Fostering Confidence in Kids with ADHD: How to Support Your Teen Through Bullying and Emotional Struggles
Dear Dr. Sharon –
My son is 13. He has ADHD along with depression and anxiety. He’s sensitive and hard on himself when he makes a mistake, often saying he’s “stupid.” We encourage him and speak positively to him at home. At school, he experiences a lot of bullying which I feel has caused much of his issues. Other kids call him terrible names and he often has meltdowns because of the teasing and rejection which make things worse. He has an IEP in school and receives behavior support both at home and school. He did soccer for six years but it was frequently a struggle for all of us (like many social experiences). How can we help him manage bullying and succeed more socially? – Janine, Pennsylvania
Dear Janine,
Your son is a lucky boy. The many ways that you express your love for him and support him are impressive. You are truly a dedicated parent. I commend you for identifying the supports and services that are already in place for your son to foster success and for being open to try new things as well.
From navigating educational, medical and mental health systems to managing meltdowns, to providing sensitivity and support – parenting a child with ADHD who has unique emotional and behavioral needs is no small feat. Dealing with bullying can be so discouraging on top of living with neurodivergence. Now that your son is entering his teen years, building resilience, fostering self-confidence, and giving him tools to handle bullying will be essential. So let’s dive into some strategies that can help him not only survive these challenges but to thrive.
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX
You’ve shared that he’s played soccer for 6 years, and that it was difficult for him because of social pressures that can exist in team sports. Now is a great time to think outside the box! Encouraging his interest and participation in a wider range of activities that are more ADHD-friendly can be an important factor in building resilience and increasing self-esteem. I know that this might feel counterintuitive when all the other kids are signing up for football or soccer, but what other hobbies, activities, or sports are available in your town or community? Participating in what I call “individualized team sports” such as swimming, tennis or track can show kids with ADHD that they are part of a greater whole but still get the satisfaction of performing tasks on their own.
What interests him? Building on something that he already likes to do or might be willing to try is the way to go. Perhaps improvisational theater, music lessons, fencing, swimming, robotics or coding, art or rock climbing? Exploring new hobbies and engaging in them in a variety of formats shows your son that participating in a group activity doesn’t have to come at the expense of his self-esteem and that he can feel successful too. As he develops new skills, he’ll feel prouder of himself. This boost will strengthen his ability to deal with bullying too. He will also find a common ground to connect with like-minded peers who can be potential allies.
RESILIENCE: NOT JUST A BUZZWORD
Resilience means being able to bounce back from difficult situations or interactions because you have confidence in yourself and your abilities. You believe that you have what it takes to navigate challenges. To foster resilience, continue to highlight his strengths and notice the things he does well–big or small. When he cooperates with chores around the house or keeps trying with a tough task, celebrate those moments with acknowledgment and validation. Nurture possible friendships by arranging low-pressure social activities like family get-togethers or game nights.
Research shows that having just a few good friends can significantly boost self-esteem, especially in the face of bullying. In fact, one study found that kids with strong social support have better mental health outcomes, even when facing peer-related challenges. Most kids need at least three friends: one they can hang out with on some days, another to see when the first one is busy and a third to call when the first two aren’t available. By knowing he has a few friends to lean on, he will be able to better manage delicate social situations and rebound more easily with peer difficulties.
BULLYING NEEDS A RESPONSE
Certain bullying situations call for parental responses. Does the school know what is happening? If not, please inform them. If yes, what are they doing about it? If he’s being bullied verbally, excluded or is at risk of physical harm, the school needs to get involved and intervene. They are supposed to be his ally and protect his safety too. He needs an action plan for what to do when other kids are mean to him or when things get physical.
It also makes sense for you to work with him to craft a few handy responses to use in those tough moments. How can he respond when someone calls him “stupid” or says something unkind? Together, create two phrases that could be his “secret weapons” in these situations. In addition to ignoring taunting, perhaps he can say something like, “It’s okay if we don’t agree on this” or “Everybody can have their own opinion.” Practice these at home in role-plays so you can see what the kids are saying and he can build confidence. According to research, role-playing has been shown to significantly improve children’s responses to bullying situations.
Who does he know who might be his ally? Most bullying happens when somebody is alone and bystanders empower the aggressor. Talk with him about the power of being an “upstander”. If he sees someone else being picked on, what could he do to stand up for them? Supporting another child will not only improve his own confidence, but it can also make him feel more empowered when he faces difficult social situations himself.
Healthy self-esteem and resilience are two great defenses against bullying. When your son feels good about himself, understands his strengths and pursues his interests, he’s better poised for responding effectively to aggressors. While we may not be able to prevent bullying, understanding why it happens and feeling prepared to respond appropriately will go a long way in helping your son navigate tumultuous teenage years.
As a parent, continue to stay as compassionate and steady as you are. Your connection with him strengthens the internal resources he needs to weather any painful social dynamics in middle school and beyond. Your love, support and encouragement will increase his self-worth and help him defend against the cruelties of taunting and bullying.
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neurodivergent child, don’t forget to cut yourself some slack. Things won’t always go according to plan, and that’s okay. Sometimes, the most important things you can do are stay flexible, keep a sense of humor and ignite your playfulness. If you have to ditch caroling with the neighbors or throw unwrapped presents in colorful bags, that is just FINE.. After all, the holidays are about creating memories, not stressing over perfection.
overwhelm, and depression than boys and men. So it can be expected that there are female-specific symptoms and manifestations of ADHD at different stages of a woman’s life. Moreover, there is evidence of the relationship between declining hormone levels, mood and cognitive capacity. Let’s take a closer look at how menopause can affect ADHD and what you can expect in this season of your life.
issues, and time-management difficulties. And women over 60 reported struggling with brain fog and memory issues, procrastination, and overwhelm. It is still not clear whether menopause amplifies ADHD symptoms or vice versa. Regardless, these and other issues like difficulty sleeping and mood swings need to be managed.
Are you ever so engrossed in an activity you love that you completely lose track of time? Does it seem like you lose sense of where you are and what’s happening around you? And when you snap back into the reality of what’s going on around you, are you disoriented? People with ADHD and neurodivergence are more likely to experience this heightened state of focus known as “hyperfixation” than neurotypical children and adults. Hyperfixation is defined as full immersion in something of interest to a point where a person appears to ‘tune out’ everything else. While this can be viewed as a productivity superpower, it can also draw you into unproductive, procrastinating activities. That’s part of what makes it both exhilarating and frustrating.
On the other hand, hyperfocus is task-driven and is often accompanied by clear goals and a sense of purpose. It’s less about enjoyment and satisfaction and more about getting into the flow of an activity. It’s a state of being fully engaged in a task for which you have a clear sense of direction. Hyperfocus is linked to increased productivity and a sense of accomplishment.
Here are four strategies to assist adults with ADHD with managing hyperfixation and using it as a superpower: 
