Forum: Important to Expose Children to Different Types of Clocks

Forum: Important to Expose Children to Different Types of Clocks

Difficulties in perceiving time are also a key deficit in those with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). According to ADHD expert Sharon Saline, many kids with ADHD struggle to feel time as it passes and have to be assisted to see it move. Analogue clocks show this to them.

Read here!

How to Set Boundaries with Family: A Joy-Preserving Guide

How to Set Boundaries with Family: A Joy-Preserving Guide

Setting boundaries with relatives who are committed to misunderstanding your child’s ADHD is necessary to protect your family — and your joy. Here, find scripts for setting limits, ideas for approaching family get-togethers, and what to do if relatives cross your boundaries.

Read here!

ADDitude

Stop interrupting, be present and enjoy connecting with others: How to manage ADHD in conversations

young people talking around a tableConversations can be both rewarding and challenging for folks with ADHD. Perhaps you get too excited about a topic or feel nervous and overshare? Maybe you lose track of the flow and scramble to catch up on what you missed. Sometimes you might want to talk about a topic that seems relevant to you but tangential to others.  Many neurodivergent people struggle with having effective, authentic conversations. All too often, those with ADHD overfocus on what they believe someone else is thinking about them. This train of thought prevents them from being authentic due to a fear of judgment, criticism or exclusion. Moreover, you may be overly critical of what you are or aren’t doing during the conversation.  Now you are facing two challenges: lacking the practical tools for rewarding exchanges and feeling bad about yourself in the process. Juggling several executive functioning challenges simultaneously makes socializing tough enough without adding layers of anxiety and shame. When you combine all of these issues, your nervousness reduces impulse control and fuels the patterns of interruptions that inadvertently push people away. How can your conversations flow better with fewer interruptions? Here are tips and tools to help.

Why people with ADHD interrupt conversations more frequently

interruption graphic with falling blocksInterruptions for people with ADHD frequently reflect weaker verbal impulse control, but also issues with working memory and metacognition. You may not remember to wait your turn because you don’t trust yourself to remember what you want to say later–when there’s a pause in the conversation or the other person has finished talking. This reflects a fear of forgetting. Sometimes you interrupt because you feel a need to prove themselves and establish their expertise. Or, you may really want to engage in this conversation but can’t find a way in, so you interrupt. After all, you’re very excited about this topic and eager to discuss it. At other times, you may be bored and want to change the subject, or may interrupt without even being aware that you are doing so. The urge to interrupt is also affected by anxiety. The more anxious you feel in a social situation, the higher likelihood that you will interrupt. Anxiety will exacerbate any nervousness or worries about acceptance, performance and embarrassment. When you are flooded with these intense feelings, you can be naturally more impulsive as a protective measure. In addition, you can be less capable of monitoring your words and actions.

How interrupting impacts connections

Take a moment and reflect on how you feel when someone interrupts you. It seems like they aren’t listening, but rather waiting for their turn to talk. The interrupter is demonstrating that their thoughts are more important than yours. How does that make you feel? Angry, unimportant, dismissed, unseen? Even though interrupting may demonstrate a lack of effective impulse control on your part, other people may not understand this. They may become irritated or impatient, and they probably feel just like you do when you’re interrupted.

Sidetracking conversations with ADHD

three way arrowsMany people with ADHD go on tangents when they are telling a story or sharing what’s on their mind. This is an understandable part of having many ideas simultaneously. For example, one of my clients recited aloud for me what he was thinking, and it was a nonstop train of observations, interpretations, ideas and curiosity. Do you think your brain does this too? These many ideas lead to sidetracking in conversations. For instance, you may go off track and may not realize that you are too far down a road that goes nowhere until someone tells you. People start looking away or confront you directly, sometimes not so nicely. All too often, neurodivergent kids and adults become defensive. They feel angry and ashamed at the same time. These feelings can make things worse socially and contribute to exclusion or humiliation. Let’s look at some strategies for reducing interruptions.

5 tips for interrupting less with ADHD

1. Write things down

hand writing in notebookUse your phone or a small pad of paper to jot down a few key words that will help you to recall what it is that you want to say on a particular topic. Whether you are in a meeting or hanging out with friends, let other folks know that you don’t want to interrupt and that taking some notes while others are talking helps you remember your thoughts better. This prepares them in case you choose to do this and wards off judgment.

2. Be candid

If you don’t want to write things down, say, “I have something to share but I don’t want to interrupt you. I’m just afraid that I will forget it.” This warns people of why you are interrupting. You will have to monitor how many times you do this though. Depending on who you’re speaking with, more than a few interruptions in a conversation might be too much. If you do happen to forget something, don’t worry. It will probably come back to you later, and you can text or email them when it does.

3. Watch out for overwhelm

Indoor parties, gatherings at a park or beach or a busy restaurant –  all of these environments can be extra distracting. It will be harder for you to track what’s being said by whom and stay with the conversation. If you can’t hear or focus on what someone is telling you, ask if you can move somewhere quieter or step away from the noise for a few moments. 

4. Listen and ask questions

ask graphicPeople like to talk about themselves, and they also like to feel heard. Use reflective listening techniques to keep the conversation going. Here are a couple examples: “I heard you say X, tell me more about that.”  “That sounds interesting. Can you describe/explain it further?”

5. Use the “WAIT-Now” method

The “WAIT-Now” method involves periodically asking yourself, “Why am I talking now?” Remember that a pause in a sentence doesn’t mean the person is finished speaking. If you are unsure, wait 10 seconds, and then ask if they’re done before you start speaking.

Plan ahead for how you’ll manage impulsiveness during conversations 

Planning ahead will help take away some of the stress during social situations and will make social interactions go more smoothly. You know yourself well enough to expect some issues with impulsive control when speaking with others.  empty speech bubble graphic If you tend to lose focus when someone is speaking or get a sudden urge to interject, remind yourself to watch the speaker’s mouth or hand gestures to keep yourself in the present. Ask open-ended questions that begin with how and what more than why. This will allow the speaker to continue talking while giving you a bit of time to regroup your thoughts and focus. Likewise, ask a friend or family member to help you with interrupting. Maybe collaborate on a signal that communicates if you’ve wandered too far off topic or have been talking too long. Most folks feel some amount of insecurity in social settings. For those with ADHD, feeling uncertain, worried about how you compare to others, or worried about how other people perceive you is extremely common. But it doesn’t mean you should stop making social connections or engaging in conversations. Instead, armed with the tools and strategies described above, you can feel more confident when meeting new people, participating in group conversations, and making lasting friendships.

Mental Health Out Loud: Eating Disorders and Body Image Among Teens

Mental Health Out Loud: Eating Disorders and Body Image Among Teens

Eating disorders have among the highest mortality rate for any mental illness, but stigma and shame often keep people from seeking help. In this Q&A with ADDitude, Dr. Dena Cabrera discusses what defines an eating disorder, underlying causes including ADHD, the impact of social media, how to address concerns with a tween or teen, and more.

View here!

Understanding Perfectionism: How To Make It Work For, Not Against, You and Your Kids

Understanding Perfectionism: How To Make It Work For, Not Against, You and Your Kids

Is it clear enough? Is it well-written enough? Is the meal tasty enough or the gift nice enough? You get the picture. Perhaps you or your child or teen have similar thoughts.

Read More>>

Key Points:

    • Build awareness of perfectionism
    • Shift focus
    • Accept mistakes with compassion
    • Develop strategies for accepting feedback
    • Set reasonable goals that reflect honest capabilities

Ask Dr. Saline: What is the difference between social anxiety and rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD)?

red peg standing apart from group of brown pegs                 Dear Dr. Saline: I am confused about something. The topic of rejection sensitivity dysphoria seems to be everywhere. But what is the difference between that and social anxiety? Thanks, DeeDee

From Dr. Saline

Dear DeeDee- This is a great question! It makes sense to me that you are confused because social anxiety and rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) are fundamentally related. Let’s start by defining these two conditions and explore their differences (and similarities).

Social Anxiety

young man uncomfortable among people Social anxiety is defined as a distinct fear in one or more social situations where you are exposed to potential (negative) scrutiny from others. These worries about humiliation and rejection are persistent, often lasting six months or more and restrict your activities, interests and relationships. Studies have actually found that an estimated 12.1% of all adults experience social anxiety disorder (SAD) at some time in their lives and it’s one of the most common of all of the anxiety disorders. Researchers estimate that anywhere from one third to one half adults with ADHD live with social anxiety too. People with social anxiety have persistent, debilitating fears that others will negatively judge them in social situations. Social anxiety is based on a fundamental disconnect between how you actually appear to others and your own exaggerated, often negative perceptions of yourself. These negative perceptions form core, false beliefs related to thinking that you are deficient in some way. Examples include “I will surely embarrass myself,” “People won’t like me,” “I am not that smart,” “I’m not much fun,” etc. Sound familiar? The prevalence of social media makes this worse. Negative comments, teasing and bullying happen online almost instantaneously. With 24/7 access, there’s no escape. If you misspeak or do something foolish, everybody will know about it within 5 seconds. Worried about what others might think or post about them, folks with ADHD who struggle with impulsivity and reactivity become more afraid of putting themselves in novel situations and reaching out to make friends.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)

sad young woman looking at her phoneRejection sensitivity dysphoria, unlike social anxiety, isn’t a formal diagnostic category. It’s a syndrome that was named by Dr. William Dodson after years of observing traits and behaviors in his patients with ADHD. Rejection sensitive dysphoria refers to unbearable feelings of pain following an actual rejection or a belief about one. These intense feelings, directly related to emotional dysregulation, lead to an expectation that others will pull back their support, love or respect. RSD causes extreme emotional pain that plagues both children and adults– even when no actual rejection has taken place. RSD falls under the umbrella of social anxiety because it takes these worries to the next level. Folks with ADHD and RSD may hold onto and repeat unkind words or actions directed towards them for months or years. It’s as if you just can’t seem to shake off a negative comment and, having lived for years with criticisms about being “different”, believe at some level that you deserve it. You think you’ve fallen short and, with your exquisite sensitivity, no matter what anyone else says, you just can’t bounce back.  Struggling to let go of past hurts, people with RSD refrain from reaching out socially, managing conflict directly and feeling good enough. They not only believe their core false beliefs about deficiency are true but they also become quickly overwhelmed by tidal waves of intense anger, hurt, shame and sadness. You may lash out at others or simply withdraw to lick your wounds and hide from any chance this could happen again. This is where social anxiety and RSD overlap. 

How ADHD factors in

woman comforting another womanWhat adults (and kids) with ADHD, social anxiety and RSD need to remember is that simply living with these conditions doesn’t make you is weak or incapable.  You are just wired to feel things more intensely and replay unpleasant interpersonal interactions over and over. RSD is linked to the social insecurity inherent in social anxiety. To counteract these patterns, spend time consistently nurturing your strengths. Focus as much as possible on what you love to do and what you do well. Pay attention to your positive efforts: write down 3 good (or good enough) things that happened each day before bed. This will help you see things from a new perspective and shift from negative self-talk. 

4 tips for reducing social anxiety and RSD

  1. Identify limiting core beliefs and negative self-talk. Find evidence that contradicts or supports those beliefs. Remember that no one is judging you as harshly as you judge yourself. Talk to people in your life who love and know you best and get their perspective on all your best qualities.
  2. Recall a situation when you were uncomfortable and did something anyway. Focus on positive feelings and outcomes from this experience and build on it. Your past successes are proof that you can succeed again.
  3. Plan positive self-talk phrases and reinforce your strengths. Build your confidence and quiet your inner critic with reminders of your gifts and traits. Shine a light on your accomplishments and strengths and treat yourself with compassion.
  4. QTIP – Quit Taking It Personally. Remind yourself that you may perceive a rejection that isn’t there or someone may just be thoughtless. Consider the source and ask if this is something worth holding onto? Take setbacks in stride and shift your attention to doing what you love rather than what hasn’t worked.

People with ADHD, social anxiety and RSD need to feel the loving presence of caring friends and family. Surround yourself with these folks and spend time with them. You don’t need a posse: a few dependable allies works just fine. You can practice your social skills in a safe context, increase your self-esteem and learn to enjoy connecting with others. Most of all, you’ll nurture your own resilience and develop core beliefs related to what’s special, unique and lovable about YOU.