD. Kids with ADHD often struggle with impulse control, emotional regulation and following directions due to a delay in the prefrontal cortex maturity and challenge with several executive functioning skills simultaneously.  While neurodivergent kids and teenagers (those with ADHD, LD, 2E and ASD) may struggle to concentrate on or complete tasks they dislike, they can perform very well and focus for a long time on activities they like. Such as social media and video games. This differential attention is a core aspect of ADHD and it’s related to naturally lower amounts of the neurotransmitter dopamine.  Pings, colors and quick, easily achievable levels of achievement seen in online games, Snapchat, or other apps activate novelty detectors in the dopamine pathways in our brains. These pathways manage attention, pleasure and addiction. It’s easier for people with ADHD to become totally engaged in their digital activities because the technology generates the dopamine–pleasure, satisfaction and reward systems–their brains lack. It’s much tougher to stop high-dopamine pursuits because nothing else seems as fun, captivating or compelling. Who wants to stop gaming or scrolling through Instagram to set the table for dinner and then eat the meal? Probably not your youngster with ADHD.

3. Watch out for social comparisons

Young teen sad with arm on desk Some of the most serious consequences of the digital world are social comparisons. Social media and the digital world frequently lead kids to create unrealistic personal expectations that can be inspiring or destructive to their mental health. While it’s a natural part of teen identity formation to compare yourself to others and look for similarities and contrasts, often kids with ADHD who already feel a greater sense of insecurity believe they just don’t measure up. Research has found that adolescents who already suffer from low self-esteem or mild depression are more likely to make frequent social media comparisons that negatively affect their well-being and mental health. Avoid that by implementing a balanced media diet. 

 

How to Implement a Balanced Media Plan + The 5 C’s

African American family smiling and watching tv together Creating an effective and balanced media diet won’t be easy. You will likely encounter pushback, threats, negotiations and pleading. But it will be worth it.

Try Using Dr. Sharon Saline’s 5 C’s

1. self-Control: Monitor your own triggers and take a time-apart when necessary to regroup. 2. Compassion: Remember how hard it is for your child biologically to stop using technology and incorporate some empathy. 3. Collaboration: Work with them for solutions instead of forcing rules on them so they have buy-in. 4. Consistency: Aim for regularity in whatever program you create, not perfection. Explain exceptions when they occur. 5. Celebration: Notice signs of cooperation, make eye contact and verbally acknowledge what you’ve observed to build on the wins.  Remember, meet kids where they are, not where you think they should be. Have sympathy for yourself too. It’s easier to accept your child and their challenges when you can do this personally. Always feel free to reach out to me at info@drsharonsaline.com.   Dr. Sharon Saline headshot

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YouTube: Live Q&A with ADDitude Magazine on “Transition Trouble”

Dr. Sharon Saline offers advice with ADDitude Magazine during a Live Facebook Q&A on how to create and maintain summer routines. Learn more tips to help your family maintain summer routines in her blog

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM7QbJFNMKc