5 Solutions for Lowering Stress This Summer

woman in hammock on beachHere, in the Northern Hemisphere, warmer temperatures and sunny days mean one thing: summer has finally arrived. Summer is the season of play, rest and relaxation for people who wait all year for the flowers, the birds and fresh produce. For many adults with ADHD, summer can be a blessing and a curse. The break in familiar routines for maintaining mornings, bedtimes, exercise, cleaning, self-care or meals can be both freeing and destabilizing. Instead of knowing what to expect from day to day, vacations, kids out of school and family gatherings mean schedule changes and breaks in routines. Although you may crave a break from the daily work-life-family stress of your life, it can be tough to know how to actually shift gears and enjoy the change.

The Benefits of Rest

relax sign with sea shells and sandOvid, one of the great poets of ancient Rome, wrote: “Take rest; a field that has rested gives bountiful crop.” What does it mean for adults with ADHD to rest? What does relaxation look like for you? There are countless benefits to getting proper rest. You allow your body and mind to heal and reset. You can think clearly and have an easier time making decisions. When you’re well-rested, your mood, immune response, and sleep quality improve, while anxiety, pain, and blood pressure decrease. Getting good rest is a fundamental part of self-care, and all too we make the mistake of not making it a priority in our daily lives.

Stress Gets in the Way of Rest

Most of my clients discuss the stress in their lives during our sessions. Whether they are worried about something that they can control and have to do (productive worry) or they are worried about something that lies outside of their control (toxic worry), they are troubled by the tension related to a challenging situation or relationship. Sometimes people feel so tapped out by persistent stress that they wind up running on empty but unable to pause or reset. Stress occurs when there are too many pressures on your mind and body: it’s a matter of too much. When people are stressed, they look for a quick fix to get their lives under control. They experience physical symptoms and keep searching for a magic solution to make it all go away. This is different from burn-out. Burn-out reflects a deficiency: it’s a matter of not enough. You lack energy or resources because you are depleted. Your fuel tank is empty. When people are burned out, they experience more emotional symptoms such as hopelessness, a lack of motivation and exhaustion.  

Lowering Stress This Summer

young man listening to music in grassy fieldThe key to lowering stress lies in reducing your commitments and slowing down stimulation. For folks with ADHD, these options can be unappealing and boring. How can you relax when your to-do list is three pages long? Who wants to limit activities or work projects to do one thing at a time when your brain wants to multitask? But multitasking actually exhausts human brains, lowers efficiency and reduces productivity. It uses up precious glucose fuel and leaves us mentally exhausted, running on fumes and more anxious than ever. Since the ADHD brain craves novelty, it can be especially tough for you to do the things that will assist you in lowering stress and prioritizing self-care. Reducing overwhelm by pausing or giving yourself time before agreeing to do something, scheduling adequate down time to integrate and process information or experiences and doing more of what you enjoy can assist you in feeling less stressed. Summer is a time to decrease the ‘too-muchness’ of your life and shift your routines accordingly. Many people reset goals for themselves and their families during this time to decrease the sense of drowning–a key aspect of stress. These new routines may be temporary–for a weekend, for a week or for a month, and it can feel strange to try them. That’s okay. Think of these shifts as an experiment to bring you more ease and contentment. You can pick up your stressful activities at any time. This summer, plan how you can take Ovid’s advice and get some rest. Focus on one thing that you can do differently.

5 Solutions for Stress Reduction

  1. Plan for transitions: It can take a day or two to peel away the layers of tension sitting on your shoulders or living in your gut. Instead of expecting yourself to go from 100 mph to 20 mph in one day, think of taking a few days to downshift. Delegate items on your list of responsibilities to others, or postpone as many deadlines as you can.  
  2. Go outside often: Whether it’s a quick walk outside during your lunch break, a hike near your town or a simple picnic outdoors, enjoy nature. Keep it simple and regular. Taking small excursions will restore you as you appreciate the flora and fauna (yes squirrels count) around you. 
  3. Do what you love: Spend time doing something you enjoy. One of the best things about summer is the opportunity to engage in fun activities. Even meandering around your neighborhood, a local farmers’ market or the park down the street from your house slows you down enough to notice your surroundings. Experience the flow of the moment and notice how good that feels.
  4. Try something new: Take a risk and experiment. Try a new activity, meet an acquaintance for coffee or explore some place different. See what happens when you go a bit outside of your comfort zone. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong, ask what could go right?
  5. Find an accountability buddy: Pick a person in your life who understands your stress and your challenges. Together, with compassion and humor, help each other pick ONE goal for self-care this summer. Then, when either person faces an obstacle, offer support. Remind each other that learning is part of living: you’ll stumble and you’ll thrive. When you share a purpose and brainstorm a plan with another person, you transform an intention into action. creek running through the woods

The Parents’ Guide to Dismantling Oppositional, Defiant Behavior

The Parents’ Guide to Dismantling Oppositional, Defiant Behavior

Defiance is rarely improved by assertive requests or vague and shifting ground rules. Here, learn about the parenting strategies that may unintentionally exacerbate a teen’s symptoms of oppositional defiant disorder or pathological demand avoidance — and what to do instead.

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Ask Dr. Saline: Teaching kids with ADHD to respond to bullying

teen boys bullyingDear Dr. Saline, My 11 year old son has ADHD and can be a bit clumsy. He’s been teased by classmates for both of these things. In elementary school, his teachers always stepped in to help. But next year he’ll enter middle school and will need to take on more responsibility for himself. My worry is that he’ll be teased and bullied more (I hear middle-schoolers can be quite mean) and I want to prepare him well. What’s your advice for helping kids with ADHD stand up to bullies and stay resilient through difficult situations? -Monica

From Dr. Saline

Dear Monica, This is such an important question for many families and I’m so glad you brought this up. Sadly, many neurodivergent kids will deal with teasing and bullying in and outside of school. Sometimes they are on the receiving end of a bully’s taunts. Other times, they may lash out and become the aggressor themselves. Impulse control, emotional regulation, and difficulties with social interactions can impact their behavior in unpredictable ways. In order to respond to bullying effectively, kids with ADHD benefit from working on what I call “The 3 R’s”: recognition, response, and resilience.

Recognition

Help your son recognize when bullying behavior occurs, whether he’s the target,  a bystander or the aggressor. Physical aggression, verbal abuse, and relational aggression (like spreading rumors, organized social exclusion, or “ganging up” on someone) are all types of bullying which are extremely problematic for everyone involved. Bystanders empower kids who taunt others in an effort to avoid becoming the target. This is why it’s so important to break down bullying with your son so he understands its different components.  girl looking at laptopAlthough bullying can occur in person, cyber-bullying is most common. Many kids get their first cell phones in middle school and haven’t developed the maturity or social skills to use them appropriately. Take the time to discuss online safety and responsible phone use. Create a family digital policy that everybody signs. Explain the ‘What Would Grandma Say’ rule: If you wouldn’t say it to your grandmother, then don’t send it as a text, Snap or Discord post. It’s worth mentioning that sometimes kids who engage in cyberbullying have been on the receiving end of hostile, mean and critical social media strings. They may think that repeating these behaviors will make them more popular or finally get back at those kids who have hurt them. These choices often backfire.

Response

boy sitting on ground with head down If your child or teen has been involved in any type of bullying, as either the victim, the aggressor or the bystander, we want them to learn how to respond effectively. What are two phrases that he can keep in his back pocket for those uncomfortable moments when people are picking on him? How can he manage his anger or hurt in the moment? Help your son practice what he may say in response to taunts and what he can do to de-escalate. Create an action plan that will help him navigate difficult situations. He needs a strategy of what to do, where to go and how to act.  Consider trying some role-plays at home so he can practice these skills. Let him know that you are here to listen as his ally, not to get other people ‘in trouble’. Many neurodivergent kids don’t report bullying incidents to adults because they are afraid of what will happen. Your first response is compassion: offering caring support to your distressed child. Stay calm and be there for him so you can figure out what to do together. This way, he’ll come to you again in the future. If you aren’t sure how to respond or you’re angry about what’s going on, thank him for sharing with you and ask for some time to think about things. Settle yourself before doing anything. Bullying is equally upsetting for kids and their parents. If you are uncertain about what to do, seek advice from your partner, good friends, therapist or coach who can keep this information confidential. Then, when you are ready, circle back to a conversation with your son and discuss your action plans.

Resilience

Healthy self-esteem and resilience are two great defenses against bullying. When your son feels good about himself, understands his strengths and pursues his interests, he’s better poised for responding effectively to aggressors and refusing to align with them against somebody else. He’s also less likely to act as a bully. Resilience means being able to bounce back from difficult situations or interactions because you have confidence in your abilities and you know that you possess strengths as well as challenges. Nurture the wonderful qualities of your son by noticing and encouraging him when he cooperates, follows through on a task or helps you with an activity. Continue to work with him on developing close friendships by arranging family get-togethers, sleepovers, or game nights. Most kids need at least two friends: one they can hang out with on some days and another whom they can hang out with on the other days. By knowing he has a few friends to lean on, he will be able to better manage delicate social situations and rebound if he is having peer difficulties. If your son is really struggling socially, I recommend that you reach out to his teachers or guidance counselors who can help him make connections at school. While we may not be able to prevent bullying, understanding why it happens and feeling prepared to respond appropriately will go a long way in helping your son feel more confident in making a successful transition to middle school. For additional sources on bullying prevention, see the links below.

Further reading https://www.additudemag.com/stop-bullying-adhd-upstander/  

Adult ADHD and Friendship

Adult ADHD and Friendship

Friendship is deeply important to our well-being. It provides mutual acceptance, warmth, and support between people. It’s a refuge and a place where you can safely be yourself and connect with others. Friends share interests, personal stories, and humor and enjoy spending time together.

KEY POINTS

  • Social anxiety and rejection sensitivity dysphoria make it harder for those with ADHD to maintain friendships.
  • Practicing communication skills assists people in making progress with social interactions over time.
  • Healthy friendships are a give and take which enrich one’s life in countless ways.

Read More>>

5 Tips for Overcoming ADHD Challenges at Work

colleagues smiling around a deskWith the hectic pace of modern life, many adults find it hard to keep up, follow-through, and get ahead in their work lives. The to-do list keeps getting longer, the phone buzzes constantly and there are multiple projects to juggle all at once. Folks with ADHD often struggle with the demands of such high-octane work environments. ADHD makes it more difficult to keep focused, manage competing priorities and stay organized. But, the way it affects work performance varies widely from person-to-person. On the one hand, someone may wrestle with a messy desk and tardiness to meetings. On the other hand, somebody else may arrive to appointments on time but can’t seem to stick with projects until completion or build relationships with colleagues. Let’s consider some strategies to help you stay engaged, motivated, and confident in the workplace.

Minimize Distractions

It’s a wonder how anybody can be productive with a constant flow of emails, phone calls, meetings, and questions. ADHD makes it especially difficult to stay focused with so much going on. While it’s impossible to fully control your work environment, there are things you can do to keep distractions down to a minimum. do not disturb sign with stopwatchSet up specific work times with timed, intermittent break periods. Turn off your phone or use a “do not disturb” app or setting during these work periods. Plan for specific times to check your phone during the day–say in the morning before getting started on a task, at lunch and one time in the afternoon. Limiting access and the distraction of your phone will improve your focus and sustained attention. Close all tabs which are not related to the work you’re currently doing. Studies have proven that multitasking doesn’t work. In fact, it makes you far less efficient. Try using one browser for non-work stuff and then another for work projects. When your field of vision is too crowded with too many tabs, notifications or alerts on your computer, it’s much tougher to persist on your goals.  Figure out what helps you concentrate. Do you need a quiet place to work? Would noise-canceling headphones be useful? How about white or brown noise? Once you’ve clarified this, you can establish the workspace that makes sense for you.  

Organize Your Work Space

ADHD at workWhether you work at home or at an office, you will likely find it much easier to work in a tidy environment. Clutter is just another distraction that can get in the way of you doing your best. Since it can be so tough to sort through piles and there may be many of them, some people avoid organizing altogether. It helps if you start from the premise that everything has its own place. Create these places with files, boxes or baskets and label them with names such as “To Do Urgent,” “ To Do Important but not Urgent,” “Interesting for later,” and “Unsure.” The goal is to clear your immediate work space but not go through every folder or paper. That’s for a rainy day.  Some folks make it a habit to clean up at the end of the work day so you’ll have a clean start the following day. Others have a little pre-work routine where they tidy their work space before they begin work while enjoying a cup of coffee. A clean space will make you feel more calm and grounded while you work, and who wouldn’t want that?

Chunk Your Time

ADHD at workTime management isn’t easy to master, but you can help yourself along the way, taking small steps toward staying on top of your schedule. When it comes to being punctual, setting a few alarms and notifications can be a life saver. But you also have to allow for how much time it takes to go somewhere. Make sure you give yourself enough time with the alarms and notifications to gather materials, grab a cup of tea or use the bathroom. Use Backward Design to assist you with making correct estimations.  While punctuality is important, delivering your work on time is essential to your professional success. When you consistently meet your deadlines, you will gain a reputation for being reliable and conscientious. Use calendars and timelines to map out your work. Break down projects into chunks of work so you can feel a sense of accomplishment. This will encourage you to keep going. 

Buddy Up

ADHD at workFinding a friend at work is both emotionally rewarding and helpful. If you find yourself confused, frustrated, or in need of support, having a work buddy to turn to is invaluable. They can help you figure out a difficult problem or explain something you didn’t grasp during a meeting. Work friends can also be body doubles.You can work alongside each other, improving each other’s productivity and offering mutual encouragement. Hopefully, a close colleague will understand your challenges, may be willing to guide or mentor you, as well as cheer you on. 

Celebrate Your Accomplishments

Take the time to recognize that you work extra hard with ADHD to push forward and persevere despite the executive functioning challenges you face. Celebrate your strengths and progress as well as your accomplishments. Take time at the end of each day or each week to reflect on three things that went well, what you’ve learned and what you’ve accomplished. Write these down so you can go back and reread them whenever you need to boost your confidence. Remember that progress is more important than perfection. Take pride in yourself and your capabilities. You’ve earned it! Your primary goals are to relieve stress, increase productivity, and get things done simultaneously. So please be sure to recognize when you need extra help, empower yourself to ask for it, and accept it.

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